Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monster GX Fan Fiction ❯ No Pairing Left Unmocked! ❯ BastionxChazz...the Random Crossover Chapter ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
One day, Chazz and Bastion bumped into each other on the way to class. Usually, if this happened, they would just shrug it off and go their merry ways. However, today they were both itching for a fight.
“Hey! Watch it!” said Chazz indignantly.
Bastion ran some equations through his head, trying to come up with the best, snarkiest, most intelligent answer. Finally, he arrived at a solution.
“No, YOU watch it!” he retorted.
He’d have to work on fine-tuning those equations some more, though.
Of course, all Chazz could say now was “Your mama!”
Bastion didn’t need equatons to find an answer for this one. The answer was so obvious.
“You’re your own mama, Chazz!”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’re a woman!”
“No I’m not!”
“Well, you sure look like one!”
“I do not!”
“Would you like to prove it to me?”
“I think the lady doth protest too much.”
“No I’m not...hey, WAIT A MINUTE! All right, you’re gonna get it now!”
And so it continued in this vein for hours. Class was forgotten about, because no one ever went there to begin with. Soon, there were hundreds of students watching this entertaining fight.
After it had been going on for an hour, popcorn vendors started appearing in the crowd. After another hour, hot dogs and beer went on sale too.
One student thought about throwing his beer cup at Chazz, but decided against it. This wasn’t the NBA, after all.
After three hours, people started getting bored. Neither of the boys had even thrown a punch at each other, so what was the point of watching? What was worse, the insults were getting progressively lamer.
“No, your mama!”
“No, YOUR mama!”
Just then, the same Random Faceless guy whom Chazz defeated in Chapter Two decided to make this a bit more interesting.
“Hey, why are you two fighting in the first place?” he shouted from amongst the crowd.
Chazz and Bastion had to think about that for a while.
Finally, Chazz volunteered, “Um...because I was horny?”
Bastion shouted, “Well, you can’t be horny!”
“And why not?”
“Because I’M horny!”
“Well, I love you!”
“I love you, too!”
Then, Bastion and Chazz randomly started making out. All the girls in the crowd (and some of the guys) got instant, life-threatening nosebleeds.
Then, Bastion grunted like a caveman. Chazz looked up at him adoringly, with big shiny uke-ish eyes. He didn’t mind a bit as Bastion dragged him back to the Ra dorm by the hair. In fact, he was loving every second of it!
1 Week Later
Chazz had been completely uke-ified.
As much as he had protested being called a woman before, he now seemed to enjoy the role very much. He wore a different costume every day. One day, he had been a nurse. The next day, he had worn a leather dominatrix outfit (though woe to him if he tried to do any actual dominating!).
However, today he was wearing his best outfit yet. Yes, today, to commemorate his one-week anniversary with Bastion, Chazz was cosplaying as Baby Spice! He had his hair in those two ponytails and everything.
Currently, Chazz was sitting in Bastion’s room, surfing the Internet. He couldn’t go anywhere in the school without asking Bastion first. In fact, he even had to check with Bastion before using the bathroom. Not that he’d want to defy his darling boyfriend, of course. All of his free will had disappeared right along with his former masculine personality
He had just found some very fascinating and profound information when Bastion walked into the room.
“Hey Bastion, have you heard that the Spice Girls might be reuniting? That way, we could all cosplay! You could be Sporty, and that Amazoness person could be Ginger, and...”
Bastion walked across the room and slapped Chazz’s face.
“Don’t you dare talk to me without getting my permission first! Do you understand, slut?”
“Yes, sir,” whispered Chazz. He didn’t mention how ironic it was that Bastion had slapped him just as he was bringing up the name of the Amazoness.
Just in case Chazz didn’t believe him, Bastion said, “Grrr...I’m EVIL! Now, come have Magical I Hate You Sex with me, whore.”
Chazz didn’t say anything, because Bastion had not yet given him permission to speak. But he happily did what Bastion told him.
18382190 rounds of Magical I Hate You Sex later...
Bastion and Chazz were finally tired out. For all they knew, they could have been going at it while the rest of the human race became extinct. But they wouldn’t have minded. As long as Bastion had Chazz to be his willing punching bag, everything was right in the world.
However, no happiness could last forever. Just as the two boys were falling asleep, there came a ferocious knock on the door.
“Open up!” shouted a voice from outside the room.
Bastion glared at Chazz.
“Did you plan this disturbance, bitch?” he asked. Chazz shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes because he had angered his master.
The annoying knocking continued, so Bastion put his pants on and went to answer the door.
As soon as he opened it, a blond, middle-aged guy burst into the room. His outstretched arm held a gun, which was pointed at Bastion’s face.
“Bastion Misawa, I hereby place you under arrest for being an OOC plot device!” said the guy in a raspy voice.
Bastion and Chazz both blinked. For some reason everyone was just frozen in place. Then, Chazz started laughing.
“Hey...you’re that guy from that TV show! And we’re all frozen in place because it’s a commercial break!”
No one understood what he was saying. Bastion started to tell Chazz to be quiet, but the older guy silenced him.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you are referring to. My name is Jack Bauer, from the CTU. I was sent here specifically to arrest this young man for being an OOC plot device. I’m not sure what that even means, but my superiors told me it was very important.”
Chazz replied, “I knew it! You’re that guy from ‘24'!”
Jaden randomly shouted, “Cool! 24 was the grade I got on my last test!”
Chazz, Bastion, and Jack Bauer said simultaneously, “How did you get in here?”
Just then, the commercial break ended. The author decided to end this chapter right here and now due to excess silliness, a la Monty Python, and a blank screen fell over everyone.
A bunch of female Academy students squealed, “OMG, it’s Jack Bauer!”
As Jack started to run away from the fangirls, he muttered to himself, “You know, I think I would have been preferred being tortured by terrorists for the millionth time over this assignment...”
A/N: I think that may have been a bit too random... O.o But anyway, I feel slightly less frustrated now, so maybe the next chapter will return to the normal amount of randomness.