Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Idiot's Anonymous ❯ Chapter 1

Title: Idiots Anonymous

Author: Elf Asato

Pairings: (so far) Tatsumi/Watari

Warnings: OOC, Elfish-angst, general insanity, shounen-ai

Disclaimer: All these cute Yami characters are Matsushita-sensei's, not mine. I'm just borrowing them for…ah…entertainment uses…yeah…. (whose entertainment?)

Notes: You never hear about Illinois…poor Illinois… (Illinois: Poor me)

Summary: Tsuzuki, you're going to be a sad little puppy when you find out… (Tsuzuki :[with unimaginable cuteness] Whaat? Why?) ^^;; Zip. (Tsuzuki: T.T Hidoiiiii…)

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Idiots Anonymous

By Elf Asato

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The first thing Tsuzuki saw as he bounded into the office in an exceptionally perky mood that day was a simple, yet elegant, small, white envelope with his name on it. …Make that the first thing he should have seen instead of the donuts and pastries ten feet past it. Scratch that. He just started eating automatically. For all Tsuzuki knew, he could be eating Tatsumi's sleeve.

…Which he was.

Ooh.

"I am not a donut!" Tatsumi seethed as he tried to shake Tsuzuki off him.

"Yeah, but you're just as sweet!" Watari smiled brightly, bursting out of nowhere to take the opportunity to embarrass the secretary.

"No I'm not, I'm stale!" Tatsumi stated, as dignified as he could in all his staleness.

"I think I'd have to be the judge of that…."

"…What? …No! Hey! Cut that out!"

One of the many mistakes Kachou was going to make that day was walking into the office for a cup of coffee. He just stared at the sight of Watari and Tsuzuki both gnawing on Tatsumi.

"I'm not going to ask," he muttered as he turned back.

Tatsumi tried yet again to shake off both the sugar glutton and the mad scientist. "Both of you! Off! Now!"

Tsuzuki growled playfully and turned into an inu while Watari kept gnawing on Tatsumi's ear.

"Grr, stop it! Tsuzuki, I need to talk to you."

The said inu wiggled his butt around and looked at Tatsumi with a happy face.

"Aww, my Tatsumi's so cute when he's trying to be angry!" Watari squealed as he glomped him.

Tatsumi growled as much as he could at the mad little scientist, but how long can you be mad at Watari? Really now? As much as he hated to see his little blond weirdo upset, he had to talk to Tsuzuki. "Watari, don't you have work you need to be doing?"

"Nope!" Watari chirped cheerfully, "I'm free for the day!"

Somehow, Tatsumi didn't believe that…and in the off chance that it was true, that would have to change… "Well…shouldn't you go work on your…ah," Tatsumi gulped, knowing that it was a bad idea, "…sex-changing potion?"

Tsuzuki's eyes bugged.

Watari narrowed his eyes and accused, "You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you?!"

"Yes."

"Oooooh," Watari growled as he stormed off, "You're sleeping on the couch tonight, mister!!!"

Tatsumi sweatdropped, knowing he'd have to do some major sweet-talking later that night…

"Tatsumi's in trouuuuuble!" Tsuzuki sang, too cute for his own good.

"Ahem, Tsuzuki," Tatsumi cleared his throat, trying to not think of the sulky Watari he would encounter at home…

"Hm?" the inu hummed as he looked at the secretary with wide and terribly innocent eyes.

"As you may have noticed-"

"Nope."

"Er…there's an envelope on your desk…"

Tsuzuki cocked his head. "What about it?"

Tatsumi tried with all his might not to strangle the incredibly cute inu. "…Read it."

"But I don't wanna read!" the inu protested cutely.

The secretary sighed and said tersely, "Fine! I'll read it for you!"

Tsuzuki plopped down on the floor. "Yay! Story time!"

