Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Dungeon Dice Monsters, Pt. 3 ( Chapter 46 )
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Spamfic | Uploaded On: 07.02.2003 | Updated On: 10.30.2003 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 650 | Status: Completed
*Author's Note: Yikes! I only got two reviews on that last chapter?! That's kind of depressing, considering that it was the last chapter I was writing by myself... But so be it! I can understand your hatred of reviewing on MM. It is painfully slow.
I would like to thank Sasha Janre-Ishtar for helping me write this chapter! Helping me so much, in fact, that you should presume all scenes to be written by her, unless otherwise marked. Impressive, no? And very fun for me! It meant I actually got to laugh while writing this! Very awesome.
Since Sasha did so much work on this chapter (and the next), I'm sure she'd love to hear what you guys think of it. If you don't want to review on MM, please send a quick email to me at dgatomon@hotmail.com or Sasha at darksaiyajin_26@hotmail.com -- or if you're feeling really wild and crazy, and wanting to make one of us jealous, send it to us both! I for one would quite like being made jealous, although I daren't speak for Sasha.
With that said and done, I think I shall go ogle the July/August page of my Yu-Gi-Oh! calendar. It's my favorite out of the whole year. *toddles over to the wall and sighs dreamily* Malik... beautiful, beautiful Malik... *_*
Catling: *shakes head and sighs* Just go on. She'll be like this for hours...*
*Scene: The audience is our source of recap.*
Boy 1: I can't believe Yugi Moto agreed to give up Duel Monsters forever if he loses at this new game!
Boy 2: I know, especially since Dungeon Dice Monsters is a game his opponent invented!
Yami: *mentally, hearing all of this* ...does no one remember Pegasus?
Yugi: *mentally* No. Because that was the last season, and no one has any recollection of what happened last season in this new season.
Yami: ... I'm beginning to agree with Yami Bakura's opinion of mortals...
*Scene: Duke's cheerleaders are so original.*
Fangirls: *chanting* Joey lost, now he's Duke's pet! The dumbest dog you've ever met!
Joey: AM NOT!!
Fangirl: Uh-oh! It's a rabid dog!
Fangirls Tutti: Guess we'll have to get him a muzzle!
Joey: Uh, no no no! That won't be necessary, girls!
Duke: *drumming his fingers on his display* Maybe I should have made him a cat. A big, fat, lazy cat that doesn't talk.
Yami: Well, you didn't. Can I start my usual comeback from behind? I'm running behind schedule.
Duke: Oh. Yes. Of course. Go right ahead.
*Scene: I wanna swish my hair just like Duke Devlin!*
Tristan: Man, I can't wait until Yugi wins this and gets Joey out of that stupid dog suit Duke Devlin's making him wear! That guy's a real jerk!
Téa: Better than a fake jerk, I suppose.
Duke: *nods* I pride myself on being 100% jerk. *flashes a grin, holding up a box of Ducor* Now in the new "Jerk-a-lade" flavor!
Yami: Argh! That stuff is everywhere! Damn Kaiba's connections!
*Scene: The cheerleaders, having gone forty episodes without a pay raise, are starting to get sulky and bitch rather than cheer. Finally, DarkGatomon starts doing a little work!*
Téa: Duke's all about humiliating his opponents. Especially Yugi. Why else would he want to beat him in a game broadcast around the world?
Yami: That's simple enough. To be known as the greatest duelist in the world, you must kill the greatest duelist in the world! *Téa gibbers a bit, and Yami jumps and mentally replays what he just said* No, no! Defeat! That's what I meant! You must defeat the greatest duelist in the world!
Yugi: *mentally* Although killing would get you famous, too.
Yami: *mentally* Between you and me, it's all the same thing...
*Scene: An episode just isn't an episode without Téa's reasoning!*
Téa: It's not fair. He blames Yugi for everything. His game not taking off, losing Pegasus as his business partner... It's just wrong!
Duke: Yes, ignore my antagonistic logic. For there to be conflict, I'm totally unaware of what Pegasus was really doing and that you freaks did him in!
Téa: It's still wrong!
