Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Surrounded By Darkness ❯ Feelings ( Chapter 6 )

Surrounded By Darkness

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : This fic wouldn't be here if I owned them!

Warnings : OCC, shounen-ai, angst.

Pairing : Yoji/Ken

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

Chapter 6. Feelings

'Ken… please don't leave me.'

The brunette frowned. Was that really what Yoji had said to him earlier? No he had to have heard it wrong. There was no way in hell that those were the words his former lover had said, not when he had almost pushed him out of the room only moments later. He shook his head to push it away and carefully made his way to the bed.

Kissing the blonde had been way out of line but damnit he loved Yoji! A soft sad sigh left his lips as he sank down on his bed. He had been so worried when his former lover hadn't showed up the previous night and that had made him realize something. Even if he managed to move on he would always love Yoji.

Wasn't that what they said though? That no one forgets his or her first love. Ken shook his head and pulled the covers over him. He hadn't even noticed when he started falling for his team-mate and for a long time he hadn't understood why he had fallen at all. What he had fallen in love with wasn't the Yoji most other people saw but rather the Yoji behind the playboy.

The man with the sad, lost eyes, the man who pretended to grin and joked when what he really was doing was hiding behind the pain in his heart. Ken buried his face in the pillow and sighed again. He had fallen in love with the Yoji he couldn't see anymore, the Yoji who was only visable if you really looked into his eyes, which you only could do if you got him to take off his shades.

It had hurt to see the blonde destroy himself slowly by not caring so he had made it his personal mission to stop him. Before his screw up in that warehouse it had seemed as if he had succeeded, but that was then. Ken flipped over to his back and his blind eyes stared at the ceiling.

He leaned over and fumbled for a while before his fingers found the radio. Quiet music broke the heavy silence in the room. Since Ken became blind he had hated noises like music or the TV because they took away the only sense he had left that could inform him about the world he no longer could see.

Of course he could still feel things with his hands but that meant he had to get too close and if whatever it was that was there was dangerous it would be too late. In an atempt to push away his troubled thoughts he clung to the song that was playing. He didn't recognize it, didn't even really like it but he listened to it anyway.

"Don't wanna love you if you don't love me. Don't wanna need you when you won't need me too…" the woman sang. The two sentences kept on echoing inside Ken's head.

Don't wanna love you if you don't love me, he mumbled in his thoughts. That was exactly how he felt. The brunette swallowed and turned onto his side. He didn't want to love Yoji if Yoji didn't love him. As for the need-me-part that was pretty much obvious. Why would Yoji need him when Ken was helpless. Okay so maybe he wasn't completely helpless but still…

He had used to be able to read the lanky blonde like an open book, just one look into those jade eyes had told him everything he wanted to know but now… now he couldn't fucking see anymore. Tears of anger and frustration dampened his pillow but he ignored them. Then suddenly a flicker of pain caused the brunette to stiffen.

"No," he whimpered and desperately tried to push away all thoughts in his head as well as the tears. Another flicker, more intense, told him that it was too late. He needed his damn pills but he didn't know where they were.

For a moment he wanted to yell for help but he was too tired to bother. Maybe this time the headache would kill him? Yeah right, keep dreaming Hidaka, he snorted to himself and winced when the flickers of pain turned into stabs. Groaning he held his head and prayed that it wouldn't be so bad this time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Omi sadly watched his oldest friend. Yoji was curled up on his bed with his back facing the door and his entire body shock with sobs. The little blonde sighed. He had never seen Yoji cry before and he had never thought he would see his friend cry like that. It was heartbreaking to watch but Omi didn't know what to do about it. This was so out of character for Yoji.

The lanky blonde was always all smiles and grins, never took anything serious, never let anything get him down and now there he was completely different. He looked broken, lonely and utterly lost. Omi just wished he could understand what Yoji was thinking, what made him tick at the moment.

Why couldn't he forgive Ken? Why did he insist on punishing the brunette? Why did he seem to hate his former lover? And why did he refuse to talk about it? The small blonde left the doorway and headed back to his own room. Aya was already pissed off at Yoji so the short blonde couldn't talk to him and going to Ken was out of the question.

Omi scowled slightly and plopped down on his bed. He just didn't know what to do and it was annoying him. They lanky blonde had pulled away from them all and only showed up for missions and to make an ass out of himself in the shop. Aya spent most of his time working and the last two days he had been trying to help the brunette.

And then there was Ken. Omi sighed deeply and hugged his pillow. Ken had been falling apart, so lost and scared of not being able to see anymore. There were times when Omi couldn't even stand to look into those blind brown eyes. Even if they couldn't see they still showed emotions, more emotions probably since the brunette no longer made any attempt to hide them. The fear was deep and so was the hopelessness.

He sighed again. How would he react if his sight was stolen from him? A shudder ran through him. How frightened would he be if the world suddenly turned black on him? How guilty would he feel if a mistake from his side almost had gotten someone he loved killed? Omi bit his lip.

Was that really why Yoji was so angry with Ken? He didn't think so, there had to be something else, something more. It was no going around it, Ken's lack of attention had allowed that guard to get too close but if Omi had done his job correctly there wouldn't even have been a guard. That had been eating away inside of him ever since the accident.

