Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Anti Nostalgic ❯ Part 1, Chapter 1 (Hisoka) ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Anti-Nostalgic (Hisoka, Chapter 1)

Author: Elf Asato

Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Watari/Hisoka

Warnings: Shounen-ai, language, angst, OOC (ah…I always have a little difficulty with Tatsumi), and random bouts of CHICKEN!

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to the great Matsushita-sensei and if I butcher her name, it's out of love. Anti-Nostalgic is a song from Gravitation so that doesn't belong to me, either.

Notes: The main perspective is Tatsumi's, if you don't want to bother picking things out in this novel of notes I've written…though, if you don't read them at all, you'll be very confused…probably.

Since this is the sequel to Sleepless Beauty, I thought it was only fitting to continue in the line of Gravitation song fics ^_^ Though I really liked the lyrics to Sleepless Beauty, I didn't think that the actual song and everything fit…so I wanted to pick out a Gravitation song that fit with the lyrics and everything…and eventually I picked Anti-Nostalgic! (Played in TV episode 3 ^_^) It's such a great song ^_^ And…and…and…they even say TSUZUKI in the lyrics!!!!!!!!!! See how perfect it is? ^_^ …The spacing of the lyrics, though…. I didn't like how I spaced the lyrics for Sleepless Beauty, so I took a good look at the lyrics and thought for a while. I realized that the different lyric groupings actually fit everyone's individual parts in the order that I intended them to be in! Whoo! Go me ^_^ Again, I'm going to have the translation in the story, but at the end of a part, I'll have the Japanese lyrics. So…go out and buy (read: download) the Gravitation TV tracks… ^_^

I don't know how long each part is actually going to be, but the whole thing is going to be long because basically everyone is telling the same course of events, but with different perspectives and whatnot. …I really hope it doesn't get boring, but I figured that this was the only way it could work the way I wanted it to. Besides, you'll get more insight on the different events that occur! …And I haven't found a story or fic that has a similar setup to this, so I'm a bit wary of doing it this way….

I really hope everyone enjoys this!

[Lyrics] Obvious

Italics are Hisoka's dream and what Hisoka/someone else was thinking/saying when it happened. Er, basically it's sort of the same thing…

==================== If you're confused, it's just little spiffers on the title/author thing and the ending notes….

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Again, for more confusion, this just separates different scenes

*~@~* Okay, this is the little divider thingy for the perspectives. It may seem confusing, but if you pay attention and read this, then it won't be ^_^

MILESTONE - This is the first fic I've ever started writing that actually makes SENSE by having chapters make up a part instead of just having the parts by themselves. Rejoice in logic. I know. Wow.

Everything is written in first person and divided by perspectives…Tatsumi's being the main, but everyone else being little sub-perspectives? And in those little sub-perspectives, the same series of events is told…only from the different perspectives. Um…confusing…even for me. I really hope it'll become clearer as it progresses…. If you come across a fic or story with a similar setup, please tell me… I'm wondering how this'll turn out….

And…the "Oh…Um…" lyrics are actual lyrics in the song. If you listen, you can hear them ^_^

Note: The perfect song for a vacation is Yuutsuna Seven Days. I swear it is. I was listening to it while writing and it got me in a vacation mood. I'm so jealous of them! ^_^

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Anti-Nostalgic

By Elf Asato

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[The dye of the transparent night sky

Walking alone, always on the path returning home

Humming to myself, this kind of feeling

I want to reach, but can't; the sleeping you Oh…Um…]

It's a nightmare. A complete disaster. The mother of all backfiring plans. It's like I'm a stereotypical villain in a stereotypical scenario whose stereotypical scheme backfired stereotypically.

…Ever notice that when you use one word often, it begins to lose its meaning?

Anyway, it's like the entire thing blew up in my face.

Which it did.

But that's beside the point.

