Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Dungeon Dice Monsters, Pt. 2 ( Chapter 45 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*Author's Note: Well, well, well! Long time, no chapter, huh? I'd give you an excuse, but it'd be just that -- an excuse. And sound like it, too. So instead I'll say nothing and merrily prance off to my next topic!

And that is that beautiful fanart that Skye drew me a while back. She gave me permission to post it on my website, so it can now be seen at the bottom of the fanart page (http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/darkgatomon/fanart.html), and I really think it's worth a look. Oh, my, do I think it's worth a look!

...in fact, I think I'll go ogle it right now. I hope you enjoy this chapter! *runs off**

*Scene: The arena starts to transform, due to a snap of Devlin's fingers (and a secret press of a button by the wall).*

Duke: Looks a bit different from a dueling arena, huh?

Téa: Yeah, wow, look at that! The dueling platform has a white stripe instead of yellow ones!

Tristan: Whoa!! How will Yugi ever manage?!

*Scene: Fortunately, Duke is completely fair.*

Duke: I know this game inside and out, and if you wanna win, you're gonna have to learn it, as well!

Tristan: Pity Joey isn't playing this one. Seems like his pure dumb luck'd be perfect for this game!

*Scene: The players advance to the new-and-improved arena.*

Yami: *thinking* Huh, looks pretty straight forward. *the lid on the Dice Pool flips open* Whoa! Look at all the pretty colors! *giggles and pokes them*

*Scene: Duke somehow manages to toss fifteen dice in his hand without dropping a single one -- probably thanks to his magical Millennium Armbands.*

Duke: That's your Dice Pool. Select fifteen dice from it to use for the game. I'd give you some tips on which to pick, Yugi, but being the master gamer that you are, I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Yami: *thinking* Hmm... With all these different colors and designs, it's hard to know which ones to choose.

Duke: Hurry up, now, I got mine already set!

Yami: *holds up a handful* I'm all ready, too!

Duke: Good. Now here's how it works. We place the dice on the boards in front of us and the person with the most yellow dice wins!

Téa: ...

Tristan: ...

Téa: Wow. It's even more exciting than Duel Monsters.

Tristan: There is a perverse kind of logic to it, though.

*Scene: Is Duke's constant referral of dice as "die" an ill-veiled threat?*

Duke: Now, take your three die out of the auto-hatch. Okay. Now how do you score? Well, in this game, we have heart points. They're like Life Points, but the fanauthoress doesn't like my game enough to capitalize them.

*Scene: No, you're right -- I wasn't paying attention when I wrote that joke. And, yes, I did just eat way too much sugar.*

Duke: In this game, we have Heart Points. They're like Life Points, only you only get three -- that's it -- and whoever loses all three of their Hearts first is out. Game on!

Téa: What "game on?" But Yugi just now learned the rules!

Yami: I did?

Duke: He did?

Yami: Unless the point of the game is to throw my dice at the heart symbols across the stadium, I'm no better off than before.

*Scene: The arena activates, clearly being voice-controlled. You know, Devlin might be cute, but I wish he could say something in a tone of voice that wasn't mocking.*

Duke: I'm gonna make my first roll now, Yugi, so from here on out you're just gonna have to listen carefully and learn as we go. *rolls* See those markings there? Those are called "Crests."

Yami: *looks at one of his own dice, and points to a number* That thing?

Duke: Which thing?

Yami: That thing!

Duke: But I can't... ...You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Yami: Am I?

Duke: Aren't you?

Téa: *sweatdrops* Are you drunk?

Tristan: If they continue on like this, I'll be wishing I were by the end of the duel...

*Scene: Rolly polly!*

Duke: Different Crests do different things. Take that green die, for example. That's for minty-fresh breath. If I'd rolled a white die, that'd be for brightening. And a blue Crest fights gingivitis.

*Scene: Duke makes his first move.*

Duke: Dimension the Dice! And there you go! Ryukishin! My very first monster is on the board.

Yami: The monsters are inside the dice?! ... Hehe. Monsters a centimeter tall. People say that things keep getting bigger and flashier, but I still think that you modern people have no conception of quality.

*Scene: The perky girl in lavender speaks up.*

Téa: And that's not all! It looks like the dice themselves are part of the game!

Duke: I'm glad that you made that point, my little cheerleader-in-waiting. That's one of the key elements to Dungeon Dice Monsters.

Tristan: So Mr. Secretive is happy that you gave it away? Wow, that's a surprise!

*Scene: Due to Téa's astute perception, Duke is forced to explain about Dungeon Pathways.*

Duke: Go ahead, Yugi! It's your turn!

Yami: Devlin, don't you forget! If I win this, then you have to give my friend Joey his freedom back!

Duke: Right -- if you win. If. And if I win, then you have to give up Duel Monsters for life.

Joey: An' what happens if it's a draw?

