Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Solace... ❯ Chapter 1

az: I wrote a yaoi fic.... I can't believe it!! But I think it's probably okay since I did it on Yami no Matsuei... as opposed to Saiyuki. I could NEVER make yaoi fic on Saiyuki.... And to think this is a shoujo manga!! I dunno what happened to me.... I usually can't write well in romance genre. Tsuzuki's factor probably....

A/N: I've edited most of Tatsumi's parts.... now, he's more of the Tatsumi we know right? I was trying to finish this quickly that I neglected him....

Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei nor did I own the tankoubons or the anime. Characters and original excerpt from the fic are copyrights of Matsushita Yoko-sensei. No infringements are intended and no grudge was held during this production. For long I became an author, finally the day has come when I wrote an almost yaoi fic. Aaaaargh!! The world has come to an end!!

Solace...

Written by Azzie @ Alienna Azuani @ Yami Azzie

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Note: Words in italics are Tsuzuki's inner thoughts unless stated otherwise...

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Several hours before....

'Go away!! You idiot!! Look at what you have done!!', cried Hisoka angrily as he pondered about his now (recently) messy desk full of multiple case reports (thanks to Tsuzuki!!). 'Now I had to do more work than I should have...'

'Sorry!! I didn't mean to... Hisoka, I...', cried Tsuzuki as he tried to help clear thing away but Hisoka slapped his hand away.

'Go away!! You're useless-lantern-no-good-shinigami-who-always-thinking-about-food!!!', shouted Hisoka again as the words shot through Tsuzuki's heart, hurting him deeply. He gasped as tears started to well in his eyes.

'Hisoka...?! You... I HATE YOU!!! Hisoka no BAKA!!!', he cried as he stormed away out of the office. Out of Meifu. He didn't even turn around towards Hisoka. If he did, he would have seen Hisoka's troubled face as he regretted the harsh words...

**

Am I really that useless? Whatever that I've done always ended up in a mess. Can't even do a simple thing as cooking even. But I... can't even die to compensate for all of it, is it? If I did... not only Suzaku-neechan would get angry. Hisoka, Tatsumi, KaCho... everyone, they will also be angry with me if I tried to kill myself again. And they'll also be very sad...

Still, I can't be of any use... isn't it? Though, if I kept my life... I won't even feel at ease. I might make them happy by being alive... but I'll worry them too. And Muraki... as long as I'm alive and he too, he'll try to get to me again. With his so-called 'human-scented bait' again if I'm not being overly sarcastic about it. By the way, what he's been doing right now? These few months, there was no news of any strange murders. But I knew he's alive...

Tsuzuki snorted at the silliness of the thought. What am I thinking?! He's the enemy! He had hurt Hisoka... and me. Yet, I can't bring myself to hate him. Am I strange? As much as I loathed his presence when he tried to get close to me, I also yearned to be near him. I'm confused. Like how Tatsumi confused me about his concerns over me. When he always tried to protect me but in the same time, hurts me. Hisoka too... I guess. That time... I thought his attitude over me will change but it was not like that. He still scolds me badly even as I am older than him. Am I really that useless...? That even those younger than me looked down on me? Terazuma....Hisoka...

So, what was the purpose of me living in this world? When I was alive, I can't live among people and they hated my existence. When I'm dead, I kept bumbling on my duty. I can't please anyone here either. Either way, people still die because of me...

'Tsuzuki-san...? What are you doing here... alone by yourself?'

Tsuzuki gasped, startled by the familiar voice as he felt familiar arms coming from behind him from the bench where he was sitting, wrapping himself in a comforting embrace. Tsuzuki instinctively tried to escape but the eerily hum beside his ears numbed his body.

'Don't worry... I'm not planning to kill anyone tonight. Or even in these few days. I'm sure you've noticed the lack of brutal killings these past months...', said the voice again. Tsuzuki gasped desperately as he managed to mutter a few words.

'Muraki... why... what...?!'

Muraki smiled in amusement as he caressed the pale cheeks that gradually flushed red at his touch. 'Nothing special... I happened to be walking around here when I saw you sitting, distraught and alone. I couldn't bear such a look on your face so I came to comfort you...'

'...liar...', gasped Tsuzuki hoarse as Muraki winced at the insult. 'Say whatever you liked of me, it doesn't matter...'

It doesn't matter? So, was your reason of coming here is as you said, then? Funny, even as I felt petrified at the thought of what you'd do to me here while I can't move an inch... your presence here... seemed strangely... Comforting. I'm confused even more...

'It's alright... I'm not going to hurt you. If that's what you're thinking right now. You can relax... at least for the time being. Please assume that you're with a friend right now...'

'I... can't. Why you... I thought you were still hurt... since that night. Which was reasons enough to explain... but you're here... looking so well and all...'