Watari has been back for a couple of days, but he's been spending the entire time holed up in that damned lab of his. Kachou is extremely irritable due to the fact that we both had to pull a few strings and overlook a couple of company policies to get him on that vacation, and he returned without a word of thanks and is more depressed and lethargic…not to mention spastic…than when he left.

Maybe that's the way vacations are supposed to be. I don't know; I haven't had one in a while….

It would be one thing if he were diligently working on that positively evil sex-changing potion or some other crazy experiment, but he's not. He's not doing a damned thing.

I'm so worried about him….

To top it off, though, Kurosaki-kun and Tsuzuki have returned from their vacation today…no better than Watari, might I add. The two of them are not all over each other, and no, they are not just making an effort to control their raging passion for one another.

I was actually looking forward to telling them to get a room, too….

But the worst thing is, they're not even talking to one another. They exchanged a few brief greeting to our fellow co-workers, but other than that, they've been absolutely silent.

Even Tsuzuki.

Watari didn't even come out from his hole to greet them and Kachou is berating me about it right now.

Which is exactly why I'm ignoring him and brooding to myself…and being rebuked by him for doing just that…standing up…walking out without saying a word…slamming the door because I'm too angry with everyone to speak….

I feel so childish now. Like I'm throwing a temper tantrum just because I didn't get my way…which is sort of close to the truth, but that, like everything else, is beside the point.

Probably the worst place to go when you're in a foul mood and want nothing to do with anyone else is the break room.

And why I find myself there is beyond me.

It doesn't please me further to see Kurosaki there, hunched over in a chair, staring at the cup of coffee he has when he doesn't even drink coffee. "Enjoying your day back at work, Kurosaki-san?" I ask politely, briskly making my way to the coffee maker for a cup of my own.

He only responds with a short grunt, which I take as a yes for some bizarre reason.

"I'll bet."

He grunts again.

"I know, isn't it?"

Third time's the charm.

"Yes, you're right, Kachou is positively evil."

The boy only stares at me like I'm insane. …Well that's what he gets for just grunting.

…I think I got that from my mother….

"Sorry," he simply mutters.

I sit down with my coffee next to him, sipping it silently. "You seem more…distant…than usual. Care to tell me what's wrong?" I ask, playing the role of a concerned parent. All anger I had towards him for not trying to get down Tsuzuki's pants in my presence has subsided.

"I can't…talk to anyone," he sighs softly, avoiding my eyes. "Not Tsuzuki, not Watari…there's no one for me to talk to. Damn it, when did I get to be so dependent on others?"

I take another sip. He seems very bothered by a few things, which, in turn, bothers me. I don't like seeing my co-workers unhappy. I truly don't. I hate seeing anyone unhappy. To cover the fact that I do care about Kurosaki-kun a lot, I will now state that an unhappy worker doesn't make as much money. "There are plenty of people to talk to…Wakaba, Terazuma, Kachou, myself. Countless people who would listen to you." I gently discard the cup on the table as my fingers interlock and support my chin. "Though, I think there are few people who you would be willing to talk to."

He nods in agreement. Of course I'm right. "I've never really been able to talk to people…let alone talk. It's just…I have difficulty trusting others…."

"You've come a long way."

"…I know…but I feel somewhat weak for being reduced to needing someone to depend on…" he mutters, shaking his cup around a bit, watching the black liquid swirl.

"The ability to depend on someone is actually viewed as a strength in some people, myself included," I say truthfully and to just make things easier on him, I add, "You can always come to me to talk if you feel you need to."

He looks up at me and nods. "Thank you…Tatsumi-san."

I smile warmly at him, trying to make him feel better. It's obvious that although he's talented at examining others' emotions, he's hopeless with his own. "Do you mind telling me what's wrong right now? I'd love to see you be happy after a two-week vacation. It almost seems unnatural that you're not."

Kurosaki stares down at his coffee again and sighs. "That was the most confusing two weeks of my life…. It was just…do you have much time?"

"I have as much time as you need," I say reassuringly as he sighs in relief. I must say, I am very eager to hear what went on those two weeks….

