Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Within My Mind, Within Your Heart ❯ Mother ( Chapter 5 )

Within My Mind, Within Your Heart

Chapter Five- Mother

 

Tsuzuki pulled out a sutra, prepared to go onto the fifth level. He realized it was getting harder and harder for him to keep following Hisoka through the levels, as each was more challenging than the last, each deeper than the last, each having more meaning than the last. It was all getting so confusing, but Tsuzuki just had to bring his partner back.

 

The passageway was ruby this time, all around ruby, a mixture of black and red, with purple and blue sparks of mind energy. There was another barrier, this time a black energy net that gathered, this one more stronger than the last one. Tsuzuki sighed. How was he going to get through this one? Would Hisoka come and break it again? If so, hopefully not the same way he had done on the last level.

 

The sound of running footsteps reached Tsuzuki's ears and he turned around, just as a figure wearing a samurai outfit, blue on white, sped by him, wielding a sharp katana. The figure jumped into the air and brought the sword down on the barrier, slicing it cleanly and precisely, in a straight line. Tsuzuki caught the dirty blonde hair and the lean figure and guessed it was another of Hisoka's sides. His strong side.

 

The boy, however, didn't stop there, but ran on through the net, vanishing amongst the deep red passage. Tsuzuki didn't know what to make of this. Why would Hisoka's feelings help him when it was clear the boy didn't want him to follow him? This was making Tsuzuki so effing confused now. But, all the same, he went through the cut barrier, intent on finding the empath once more.

 

The ruby dissolved into a dark hallway, leading down to a sliding wooden door that was slightly cracked, a light protruding from the slight shift. Tsuzuki headed towards the door and peeked in before sliding the door open more to get a better look. It was kendo dojo complete with polished wooden floor and pads for karate, as well as cabinets in the wall to hold the armor. Hisoka was in the middle of the room, wearing the same samurai outfit, looking around nineteen, hitting his shinai against a target, moving across the floor like it was nothing.

 

Tsuzuki watched as the empath seemed the walk in the air, carefully moving his feet in a simple dance that initiated another step, which, in turn, made the next step possible. It was impressive and more than what Hisoka could do in reality currently. This was probably the level in which he was stronger and more emotional side.

 

“Who's there?” Hisoka whirled around to face the door, shinai poised as he put his left foot behind his right in a perfect kendo stance. Tsuzuki opened the door, revealing himself carefully and Hisoka dropped his stance slightly. “Oh, it's only you.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but Hisoka cut him off before he could get his first word out. “Don't say it. I already know and the answer is no. I won't come back. I can't. I honestly don't know why you continue to come after me if you don't love me.”

 

Tsuzuki shut his mouth. He didn't know how to reply to that one and he didn't even know why he was chasing after the boy. He cared for him, sure, but it didn't seem like the way the teen loved him. And just because of that, Hisoka wouldn't come back. Now that Tsuzuki thought about it, it was selfish of the boy to do so, to keep retreating back like this when he, Watari, and everyone else was probably worried. It was selfish.

 

Hisoka looked at him. “Looks selfish to you, but to me, it's my whole life.”

 

Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka in surprise as he said this, but the boy closed his eyes and turned his back on the elder shinigami, lifting up the shinai again before walking over to a sword holder and placing the shinai down, instead examining the blades.

 

“Or, in this sense, my afterlife,” he continued as he picked up one of the swords and looked at it. “I know it seems selfish for you to have to chase after me when all I want is you to love me, which you refuse to do. Because you don't, I decide to retreat. All levels of my mind grow deeper and more closed off the farther I go.”

 

“The why do you do it?” asked Tsuzuki, nearly yelling the question, hands clenching into fists.

 

“Because,” Hisoka turned to look at his partner, still holding the blade in corn silk hands. “Like you said, it's selfish. Besides, I can see right through you here. You don't want to put up with my feelings in which sense you don't want to put up with me.”

 

“That's not true!” Tsuzuki protested, unclenching his hands.

 

“Is it not?” Hisoka asked calmly, looking at his sword again before looking back up at Tsuzuki. “You forget my ability can see through lies and straight into your own mind. Your thoughts are confused with your heart's desires and you don't want to put up with my own feelings and desires. Even if I did this…”

 

Hisoka rolled up his loose sleeve on his left arm. He took the blade and swiftly cut his wrist. Tsuzuki took a step forward to stop him, but pulled back as he realized it wasn't fatal. Unsurprisingly, the wound healed, but Hisoka took the blade again, slicing the healed skin once more, deeper this time. A drop of blood oozed out of the slit and hit the polished wood floor of the dojo. The wound took a second longer to heal than the first. Hisoka lowered the blade and looked at his healed wrist, his face calm, almost expressionless.

 

“It wouldn't matter. You wouldn't try to stop me because it would just heal again and again. You've tried it many times before, Asato. It never worked after you were already dead. It's a bad habit, cutting. It becomes addictive and you wish to do it again and again every time you felt sad. But second death never came.”

 

Hisoka sighed before he placed the blade back up on its holder, turning around to face his stunned, speechless shinigami partner. “You stopped once you realized it would heal. Would you have stopped if it could really hurt me? Would you have sat back and watched me die in pain?”

 

Tsuzuki's chest felt tight as he stared at Hisoka, stared at the calm look he was giving him, as though he wouldn't even flinch if a tornado blew right in front of him. He seemed so powerful now, stronger, harsher, his voice displaying little emotion and his actions were like interrogation. He was asking him if he would stop him. Tsuzuki would, he definitely would.

 

Tsuzuki nodded. “I would stop you if it couldn't heal.”

 

“But then why? Why would you want to save me?” asked Hisoka, eyes darkening a shade and looking deeper than before, more alluring, entirely bottomless. He leaned against the wooden wall, eyes never leaving Tsuzuki's face as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for an answer.

 

Tsuzuki didn't know exactly to answer the empath. He cared for the boy so much, how could he NOT stop him from taking his life? Wasn't that selfish as well? Take his own life because someone didn't return his feelings. “It's because it's selfish. I can't sit by and not care for you.”

 

“But not the way I do to you,” Hisoka interjected, head lowering slightly so that it looked like he was glaring, even though he wasn't, and his eyes seemed to dive right into Tsuzuki's eyes, like he was searching the amethyst pools for hidden treasure at the bottom.

 

All of a sudden, the room began to dissolve and Hisoka began to vanish. He lifted his hand in a gesture of goodbye, but Tsuzuki ran over to him, putting his hands on the boy's shoulders. “Stop being like this, Hisoka! Why can't you just come back!?”

 

Hisoka smiled a bittersweet smile before shaking his translucent head. “You weren't listening, were you? You don't love me. I can't return with pain. It would weigh me down too much. I'll probably see you in the sixth level, if you still care about me, even though I'm being selfish.”

 

As soon as the last word escaped his lips, he vanished, leaving Tsuzuki with his arms outstretched, holding onto nothing but air. His arms fell to his sides and tears stung his eyes. Why couldn't the boy just come back! Why?

 

For what seemed the millionth time, Tsuzuki pulled out a sutra and prepared to go deeper than ever before. He had two more shots. Then he couldn't go into Heart Conscious, the last level. He couldn't. If he didn't get Hisoka back within the next two levels, he was gone. Tsuzuki wasn't going to let that happen. Not now. Not when he was beginning to understand the true meaning of the foreign feeling welling up inside of him.