Muraki grinned. 'You were worried about me? (Muraki: I know you loved me... ;P) That's so sweet of you. I thought you'd be bearing a great hatred towards me like that boy... especially since Kyoto. After what I almost do to you...', he drawled as Tsuzuki cried in protest. 'I DID NOT!! I just wondered...', he said as he blushed even deeper as he felt more comfortable with Muraki's embrace grew even tighter. 'I just... can't hate you that much. Even when I got a vision of you getting hurt badly... I still can't help... feeling guilty for you...', he whimpered softly as Muraki started kissing his cheek and neck, affectionately. Tsuzuki didn't even tried to fight him. Even as Muraki's hands roamed all over his body.

'That's why I loved you so much. You're so adorable, so sweet, naive... so innocent. Makes you... so irresistible to me...', drawled him again as Tsuzuki shivered in fear... and of excitement? His head started to feel a little dizzy as he rested his head near Muraki's. His eyes almost lost the sparkle he'd always had as when he was in Muraki's captivity, long time ago in Kyoto. 'Why did you... feel such attachments to me? Such ominous existence as me. I can't understand...'

'You are beautiful in my eyes... And I was attracted to you by your sheer innocence...'

You've always tricking me with your petty words. Like the others did. As much as I felt hurt every time Tatsumi tricked me to doing his bidding, I felt the same way when you did...

'I don't believe you! I would be just like your other 'toys'... like what you did to...', Tsuzuki didn't even finished his sentence as Muraki's lips ravished his own, forcefully but gentle. Tears started falling from his beautiful violet orb as Muraki kissed him with passion unlike any he ever felt. His mind goes blank for a little while before he pulled away with Muraki openly voicing his dissatisfaction. Muraki grinned. 'See...? You're not a doll to me. You are much more special...', he said again, running his fingers on Tsuzuki's lips as more shivers ran over the poor shinigami.

'And you are not ominous to me.... you idiot!! If you are... then I would be too. You do not have to be afraid. I understand your fear... your sorrow. A lot more than others possibly can... as we are the same...'

I don't want to believe you... Yet, why I felt so reassured when hearing you said it? Suddenly, your words seemed to calm my fears... comfort my heart. Had you gone through the same things as I had? But that's... impossible...

'Let go of me...', gasped Tsuzuki wispily as Muraki seemed to ignore his pleas. 'Do you really want me to leave..?', he said as he brought his lips nearer to Tsuzuki's right ear. Tsuzuki didn't reply as he blushed heavily and pondered over the statement. He looked away trying to hide the hesitation swelling in his heart. 'You're confused? I see it in your eyes. You do not want me to touch you like this, yet you feel pleased when I did...', he said again as he licked Tsuzuki's earlobe.

Tsuzuki closed his eyes as the sensation roused him inside and out. '...stop it...', moaned Tsuzuki as he started crying again. This time, Muraki did stop as he shifted his position and sat beside him. Still, he couldn't resist on holding him again in a tight embrace. Tsuzuki's eyes widen as he stared at the silver eyes in surprise for the gesture. 'Don't cry... it made you look more like a girl. I'd like to see your smiling face again...', said Muraki as he brushed off the tears on the other's face. Tsuzuki reluctantly rested his head on the doctor's shoulder as he started to feel comfy again. The doctor smiled as he took this opportunity to savor Tsuzuki's presence forever more. He patted Tsuzuki's head lovingly as the latter started to feel drowsy. He fell asleep soon after as Muraki continued caressing his face all through the night...

**

'Tsuzuki-san...? Wake up!! It's late... and we were so worried about you...' I have been mostly worried...

Tsuzuki opened his eyes slowly to find Tatsumi staring back at him. He immediately sat up as a piece of fabric fell onto his lap... and something else. He shook his eyes as he tried to focus on the thing. A white overcoat was half-covering his body and a bouquet of red rose lie neatly on his lap. A realization hit him on the face.

He didn't take me away... that Muraki. He even hadn't taking any advantage over me!! And he stayed with me for so long...

'Did you met him?', asked Tatsumi, noticing the coat as Tsuzuki slowly nodded. 'But he didn't do anything.. (az: Huh?! Nothing...?!) He just... sat beside me...', said Tsuzuki in a daze as Tatsumi sighed in relief. But even then, he was not reassured as he grasped Tsuzuki by the shoulders. 'Are you sure?! You know you could always rely on me to watch over you.... if Muraki did anything perverted to you I assure you that he'll regret it...'