*Duke sweatdrops*
*Scene: Yami is probably emailing Seto for help.*
Yami: *types with one hand using his help screen*
Computer Teacher: *suddenly pops out* USE HOME ROW, YOUNG MAN! *pops out*
Yami: *startled* Isn't it good enough that I can type? It's the first time I've actually done so.
Tristan: Apparently not. *blinks*
*Scene: Anyone else think that the animators had fun with Joey's face in this episode?*
Joey: Yuuuuge! Come on, buddy, you've just gotta win this match and get me out of this flea-bag costume before I completely lose it! *dramatic background change*
Yami: *blinks* You mean you haven't already? That's news to me.
Joey: Oh, can it...
*Scene: The fangirls beat Joey up and start singing a new ditty about bad dogs.*
Tristan: *sweatdrop* Man, those cheerleaders sure know how to yank Joey's chain.
Téa: *same* Yeah. Well, at least they haven't reduced him to howling yet. *Joey howls, and his friends hang their heads* I'm not housebreaking him.
Joey: HEY! Doesn't anyone have faith dat Yugi's gonna get me outta dis?
Duke: No! Because I'm going to beat that cheater!
Yami: *teasingly* I'm sorry, are you mad because I defeated your boyfriend?
Tristan: *catching on* *slyly* Dukey not getting some?
Duke: *growls* ... *mutters under his breath* Maybe...
*Scene: Same, this time by DG.*
Téa: I'm not housebreaking him.
Tristan: Well, I'm not about to take him in! ...hmm. *calls* Hey, Yuge, does your gramps need some help guarding the store at night?
Yami: ... I'm not sure whether to be insulted or not...
*Scene: Yugi thought-speaks as Yami types... They really are emailing Seto, aren't they?*
Yugi: *mentally* Duke's monsters have already taken out one of my three heart points! And unless I do something right here, they'll take out another! I have to make this turn count!
Yami: *sighs* *mentally* Yes, Yugi, I'm well aware of all that. I'm the one playing here.
Yugi: Uh, well, you see, I was just... I just wanted to talk, okay?
*Yami holds his head in his hands*
*Scene: The dice fly... and roll! They're so talented.*
Yami: GO! DICE ROLL!
Dice: *roll up, then down as Yami looks focused on getting his magic crests*
Die 3: *poinks Yami in the eye*
Yami: Ow! What the hell! It's possessed!
Yugi: *mentally* Is that your answer for everything?
Yami: *mentally* Yes! *under his breath* Bloody modern things...
*Scene: Yami and Duke have different dice rolls, but Yami gets split screen shots of his dice.*
Yami: It appears I've rolled two magic crests--
Duke: Oh good! You can count! *smirks* Joey over there couldn't.
Téa: We figured that out when Yugi had his duel with Rebecca.
Tristan: The American school system is kinda flawed that way.
*Joey sniffs from his spot*
*Scene: Having been vaguely clever and somewhat lucky, Yami promptly gloats his head off, and DarkGatomon wakes up and writes another so-called "joke."*
Duke: *smirks and puts his hands down on his display* Not bad. You've even learned how to use your help screen to find out how to activate the monster's special abilities.
Yami: That's right. *smirks* Shouldn't have taken such a long commercial break. It gave me too much time to experiment.
Duke: *brushes his hair back, annoyed* I know, I know, but I didn't have a choice! I need the ad revenue!
*Scene: Yami might as well explain the game, even if he's just learning it.*
Duke: Not bad. You've even learned how to use your help screen to find out how to activate the monster's special abilities.
Yami: Well, that just makes me so much better than you, doesn't it?
Duke: Noo, that makes you somewhat of a challenge now. I'm still going to beat you. It's my game, remember?
Yami: Do you ever shut up?!
*Scene: How does Yami know the name of Thunderball's special attack? The help screen certainly didn't tell him that information.*
Yami: Go! Rolling Crush!
Thunderball: *rolls... around and around the arena*
Yami: *blinking* ... What...?
Duke: *doubling over with laughter* You have to be more specific! I never once said I programmed intelligence into Thunderball!
Yami: *twitch* When you don't need to talk, you do, and when you need to tell me something I don't know, you keep quiet... *mentally* Can I kill him?
