X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Make Me Believe ❯ Prologue

Title // Make Me Believe
Author // Feros
Warning // Yaoi / Shounen-ai / Slash, Lime / Insinuated Sex
Disclaimer // Sadly, I own nothing.
Rating // PG-13
Pairing // Seishirou x Subaru
POV // Subaru
Part // Part 1 of 1

Make Me Believe

I'm at his sakura tree. The dusky sky is darkening. I've been looking for him. My sister has been dead for a long time--killed by him. Despite this I still search for him. A new start is about to begin with me as a very different person. I'm no longer Subaru, Hokuto's twin, but now Subaru, the Seal. I really don't have an interest in the fate of humanity, but the title shows the change between the me of my past and my present self. I'm cold, now. Before I cared about everyone--strangers, friends, family, animals. Everyone. Now I can only think of him. There's no one else but him.

So I've searched him out. I didn't think I'd find him here, but when I arrived he stood in his black trench coat among the swirling blossoms.

He noticed me immediately, turning towards me and smiling before approaching. I do not move and I say nothing. My mind frantically searches for the reason why I'm here. Did I come to kill him? If I killed him, it would be the same as killing myself--even if he did kill my sister. Did I come to allow him to kill me? Did I come to find out why I can think of nothing but him? Why did I come?

He's close to me. Very close. Part of me yells to kill him, for murdering Hokuto. The other sided wants something entirely different--to be with him.

He speaks, not in greeting, but to himself.

"Should I kill you? Or perhaps I'll let you live to amuse me awhile longer."

I don't answer because he's not speaking to me. He's musing over his options, not worrying over the outcome anymore than he would worry about a possession. Which I am. He's always owned me. He knows he does.

He lays a hand on my cheek, examining me. I know I'm handsome, no longer the cute and innocent boy I once was.

"What do you think, Subaru-kun?"

"I don't care." And it's true that I don't.

'What would Hokuto think of what I've become?'

"Well, that's hardly the way to look at life, Subaru-kun." His face hovers near mine, his hand hot against my cheek. "How can you be expected to save the human race when you don't even care what happens to you?"

I shrug, apathetically. I'm mesmerized by his gaze. Both his eyes--the real, golden one and the fake, silver--hold me in place without protest.

The entire encounter was surreal. I think that if it hadn't had that dream-like quality I would have protested. I would have screamed, fought, and done my best to either kill him--or have him kill me. But it was just as if it was one of my dreams. In dreams I could allow him to be near me and touch me without as much guilt over betraying my sister's memory. In dreams, everything was different.

I leaned into his hand, abandoning all thoughts. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy the warmth of his hand without the ever present guilt. My next words barely brushed past my lips. The murmur was so quiet he shouldn't have been able to hear. "It would be alright if you killed me. I wouldn't mind dying by your hand--even though I know that you wouldn't feel a thing for me as I died. It would be alright."

A warm breath on my face accompanies his low chuckle. His eye gleams with amusement, very unlike the kind eyes he used to look at me with--when he pretended to love me. He no longer pretended to care--something that I missed. I missed his act, his mask.

"If that's how you want it, Subaru-kun." He places his hand on my chest, readying to draw it back and pierce my heart. Again--but this time physically. He hesitates. Or rather, pauses. He could kill me and feel nothing, I know and he knows, so he wouldn't hesitate. I crack my eyes open. He has his elegant arm drawn back for the killing blow. "Perhaps you have a last request, Subaru-kun?"

Another game--for him, but something that could possibly mean everything to me. "Yes."

"Well, do share, Subaru-kun." He's interested, I can tell. He's wondering what I could possibly have to request of him in my last moments.

I close my eyes, tightly, afraid he'll refuse--*knowing* that he'll refuse. I quickly blurt out my request, but my voice fails me and the wind catches the words, stealing them away to die with the sakura petals that dance in the wind.

"You'll have to speak up, Subaru-kun."

I blush as I repeat, knowing my attempt is futile. "Make me believe that you still love me. And when...when I'm dying, stay with me until the end. That's all I want."

He doesn't reply for the longest moment of my life. His emotionless face is unreadable. My heart beats rapidly. I close my eyes against the tears that threaten to come. It was a mistake to come. It was a mistake to ask him a last favor. Everything was a mistake. I feel a tear slip out and run along my cheek until it collides with his hand. He removes the hand. I allow my feet to collapse under me until I'm on my knees. More tears force their way out from under my lashes. I can imagine he's looking at me with disdain, now. He'll strike and leave me to die, alone, by his damned tree. Or worse, he'll let me live.

It occurs to me to open my eyes to watch his choice and see what he'd decide. Before I open my eyes, though, I feel gentle kisses washing my face of its tears. My eyes open in shock. He's leaning down in front of me, his face only inches from mine. His eye is alive with something. An emotion that truly wasn't an emotion, but causes a shudder to run down my spine.

"If that is what you want, Subaru-kun." His hand takes my chin and tilts my head. He moves forward until out mouths meet, mine still slack with shock and his, skilled, forcing mine to respond. My head spins, the fragrance of the sakura seeming to become stronger. He kisses me fiercely. I feel his hand undo the buttons on my shirt, slowly. I also know that he's weaving an illusion around us, so that we are hidden by any passers-by. I don't care. I fall back into the sakura petals, pulling him down with me.

I awaken, clothed again, under the sakura tree. He is gone. I'm alive. And confused. I discover a piece of paper folded into my hand. I read quietly to myself aloud, "Subaru-kun, terribly sorry, but I've decided your too amusing to kill at this point. Perhaps another time. Your Seishirou-san."

I blush again, as I reflect. Dying last night wouldn't have been bad at all. In fact...

...I almost believed him when he told me he loved me.

Author's Note // I do love the Seishirou x Subaru coupling. Even if it is just a one night stand. Please review, if you read.