Tsuzuki sweatdropped after hearing that remark and immediately shook his head to deny it. 'No... no... he didn't!! Honest...!!', cried Tsuzuki as he imagined the fate Muraki would receive if Tatsumi found out the real truth! (Tsuzuki: I bet it won't be nice... *shivers*) And anyway, I better not worry him with the details. (Tsuzuki blushed as he remembered what Muraki did do to him. He can't possibly say openly that he actually let him do those things, ne?) And it's complicated to explain anyway..., thought Tsuzuki as he folded Muraki's coat aside. (Tsuzuki: 'I'll return this to him later...' Az: Aah.. Tsuzuki... you're so cute!! ^_^) He picked up the roses as a tinge of red radiated on his cheeks. I never thought... He could even find the time to get these for me?! He's crazy..., thought Tsuzuki again in mock disbelief. He looked up towards Tatsumi.

Tatsumi was watching him with concern painted all over his face. And his eyes, it displays none of the stern demeanor he'd always wore. Right now, those eyes were soft and caring. Tsuzuki's heart catched as he realized that Tatsumi must be the most worried about him. He hung his head down in guilt. 'Gomen, Tatsumi... I worried you again...', he apologized.

Tatsumi smiled warmly at him as he cupped Tsuzuki's face so that he'd look up towards him. 'It's nothing. Anyway, Kurosaki-kun felt very bad at scolding you so severely. He was worried sick when you ran out for so long... even if he won't admit it. Terazuma was being strangely concerned, come to think about it...', said Tatsumi as he wondered what was it that puzzled him about Terazuma's concern over Tsuzuki. '...a number of us had been searching all over for you ever since...', he added as he gave up the musing.

Tsuzuki flinched realizing that he had caused that much havoc. 'Sorry... I caused so much trouble for you...'

'It's okay!! Don't worry about it. So, what were you doing here?', said Tatsumi as he sat on the bench. Tsuzuki shrugged. 'Not much... I walked around to find a peace of mind and to calm myself...' Which in the end, I was comforted by the very unlikely person imaginable. I never thought Muraki could be this kind. He surprised me as much as Hakushaku-sama did to me at the Castle of Candles.

Tatsumi stared at him silently as he watched Tsuzuki falling deep into his own thoughts again. 'It's late... Let's go home. If you're quick, I might even make you something. You looked as if you haven't eaten for days since you ran out...', said Tatsumi as he gestured to him to follow. Tsuzuki smiled weakly and picked up the flowers and the coat as he followed Tatsumi along. He sneezed.

Tatsumi immediately went back to him in concern. 'You okay? It's cold here... you idiot. Why didn't you take your coat along when you ran out?!', he cried as he fussed over the shinigami. 'Aaaaaargh!! I don't care anymore!! Muraki's coat would do fine...not like I have a choice!!!', he gasped as he grabbed Muraki's coat from Tsuzuki's arm and made him wear it. Feeling satisfied with his work, he continued leading Tsuzuki back home.

'Tatsumi...', Tsuzuki said suddenly. Tatsumi paused. 'Am I really a bother to you and everyone? Even just now, you have to look out for me...', said Tsuzuki as Tatsumi shrugged. 'I guess so... you idiot!!', he said, ruffling Tsuzuki's hair playfully as Tsuzuki sighed in sadness. Tatsumi grinned as he saw Tsuzuki's face.

'But then, without you... JuOhCho would become so un-lively and boring. So, it seemed that we have to tolerate with you as long as it lasted...', he said again as Tsuzuki's spirit lifted up again. He grinned as both of them walked away to return to Meifu. The silent moon reemerged again as the clouds shifted away. The moonlight shone around the place as it revealed a lone man hidden among the trees.

Muraki smiled as he watched his love leave. 'That's it, my love... Your smile is the most beautiful to me and I wanted it to stay like this always... Oh, and the moon was so lovely tonight, even if it's not red. Is it because of you?', he said, smiling as he turned to leave.

Tsuzuki turned around as he looked again for any signs of Muraki. (az: He seemed to sense him, I guess... ^_^)

'What is it...? Tsuzuki-san...', called Tatsumi as Tsuzuki shook his head. 'It's nothing... just a feeling...', he said as they gradually disappeared into the night...

See you again... and goodbye for now. Muraki...

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'Goodbye... my love...' (az: Guess who? ^_^)

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[FIN]

az: Geez.... I made Muraki especially sweet here. And Tsuzuki was being so cute as usual. Why did I liked this pairing??! I don't understand.... I think weirdness is contagious. Please Review...

Muraki: Oh, Tsuzuki-sa~~~n. I Looooooove you.... ^_^ *glomps Tsuzuki*

Tsuzuki: *shivering heavily. Goosebumps all over* Get off me!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

az: Muraki!!! Let him go!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! *runs to save Tsuzuki*

Muraki: Emm... two lovely 'victims'....

az & Tsuzuki: *sweatdropped* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! Save us!! document.write "