Yugi: I'm actually considering letting you. *sweatdrops*
*Scene: Thunderball keeps rollin' rollin' rollin', what? Keeps rollin'... I'll stop now.*
Yami: Your Blast Lizard is about to be bowled over!
*Duke starts laughing hysterically again*
Yami: *agitated* Oh, what now?
Duke: That is one of the worst puns I've ever heard!
Yami: I'm getting better at it! *sees Duke's look* ...relatively...
*Scene: Solomon has a nifty bandanna, doesn't he?*
Grandpa: Marvelous! Splendid! Beautiful, even! I'm in love!! Oh, what I wouldn't give for a TV of this size!
DDM Representative: How about your store? That'll do quite nicely.
Grandpa: Okay! *hands them the deed to the store* ... Wait a second! Come back!
DDM Rep.: *laughs and runs off with the deed*
*Scene: Another look at Money-Eyes, err... I mean, Duke.*
Duke: Not bad, Yugi. You used that help screen to come up with a pretty impressive move there. But still, I wouldn't get any ideas about winning this thing. You'll never know Dice Monsters as well as I do. After all, I'm the guy who invented the game.
Yami: *exasperated* DOES NO ONE REMEMBER MY DEFEAT OF PEGASUS?!?!
Duke: You cheated!
Yami: No, I didn't! *they argue back and forth for a few hours*
Tristan: Uh... guys? *sweatdrops*
*Scene: Yami tries flattery; that always works with vain inventors.*
Yami: But perhaps my beating Pegasus was the exception to the rule. Perhaps you are better.
Duke: Of course I am. I'm not as gullible and fruity as he is. Idol or not.
Tristan: They both got whacked fashion sense. *dodges a flying die to his head*
*Scene: Okay, so Duke *did* fall for that.*
Duke: Aw. Why, thank you! ... huh? Hey wait! You only beat Pegasus by cheating!
Yami: *rubs his temples* No matter how many people I defeat, why do they always think I cheat!
Yugi: *mentally* Since Kaiba helped you fight his ghost? Because as a Pharaoh, you were an egotistical jerk?
Yami: *pouts* Just because I used some tricks doesn't mean I cheated. Relatively.
*Scene: Duke's dice kinda just fly through the air... forget rolling.*
Duke: Go! Dice roll!
Téa: Why do you have to say that all the time?
Tristan: If they don't, however will anyone know what they're doing?
Duke: Well, maybe it's just fun to say, ever think of that?
*Scene: Where do the dice go once they've been dimensioned?*
Yami: *with authority* Dimension the dice! Now, behold the monster that I've unlocked! I've summoned the Knight of Twin Swords!
Duke: *sarcastic* Oh, really, thanks for telling me! My eyes are going bad, you know.
Yami: I figured as much, considering you keep calling me YUGI when my name is YAMI.
Duke: Actually, it's YOM-EE. That's how Yugi pronounced it anyway.
Yami: *has a coronary*
*Scene: How many times will Duke swish his hair? Try and count.*
Duke: So! At least you've become skilled at conserving your crests! About time.
Yami: It's such a basic concept, Duke. You're talking to the King of Games.
Duke: Your confidence angers me further.
*Scene: How many sides does Joey's wooden sign have? Or is his marker erasable?*
Joey: Man, crest this, crest that, I'm totally lost!
Duke: Guess it's true! You really can't teach an old dog new tricks!
Joey: *ready to fling his sign at Duke* Let me show you one of my old tricks, then!
Yami: *drumming fingers on the display* Children...
*Scene: Duke's a walking tutorial.*
Duke: *thinking* There Yugi goes again, scouring that help screen! He's certainly a quick study, I'll give him that. Some of the things he's learned in minutes took me weeks to come up with!
Yami: *mentally* Of course, I'm the protagonist. I always have powers that far surpass those of the antagonist. *smirks*
Duke: *thinking, with a smirk* Then why have I been kicking your ass so far?
Yami: *slams his fist down on the display, short-circuiting it* Plot contrivance!
*Scene: DG says: This, although not written by me, was written based on something I said, so I deserve at least a little credit for it -- right? ^_^;; *
Duke: Some of the things he's learned in minutes took me weeks to come up with!
