Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Within My Mind, Within Your Heart ❯ Conscious ( Chapter 7 )

Within My Mind, Within Your Heart

Chapter Seven- Conscious

 

It was strange, this time. The passageway was almost nonexistent, save for the light around in it. What was strange about it was that it was all colors, like a rainbow but not in any specific order. For example, the blue was next to the purple, but also next to red which was next to green. It was colorful and beautiful, but all the same, strange. A mixture of paints carelessly stroked by a careless artist, yet its beauty seemed unmatched.

 

The passageway began to fade to black, a deep darkness that sent chills down Tsuzuki's spine. He then heard giggling laughter behind him, then in front of him, then all around him. He then felt a soft breath of warm air ghost past his ear, but when he turned around, no one was there. Tsuzuki suddenly felt a warmth on his cheek before it vanished as soon as it had come.

 

He looked around again before he said, “Show yourself.”

 

Someone seemed to switch on a light, making the shadows creep backwards behind Tsuzuki and the old shinigami was surprised at what he saw. He saw Hisoka, but there was another Hisoka right next to him.

 

The one on the left wore nothing but a satin sheet, a pale pink color, held up with a white sash and protruding from his back were two perfect wings, white feathers, making him look like an angel, soft and smooth. The one on the right wore a satin sheet as well, but its color was black, held up by a navy sash. Instead of angelic looking wings, these wings were similar to a bat's, thin and leathery looking, also sharp and pointed, nothing like the other Hisoka's wings.

 

Tsuzuki looked between the two, not sure what to do. The one on the right with black wings frowned while the one on the right with white wings smiled slightly. Looking between the two again, Tsuzuki asked, “Which one is---”

 

“Both of us,” they chorused in perfect unison. Their voices matched exactly, even if the emotion in them was as different as could possibly be. Tsuzuki blinked, not quite catching it. Both Hisokas sighed before the one with black wings stepped forward to explain.

 

“This is the Conscious,” he deadpanned, but allowing a small smirk to cross his face. “Both good and bad are displayed here, as well as imperfections and fears. We're split in here because we'd fight too much if we were merged all the time.”

 

He gestured to the white winged Hisoka, who stepped forward next to his counterpart to also explain. “The dark side shows evil and the white side shows purity, even though white is the least favorite color on my list.”

 

The dark winged Hisoka nodded to the angel winged one before both of them looked at Tsuzuki, who was getting a headache from looking at the two. The counterparts seemed to notice and dull silver light began to shine. Tsuzuki shielded his eyes, but it was gone quickly.

 

When he looked again, there was only one Hisoka, but he seemed to be split in half, save for the magenta sheet tied with a lavender sash. On his right, he had a black leather wing and on his left, he had an angel wing. The two counterparts of the same boy merged to form one person. Tsuzuki also realized his headache was gone. The boy smiled, but at the same time, he seemed to frown. “Better?”

 

Tsuzuki nodded and then looked down. Hisoka cocked his head slightly and walked forward until he was but a few feet away from Tsuzuki, their bodies barely touching. Hisoka's sash came loose and caused the sheet to fall down bit by bit, but it went unnoticed by Tsuzuki.

 

“Hisoka,” Tsuzuki began. The boy nodded, showing he was listening. Tsuzuki sighed before he managed to talk again. “You say I'm on a borderline between our friendship and your love, right?”

 

Again, the boy nodded in affirmation as the sheet fell to about his hips. Tsuzuki looked at the boy in the eyes; his own glazed over in a fresh onslaught of unshed tears. “Then, even at borderline, isn't it love all the same?”

 

Hisoka shook his head slightly and it was his turn to sigh, his wings stretching out for a minute before they folded back to the curve into the shape of the small of his back. He then looked back at the hopeful Tsuzuki standing but a foot from him, his purple eyes glistening with the tears within them, threatening to fall out once more. The sheet came loose all the way and pooled around Hisoka's feet, but it lay forgotten as the boy walked forward to he was just in front of Tsuzuki, their bodies dangerously close.

 

“Listen, Tsuzuki. I know how you're seeing things at your perspective, but you need to learn to see hindsight as twenty-twenty to understand why I do this. To you, you're confused and you want me to return, even if those confusing emotions tear you apart, but Tsuzuki… already, you have conflicting emotions tearing you apart on the inside. I can feel it and you can't deny it. You've carried that kind of pain for years, if not decades. I can't return knowing that by doing so, I'd hurt you and force you into something you either don't want or aren't ready to take on.

