Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Keith's Machinations, Pt. 1 ( Chapter 29 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*Author's Note: Man, things are being hectic around here. I'm not sure when the next update will be... School always comes first, I'm afraid. And, talking about what comes first, let's get to reviews.

PrincessSaphire - Hmm, thanks. You REALLY can't tell who's saying anything with CCs. And are you aware that the normal spelling is "Sapphire?"

Cat-Chan - LOL! Hadn't even NOTICED that Pegasus was ranting about Yami's power again. That's pretty funny.

Farla - Well, Yugi's always nominally in control -- unless he's knocked out. He transformed because he's as much a creature of habit as the people who insisted on showing the transformation sequence, even though that has him wearing his jacket (which, of course, he wasn't at the time). You nod. You smile. You ignore it.

PDM - *shrugs* Yami Bakura didn't die. He just screamed 'cause he felt like it. Or, one might say, was horribly hurt, leaving him relatively powerless, but as that's an exceedingly popular theory, I put little weight into it. Maybe it was because he realized he was still in Bakura's horrid clothing?

Tasaki - Ahhh, yes, the cloaking field. Gotta love the Puzzle's cloaking field. It would explain a lot, wouldn't it? Can't believe we didn't realize that it must have one of them before. And as for the Kuriboh's Deadly Retaliatory Strike upgrade magic card... All I have to say about that is that if the game had one of those, then I'd be playing it in a heartbeat.

Hika - Knew you'd love the sock puppet. Gotta love the sock puppet. Heh... "Bob."

NTales - Don't worry, I've got something clever for Keith's gun. Now if I can just remember it until I write up the next chapter... Guess I'd better hurry up and finish this so I can get on to writing it, huh?

Bronze Eagle - You crazed fans frighten and confuse me. Although I guess you didn't technically say that you were depressed BECAUSE you couldn't find the fic, so it's okay. But I'll still be eyeing you oddly. *under breath* "Funny." Heh! Now that's a laugh.

Angel-chan - Now that IS funny! "I can draw my own cards without your help," heh... If I had time, I'd go and update that chapter with those, but I don't, so I won't. Obviously. I'll try to keep them in mind for later, though, because they ARE funny.

Now, that's more than enough of that. Onto the apparently funny fic!*

*Scene: The shortest time-break between two mini-sagas in the series.*

Croquet: The first match of these play-offs has come to a close. Yugi Moto has emerged victorious over Mai Valentine.

Téa: "My valentine"... Croquet... Ewww...

Mai: Don't make me go over there and slap you!

*Scene: Mai sulks off, presumably to enjoy her room or do random destruction to the castle while she still can.*

Joey: All right!

Téa: Yeah!

Tristan: Way to go, Yugi!

Pegasus: *stands and claps* Well done, Yugi. Superb duel. You certainly know how to put on a good show.

Tristan: What a creep.

Yugi: *thinking* Enjoy this while you can, Pegasus, 'cause the only reason I'm here is to rescue my grampa. and once I beat you to get him back, you won't have anything to chuckle about.

Pegasus: *hurt* What? Aren't I allowed to congratulate you on winning your duel?

Yugi: No.

Tristan: Definitely not.

Yami: And you call me strange...

*Scene: Yugi leaves the arena and leans against the door with a sigh. Gee, he's awfully small, isn't he?*

Joey: Yugi.

Yugi: Huh? What... Oh. Hey, I didn't want to talk to you. What does it take for a guy to get a little private time, huh?

*Scene: Courteous to a fault.*

Yugi: Hey, Joey. What's up? Are you okay?

Joey: Uhh, yeah. Actually, I was just about to ask you the same thing. You look almost ready to fall over, there.

Yugi: Yeah, well, somebody ran off for a nap as soon as the duel was over. *pings his Puzzle with a fingernail*

Yami: *groggily* Hey! Watch it!

*Scene: In the hallway.*

Joey: Yugi, if I win this, then we're next. You dueling against me. What do you think about that?

