Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ What's Real ❯ What's Real ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Title: What's Real
Author: Saiai
Fandom: Weiss Kreuz
Type: Shonen-ai
Pairing: Aya + Yohji (one-sided)
Rating: G/PG
Challenge: Seasonal
Disclaimer: As much as I would love it, Kudou Yohji and Fujimiya Aya do not belong to me, but do belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Wei. Please don't sue! ^_^
Notes: One of the kittens is gone and another mourns..
Time Taken: 45 minutes

It feels as if I've lost a part of myself, as if a very important part of me has died.

In reality, a part has.

I still haven't cried and I don't know if I will. To cry would mean that I'm accepting what has happened, and I can't bring myself to do that. I can't accept that he's gone. That they're both gone. Things like that don't happen to us. We were Weiss. We're invincible. We're the killers, we hunt the dark beasts!

We don't.. die.

But the piece of paper in my hand begs to tell another story.

In Memory of...

Those words will always haunt me. He shouldn't be a memory, dammit! He deserves more than that, both of them do. They deserve to be more than a memory for the people that loved them. We still need them here. I never got to tell him everything I wanted to say. Never got to tell him how I felt.

I never got to tell him that I love him.

Doubt he would have noticed with how wrapped up he was in her though. I would never want anything to happen to either of them, but I'm only human. I get jealous too, especially when seeing someone I care about in the arms of someone else. Not that anyone would have noticed that. I take special care not to let anyone see. I'm Aya. I'm not supposed to be emotional.

Cattleya orchids. They were his flower, his favorite. In the beginning days of Wei, he handed them out to all the school girls at the flowershop. They were taken by the blonde from day one. But who wouldn't be taken by someone as charming as him? I couldn't even escape that inexplicable force that draws people to him.

I still remember the day he came up to me in the flowershop and gave me a flower. His flower. He had been twirling it between his fingers before coming up to me and tucking it behind my ear, proclaiming that it looked perfect right their. I can still remember the anticipation I felt when he leaned even closer, his lips inches from my own. His breath smelt of coffee and cigarettes, a scent that was unique to him. "Happy birthday," he had whispered before those lips brushed against mine delicately. I had to grip the edge of the table to steady myself before my knees gave way underneath me. And before I could even gather myself, he was gone, the bell above the door tinkling in his departure.

He always had the ability to leave me speechless.

I'm still speechless, and it's still his fault.

I shouldn't be here, kneeling on a mound of that still freshly dug up dirt. I shouldn't be planting the small rose bush beside the marble memorial that marks the resting place of someone I love. This shouldn't be happening, any of it. But it is and I can do nothing to control it.

I hate being out of control.

The air is just starting to warm up, the heady smell of blooming flowers filling my senses. This is supposed to be a time of birth and renewal. Not death... This should not be a time to say goodbyes. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him yet!

And now... Now the tears fall. They're hot against my skin, stinging, and they make me so furious. I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to cry. But I am. I can't stop it. It's as if someone's let something loose inside of me. I can't control it anymore than I can control the world.

The ground's soft beneath my hands as I lean forward, my face tilted towards the fresh soil, my tears falling to darken the ground to black.

"Please let me wake up..." I whisper to the empty air around me, barely recognising my own voice. "I don't want this to be real..." My shoulders shake as I press my forehead against my arm, crying opening for the first time since the memorial service.

There are so many things I never got to tell him. So many things I wanted to say. I never knew that there wouldn't be a tomorrow in which to tell him these things.

"Aya! Oi Aya! I'm ordering some Chinese, you want your usual, sesame chicken?"

"'Che... if you don't like me smoking, then you can go away..."

"Happy birthday, Aya..."

All these chances to tell him how I felt, and I never did. I was a coward and now there is no tomorrow. There's no more anything.

The pain I felt when I saw him and Birman together doesn't compare to how I feel now. At least when he was with her, he was happy. I could still see him smile, still see those sparkling jade eyes. I was happy even when he wasn't with me. I was happy just knowing that he was my friend.

But how can I be happy now? Ken and Omi can't fill that space that's been vacated. They've tried, I can tell. Ever since we got the news, they've been there for me. They knew how I felt, even if I could never tell anyone. I'm sure he would have known too if it wasn't him I felt anything for. I just.. wish I would have told him.

"I love you Yohji," I whisper softly as I sit back up, not wiping the tears that stain my cheeks. I sit there, staring at the stone that marks his final resting place, a steady coldness growing over my body. I can barely feel the warmth of the air around me, the sweet, heady smell of the flowers that adorn the other graves. All that I'm aware of are the words engraved deep in the cold marble.




"Aya-kun..." A voice whispers from behind me, hands now resting on my shoulders. "It isn't good for you to be out here.. You need to come home and eat something..." I don't respond, but I don't resist the hands that guide me to my feet and away from the fresh earth. I'm crying again. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

Goodbye, Yohji.