X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Yuuzai ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

Yuuzai

Chapter Three

Eight a.m. and the first cigarette of the morning was gone.

Discarding its remains in the ashtray settled on the nightstand opposite his bed, Subaru leaned back and breathed in deeply.

Occasionally, he would wonder what Hokuto would have done if she saw him smoking. She had considered it a filthy habit and always teased and nagged Seishirou incessantly concerning it. She would have been furious to know that her dear young brother had taken up the habit as well.

But then many things had changed since his twin had been murdered -- and the addiction to nicotine was only the beginning of many changes.

Subaru sat up slowly. A week had passed since he had drawn himself into the heart of the young Kamui Shirou in order to draw him back into reality. He had remained with the other Seals for the remainder of that day and the next, attending the small funeral that was held for Kotori Monou, the girl whom Kamui had cared for deeply. But after those two days he had politely excused himself from the other Seals and their dilemma to return to his own. Perhaps it was because he wanted nothing to do with the end of the world, perhaps it was because the entire ordeal reminded him hauntingly of Hokuto's own death. For whatever reason it was, he had not been willing to give reason to this to any of the other Seals. However, for the sake of Kamui who seemed to think he was in debt to him, he promised that he could keep in touch. But he would not let it interfere with the destiny he had created for himself in his mind. Nothing, nor anyone, would detour him from that.

The phone began to ring. Rather than reaching over to pick up the receiver, Subaru allowed it to keep ringing. Eventually the answering machine picked up and he listened absently to his own recorded voice.

After the beep a voice began to speak softly.

"Subaru-san . . . I received the details from the case I informed you about yesterday. I'll send you the location over the fax . . .

"Subaru-san, I know you're there right now. Are you searching for the Sakurazukamori again?"

Still listening to his grandmother's words, Subaru reached across his nightstand and snatched the pack of cigarettes there. He tapped one out and lit up slowly.

"I will not interfere with the head of the Sumeragi, Subaru-san," his grandmother sighed. "But please . . . please take care of yourself."

As the answering machine clicked off, Subaru let out the breath he did not know he had been holding in and watched the smoke casually lift into air and fade away. He was always looking for the Sakurazukamori. His grandmother knew that. It had taken her time to accept the decision he had made when he was sixteen, when he had sworn to be the one to kill Seishirou Sakurazuka, but as the years passed and she saw that there was no leading him astray of the path he had chosen, she had given up. Nor did she have the right to disrespect the wishes of the Thirteenth Head of the Sumeragi Clan. She was below him and could not question his actions.

Subaru doubted it mattered if he were searching for the Sakurazukamori or not. One could not simply search for him. Should Seishirou want to disappear completely from the world, he could. If he wanted to rid the world of the name Sakurazukamori and any traces of his clan, he could.

Thus Subaru had taken to believing in Fate. If Fate did not intend for him to find the head of the Sakurazuka Clan, he would not. He would simply have to wait for the 'final day.'

Having taken care of a few minor necessities around his apartment, Subaru grabbed his trench coat from where it hung draped over a chair casually and slid out the front entrance. Smoke from the second cigarette of the morning wafted aimlessly about him. After this one, he doubted he would have anymore than three to hold him over for the rest of the day. He would have another after his job was completed, one after he had whatever it was he intended to pass off as dinner this evening, and typically one before he settled in for the night. Subaru spread out his habit evenly. Though his health would not be affected, the last thing he needed was to start smoking cigarettes twenty-four-seven.

His destination was a private residence in a secluded area outside of Tokyo, the Mizu Taisha, home to the family and caretakers who maintained the offering place to the water goddess of Shinto belief, Ame No Mi Kumari. Subaru knew the way well enough. He could recall visiting the shrine previously, thought that had been when he was much younger and his grandmother had accompanied him. It was during the time he was studying to become an onmyouji, if he recalled correctly. It was not long before he was to have his first right of passage as an onmyouji -- to perform an exorcism on the Sakura Tree in Ueno Park. But for the life of him, Subaru could not recall why they had come.

He had chosen to walk to the shrine, as it was not far from where his apartment was, and spent the time walking to simply look at Tokyo all around him. It was a beautiful city. Despite everything, it was and would always remain to be so.

"Still, I love this Tokyo."

"Why is that?"

"Because it's the only city on this earth . . . that can ' enjoy' itself while it walks the path to destruction!"

The Mizu Taisha was in a secluded, peaceful area, surrounded by an aura of tranquility and silence. Flowers bloomed in the gardens as did blossoms on the low-hanging trees surrounding the home. A feeling overcame Subaru -- something close to wondering whether or not by coming here he was disturbing the peace this shrine possessed. Yet as he drew closer he became dimly aware of another presence that shattered that illusion of peace. There was something here disturbing that tranquility.