Téa: Then... we all get to dance around the maypole and kiss the duelist on our side?

Fangirls: Ooh! Ooh!! *squeal with joy*

Yami: *sweatdrops* I'm not sure which of our cheerleaders I like less, Devlin.

*Scene: Yami fails to roll two matching crests, and so is unable to do anything. Duke deigns to explain how Crests work, and Yami takes a look at his own dice.*

Yami: They each have only one Summon Crest!

Duke: Right, and that makes it much more difficult for you to roll a pair of them. Of course, had you, it've been a very strong monster. Still, I'm of the opinion that in the early stages of the game, it's better to go for a low-level sure thing.

Téa: But didn't he just say that the dice randomizer... randomizes the dice? So how can he choose between early-game dice and late-game dice? How does this make any sense?

Tristan: Anything'll make sense if you drink enough of this, Téa. *tosses her a bottle*

Téa: *catches it, and looks at it, startled* I am not drinking, Tristan!

Tristan: You will be...

*Scene: Duke looks to be having waaay too much fun taunting Yugi about things that don't even make him look particularly bad.*

Yami: *thinking* Oh, no! Almost all the dice I picked were high-level!

Yugi: *mentally* How do you know that? I mean, if you didn't know what to look for, how do you remember it now?

Yami: I'm... magical?

Yugi: *sweatdrops* If you say so, Yami...

*Scene: Duke summons his second monster -- Yaranzo -- and moves him forward with a Movement Crest.*

Duke: Oh, F.Y.I., if you don't want to use a Crest you rolled, you can save them for later in your Crest Pool.

Yami: For my information? Who else would the information be for? *eyes dance* Surely your audience isn't foolish enough to need a reminder of how to play the game every show, are they?

Duke: Uh... shut up! You have stupid hair!

Téa: *sarcastic* Oh, now there's a good one...

*Scene: Same.*

Duke: If you don't want to use a Crest you rolled, you can save them for later in your Crest Pool.

Téa: Dice Pool, Crest Pool... This guy's really got a thing for swimming, doesn't he?

Tristan: Well, that would explain his *fantastic* tan, now wouldn't it?

*Téa snickers.*

*Scene: Cutie-boy pokes Yami into action again, since he's wise enough not to interrupt Duke while he's explaining things.*

Duke: Now go ahead! Your turn.

Yami: Go, Dice Roll! *thinking* Still no matching crests!

Duke: *laughs* Nothing again, huh? Well, take heart! You might not be doing so well at the game, but you've sure picked up the language quickly!

*Scene: Duke rolls another pair of Summoning Crests.*

Duke: Gator Dragon! And I'll use the Movement Crest I rolled to advance him.

Yami: My roll now!

Duke: You sure about that?

Yami: *blinks* Isn't it?

Duke: *shrugs* 'course it is. Psych!

*Yami sighs.*

*Scene: Yami neglects to say the magic words before rolling, which fortunately works to his advantage.*

Yami: *thinking* At last! Two Summoning Crests! *aloud* I can play a monster!

Duke: *laughing* No, you can't! You've rolled two Summoning Crests, but their levels aren't the same! It doesn't count.

Yami: I thought...

Duke: *singsong* It's my turn again!

Téa: How did he even know what Yami had rolled before he tried to play?!

Tristan: Hey, maybe he uses Pegasus's hidden cameras, too!

Joey: *sweatdrops* Still hooked on that, are we?

Téa: Forever and ever and ever and...

*Scene: Duke doesn't let Yami talk, lest he figure out something.*

Duke: Ooh, Level 4 dice! They were too hot for you to handle, but let's see how I can do. Go, Dice Roll! *rolls a Summoning, a Movement, and an Attack* So, I might not have had any more luck Summoning a monster than you did, but I think we can all agree I looked much cooler doing it.

Fangirls: *starry-eyed* Duke, Duke, he's our man...!

Téa: *sweatdrops* Give me a break!

*Scene: Yami once again fails to roll a pair of Summonings.*

Duke: You know, maybe we should change your title from the King of Games to the King of Lame.

Yami: *mutters* If everyone gave me a dollar whenever they made a pun about my title, then maybe I'd be able to sneak over and hit them for their stupidity while they were busy with their wallets.

Yugi: *laughs unwillingly* You wouldn't do that, Yami!

Yami: *mentally* Well, maybe we could talk him into doing it so that we could find out.

*Scene: Duke takes unimpressed and multiplies it by ten.*

Duke: At this rate, I'll have you beat even before you're on the board! I knew you weren't the real deal, Yugi.

Téa: Is it worth pointing out that all it's proving is that Yugi's unlucky? *ducks as the fangirls start throwing rotten tomatoes at her (don't ask where they'd been beforehand), and mutters* Guess not.