Sighing again, he said as he opened the envelope and took out the letter inside, "I don't think you're going to like this story, Tsuzuki…" Clearing his throat and ignoring the inu when he mimicked him, Tatsumi read:

"Dear Tsuzuki,

I know I've been your partner longer than most and that we've gotten through some rough times. Like I've said before, there's no place for you to go other than up, but unfortunately, I won't be with you to see that. I resigned as your partner as of late last night and rather than burdening Tatsumi with telling you, I decided to write you a letter. You probably want to know why, and the answer is…I can't stand you. I've tried putting up with your actions, mannerisms, and emotions, but I can't anymore. It's just too much. I got to thinking that a partner who can't stand to be around you isn't a very good one at all, and as a result, I've decided this. I hope you have better luck with partners in the future and maybe your next partner…will be one who can actually stand you. Good luck.

Sincerely,

Hisoka"

When Tatsumi finished reading, Tsuzuki was not an inu. In fact, he was a very angsty-looking big person with big watery eyes. "Ta-Tatsumi! That's not very nice so…don't joke around! …Read me what it…actually…says…?"

The secretary sighed. "Tsuzuki, I wish it didn't actually say that, but it does. Here, you can see for yourself," he muttered as he handed Tsuzuki the letter.

Tsuzuki took read the letter again and again, hoping that Hisoka would just pop out of somewhere and tell him it was all a cruel joke. Unfortunately, there was no popping Hisoka and it wasn't a cruel, poorly thought out joke. "Ta…tsumi… He's really…serious…?"

Solemnly, Tatsumi nodded. "He's already been transferred somewhere else…"

"Where?! Where?!" Tsuzuki gasped suddenly as he grabbed Tatsumi's shirt. "Tell me where! I need to find him!!!"

"I…I can't!" Tatsumi said sadly as his glasses slipped. "It's…against regulations. If I could, I would…"

Tsuzuki stared at the man in front of him for a second or two before pushing up his glasses for him and muttering suggestively in his ear, "If you tell me…I'll…make it worth your while…"

Tatsumi grabbed Tsuzuki's hands and gently placed them at the violet-eyed one's side. "No. I'm sorry."

"Oh…oh come on! I'll…I'll…I'll never go over my budget on an assignment again!" Tsuzuki cried out desperately, even though everyone and their dog knew it was a lie.

"No," the secretary repeated firmly and started to walk away.

"Tatsumiiiiiii!!!!" Tsuzuki cried out as he glomped him from behind. "Please help me out!! Y-you love me don't you???? Pleaaaaaaase? Can't you just accidentally let it slip?! I'll sleep with you if you do!"

"WHAT?!" Tatsumi cried out as he whirled around. "No no no no no no and NO! Absolutely not!" He was already in enough trouble with Watari as it was already!

Tsuzuki just paused and stared for a second…then spazzed, "Come on! If you don't tell me, I'll sleep with you and - and - and I'll tell Watari and - and I'll take pictures, too! And -"

"FINE," Tatsumi growled through clenched teeth. He looked around to make sure no one was listening before he muttered, trying to look as nonchalant as he could in the process, "…America."

"What?" Tsuzuki asked cutely, not at all comprehending. "Where's that?"

Tatsumi just walked away and pretended like he didn't hear him.

"Taaaaaaaatsumiiiiiiii! Hidoi…" Tsuzuki whined, but then he got an idea. "Byakko!" he called to the wind tiger, who randomly popped out of his pocket, "Go and find Hisoka for me!"

Byakko flashed a victory sign and sang, "Byakko's here to save the daaaaaaay~!" Then he popped off somewhere to go find that angsty teen…

*~@~*

Somewhere out there, Hisoka woke up and saw a giant tiger floating outside his window…

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To Be Continued…!

(dun dun duuuuuuundramaticreverb…)

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^_^ Like many things, I thought of this while doing the dishes. …I've either got to stop doing them or do them more often ^^;;

Tsuzuki: That was a MEAN thing to do to poor defenseless me, Elffy-chaaaaaaan! MEANIE!

Elf: Guilty as charged ^_^; v

Anyway, yes. Hope you enjoyed this first part! (And hope it'll help take your mind off my creepy Hisoka Doll, if you're following it! ^^;;)