Yami: You really shouldn't be surprised, Devlin. Mortals have to learn things that took centuries to happen in a mere span of twenty years or less.
Duke: ... I'm trying to compliment you here.
Yami: Don't. You suck at it.
*Scene: One must be dramatic when dimensioning the dice, and use as many puns relating to your monster's name as possible.*
Duke: Now here's a monster your Knight will definitely want to *steer* clear of -- the Battle Ox! But then, you may have a hard time avoiding him once I use these four stored movement crests to have him charge in for an attack!
Battle Ox: *begins moving... very slowly*
Duke: Here he comes, Yugi! Invading your turf!
Yami: *raises an eyebrow* Oh, yeah, he's really charging now...
Knight of Twin Swords: *yawns*
*Scene: One must also state the obvious.*
Duke: *drawls* Here he comes, Yugi!
Yami: Oh, dear me, and I didn't run to Ikea to refurnish my dungeon path! Whatever shall I do? Company's coming!
Duke: ¬_¬
*Scene: Duke gestures animatedly with his hands.*
Duke: And you better believe this bull knows how to fight!
Téa: Isn't it an Ox?
Yami: I suppose that when you invent the game, you can call it whatever you want.
*Scene: The Battle Ox gains ten points from attacking enemy monsters... so why does the counter go past 80, roll down to 20, then back up to 80 before finally settling on 30?*
Yami: Knight! Quickly, switch into Defense Mode! *in his 'I'm so much better than you,' voice* Just in time.
Duke: *glares heatedly at Yami*
Yami: So what do you say now to this duel, Devlin?
Duke: What? I didn't hear what you said, I was lost in your eyes.
*Scene: Duke begins to do the routine YGO villain hissy fit.*
Duke: *slams his palms down on the display, thinking* Unbelievable! That cheat has taught himself how to defend!
Yami: *mentally* Yes, it was so utterly difficult, just saying "defend" at the right time and look at it working, how could I ever have learned that so quickly?
Duke: You're a cheat!
Tristan: Anyone else seeing a resemblance to Rebecca?
*Scene: DG bitches: I kept zoning out during this speech and having to replay it to actually hear the words.*
Yami: I'm activating my Knight's special ability by using both these attack crests. Now he's allowed to attack you twice in one turn, and make two assaults on your beast's hit points!
Tristan: Gee, ya think? I mean, it'd kinda suck to attack twice and only do damage once.
Téa: Yeah, it'd be almost like the real world.
Tristan: *sweatdrops* Oh, yeah...
*Scene: Jack up the hot-meter on Yami! Whoo baby.*
Yami: Face it, Duke, your Ox has been gored!
Téa: Again, didn't he call it a Bull?
Tristan: *sighs* Just ignore it, Téa.
Téa: No! I won't! You can't just call it whatever you want!
Tristan: He invented the game, remember?
Yami: Oh, yes, however could we forget that since he keeps saying it every five minutes!
Yugi: *mentally* Jeez, someone's a little bitter.
*Scene: Yami's cheerleaders rejoice; Duke's... well... they... uh... wail.*
Tristan: Way to go, Yugi! You're really on a roll now, buddy!
Téa: Yugi! Great move!
Yami: *folds his arms and looks all regal with a smirk* And that is why I'm so much better than you are.
Duke: I'd get upset, but in a few moments I'm going to give you a heart attack.
*Scene: And it's only a matter of time before Duke slips off the edge of Sanity.*
Yami: Your turn, Duke, but this time you might want to steer clear of my monsters!
*Duke starts laughing insanely*
Yami: *eyes narrow* Hmm?
Duke: *lounges, still snickering lightly* So you were able to defeat my Battle Ox, Yugi. So what? Heh! My last brilliant move wasn't about just creating another monster! It was about building out my dungeon path!
Yami: Your dungeon?
Duke: That's right! Just take a look at your dungeon path, ya dunce!
Yami: ...what about it, Duke?
Duke: *falls over* The stupidity is really hurting me... Between you and that dog, I swear you're both blind! It's been stopped dead in its tracks!
Yami: *freaks*
Duke: ...how did you defeat Pegasus?