His grandmother had said in the details of the job she faxed to him that there would be someone here to meet him. Subaru walked slowly closer to the shrine before settling near one of the trees, where he intended to wait and perhaps finish off this cigarette. He doubted that he would make the best of impressions were he smoking when the miko of the shrine came to greet him. He had learned that people preferred to see an onmyouji as a person associated with light, hence why he avoided having a cigarette in his mouth when greeting a priest or priestess of any shrine he visited -- apparently smoking was considered a 'dark habit.' It was also why he wore the white trench coat rather than a darker one.

"Sumeragi-san?"

Subaru reached up, snagged the cigarette from his lips, dropped it to the ground, and crushed it before he turned toward the voice that had called his name. However, the brief spark of amusement in the eyes of

the woman he looked at now told him that she had seen what he was up to. But there was no disdain in her eyes for the habit. She did not seem to be as concerned with it as others had been.

She had approached him at a slow pace, though this was more or less due to the formal gowns she wore. Garments for Japanese women were rather restricting towards the movement of feet. Years ago they had

been designed this way, when Japan was a much more male dominant society, as a means to keep women in the home and less inclined to wander away. Why the woman -- who was without a doubt the miko of this shrine -- chose to dress in such garments was beyond Subaru's reasoning.

Still, she was a rather stately and refined woman, reminiscent of Subaru's own grandmother when she had been a young woman. This immediately gained her Subaru's respect.

"I've been waiting," the woman said. "Thank you for coming."

She clasped her hands together and bowed respectfully to him. As the male and onmyouji, a role that demanded respect, society would not have expected Subaru to return the gesture. While he was well acquainted with manners, he disregarded those and also clasped his hands before him, bowing forward briefly. The woman had gained his respect; he chose to ignore the surprised look she gave at his gesture.

"Where is she?" he asked.

The miko motioned to the shrine's entrance. "This way, Sumeragai-san."

Subaru hung back a moment, allowing the woman to walk to the taisha while he remained at the tree's side. The wind washed over him and the trees. Reaching out absently with an open hand, he felt something soft

and silky touch the palm of his hand. Sakura petals. The shrine had dozens of them, their branches thick and heavy with the blooming snow white petals. Subaru closed his fingers around the petals in his hand

and thought for a moment that all sakura trees should bloom with these white petals. But there was one exception . . .

"Sumeragi-san?"

"Coming."

He opened his eyes and fingers, allowing the petals to fall away from the bowl that had been formed by the curving of his fingers around the petals. They were white, as the sakura petals should have been. Not pink from blood but white as snow. Comforting.

The shrine was beautiful, one that was built with intense care in order to reach perfection in its appearance. Subaru allowed his eyes to wander and was impressed with the way water had been incorporated

into this shrine to the Shinto goddess of water. Narrow passageways along either side of the hall ran with clear, quietly trickling water. Even what would have been screen walls in any other shrine was glass here, two pressed together, so that water could trickle through the small space provided between each.

As they approached the main hall, where the altar to Ame No Mi Kumari would be, the glass walls began to show images and kanji, all depicting very elaborately the myth of the goddess. Subaru stole a glance into the main hall as they passed, enough of a brief look to catch sight of a magnificent image of Ame No Mi Kumari. He admonished himself for looking into the worship hall of a shrine where he was not yet welcome. Society called for certain procedures before a person could be granted admission to a god's shrine. For a stranger to come into a shrine where he had not yet been given blessing was considered a great crime against the god.

Subaru averted his attention. The woman was leading him away from the guest hall toward the family's

area of the shrine. Subaru became aware of a potent smell assaulting his nostrils and bit back the urge to retch. The miko of the taisha seemed to be unaware or unmindful of the stench. Subaru breathed in

slowly and continued to follow.

She stopped before a screen wall. Through the thin material, Subaru could see the silhouette of two forms. These two seemed to be seated together, close enough that their knees melded together in the dark silhouette Subaru saw. But one of those people was not truly there at all. His eyes flashed to the miko.

"Her fiancé passed away nearly two weeks ago," the woman began quietly, her head bowed forward in that traditional gesture of mourning. "She loved his corpse so much she brought him back from the dead . . . I beg you, you must send him to 'that place.'"

Subaru was silent for a few moments, his expression neither understanding nor sympathetic. To him, this was another job, one he had seen before many times. The man's soul would be released from the corpse she had drawn it back into and he would be free to return to whatever place it was that souls went when the body died. However, it would leave that girl heartbroken . . . Sometimes, when he was younger, he was forced to wonder whether or not what he did was the right thing.

