Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ It's Been Awhile ❯ Its Been Awhile ( One-Shot )

Title: It's Been Awhile

Rating: PG-13? R? *Shrug*

Category: Angst city, drama, songfic

Pairings: Yuugi/Ryou (hinting)

Summary: Yuugi wants Bakura to give up his Millennium Ring, but Bakura refuses.

Warnings: Ok, serious issues here: suicide attempt, self-mutilation, blood, emotional torture… not a happy story. *Sigh* If angst ain't your thing, I suggest you go find a fluff fic to read instead... Oh, and language.

Spoilers: Errr... I don't *think* so...

Notes: Thank my angst muses for this. And no, I *don't* approve of "cutting" as a method of dealing with stress and depression... it's called therapy. Obviously, poor Bakura-kun doesn't have that option... but real people do. I swear I need to put my muses on Prozac... "It's Been Awhile" is by Staind. If you don't know it, tis a good song. Betaed by Fran. Thanks, love! ^^

/ / - Lyrics

** ** - Yami no Bakura/Bakura mental speech

` ' - thoughts

"It's Been Awhile"

/And it's been awhile

Since I could hold my head up high/

I sighed silently to myself as I gathered up my paper and pencils, stuffing them quickly into my bag. I threw my backpack over my shoulder, fleeing from the classroom as fast as I could, avoiding eye contact with everyone. All I wanted was to get out of the school without running into Yuugi and his friends. Was that too much to ask?

"Bakura-kun?"

`Obviously,' I thought, shoulders drooping.

/And it's been awhile

Since I first saw you/

I looked up despondently from the floor into Yuugi's violet eyes, flinching when I saw heartache there. "Yuugi…"

"Bakura-kun, I've been calling your house for a week… why haven't you answered me?"

My eyes looked down to stare at the floor again. "You know why," I said dully. I refused to say why out loud on the school grounds. Not in public... "I'm sorry, Yuugi, I can't... can't do this anymore. Just... just leave me alone!" I turned suddenly and ran away from Yuugi, knowing I was causing the boy more pain.

/And it's been awhile

Since I could stand on my own two feet again/

I panted softly, slowly stopping inside the elevator, exhausted from running all the way to the apartment building from school. I lay there on the carpeting, breathless, and stared at the grey wall of the elevator. `Why haven't you answered me... he knows... I've told him before... why won't he listen?'

**Brooding again? And over that pathetic little worm too? Feh... you are a waste.** He was laughing at me again. That other me, that dark part of me that's haunted me for far too long, taunting me, turning all who might befriend me into toys and destroying them one by one...

**I'm protecting you. Ra knows you can't protect yourself. Look at you. You're worthless! Can't even run this far without exhausting yourself! Pathetic!**

"Shut up!" I cried, covering my ears, though the voice was in my mind. I could hear his laughter.

**Fine, fine, I'll leave you to your whiny little thoughts. Just remember that you're nothing without me.**

I knew he was right... I was nothing without him. I was pathetic. That's what Yuugi could never understand... He wanted me to give up the Ring... but I can't! I know my other does horrible things, but without him I'm just... worthless...

I climbed to my feet slowly, swaying a bit, and fished out my keys, before pushing the button to my level. Slowly, the elevator climbed upwards, and finally it reached my floor, and I fled to my apartment. I locked the door behind me. My father was out on an expedition and wouldn't be home for a month. I was all alone... just like always.

/And it's been awhile

Since I could call you/

I saw the light flashing on the message machine and sighed. I hit the play button as I dropped my book bag on the floor.

*BEEEEEP* "Bakura-kun? It's Yuugi. I know you feel as if you need the Ring, but you're so much more then what you think! Really! Please, just call me, ok? Bye..."

`I just can't...'

/And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means/

I crawled into the bathroom as the tears began to fall. My breath caught on violent sobs as I ripped off my school shirt. Trembling, I went to the cabinet and pulled out my supplies: a sharp razor, gauze and medical tape. I pulled off my undershirt hastily and sat down heavily on the cold tile floor with the razor in hand, holding it to my left arm that pale skin showed many thin scars left over from previous incidents.

/And it's been awhile

Since I can say that I wasn't addicted/

I panted slightly as the razor sliced neatly through tender skin. The pain was minimal, it barely stung, and the feeling of crimson blood welling up and dribbling down my arm... I bit my lip and cut another wound, deeper this time, and hissed in pain. Blood ran down my arm like a river, though I made no move to stop it. `If I just let this keep bleeding... if I made more wounds like it... I could die...'