*Scene: Everyone shares collective shock from this obvious fact -- except for Yami, who keeps looking from side to side with an expression of unobservant idiocy until Duke finishes speaking.*
Duke: You're completely boxed in!
Yami: No! He's trapped me!
Duke: Very good, Yugi! Now, work on that retirement speech!
Yami: *takes a pen and paper out of hammer space* My dear and loyal followers...
*Scene: DG groans: Even I noticed that Yami was blocked before our Game King did. And as all my friends know, I don't play games. That's sad. That's really, really sad.*
Duke: You're completely boxed in!
Yami: *sweating slightly* No! He's trapped me! I've nowhere to go! *starts shaking* It's getting dark... I'm... I... No, not again! NOT AGAIN! *vaults out of the arena and runs shouting and babbling from the room*
Téa: *sweatdrops* Whaddya say we all chip in and try to get him some therapy for that past trauma of his?
Tristan: *scratches his cheek* Yeah... It's starting to get kinda inconvenient at times...
*Scene: Tristan and Téa obviously weren't being good cheerleaders.*
Téa: What's going on here?
Tristan: I'm not sure I follow it myself, Téa.
Duke: Alright, that's it! Sit down! *shoves Téa and Tristan into sitting positions and pulls out a bunch of sock puppets and algebra tiles to demonstrate this concept*
Little kids watching this at home: *giggle and point to the TV, clapping their hands merrily*
Tristan: ...I still don't get it.
*Duke faints*
*Scene: Téa, after Yami, figures out the negativity of the situation.*
Téa: But if all of Yugi's monsters are stuck behind that dungeon, then they can't get to Duke's heart points, and that would mean...
Duke: *waiting eagerly to see if someone will understand* Yes, that would mean...?
Téa: If you know, why should I tell you?
Duke: *slams his head on his display* This really isn't my day...
Yami: Great, Téa, if I can't beat him, you and Tristan can frustrate him enough that he'll go stark-raving-mad and end up jumping off the deep end.
Joey: *flatly* You mean he hasn't done so already?
*Scene: Duke finds his black die and eagerly wants to do show-and-tell.*
Duke: Just perfect. *holds up the black die as the camera pans in on his mouth* Know what this is, Yugi?
Yami: *peers* It looks like you need a trip to the dentist.
Duke: *falters* What?
Yami: I can see those cavities from here. I'm a 5000-year-old Spirit and my teeth are better.
Tristan: Maybe you should dimension your dentist instead.
*Scene: DG blinks: How come Yami can't tell what Duke rolled, but Duke can always instantly trash-talk him?*
Duke: Dimension the dice! Now you'll see the power of the rare black dice!
Téa: ... Rare?! Why would you have a die that's rare?!
Tristan: Guess they ran out of black ink too early.
Téa: Yeah, and were too cheap to buy more! *snickers*
*Scene: Besides the vast blackness of the vortex, it also gets a multicoloured light barrage of extravagance, clearly showing its importance.*
Duke: Behold! The Warp Vortex!
Yami: *clearly confused* Warp what?
Duke: Vortex.
Yami: The Vorp Mortex?
Duke: No! The Warp Vortex!
Yami: Warp?
Duke: Vortex.
Yami: Didn't you just call it the Warp Vortex?
Duke: That's what I said!
Yami: No, you said Vortex.
Duke: It warps!
Yami: It does? *looks baffled*
Duke: *gets ready to strangle himself with that dangling earring of his*
*Scene: DG frowns: Why does the closed captioning say that Duke laughs "wickedly"? Isn't that a bit hip for closed captioning? Why are they trying to seem so "with it"?*
Duke: *slightly annoyed* Guess I'll have to explain this now, too.
Joey: Aww, poor Dukey! All this explainin' must be hard work!
Tristan: Yeah. It's got to be really stressful.
Téa: Maybe he should take a break for a while, poor guy! It'd probably be good for his health if be took it easy and played some simple things he didn't have to talk about.
*Duke flicks one of his unused dice at her head*
*Scene: Yami is still hot when he's shocked and distressed.*
Duke: Now, Yugi, all that stands between you and defeat is the time that it takes my automator to spit out the next rare black die! And I have a feeling it won't be long now.