*Scene: Duke unveils a monster than one wishes really was the ugliest monster in the game.*

Duke: Dimension the Dice! Check it out -- the Thirteenth Grave!

Tristan: *sarcastic* Oh, no, it's a grave!

Téa: *sarcastic* Makes ya wanna dance, doesn't it?

*Scene: One might wonder why on earth people would tune in to watch this game. That's a speculation to shy away from, however, lest your mind start to wonder how it is that you can even ponder this...*

Duke: Come on, let's go! Our audience is waiting.

Yami: *shrugs* Your money, not mine.

Tristan: "If you can't beat him, bankrupt him?"

Téa: That's one way to go.

*Scene: Yami takes a moment before his next roll to pray to his favorite deity (himself), and so manages not only to summon a Level 4 monster, but to divine its name as well.*

Yami: Next, I'll access my crest pool dice, and use a Movement Crest to move my Mage one space forward, so he can launch an attack against the Thirteenth Grave! Lightning Staff!

Duke: Hehe! Sorry, Yugi, but it doesn't work like that! Your monster has to be right next to mine to attack it!

Fangirl: ...it does?

Duke: Uh, yeah, of course it does! What are you talking about? *smiles brilliantly at her* I think you must've been standing in the heat too long to get confused like that. *thinking* Moron.

*Scene: Duke valiantly continues battling, despite the fact that the crowd outside just fickly turned against him.*

Duke: Dimension the Dice! I've unlocked the Blast Lizard! But don't be fooled by his low-level status, Yugi. When played in just the right way, Blast Lizard has a special attack that packs a surprising punch.

Yami: *thinking* "Special attack?" Sounds like another rule that Duke conveniently forgot to mention.

Yugi: *mentally* You know, he couldn't play this game against us if we didn't let him play it. If we just called him on it every time he pulled out a new rule, he'd be forced to explain them all!

Yami: What?! And admit that we need to know?!

Yugi: Tell me, is guys being afraid to stop and ask for directions standard in every generation?

*Scene: Devlin rolls again.*

Yami: You failed to summon anything!

Duke: Whoever said I was trying to summon a monster on this roll?

Yami: Huh? What?

Duke: Boy, are you dense!

Fangirl: Ooh! *flicks a pebble at Yami*

Yami: Ow! *glares at her* What did you do that for?!

Fangirl: *giggles* I wanted to see how dense you were!

Téa: Grr... *runs over and pounces on the fangirl* Well, your pebble might not've gone through him, but let's see if my fists can go through you!!

Joey: Dah!! *worriedly scrambles away from his tormentors* Not my fault, not my fault!!

*Scene: Duke explains that he was really rolling for Magic Crests so that he could use the Blast Lizard's special attack.*

Duke: That's too bad. You worked soo hard to summon that Winged Dragon, too.

Fangirl: Yaaay! We love you, Dukie-poo!

Téa: Don't give up! You can beat him, Yugi! ...huh? He's smiling!

Yami: Heehee... "Blast Lizard"...

Tristan: Uhh, I think that blast addled his brains.

Téa: *sweatdrops* Yeah, looks it.

*Scene: Duke moves the Dark Assailant and Blast Lizard into range of Yami's heart points.*

Duke: Go ahead, take your turn. Nothing you roll is going to help you get out of this mess. *laughs* I mean, I don't even think that I'd be able to find a way to pull it off, and I'm the one who invented the game!

Yami: You're its inventor?! I knew you were its champion, but...

Duke: I'm BOTH, and everyone in the entire world should know it!!

Yami: *unused to seeing such conceit in others* What?

Duke: I should be known as the second-greatest game creator in all of the world by now, Yugi! But I'm not, and it's all because of your cheating ways! That's the only way you could have beaten a great man like Pegasus!

Yami: Well, I'm flattered, but I think perhaps you should be more worried about the reputation of, say, the Parker brothers, first.

*Scene: Why is it that low voices can contain so much more menace than shouts?*

Duke: You ruined my life on that day, Yugi. The defeat that you handed Pegasus changed everything for me!

Yami: Wow. Usually I ruin people's lives by Mind Crushing them, or stabbing their brothers, or burning their fathers. But to cause such misery by a mere defeat? Amazing! I'm getting much better at this!

Yugi: Yaaamiiiii! You're not supposed to be happy about it!!

*Scene: Duke merrily explains for all that world to hear that he's a geek who would rather spend all his free time designing games than hanging out with his friends. Stolen from Nathaniel.*

Duke: When I was finished, it was clear that I had created something truly remarkable. I decided I had to send it to the only man who could possibly appreciate it -- Pegasus!

Joey: Wait a sec, you met Pegasus without even havin' your own Duel Monsters deck? You've got guts!

*Scene: Duke explains (rather passionately) that he created DDM, and was so proud of it that he bypassed all steps and took it straight to the top.*

Duke: A couple of days passed, I didn't hear anything from that great game master. Until... I got this crazy email. He said he'd read my proposal! I couldn't believe my eyes.