*~@~*

Hisoka

*~@~*

[Being frightened by something, I become a little uncomfortable

Telling my thoughts to the lost bird, day after day…

Forgetting somewhere, the heart becomes a little hurt

Time connects to the night star to finding you]

The second our report hit Kachou's desk, my partner was up running around the office cheering. Of course, I didn't join him. Of course, I would never join him…but I still felt the same way. After the events in Kyoto, this seemed long overdue. {A/N: *adds little Tatsumi/Elf-ism* Which it was, but that's beside the point}

As we arrived at our destination point some hours later - a small resort outside the big city - I could tell that Tsuzuki was the happiest he had been in a while. Since the whole Kyoto incident, he'd been happy…but not that happy.

Stupid baka probably has something up his sleeve…

Tsuzuki could barely contain himself as we were checking in and ditched me to run around and explore the hotel. If I wasn't in such a good mood, I would have been highly annoyed.

Of course, about ten minutes after I got to the hotel room, he burst into the room, begging me to forgive him for just ditching me.

He looks so cute as an inu…

How could I resist his charm? To make it up to me, he wanted to show me the ballroom they had with a dance they would be holding on what was the middle of our vacation. I know he loves dancing so much.

"Oh oh! You HAVE to dance with me, 'Soka-chan! Pleeeeeease?"

He knows I can't resist those puppy eyes anymore…

I couldn't disappoint him. Any other time, I would have firmly said no. Any other person, I would have firmly said no. If he hadn't looked at me with those eyes….

I've become a sucker for his charm…damn him.

He took me around on a tour of the hotel, shining brightly because I had said yes, radiating brilliantly with warm and colorful emotions because I promised to dance with him. It made me think of what Watari had told me…that Tsuzuki felt unconditional love. I remembered how Watari felt when he accidentally opened his emotions to me. Comparing the two of them, they felt the same. Love that would never die or fade…but how real can never ending love be?

But I didn't know how I felt about either of them. I would love to have said that I loved them both no matter what, but I suppose it makes me a terrible person for realizing that I could never do that…fully open my heart to anyone.

That concern quickly shifted to the back of my mind and something I felt more important came up - how was I supposed to match Tsuzuki's dancing? I knew I'd never be as good as him…but I wanted to at least keep up. I wanted him to enjoy dancing with me.

I had probably been silent and inattentive for too long because the next thing I knew, I was up in his arms.

"Ts-Tsuzuki! Ba-baka!"

"You're tired! We can always finish exploring tomorrow."

He carried the struggling me down the hall, gaining the attention of several guests. My cheeks were flush pink from everyone staring at us, but Tsuzuki seemed unfazed - just simply happy to carry me.

"Tsuzuki! Put me down now!"

"Nooooooo," he argued childishly, "you're tired, I'm not! Therefore, I carry you!"

His intentions seemed pure enough, so I resigned fighting him and just settled into his arms, pretending that I hated it. In truth, it was the first time someone had actually carried me without any particular reason. At the time, I would never have admitted that I actually enjoyed it. A lot.

Tsuzuki happily swung the door open to our room and when he laid me on the bed, I begun to doubt how pure his intentions actually were. He stayed beside me, hovering, with his hands on my waist.

"…Do you want something?" I asked, trying to be somewhat irritable to hide my confusion.

He took a few seconds before smiling beautifully and telling me, "a tip."

"A tip?" I asked, not sure what he actually meant.

"Yes, a tip."

"…For what?"

"Carrying you, of course!"

"…Baka… What kind of tip do you want?"

He took a while before answering childishly, "A tippy tip!"

I tried to hide my smile, but he saw it anyway and matched it. "Ba-" Before I could finish, he had his nose pressed against mine with his radiant eyes gazing into mine.

Just a brief movement and our lips would be touching….

"-ka?"

"Dorkfish." I muttered, for lack of anything better to say.

He snickered softly and smiled.