Yami: *waits*
*Time passes*
Yami: *waits some more*
Kuriboh: *tumbles by*
Duke: Anytime now... Work on your retirement speech in the meantime!
Yami: How about you start on yours?
*Scene: Duke's a better teacher than I thought.*
Yami: *thinking* There's not much I can do. I'll just have to try and build up my defenses! *grabs his dice* Go! Dice roll!
Dice: *roll*
Yami: Two summons!
Duke: Why do you think that's going to help you now? Didn't you hear me talk at extreme length about my Warp Vortex? Give it up, Yugi!
Yami: That's it! *pelts his red die at Duke*
Duke: *gets hit in the eye* Ow!
Joey: *sweatdrop* ... Nice shot.
*Scene: Yami dimensions his blue die.*
Yami: Now Devlin, let's see how well I've learned your game!
Big Blue Die: *pops up on the field* ... *unfolds to reveal a huge plate with many cakes and ice cream and whatnot*
Yami: *blink*
Duke: You weren't trying to use the Just Desserts trap, were you?
Yami: *puts a hand to his stomach* I'm just hungry, that's all. *sweatdrops*
*Scene: The Speedy Strike Ninja.*
Duke: High speed, huh? Nice try, but he doesn't come close to the warp speed that my vortex will give me.
Yami: *mutters* Or the speed at which you run your mouth.
*Scene: DG sweatdrops: This joke isn't particularly good, but it had been a while since I'd written one.*
Duke: Speaking of which... *the dice hatch beeps* ...check out this baby!
Yami: *not even bothering to look, since the camera's not on him* What is it?
Duke: It's my demonic clown necklace of DOOOOOOOM! *picks it up and shakes it at him threateningly*
Yami: *looks over and shouts in horror*
Téa: *confused* How does that help anything?
Duke: Easy! This shock will keep him distracted on his next turn, giving me another free chance to try for my black die!
Yami: *shuddering* Clowns... Evil...
Yugi: *mentally* Did they even have clowns back in Ancient Egypt?
*Scene: Dukey finds his second black die, giving everyone coronaries.*
Téa: Oh no!
Joey: *freaks out as the Cheerleaders of Duke rejoice*
Duke: Go! Dice roll!
Black Die: *poinks off the windshield thing in front of the display and tumbles into Duke's first Warp Vortex, into oblivion*
Yami: *smirk* Nice going, Duke.
*Duke puts his face in his hands and sobs*
*Scene: DG giggles: More fun with closed captioning!*
Duke: Go! Dice roll! *sees what he rolled* Ho ho!
Téa: *gags* "Ho, ho"?
Tristan: Ho, ho, ho! Marry Christmas!
Téa: *mimes dragging something across the ground* Hoeing, hoeing...
Joey: *sings* Ho, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum!
Fangirls: *hit Joey over the head with his own sign*
Duke: *smirks* I'm not sure that was on-topic, girls, but I still liked it!
*The fangirls squeal with glee.*
*Scene: Will Duke's roll reward him? Let's see.*
Téa: Keep the faith, Yugi!
Joey: *gibbers*
Fangirls: *chant* Win, Duke, win!
Dice: *roll then stop, as everything is tense*
Black Die: *ends up being a different crest*
Yami: No Warp Vortex!
Duke: So you finally got the name right?
Yami: *caught* I... uh... *points* silence!
*Scene: It's all about luck, but we all knew that.*
Duke: Argh, you lucked out.
Yami: It's the special power of my Puzzle.
Duke: It's been helping you a lot so far, hasn't it?
Yami: Randomly, yes. I also have a very nasty homicidal streak, so you better watch yourself, Devlin.
Yugi: *mentally* Great thing to broadcast on national TV, Yam.
Yami: *mentally* ...well, they'd think it was you, anyway.
Yugi: Take a good look at me, Yami. Do I look dangerous?
Yami: With those damn puppy eyes, yes, you are.
*Scene: According to law, once Duke fails his roll, Yami must receive his good luck.*
Yami: What? It's a... *smirks* Hmm. Devlin, I just found a major hole in your plan.