 

“And then add in my view of things… I care more than you could ever imagine, and your pain makes me drawn to you, though why I do not know. It may have to do with the fact we were both abused as children, we were both outcasts and we're both after the same man for almost similar reasons. I guess that's what made this happen and yet, my view on this is that if I returned… you don't know how much it would hurt me to have you conflicted with your emotions that tear you apart continuously while I return only for the borderline. I'm sorry, Asato, but I can't if that's how it's going to be.”

 

Looking up at the stunned shinigami once more, Hisoka sighed again, looking down before he snapped his head back up and spread out his wings. Tsuzuki leaned forward quickly with fast reflexes he didn't know he had and brought he boy close as possible to him, one arm wrapped around Hisoka's waist and the other clutching his head, keeping it to Tsuzuki's chest as Tsuzuki buried his face into the youth's ashen blonde hair, breathing in the scent of honeysuckle.

 

“No, Hisoka, I can't let you go again. Even if it's just a borderline, it's still love to me. I don't want to loose you,” Tsuzuki whispered.

 

Hisoka shook his head into Tsuzuki's shoulder and pulled back slightly, but not completely from the embrace, looking up into the troubled and pained amethyst eyes, letting a small smile grace his lips, and this smile… this one was real. A corn silk hand reached up and brushed a few brown bangs that were obstructing his view of the purple jewels that Tsuzuki owned before leaning up hesitantly.

 

Tsuzuki leaned down and closed the wavering distance in a chaste kiss. He knew he wasn't ready to take Hisoka for his own sake, but deep down, he knew he loved to the boy to a degree and it was only a matter of time before that degree vanished replaced with no limits whatsoever.

 

Tilting his head slightly, Tsuzuki ran his tongue over Hisoka's bottom lip, eliciting a gasp from the younger and he took that chance to slip his tongue into the warm cavern, craving in the sweet taste that his heart suddenly urged to have and he pulled the boy closer. He heard a small moan reach his ears and knew it wasn't he himself who had done it, but Hisoka. Tsuzuki realized quickly that he loved that noise and wished to hear it again. His unspoken prayer was answered as he felt the boy respond to the kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck, leaning up more against him.

 

It was then that alarm bells went off in Tsuzuki's head. His feeling awoke inside him and he realized… he completely loved the young man he held in his arms, he loved every bit of Hisoka, even what he couldn't see that lay veiled behind masks of coldness and feigned bravery. Tsuzuki then realized he was holding the body of his friend—no, his lover—in his arms and that he was completely stripped, this time hiding nothing. No pain, no regrets, no guilt…

 

It was Hisoka who broke off this kiss, panting lightly and Tsuzuki looked at the boy, at his kiss swollen lips and his soft flaxen hair that practically begged to be touched. He leaned down again, nuzzling the boy's cheek affectionately. The empath let out a small sigh before he smiled again and whispered, “You actually do love me.”

 

“I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner,” Tsuzuki uttered back, lightly brushing his lips against his partner's, who shook his head and said back, just as quietly, “It's all right. I'm sorry for doing this to you.”

 

“It's okay…”

 

“I'll come back… for you,” the boy whispered, promisingly. Tsuzuki smiled down at the boy and held him again, never wanting to let go.

 

Suddenly, the light that had been around them dimmed and the shadows were thrown back around them. Tsuzuki snapped his head up, alarmed. Hisoka also looked alarmed and he clutched Tsuzuki's sleeve, obviously sensing something that frightened him. It was at that moment that dark coils came out of nowhere and wrapped around Hisoka tightly, pulling the boy backwards, away from Tsuzuki.

 

“Hisoka!”

 

Tsuzuki ran and reached out to grab Hisoka's hand, but it fell short. The coils, and Hisoka, turned to dust and disappeared. Tsuzuki stared at the empty darkness around him, scared and feeling fear rise into his throat, his hand still grasping air. He knew that it couldn't have been Hisoka himself to pull him back after promising the come back for him. It couldn't have been him.

 

Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed in determination and he prepared to look for Hisoka. There was only one more level to go. The Heart Conscious was the only place where Hisoka could have been taken by the force. He boy wanted to come back, he could feel it, but the only way to get him back was to go to the last level. Pulling out a sutra, he remembered Watari's warning again.

 

“The last level is impossible. If you try and go through that one, neither you nor he would ever return.”

 

Tsuzuki shook his head. It didn't matter if neither of them came back. All that mattered was to make sure Hisoka was ok and not leave him alone. With that determined thought in mind, Tsuzuki vanished from the sixth level.