Yugi: *smiles* I think we can look forward to an honorably fought match.

Joey: Nice one. Dodged the bullet pretty nicely, there.

Yugi: Thanks, I thought so, too.

*Scene: Same place, same time, same conversation.*

Joey: Then you give it your best, and I'll give it mine, and we'll stay best friends no matter what.

Yugi: Uhh, sorry, Joe, but I've already got a new best friend...

*Yugi huggles his Puzzle, while Yami, for his part, tries valiantly to ignore this.*

*Scene: Joey enters, to find Bandit Keith napping. By Shadow Vitani.*

Joey: What are you doing?! Get over here!

Keith: Hey, chill out. The pummeling will commence as soon as I'm good and ready, so don't get your briefs in a bunch.

Téa: Briefs? I always thought of Joey as a boxers kind of man.

Tristan: Noo, briefs. Definitely briefs.

*Scene: Same convo.*

Keith: You got that, Blondie?

Joey: "Blondie?" What the hell?! You're just as blonde as I am!

*Scene: Croquet requests their tournament verification cards, since Pegasus wants to make sure he can give out a prize.*

Téa: Joey lost his tournament entry card?

Bakura: *smirks* He couldn't be that absent-minded.

Tristan: *randomly sticking his hands on his head* Yeah, he could.

Yugi: Oh, I am so going to kill him.

Yami and Bakura: Really??

Yugi: *startled* No!

*Scene: Joey starts running off to find his card, but is stopped by Croquet.*

Croquet: Five minutes.

Joey: *stops* What?

Croquet: Your match will begin at 11:00 sharp.

Joey: Aww, geez, Yugi! Couldn't you have been a little faster in your duel?! You've barely left me any time at all!

Yugi: *sweatdrops* Very sorry, I'm sure.

*Scene: Some slow repetition.*

Croquet: If you haven't returned with the card by 11:00, you'll be disqualified.

Téa: No fair! That's barely enough time for Joey to even make it back to the room.

Tristan: Well, we could split up and help him look.

Bakura: Well, I don't want to do that. Do you want to do that?

Téa: I would, but I'm not wearing my running shoes.

Yami: I would, if I cared.

Bakura: *cheerfully* Guess it's settled, then!

*Scene: Bandit Keith starts laughing crazily.*

Keith: Run as fast as you can. *pauses to laugh* It won't do you any good. Your card's got a new owner these days! *laughs some more*

Yugi: *calls down* Excuse me, but you'll have to speak up a little -- it's hard to hear you up here.

Keith: Oh, sorry! I was just saying that he wouldn't be able to find his card because I took it.

Yugi: Ahh, okay. Thank you!

*Scene: Poor Keithy-poo's still sleepy.*

Keith: Hey, would you guys mind if I took off my boots?

Téa: Yes! *glares at Bakura* And don't you dare say it!

Bakura: Awww...

*Scene: Lots of "d" words.*

Croquet: Do as you wish, but if you're not in the dueling arena at the designated time, you'll be disqualified, too.

Keith: Say what?! Man, you suits and your rules.

Croquet: Well, if you prefer, we could ignore the rules and let Joey Wheeler duel without his tournament verification card.

Keith: *jumps up* Ahh, no, the rules are fine. *pauses* Now how the hell do I get over to the arena?!

*Scene: In Joey's room, where lots of ransacking is taking place.*

Joey: Pens to write with, pad to write on, address book to fill with imaginary friends, pills to overdose with... Where the hell that card be?!

*Scene: Yugi's cheeks makes it look like he's put on a good fifty pounds overnight.*

Yugi: I'd give Joey this of Glory of the King's Opposite Hand Card to duel with, except then I wouldn't be able to duel Pegasus and save my grampa.

Téa: Well, you could lend it to him, and then he could give it back to you after his duel is finished. That way he'd have another shot to find his before the two of you duel.

