Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Schwarzschild Radius ❯ Chapter 1

“Schwarzschild Radius”
By Viridian5
12/3/05

RATING: R; Crawford/Schuldig. Deathfic. If m/m interaction bothers you, pass this by.
SPOILERS: None really.
SUMMARY: As the collapse occurs.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com.
DISCLAIMERS: All things Weiß Kreuz belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiß, Polygram k.k., and Animate Film. No infringement intended.
NOTES: While looking for something else I came across the phrase “Schwarzschild radius” and my Word Menu’s definition of it. I got the plot idea on the train, set it aside to have a great night out, came home at 2:40 a.m., couldn’t sleep, and ended up writing this story for over an hour, crying occasionally. My muses can be a bitch.
Concrete Blonde’s “(Love Is a) Blind Ambition” ran through my head while writing this, not that the lyrics have much to do with it.
Yes, it’s another Crawford/Schuldig death story. No, I don’t know why this keeps happening to me.

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“Schwarzschild Radius”
By Viridian5
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“It’s a nice day for it,” Schuldig said from the passenger seat. From of the corner of Crawford’s eye, Schuldig looked like a blur of naturally silver hair. They matched like that now. The telepath had strain lines around his eyes and bracketing his mouth. It had been getting so bad lately that Crawford himself felt the echo of the pain and throb of overtaxed mental shields breaking under an increasing onslaught of thoughts.

“I think I would have preferred rain,” Crawford answered as he drove them through the countryside.

“That’s because you’re a drama queen.”

“You’re not?”

“Never. Hmm. I wonder if there’s anything after we die.”

“You ask that just after you said you’re not a drama queen.”

“It’s a question that’s become more important to me lately.”

“I don’t think there’s anything afterward.”

“Darkness? Silence? I don’t know what silence is like.”

“So you’ve made sure no one around you does either.”

“Funny guy. Huh. Silence. I wonder if that would be heaven or hell for me.”

“I wouldn’t know, and it’s too late to consult a priest.”

“That would have given Farfarello a coronary. Probably the priest too, if I actually did some last rites thing.” Schuldig stared out the window for a while at the endless waves of greenery, then said, “We really should have killed me yesterday.”

“You made it to today just fine.”

“Not that you foresaw that.”

“Was last night so bad?” They’d had a good dinner, with Schuldig coherent and himself throughout. They would have fucked if they’d dared risk Schuldig’s shields and mind breaking in a moment of sexual distraction.

Schuldig’s power had grown so exponentially over the years that he could no longer handle it. Once it slipped his control completely he would lose himself and go insane under the flood of others’ thoughts, no doubt taking everyone else for about hundred miles around down with him.

Schuldig smiled. “No. It was a good night. You just took a big risk is all, and I know you only do that if you think the possible profit is worth it.”

There were a lot of things Crawford had never said when he knew he had endless tomorrows to get to them. This time there would be no tomorrow. “It was worth it.”

Schuldig’s smile deepened. “What I had to go through to get you to say that.... I’m amazed I made it this long. 44. You thought I’d get myself killed way before this.”

“It seemed likely sometimes.”

Why did Schuldig have to be so coherent today? It gave false hope and sowed doubt. It would be so much easier if he showed the signs of deterioration that had been becoming ever more evident over the past few months, so much easier if he didn’t seem like Schuldig.

“I’d rather know I’m going, Brad. I should be grateful I made it to 44, but I’ve never been grateful for anything in my fucking life so why should I start now?”

Although Crawford had never been the type to postpone the unpleasant, a large part of him wanted to keep driving with Schuldig, snarking all the way, as if they could do this forever. But it was a fool’s fantasy. He could feel Schuldig suffering, breaking down.

“The telepathic backlash from killing me might kill you,” Schuldig said. “We’ve worked together that long.”

“I would rather be dead than insane and in agony.”

“Yeah, me too. You don’t have to kill me. I can do it myself.”

“I promised I would take care of you.” They always knew it could come to this. “I’m sticking to that promise.”

Schuldig nodded. “You know you have to take me out fast, in one shot.”

Otherwise Crawford would cause the breakdown and devastation he meant to forestall. “Yes, mother.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“We’re stopping here.”

“Fuck me. I feel like I should start singing that the hills are alive with the sound of music. You do remember that I’m a city kid, right?”

“I wanted someplace away from everyone.”

Under the warm sun they walked through grass so green it didn’t look real. Schuldig’s shoulders shook a little, though he didn’t make a sound. But Crawford could see slim wet tracks on his face. Schuldig didn’t feel grateful. Why should he when it was ending like this, after living his life under the certainty that he’d die young or go insane? Schuldig walked a little ahead but Crawford didn’t let him go too far. Closer range made an instantaneous kill shot more likely.

“I love you, Brad,” Schuldig said softly, though not so softly Crawford wouldn’t hear.

Crawford had taken wounds that would make lesser men scream, but few hurt as much as this. “You’re still cruel.”

“Not as cruel as you might think.”

Crawford only saw a blur of motion out of the corner of his eye before he heard the gunshot and felt a shock like someone had kicked him in the head. Then he felt clear and light and free of pain and alone for the first time in years as he watched Schuldig’s body fall to the ground and the gun drop from Schuldig’s slack hand. His long pale hair covered the entry wound, and he was lying on the side of his head that would have the larger exit hole. From the calm expression on his unmarked face and his closed eyes, with the gun hidden by greenery, he could have been peacefully asleep in the tall grass.

But nothing would ever wake him up again.

Crawford hadn’t foreseen this, so perhaps Schuldig had made the decision to do it just moments before. Then again, he hadn’t seen a life without Schuldig either.

Hollow, Crawford spent some time lying beside him, looking up at the perfect blue sky, still alive and perfectly sane, pain-free. It was disappointing. Maybe he was a drama queen. Schuldig would laugh at him for the show of sentimentality.

Then again, Schuldig had ended his life in an ultimate show of sentimentality so Crawford wouldn’t have to.

“I love you too,” Crawford said as he touched Schuldig’s cool cheek, barely able to see anything. As he stood and finally walked away, he still couldn’t see a future.

  **********************THE END***********************     Schwarz·schild radius: Critical size that gravitationally
collapsing mass must reach to be dense enough to trap light
and become a black hole
-- Glazier, Stephen. Random House Word Menu™. 1st ed. P. 139. Copyright © 1992
by The Estate of Stephen Glazier. Published by Random House. All rights reserved.       More Viridian5 stories can be found in The Green Room version 3.0 at http://viridian.shriftweb.org/   No-frames but no-frills access available at http://viridian.shriftweb.org/index2.htm