Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Save me from myself ❯ Prologue ( Prologue )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Save me from myself

By: Anna Hibiki

Rating: NC-17, R in this chapter..

Disclaimers : Weiss is not mine! Koyasu-sama and other people with much more money than me owns it. It they were mine, KenKen and Youji would be together in the series, manga AND merchandising. But no, since it isn't mine, we YoKen fans have to cope with Koyasu's attempts to make everybody think that there's something between RanRan and Ken.

Warnings : Shounen-ai/Yaoi, OCC, angst, lemon in later chapters and horrible spelling.

Notes : Anything written in Italic are thoughts. Things /written this way/ are mental talk.

This fic can be read in my page, mediaminer.org and ff.net.

Prologue

(Ken's POV)

I wonder... I wonder how he really is? I mean, there has to be SOMETHING under that (absolutely gorgeous) face of him.

He has to be more than a smirk and cold blue-green eyes.

There has to be a person underneath those clothes that clung to that delicious body of his... Shit!

"Oi Yo-tan! I want to sleep!" I scowled at my lover, lifting the bedcovers a little as I turned to look at him "Oh... you're sleeping already..." Youji had just rolled in his sleep, wrapping his arm loosely around my torso and cuddling up searching for my body warmth. Luckily, I didn't disturb him when I moved, so he was still asleep. "Gomen" I whispered.

I've been with Youji for more than a year and a half already. We're supposed to be happy, ne? Well I can't say that I would kill myself for the life I'm living, but, this is not what I want.

At first I though I wanted someone to care for me, love me, protect me. And I found it in my teammate.

It was very hard for him to admit it, that he, the biggest playboy of Japan had fallen for another man.

But he got over it and finally told me his feelings.

And then, I did the worse I could have done.

Give him an opportunity to love me.

No, I'm lying. I didn't give an oportunity to him, I tried to give it to myself. Tried to hold onto the only person who cared for me, the only person who was there no matter if I was happy, sad, or was in an unbearable bad mood.

And he was there, supporting me when I killed Kase, protecting me when Aya did what he did to me (he had such an horrible death...), when Omi left Kritiker to go live with that Schwarz brat..

You would thing I'm the sweet caring person, but you would be surprised if you knew.

I'm not cute little Ken, the happy guy who makes everyone laugh at his clumsiness.

I'm not the KenKen Youji holds every night.

I... I just... I can't do this anymore. All the false smiles, all the kisses... I feel so guilty every time he touches me... He doesn't reserve this.

I loved... I though I loved him, I swear!!

And that's what I want to do. I want to love him and give him all the happiness and love he's giving me, but I can't. I just can't.

I'm so corrupted, so defiled... I'll end up polluting him.

Sweet Youji... yes, no matter how much do you try to be the cool guy who's always flirting and acting like you care about nothing. You've suffered so much that you are afraid of being near of the ones you love,but you can't avoid caring for them so you always suffer even more. But it doesn't stop you from taking care of the others. Of taking care of me.

And I took advantage of it when I shouldn't. And it hurts.

Just because I wanted to find something I knew I couldn't have.

I though that what I wanted was this, to work in a nice place, have someone who would love me, and love him back.

The problem comes here.

I'm so fucking stupid that even if I have the most wonderful man of this world at my feet, he's the last thing I want.

I.. I want...

The worse type of scum. The biggest jerk. The biggest fucking bastard. Probably the only person that would never put his eyes on me, and if he did, it wouldn't be for anything good.

But I can't help it, I love you so much Schuldig...

tsu zu ku...

Okay, so I think this is some kind of curse, 'cuz again... another SchuKen!! But this time is different, since in the other fics it was Schu the one who loved KenKen and Ken loved Yotan but Yotan didn't seem to like him a lot. But here Youji adores Ken, and it's KenKen who doesn't love him and loves Schu. And we still don't know what Schu thinks.

Did it make any sense? I don't think it did.

I don't know how I ended doing this, since it was meant to be with Schu and Ken together and KenKen cheated on him with Yotan. It all came from a lemony YoKen sketch I did a few days ago.

But since it doesn't suit the story anymore, I'll reserve it for "Don't Cry".

Anyway, what do you think so far? I know it didn't make a lot of sense, but then again, nothing I write does *sighs*. Next chapter is also in KenKen's POV, but since I'm not good at writing in first person (and it's also very tiring and I'm lazier than Yo-tan), some of the chapters won't be that way.

Leave me your comments please!! They're really encouraging and make me want to write more!! Ideas, suggestions, pointing of mistakes, etc. are welcomed!