Yugi: Hmm, no. I don't think I'm gonna be doing that.

*Scene: Behind-the-back insults.*

Keith: Think about it. Your little friend's been scared to death of me ever since we had our little run-in back at the cave.

Tristan: Uh-huh. Well, that's understandable, since you beat him so badly. *pauses and mimes thinking* Ohhh, wait, but you didn't, did you? Gosh, I just plain-plum forgot!

*The cheerleaders snicker.*

*Scene: Bandit Keith's talkative when he's bored.*

Keith: In fact, kiddies, he probably lost that entry card on purpose, just so he'd have an excuse not to duel me.

Bakura: Hmm, yeah... and he took it from Yugi because he was jealous and didn't want Yugi to get rich! ... AAAAAAHHHH!!! *takes off running from the angry reprisals of Yugi and friends*

*Scene: One minute to go.*

Joey: *slumps outside the door to the arena* Must have searched the whole castle... and still no card! I can't believe it! My book, How to Search an Entire Castle in Under Four Minutes, was useless!

*Scene: Ranting.*

Joey: After lasting on this island all this time...

Mai: You mean, two days.

Joey: Er, yeah. Well, also, after beating duelists with twice my experience.

Mai: Only twice? You mean you've spent years training, and were that pathetic?

Joey: Well, no, I guess not. Umm... "After getting past all of Pegasus's traps."

Mai: Traps? What traps? Keith? He was working on his own. Kaiba? He was after Yugi. Rex? That one was by me.

Joey: Oh, just shut up, already!

*Scene: I can't believe I forgot my deus ex machina! I'll guess have to apologize to her...*

Mai: You know, every time I think I've got you figured, you surprise me, Joey. Téa told me about your little sister, how you're dueling to win the tournament's prize money for her, so she can have that operation.

Joey: What the hell? When did you get a chance to speak to her alone? Ohh... Must've been last night, after that dinner.

Mai: *blushes* Uhh, no, no! Before that. Definitely before that.

*Scene: I never thought of Mai's hair as being quite that long, but I guess it is.*

Mai: Sounded like a bad soap opera, to be honest, but then, who doesn't love a bad soap opera?

Joey: Not anybody around here, that's for sure.

*Scene: Joey opens up the handkerchief Mai gave him.*

Joey: So, does this mean that we're finally friends, Mai?

Mai: Don't you have a duel to run off to?

Joey: Nah, the time ran out just about when you were giving me this thing, actually.

Mai: It WHAT?! Aww, geez, now I look like a big idiot... Give me that! *snatches her card back from Joey and stalks off, muttering to herself*

*Scene: Joey steps into the arena at 11:00, two minutes and sixteen seconds after 10:59.*

Joey: All right, Keith. Nap time is over.

Tristan: *fondly* Ahh, nap time. The longest time in the day...

*Scene: Someone is overly fond of slash-cuts.*

Yugi: *thinking* Okay, Joey. Your sister's counting on you.

Yami: Mm? Why aren't you telling him, out loud, rather than me?

Yugi: Eh, we've already got enough people stating the obvious, I think.

*Scene: The duel starts.*

Keith: One card face-down in Defense Mode.

Joey: Hey! Everybody told me to NEVER play Defense on the first move! Man! That's the last time I listen to other people's advice.

*Scene: The cheerleaders on Keith's bragging.*

Bakura: Do you think that title gives Keith an edge?

Tristan: No, but his dueling skill sure does!

*Scene: Or more accurately...*

Tristan: Nah, Joey's got something a lot better than titles. He's got guts!

Téa: And heart, too!

Tristan: Hey, the heart is a gut.

Téa: Well, it's a different kind of gut.

Tristan: Yeah, but I said guts, and that means all the guts. Find your own lines!

Téa: I'll use whatever lines I want to, thank you very much!

Bakura: Guuuuys!!!