He could recall a certain incident that stood out clearly in his mind. He had drawn a soul back from the dead to comfort the mother that had been left behind. She was desperate, wanting to kill the man who

had escaped any punishment for murdering her daughter. Subaru, a naïve sixteen-year-old, had thought he could find the girl's soul and bring her back long enough to tell her mother that killing that man would not

help anything. But the child -- she had cried and wailed that it hurt and she wanted her mother to kill that man. He had only caused more pain for that woman. Seishirou told him that he had done what he thought was best, but Subaru had not been comforted. What he had done was wrong . . .

Yet now, nine years later, whether it was right or wrong ceased to bother him.

"Are you sure it's all right?" he asked, hand drifting toward the screen wall.

The woman nodded in response to his question, yet Subaru still lingered outside of the room where this girl and her corpse were. Mindful of this, the miko reached across him and pulled away the screen for him.

Settled in the center of the room were the two people he recognized from the silhouette. They seemed happy -- both smiled and seemed comforted to be near one another, but still . . . that man was dead. He was only a shell of what he had formally been. And the girl was happy with this.

As he drew his hands together and pressed index finger to index finger in the traditional mitsu-in gesture.

"On kakaka bisanmaei sowaka . . ."

The young man's face began to melt away. What had been a corpse was becoming nothing more than a melted flesh -- that was burning away from long, ivory bone that reached out desperately. All happiness that might have been shared between them and all joy the girl might have felt went with it as the corpse died and the soul was released into the afterlife.

When it was done, the miko gathered the girl into her arms and held her close. Subaru dropped his hands to look upon what he had done. The young man's soul was released, but this girl was broken. She could only shiver in the woman's arms and stare out into nothingness. Her lively eyes were now replaced by blank, expressionless ones as she stared longingly at the place her lover had sat a moment ago.

"It seemed that this was the only way she could be happy," the woman said softly, continuing to stroke the girl's hair comfortingly. "In her heart she couldn't stop thinking about that one person. Only about the person she loved . . . that . . . is something only a sick mind can do."

Subaru turned away from them, a hand falling to settle upon the screen door. Frowning slightly, he paused and glanced over his shoulder. "Why did you call me? Even if was a corpse, at least he made her happy

. . ."

The miko smiled faintly. "I didn't want to give this child to anyone, even if that someone was dead. I, too, am sick in mind."

Subaru did not venture any further than that. Accepting her explanation, he turned away and left the Mizu Taisha.

He did not leave immediately. Settling back to lean against the same tree he had not long ago, Subaru brought out his pack of cigarettes and lit another up. The smoke calmed his senses and he breathed in, slow and deep, and allowed his eyes to close.

She had said that only someone sick in mind could think about one person only.

Why did that bother him?

Subaru watched the petals from the sakura trees on their land fall to the ground and form a blanket over the earth. Pushing away from his car, he walked toward one of the trees and stood beneath its canopy. Petals fell over him. Subaru reached up absently and brushed a few snowy white petals away from the collar of his jacket.

//Sakura petals . . . they should be white.//

He supposed that if to think about only one person made someone sick in mind . . . then he too was like the miko and her daughter.

Because he could only think of that one person.

"Seishirou-san . . ."

"Subaaaaaaaru! Over heee~re!"

Subaru struggled to conceal the blush that threatened to appear on his pale cheeks as the restaurants other customers glanced up irritably from their meals to find the source of the loud, animated voice. Able to overcome his embarrassment due to his sister, he quickly walked over to where Hokuto and Seishirou sat opposite one another in a booth.

"You shouldn't shout like that," he scolded, "or you'll disturb the other customers."

Hokuto chuckled. "But if I hadn't, you would have spent five or ten minutes looking for us!"

Subaru slid in alongside his twin, eyes falling downcast to regard the tabletop in an apologetic manner. "I didn't mean to make you wait."

"It's okay! I've been chatting with Hokuto-chan, so I wasn't lonely."

"Yup, we've been talking about graves."

Subaru frowned.

"Graves?"

Unaffected by the morbid nature of the conversation, Hokuto smiled and nodded, taking a long and thoughtful slurp of her soda before she even thought to respond to the questioning look her twin had fixed upon her.

"These days it's more convenient to own a grave than to own a house.

"Also, the price of graves isn't getting any cheaper, and the price of every metre in this city is very high. Very few people are able to own a grave in the city. Too bad, too, because lots of people save up their whole lives for a grave they can't use if they don't have any inheritors."

"No matter how hard they tried to save up?" Subaru asked.

Hokuto shrugged. "Well, that's the law."

She smiled for Subaru's sake. She knew that he would think that was not fair. He had such a good heart -- he believed that everyone deserved the things they struggled for. In that, Hokuto could believe too, but sometimes the circumstances made that impossible. It really was a shame. She could not help but feel bad for those people.