As much as I hate to say it, had I been an ice cube or something of that nature, I would have melted. "…What's a tippy tip?" I asked softly in a tone I hadn't intended to use. My breath caught. I know it had to have turned him on…because it did me.

I'm such a pervert. He probably means 'sheep' or something…

The way he looked at me with those beautiful amethyst eyes…changed along with his breathing - both becoming ragged and harsh on some degree. I exhaled softly as his hands slid to my hips and lips moved in dangerously close to mine. I could feel the faint brushing…the heat of his mouth over mine. A soft moan escaped my lips.

"CHICKEN!" he squeaked and bolted upright. "Ah yeah, that's what a tippy tip is! Chicken! Hey, you know, I'm going to see if they have any chicken because boy do I want some! Be back later!"

What the…?

It took me a while for my brain to register what had happened; Tsuzuki and I almost kissed, but he freaked out and left. The same thing happened when we finished our last assignment.

I sat up in bed and tried to think about it logically.

There's obviously attraction between us…otherwise this never would have happened…twice. I know he loves me because I can feel it…and although I'm not all that wild about actually doing something with him…it does concern me that he just freaks out every time he tries to kiss me.

At the time, all my thought got me nowhere and nothing was more logical than it had been before.

Tsuzuki came back around ten minutes later, proclaiming sadly that the hotel had no chicken. As he challenged me to a game of Gin (which he promptly lost), there was an uncomfortable silence between us. He wanted to think, I understood, but when Tsuzuki thinks he tends to get a little depressive….

Continuous games of gin finally came to an end at around eight at night (Tsuzuki refused to quit until he won just once. I had to let him win that last one). Tsuzuki was still thinking…too much, I felt.

"Hey, tomorrow morning, why don't we go into the city? We can act like tourists for the day. Won't that be fun?"

His eyes brightened and I knew I had said the right thing.

"Hai! …But…what about your empathy?"

"I'll try to block everyone out and just concentrate on having fun. With all the distractions, it should be easy." It was a lie and he knew it also, but it would make him feel better.

I knew he went to sleep happy that night because the last thing I felt was his warm emotions embracing me as he lulled off.

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~End of Part 1, Chapter 1~

So how's it feel having the chapter/part format make sense for once? Logic. Wow, it's a new thing for me…. ^_^

Uh…if it seems that things were a little too rushed for you…well, it seems that way for me, too. But just think - this is the opening. Imagine what the REST of the parts will be like! And if it's screwed up…I'm blaming chibiukyou for rushing me ^_~ (And if I spelled your name wrong…that's my revenge. Ha!)

Just think…instead of Anti-Nostalgic, it could have been either Smashing Blue or Shining Collection….

But I desperately need to know about the whole layout of the story! Is it good? Is it bad? Do you like it? Tell me now so I can go back and change things if I need to…because once I'm into the later chapters of part 1 or so, I'm not turning back!

The parts that bring the past events into storytelling…that's a relatively new thing that I did at the spur of the moment tonight (er, this morning ^^;;) because it just seems easier that way. It better be easier, dammit! And yes, I enjoyed writing this part with various Gravitation songs blaring into my ear (hey, Anti-Nostalgic is playing right now! How about that?), so if things seem weird, it may be because of that. Hmm…it's easier for me to write like that…but it takes longer because sometimes my concentration is off….

And you can all thank chibiukyou and Mirai Kurosaki for helping me get this part out!

And thus…the lyrics to close this chapter (feels so weird typing that)…

Tomei ga yozora somete

Hitori aruku itsumo no kaerimichi

Kuchizusamu konna kimochi

Nemuru kimi ni todoketai na

Nani kani obiteru jibuun ga chotto iya ni naru

Tsugeru omoi to ni nokoshita hibi ni whoa whoa

Dokoka ni wasureteru kokoro ga chotto itaku naru

Toki wo tsunagu hoshi no yoru ni kimi wo sagashiteru

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