*Duke clicks on the New Mail symbol, and a familiar bouncing rabbit appears in a puff of pink smoke.*

Funny Bunny: *singsong* Email for Devlin-boy! Email for Devlin-boy!

Duke: Aaah! *jumps away from his computer in shock* Someone's hacked my computer!!

*Present time...*

Téa: *snickers* Or so you want us to think, Devlin-boy...

*The fangirls throw jars of paprika at her, and she ducks behind Tristan.*

*Scene: Devlin's enthusings continue.*

Duke: He said he wanted to fly me out on his personal helicopter so that we could discuss the game in person!

Téa: Wow, and this was happening right when the Duelist Kingdom tournament was beginning? Man, there was a lot of travelling going on then!

Tristan: Heh, yeah. Man, wouldn't it've been funny if Duke's 'copter had crashed into Kaiba's?

Téa: *sweatdrops* Yeah, just hysterical, Tristan.

Tristan: Well, I didn't mean it like that!

Téa: Suuuure, you didn't...

*Scene: Ever since Yugi's dastardly defeat of him, Pegasus has been MIA.*

Yami: You don't know what kind of man Pegasus was at all!

Duke: He was a great man, until you came along and broke his spirit with your dirty cheating ways!

Yami: *puts a hand on his hip* Seems to me that if his spirit could be broken just by a little cheating, then he wasn't such a great man after all!

Duke: Well... he's just really gentle at heart!

*Yami quirks an eyebrow at him.*

Duke: ...yeah, well, but... You still suck!!

*Scene: Duke decides that three minutes of relative sap is enough, and ends the conversation.*

Duke: Now, Yugi, I'll expose you for what you really are -- a good-for-nothing cheater!

Yami: I've never cheated at anything in my entire life!

*Yugi coughs nervously.*

Yami: *mentally* ...aibou?

Yugi: Er, well...

Yami: Yes?

Yugi: Well... there was this one test... years ago... I was young, and...

Yami: What?! YUGI!!!

Yugi: Meep! *hides under his bed*

*Scene: One wonders why Yami preaches so much, since he's never managed a single conversion.*

Yami: Just listen to me, Devlin!

Duke: NEVER!

Yami: Your hero-worship of Pegasus has completely blinded you to the truth!

Duke: No, I can see perfectly. And I can see a cheater who's about to be retired from Duel Monsters forever!

Yami: *smirks* I thought you weren't going to listen to me, Devlin.

Duke: And I thought you might present me with at least a little challenge today, but life's unfair like that, isn't it?

*Scene: Devlin might be listening, but he doesn't want to hear it.*

Duke: Now roll, you fraud!

Yami: I will roll, and I will defeat you! *throws his dice, which roll up the plastic shield and come back to hit him in the face* Ahh! *sweatdrops* Or I will, as soon as I get my dice back... *crouches to look for them on the floor*

Duke: This is just too painful to watch...

*Scene: Yami manages to roll two Level 3 Summoning Crests.*

Yami: Dimension the Dice! And unlock Thunder Ball! ...enh... *looks down at it and starts sweating*

Yugi: *shaking* Bomb... monster... Jigen Bakudan... Pegasus... bad memories... trauma... *curls up into a ball on his soulroom floor, quivering*

Yami: *mentally, as he suppresses the effect Yugi's hysteria has on himself* My, you're just being a fantastic help today, aren't you?

*Scene: Happily taken from Rini-chan.*

Duke: Thunder Ball may be a third-level monster, but his stats really aren't that strong. I'm afraid he's not going to be a lot of help to you. *thinking* Unless, that is, Yugi uses Thunder Ball's special attack. Too bad he doesn't know how!

Yami: Yes, that's true. So thank you for the tips! *uses the special attack, making Duke completely freak out*

*Scene: Yugi's cheerleaders all "helpfully" notify him that Duke has moved two of his monsters into range, just in case he'd accidentally fallen asleep in the last half minute.*

Duke: My Gator Dragon is poised to take your heart! And now, Gator Dragon, attack him with Swamp Fire Blast!

Yami: *groaning as flames swirl around him* No, not swamp fire! It's always the worst!

Yugi: The humidity will do horrors for my skin!!

*Scene: Duke starts to actually cackle at the prospect of beating Yugi.*

Yami: *thinking* What can I do? Duke's got more monsters, more Dungeon Path, and more Heart Points than me. Not to mention more knowledge, more fangirls, more jewelry, money, and outright charisma! Oh, I'm in serious trouble...

*Scene: A different look at Yami's dilemma.*

Yami: *thinking* How can I possibly win? How can I beat Duke at his own game? He seems so sad and lonely... How can I possibly take this final pride away from him?!