Duke: I don't know if you haven't noticed, Yugi, but my plan is a hole!
Yami: You're really taking all the fun out of being self-righteous, you know that?
*Scene: Yami puts on that oh-so-hot "I've got you now" smirk of his.*
Duke: *shocked* A black die?!
Joey: Yeah! Alright!
Yami: Go! Dice roll! *tosses his dice and of course gets two summons*
Duke: *makes a mental note to steal the Puzzle and destroy it*
Yami: *mentally* Yeah, take a number.
Malik: I'm next anyway!
Tristan: *jumps* Where the hell did you come from?
Malik: *smirks and folds his arms* The front door.
Tristan: Oh.
*Legions of fangirls soon faint and/or squeal at the sight of the Ishtar heir while Sasha Janre demands her muse get his sexy ass back to work.*
*Scene: I confess, I wrote that especially for DG.*
Yami: Dimension the dice! Now I place a second Warp Vortex, so that I have easy access to your heart points!
Duke: Isn't that exactly where I'd been planning to put it myself?
Yami: Damn it, shut up!
*Scene: Yami orders the Strike Ninja to enter the vortex.*
Joey: Look at him go! That Strike Ninja really is fast! Wow!
Strike Ninja: *runs all fast-like to the vortex then trips on his flowing scarf thing*
Yami: So he's got high speed, just no sense of co-ordination. *notes that for later*
*Scene: Same. DarkGatomon didn't get this, but laughed anyway.*
Strike Ninja: *jumps Ninja-like into the vortex*
Joey: *with a Japanese accent* Shinobi's back!
Tristan: How many times have you seen that commercial, Joey?
Joey: Aha... far too many.
*Scene: Duke expresses great concern over the situation.*
Duke: No, he's gone into the warp hole!
Yami: Now who's getting the name of the bloody thing messed up?
*Scene: Shinobi... err... the Strike Ninja destroys Ryukishin.*
Joey: What's goin' on? Nothing happened!
*Duke's monster promptly splits in two, then explodes*
*Everybody on Yami's side cheers*
Yami: *pumps fist* Alright!
Strike Ninja: *stands upright, folds arms* Hmph. *suddenly jumps up, does a funky twist and vanishes into thin air, his scarf whipping around before it, too, vanishes*
Yami: *mutters under his breath* Damn mysterious Ninjas...
*Scene: Duke is still hung on the fact Yami got a rare die too.*
Duke: *thinking* I can't believe Yugi got a rare black die!
Yami: *mentally* Don't be so shocked. I always end up doing this to my opponents.
Duke: ...that fails to comfort me.
Yami: Well, I wasn't trying to. I was stating a fact.
*Scene: DG wonders: How does Duke keep his arm bands from cutting off his circulation?*
Duke: *thinking* I can't believe Yugi got a rare black die!
Yami: *smirks* *mentally* And that's the moral of today's story, Devlin -- always be fair and tell your opponent all the rules, because otherwise they'll be forced to get lucky on your sorry ass and beat you the only way they know how -- ironically.
*Scene: Now is the perfect time for freaking out, although perhaps not to the degree that mental battle plans start having the wrong labels on the warriors.*
Duke: Go! Dice roll! *thinking* I need two summon crests! *watches his dice fall to two attack crests and a trap crest and snarls* Argh! My roll failed me!
Yami: *immediately rolls his dice* Go! Dice roll! Perfect! A set of movement crests!
Joey: *sitting on Duke's cheerleaders* Way to go, Yugi!
Téa: How does it feel now, Duke?
Duke: You all seem to think I'm going to crack. Well, I won't!
Joey: I think maybe you're sniffing it, never said you were going to crack.
*Scene: Strike Ninja zigzags to Duke's heart points.*
Joey: Aw, yeah! I love watching this dude run!
Tristan: *blinks a few times* It's a bit dizzying, though...
Strike Ninja: *runs all over the board in under ten seconds then does a few Ninja flips*
Yami: Just attack his heart points already! I'm all for showing off, but this is ridiculous.
*Scene: DG blushes: Maybe I'm just being pervy, but...*
Joey: Aww, yeah! I love watching this dude run!
Téa: ...