"While we're alive, we worry about a place to live, and then when the time to die comes, we have to worry about a grave."

Seishirou lowered his chin to his hand, his constant smile present on his face, yet a thoughtful tone to his words.

"Life in Tokyo never gives us a chance to rest our mind."

He frowned slightly. "But you don't look very cheerful, Subaru-kun."

"What's the matter?" Hokuto demanded. She flattened the palm of her hand against her twin's forehead. "You're not getting another fever, are you?"

"N-no," Subaru dismissed, brushing away her hand. "There's no particular reason. But on my way here I saw a Shinto shrine being demolished . . .

"Just then when you were talking about graves. Of course we should never move or destroy a grave because it would awaken or disturb the person sleeping inside . . . But moving or destroying the graves at that Shinto shrine is a bit more complex."

Hokuto raised her eyebrows delicately and leaned her cheek against her hand. "How so?"

"Ever since their construction, those Shinto shrines have serve as seals, to keep dangerous or undesired entities away. The shrine, as well as the tombstones, is a shield against those spirits.

"So the destruction of that Shinto shrine . . ."

". . . could cause those dangerous spirits to break free," Seishirou concluded.

Subaru sighed faintly and bowed his head. "And there's nothing I can do about it. Every time I see a shrine or temple destroyed, I feel really bad about it."

He nearly let out a less than dignified squeak when slender arms suddenly locked around his neck and upper chest and dragged him over, nearly causing him to fall off the seat he shared with Hokuto. He felt his sister's arms go around him and hold him gently. Seishirou watched on with a smile tugging at his lips and amusement in his eyes.

"Don't you go starting that again! Always going off and finding new things to worry about! Humans only have one life, and while it's fine to worry about important things, it shouldn't be at the cost of yourself!

"Subaru, you know you can't stop the shrines or temples being demolished, so please try and find something more constructive to worry about."

"Hokuto-chan . . ."

She loosened the grip of her arms around him but continued to look down at him with a fierce expression on her face, one that expected no questions and only agreement. Subaru could not avoid blushing. People were starting to stare at them.

"I guess the best thing for you to do now is to eat those chips and chicken nuggets, Subaru-kun," Seishirou suggested.

"Yeah!" Hokuto exclaimed, releasing her brother. "Or are you going to waste Sei-chan's love?"

Subaru smiled.

"So what are you going to do today, Subaru? Do you have a job?"

He shook his head and politely finished swallowing before replying. "No, I have to go to the Yasukuni Shinto Shrine. I have to do a sketch of it for homework. Since I've been absent for nearly all the art classes, the teacher gave me this special assignment to make up for it."

"But that's because of work!"

Subaru shrugged.

"Work or no work, I still have to be attending classes. The teacher was kind enough to let me complete the unit by doing this assignment. It would have been easier to just drop a student who hasn't been attending."

"Hah! Kind to make you do homework on such a nice Sunday afternoon," Hokuto proclaimed, her nose turning heavenward and arms folding across her abdomen.

Seishirou smiled. "An ideal day for sketching."

"Well then, I'll make you some food to take with you," the elder Sumeragi twin decided.

Subaru shook his head. "No, that's alright. See, I'm eating now."

"But dinner?"

"Well, since you're going to be out late, I guess I'll go out."

Seishirou glanced up from his drink. "Oh, you have a date? That's wonderful!"

Hokuto chuckled and beamed from ear to ear, before she suddenly recalled her brother's predicament and adopted a saddened expression. She sighed as dramatically as possible and sunk forward rather dejectedly to rest her head on her arms on the tabletop. If any luck, Seishirou would pick up on these very subtle hints she was leaving for him.

"But then you'll have to eat all alone," she lamented.

"It's okay, I don't mind eating alone," Subaru assured her. He smiled. "Really, I don't mind at all."

Hokuto took on an even more dramatic tone. "Oh, but I'm absolutely sure Subaru won't eat a thing if he's left alone . . .!"

Though he had caught on to her hints long before she had begun speaking at all, Seishirou smiled and suggested as casually as possible, "Then why don't we both have dinner at my place? Though my cooking is put to shame by Hokuto-chan, I'd be more than willing to do it for you, Subaru-kun."

"N-no, you don't have t--!"

Hokuto planted a hand on her brother's mouth and smiled widely. "That's a great idea! If you eat with Sei-chan, I won't have to worry about you."

Subaru was able to shove her hand away from his lips long enough to protest with a lame "Hokuto-chan!"

"I'll do anything for my beloved Subaru-kun."

"Woohoo! Step by step Sei-chan will win Subaru's lo~oove!"

Subaru hid his face in his hands. "People are looking at us . . ."

Seishirou.

His smiles. And his lies.

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