He had been in a rush and had failed to check if all the guards were dead. Somehow he must have messed up with that arrow because it should have been deadly. A sudden scream sent him to his feet and out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The first scream cut through the house and Yoji was up and heading towards Ken's room before his brain could catch up. The second one sent the fear running through him like wildfire. He couldn't stand hearing his former lover in such pain. With shaky hands he slung the door to Ken's room open and stumbled inside.

It was dark there but the brunette's screams and laboured breathing guided him right. Fumbling he turned on the light and blinked a few time before his eyes adjusted. Ken was curled up into a ball on the bed, his hands clutching his head and sweat pearled on his skin.

It didn't matter what he thought about the brunette anymore, what anger he might feel towards him. He still loved that man and that was the only feeling along with fear that he had at that moment. Carefully Yoji reached out and touched Ken's hands.

"Easy baby," he murmured shakingly and try to pry those hands away from the brunette's head. "You have to calm down Ken." He got no response that even suggested that he had been heard. "AYA!"

"I'm already here," the redhead said flatly and shoved the bottle of pills in Yoji's hand. "I'll get you some water." The blonde nodded absently and started rubbing the soft skin on Ken's neck. That had helped the last time so it would damn well help now too. The screams didn't stop though and the brunette was still gasping for air.

"Please Ken," Yoji begged and rubbed harder. "You have to…" Almost panicking he again tried to pry Ken's hands away.

"It hurts!" his former lover suddenly wailed and his hand shot away from his head, striking Yoji in the face. "You're hurting me!" The blonde froze.

"Don't listen to him, he's in pain and doesn't know what he's saying," a soft voice said behind him. The tall blonde wasn't so sure about that though.

"Okay that's enough Ken," Aya said sternly and with one swift motion he pulled down the brunette's hands, nailing them to the bed. "Give him the pill." Yoji blinked and snapped out of his numbness. He forced the pill into Ken's mouth and carefully gave him some water.

"Aya he's hurting me," Ken sobbed. "Make him leave!" Another scream of pain echoed through the room. The blonde stumbled to his feet and backed away.

"Ken stop that. It's not Yoji's fault that you're in pain," Aya mumbled softly and caressed Ken's hair.

"It is his fault!" The redhead sighed deeply and shook his head.

"Now you're being silly. You know why you get these headaches Ken." Unseeing brown eyes opened slightly and seemed to stare at them. They were shadowed and Yoji could tell that Ken was about to pass out.

"He's always hurting me now," the brunette whispered just before his body went lax.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"We need to talk!" Yoji sighed and turned around to face the redhead. Aya's eyes were hard and his lips pressed into a thin line.

"What is it now?" the blonde muttered and sat down on his bed.

"You seriously need to get your shit together Kudou! What you're doing to Ken isn't fair and you know it." Yoji let out a hard laugh at that and shook his head. "He needs you so much and even if you blame him for what happened I would like to think that you're enough of a man to put it aside until he feels better," Aya said firmly and glared at him.

"Can't you just leave me the fuck alone?! I don't need to hear this right now! You've done such a great job of taking care of him so why don't you just keep doing that huh? I can see that you just love…" A hard squeeze of his arm stopped Yoji.

"You listen to me! I have no problem with taking care of Ken but that has nothing to do with this at all. You're the one he knows the best, the one he's most familier with and that's what he needs right now. If you don't love him anymore then fine, don't love him anymore but at least be his friend! I don't give a shit about your reasons at this point just fucking fix this!"

"Go to hell Fujimiya!" Yoji barked and shot up from the bed. "You don't know anything about how I feel and you have no right to ask that of me! Do you think this is easy for me? Huh? Do you think that this didn't affect me at all?" Aya raised an eyebrow and gave the angry blonde a leveled look.

"Yes I'm sure this is much more difficult for you and that it has affected you so much more than it has Ken. I mean he's just blind and has to deal with never being able to see again so of course I can see how this is so much worse for you than it is for him," the redhead snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "You hate him because he almost got you killed, don't you?" That question caused Yoji to wince and his anger flamed.

"Shut up! I don't hate him for that! I hate him because he should have let that guard kill me instead!" the blonde roared and shoved Aya backwards. "I hate that he didn't even think about what it could do to him! I hate that he's so fucking selfless that he'd do anything so save us! I hate that he loves me!"

"That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard in my life," Aya said softly and took a hold of the blonde's hands. "Are you telling me that if you had been in Ken's place you'd have let that guard kill him? Hell you wouldn't even have let that happen if that guard had been aiming his gun at me. You have got to get over this Yoji and you certainly have got to stop trying to drink your problems away because we both know that that isn't going work. Get your act together before you lose Ken… And Yoji trust me when I'm saying that you are going to lose him. He's going to have to let go of his love for you and move on. Ken's not going to wait around for you forever, he can't do that, it'll destroy him. Loving you this much is going to kill him inside." With those words the redhead brushed past Yoji and left him alone. The blonde went back to his bed and almost fell down on it. Aya was right but it wasn't that easy.

"I don't want to lose him," Yoji mumbled and swallowed. He would just have to find a way to sort this out before it was too late… if it wasn't too late already.

~TBC~

Wow that chapter took a loooooooong time to get out. *huffs* Oh well there it is. Thank God for Aya who finally managed to smack some sense into Yoji. The question is, is it too late? Ja/Atsureki