Tristan: ...
Fangirls: ... *back away*
Téa: Dare I say... "ew"?
Joey: *annoyed and confused* What?!
*Scene: Duke starts laughing again.*
Yami: What?
Duke: I'm sorry Yugi, it's just been so long since anyone's destroyed one of my heart points. You should really give yourself a pat on the back. 'Cause I guarantee you, it not gonna be happening again! Hyah! Go! Dice roll! *rolls dice* Perfect, a level three summoning. Dimension the dice! And unlock my undefeatable monster!
Yami: *looking quite bored now* Duke, please. Once you say it's undefeatable, I'm going to find a way to defeat it. *swishes his bangs* Young upstarts... they never learn.
*Scene: How come no one's choking from all this smoke?*
Duke: I summon Orgoth the Relentless!
Téa: *suddenly falls over laughing*
Duke: What? That's not supposed to be funny!
Téa: Relentless, eh? Is that because he can barely move, so he keeps on going and going like the Energizer bunny?
Joey: That's a bad analogy, Téa.
*Scene: Orgoth roars.*
Duke: And next, I'll use two magic crests and activate Orgoth the Relentless's special attack, to raise his power from 20 to 30!
Yami: Duke, I have a question.
Duke: *stops in his rant* What?
Yami: If his attack power goes from 20 to 30, then how come the top number goes to 73 then to 30? Is you counter broken?
Duke: I... uh... have no good answer for that. *sweatdrops*
Kaiba: *instant messaging* Yugi, if you keep pointing these things out about my arenas, then I'll have to stop giving you advice.
Yami: *types back* And here I thought you'd just sue me.
Kaiba: Nah. I know you have no money. And I ripped up your most valuable card, remember?
Yami: *mutters* Bastard...
*Scene: And more smoke as Orgoth attacks Strike Ninja.*
Duke: Your Ninja has been destroyed!
Yami: I wouldn't be so sure if I were you.
Duke: I am! *points to the nothing that was at one point a ninja*
Yami: *looks back at his crest pool* Damn it, I forgot to dimension my dice.
Tristan: *gasping* How could you? And after all that practice too! *gets another die thrown at his head*
*Scene: Yami is quite fond of calling Duke "Devlin."*
Duke: No! It can't be! There! In the smoke... the Strike Ninja!
Strike Ninja: *makes a sound that seems like a raspberry at Duke, then dances around Orgoth the Relentless mocking his slow movement*
Duke: I knew I shouldn't have programmed a personality into that stupid Ninja...
*Scene: Duke is getting quite angry now.*
Duke: *growling, thinks* I can't believe Yugi taught has himself such an advanced defense maneuver!
Yami: *mentally* You didn't expect me to ignore my help screen, did you?
Duke: Stupid as it sounds, yes, I did.
*Scene: Notice that Duke's left eye is twitching quite frequently now.*
Duke: No! Not another one of my hearts!
Yami: *amused* I thought you didn't have one, let alone "another" one.
Duke: *glares daggers at Yami*
*Scene: Yami's looking quite sexy in this arc.*
Yami: I believe I've taken the lead now, Devlin.
Duke: *twitching* ... *thinks* You little wannabe! I swore I'd have my revenge on you for cheating Pegasus and sabotaging my game, and I will!
Yami: *mentally* "Wannabe?" Just who wants to become Pegasus? *smirks and dodges another flying die to his head*
*Scene: Orgoth prepares to get the Strike Ninja again.*
Orgoth: *swings his sword*
Strike Ninja: *vanishes again*
Duke: What the...? I thought you said you didn't have any more trap crests!
Yami: ... I don't. He just tends to do that a lot. *sweatdrops*
*Scene: Duke praises Yami for coming this far.*
Duke: But I have Orgoth the Relentless and none of your monsters will stop him from getting to your heart points! You may have been on the victory trail, Yugi, but now you're at a dead end! *starts laughing... more like cackling*
Yami: *glances at the "To be Continued" sign rolling across the bottom of the screen* I've still got another episode, Devlin! Don't get ahead of yourself.
Duke: Damn it, *as the screen fades out* I'll get ahead of myself if I... *screen fades out*