*Scene: Keith's Pendulum Machine slices up Joey's Defense monster.*

Tristan: Ouch. That's not good.

Yugi: Well, it isn't... bad.

Bakura: *cheerfully* Yugi is right! It's terrible!

*Scene: The cheerleaders are a lot more interesting than the duel, don't you think?*

Yugi: I wonder why Bandit Keith played a Machine monster.

Téa: Why wouldn't Keith play a Machine monster? Is there something wrong with Machine monsters?

Yugi: Well, no. It's just, everybody can choose their favorite card to play first, obviously, and so I was just being a little surprised that he liked that kind best.

*Téa sweatdrops.*

*Scene: Joey attacks with Giltia the Knight.*

Joey: What? My attack's not working!

Bakura: Great Scott, it's not! *incredulous* "Great Scott?" Did I actually just say "Great Scott?" Oh, that's just depressing...

*Scene: The explanation.*

Keith: All of my Machine monsters are protected by magic-resistant armor, so that makes all of your magic attacks worth squat.

Téa: Gee, you'd think a knight would be able to use a physical attack, too.

Tristan: Seemingly not.

*Scene: Dueling.*

Joey: I'll play this face-down and this monster card in Defense mode.*

Keith: What's the matter, dweeb? Afraid to fight like a man?

Joey: Hey, you were the one that started the Defense playing!

*Scene: Bandit Keith "accidentally on purpose" reveals his Shadow monster Zoa.*

Tristan: Yeah, check out Joey's big grin! Something's up.

Yugi: Yeah, but he's not thinking! Even if he can defeat that monster, it's in Defense, and so it won't hurt Keith. AND, once Joey plays a monster to attack it, he won't be safe any more!

*Scene: Bandit Keith juices up his Zoa with Magic Metal Force and has him attack.*

Keith: Now watch this!

Joey: NOOO!! *cover eyes*

Keith: *angrily* Hey! I told you to watch!

*Scene: Poor Flame Swordsman.*

Keith: *laughs* You should have seen the look on your loser face, you dweeb, when your Swordsman's own attack toasted him! It was priceless!

Joey: Grr. WHY aren't cards resistant to their own kind of magic, huh?!

Tristan: Well, that would be too easy, now wouldn't it?

*Scene: Bandit Keith plays Stop Defense against Joey's Axe Raider.*

Yugi: Oh, no! Joey's Life Points will be all gone if that Metal Zoa's attack hits!

Tristan: Hang tough, bud!

Joey: And what the hell can I be doing now to change the outcome of things, pray tell?

*Scene: More slash-cuts as the Metal Zoa crashes.*

Yugi: Perfect! The Chasm of Spikes card!

Bakura: Niiiiiiiiiiice... Perfect indeed!

Yugi: ...why do I get the feeling we shouldn't be giving you ideas?

Bakura: Umm... no reason?

*Scene: Happiness all around. Well, mostly.*

Joey: My turn, and first I'm playing this face-down. Oh, and it's a trap card, so don't bother attacking.

Keith: You amateur! That's got to be the lousiest bluff I ever heard in my entire dueling career!

Téa: I guess he really was asleep during Yugi's match, then. Er, no offense, Yugi.

Yugi: None taken! *scratches head* I think...

*Scene: Mind-spinningly swift dueling.*

Keith: Now it's my turn! Launcher Spider, demolish Garusies! *the Spider attacks* Ha! I knew you didn't have another trap card.

*Garusies, however, is unharmed, thanks to Kunai with Chain.*

Téa: Thus proving that you should always wait until the smoke clears before gloating.

*Scene: However, too much dueling at a single time isn't good, so it's back to the cheerleaders.*

Tristan: Way to go, Joey! If you keep this up, you'll be dueling Pegasus in no time!

Yugi: Hey, what? I'm the one with the Glory of the King's Opposite Hand card, remember? Joey wouldn't get to face Pegasus!

Joey: *sniffs* Well, maybe if I ask real nice...