**That's enough of that,** the other presence in me took over my body in disgust, and I blacked out.

/And it's been awhile

Since I can say I love myself as well/

I woke on his bed, still shirtless, my arm bandaged and aching. I groaned softly. `I just want to die... Why can't I die?'

**Because I have business to take care of first, and I need your body to do it. You can't die until then. I don't care what you do to yourself, but I won't let you destroy us before I've finished my work.**

I sat up slowly, feeling as if I should be crying... but I had no more tears left to shed. All I had left was a dull ache inside, eating away at my soul...

/And it's been awhile

Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do/

I groaned softly when I heard my doorbell ring. `Not now… I don't need this now...' I stood up slowly and picked up a loose shirt from the floor, then sat down heavily when the room began to spin. The doorbell rung again and I sighed, pulling on my shirt, wincing as the sleeve pulled at the bandages. He slowly made his way to the door and peered out the peephole, wincing when he saw Yuugi outside. `He'll never give up, will he?'

/And it's been awhile

But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you/

I leaned my forehead against the cold door, closing my eyes. Would it be so bad to give in to him? Yuugi was so kind to me... so gentle... He honestly seemed to care about me... All I had to do was to give up the Ring... if I gave it up, I could have a friend... I wouldn't be lonely...

/And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem/

**You're nothing without me!** the other presence within me snarled. **He may seem nice enough now, but you know he's just worming his way into your heart so he can tear you to pieces. You get rid of me, and you lose everything! I'm your protector, remember? I'm protecting you from all those manipulators your naïve little mind thinks are friends. Do you want another game of Monster World?**

**No!** I told him frantically. **Not again! Not to Yuugi again!**

**Then stop entertaining this foolish notion that you can simply abandon me. You should know better then that... You are nothing... *I* am the one with power. You know you cannot defy me...**

/The consequences that I've rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again/

I slowly slid to the floor, holding my breath, waiting for Yuugi to go away. He couldn't find me here. Not like this, not now. I didn't know what the one inside the Ring would do to him... but I knew it would be bad... and I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him any more than I already had. I waited, silently, until finally I heard Yuugi's reluctant footsteps walking away from my apartment door. I let out a sigh of relief... but also felt so alone... I should be used to this by now, shouldn't I? After all, it had been a while since I'd received the Ring, I should be used to isolation, but I couldn't help but feel so... so...

/Why must I feel this way?/

Why do people have to have hearts? Have feelings? Why couldn't I just turn to ice, so this would be so torturous?

/Just make this go away/

Why me? Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why did I have to get the Ring? Am I really such a horrible person that I deserve all this? Am I such an evil, sordid being that I'm being punished by having this-this thing inside me, tearing me apart? I could hear him laughing at me...

/Just one more peaceful day!/

It didn't matter... whatever it was, it was there, and there was nothing I could do... I had homework I needed to do... I stood slowly, still dizzy, and walked back into the bathroom, hoping that washing my face might clear my mind. I stood in front of the sink and splashed my face with cold water, patting away droplets. I paused when I saw myself in the mirror... I looked sallow... haunted... in short, I looked horrible.

/And it's been awhile

Since I could look at myself straight/

I quivered as I stared at myself in the mirror. What the hell was happening to me? Was it the Ring? Was this all the Ring's fault? I've never been the same since the Ring had come into my life. My world had been turned upside down. Was this my fate, this horrid nightmare that never seemed to end? Watching this monster inside me wreck havoc across the country while I just stood by, doing nothing? I shook my head violently and slammed my fists against the mirror. "NO!" The glass shattered beneath my hands, and I stared in shock at the mess I had made, at my trembling hands that were now covered in blood. `What have I become?'

/And it's been awhile

Since I said I'm sorry/

I fell to the ground, heedless of the glass beneath me, trembling. "God... I'm sorry..." I sobbed into my bloodied hands. "I'm so sorry..."

/And it's been awhile

Since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been awhile

But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know its me/

"It's all my fault..."

/I cannot blame this on my father

He did the best he could for me/

"I can't stand up to him... it's all my fault..." I knew I should blame it all on my father for giving me the Ring, but I couldn't. He didn't know that presence was inside it; he did know what it was doing to me...

/And it's been awhile

Since I could hold my head up high.../

Slowly my tears stopped, and I calmed down. My heart still ached, but it always did. My soul has been scarred far more than my body could ever be. Reluctantly, I began to pick up the glass. I didn't know what I was going to tell my father when he got home... I hope I could think of something... until then, life goes on... oblivious to my suffering, except for one person, one gentle heart... who seemed to notice my anguish...

/And it's been awhile

Since I said I'm sorry.../

Owari