Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Simply Held ❯ Simply Held ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

AN: This was my first Yu-Gi-Oh fic; it's up on fanfiction.net too. I hope I get a better response for it here, as well as some advice on how to improve! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Never have, never will.

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"Simply Held"

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Have you ever been standing right next to a person, and yet felt as if you were on opposite sides of the world? Have you ever asked yourself, how can we be so close, and yet so far away? Have you ever had someone know everything about you, and yet you know nothing about them? Have you ever treated life as a dream, just so you could ignore what was going on? I have.

Every day I wander through my life, and block myself from everyone. I smile and I laugh on the outside, while on the inside, I scream and sob. No one knows what really goes on inside my head. Why I don't wear shorts or short-sleeved shirts. Or why I don't do anything after school. Except for him.

He is everything I wish I could be. Strong, dark, mysterious. He never cries, and he doesn't depend on anyone for anything. He is the darkness in my life, the darkness in my soul. His name is Bakura. And I'm in love with him.

I never thought I could love him. You shouldn't love someone who hits you, calls you stupid and useless, and treats you as an object. And yet I do. I base my whole life on him; he is the reason I can carry on with my life. Because I know he'll always be there. He is stability in a world where something is gone before you can even start to close your fingers on it.

If I ever told him, I know he would kill me. He would be disgusted with me, and would hate me more than he already does. I am weak, worthless, a monster in his eyes. And he doesn't just tell me. I've got scars and bruises to also prove his hatred. And that broken rib, the broken wrist and ankle? The stairs didn't do it, like I said they did. And the thin bruises on my wrists, arms, and shoulders? There's a reason they're finger-shaped. And yet I still love him, I still forgive him. And I don't know why.

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Ryou closed his diary, slim fingers gently locking the silver lock on the black leather. He fought back tears as he placed the book back into his desk drawer, before he pulled on his coat. I need to go for a walk, he thought as he slowly wrote a note to place on the desk, the long letters describing exactly where he planned to go. If I don't let Bakura know where I'm going, he'll be upset. The understatement echoed inside the boy's mind, but he hastily pushed it away. Don't think about it. It'll make you sad, and Bakura will have to punish you for showing any weakness.

Sighing deeply and plastering on a smile, Ryou exited the small apartment. His feet started carrying him down the street, to a familiar park. He figured at least one of his friends would be there, to take his mind off of what he had just written down. Like it always did.

If Ryou had been paying attention, he wouldn't have put his diary simply in a drawer, the key to the lock just as easily accessible. He wouldn't have poured out his soul, for fear of what was happening as he left the apartment. But he hadn't been. And he didn't know, so he couldn't stop it.

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Have you ever been standing right next to a person, and yet felt as if you were on opposite sides of the world? Have you ever asked yourself, how can we be so close, and yet so far away? Have you ever known a person so deeply, it was as if you knew them better than they knew themselves? Have you ever done something you knew was wrong, but still did it? I have.

Every day is the same. I cover what I really feel with a scowl and hurtful words. Because if I didn't, I'd be showing weakness. And that is unacceptable. No one can know what really goes on in my head. It's my pain, my problem. No one else's. Except for him.

I tried not to do it. I tried to continue telling myself that he was weak, stupid, not worth my affection. But that was what drew him to me. I have to defend him, I have to teach him, and I just had to care about him. His name is Ryou. And I just had to love him.

But I still hurt him. And he never tries to stop me, which makes me just hit him more. I can't help it. If I can't let him know I love him, I can at least keep him in my life by force. Because I need him. He is the other half of my soul. I live for him; I only carry on because of him. He is the only piece of my life that has nothing to do with my past; he is the light, as small as it is, that will always burn.

I can't tell him. It would show my weakness; he would be able to leave, because he would know it would hurt me as much as I've hurt him. So I continue to hide it. Behind my fists, my words. I continue to leave scars on bruises on his beautiful skin. Those broken bones? They were mine. Those finger-shaped bruises? Those are mine. I want to stop, and yet I just continue to punish him for being the thing I adore. And I don't know why.

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Bakura walked into Ryou's room, gently running his fingers over the clean desk, the dresser, the bed. He breathed in deeply, Ryou's scent clouding his nostrils, tearing at his heart. He disregarded the note on the desk; he knew Ryou was at the park. He always went there on Sunday afternoons, to collect himself for the week. Bakura never went with him. It was Ryou's time to be alone.

He began to open drawers in the desk, bored and searching for something to do. That's when he came across the small, black leather book. Picking it up carefully, he ran his fingers over the cover, before tugging at the silver lock. It wouldn't budge. The key was in eyesight, so Bakura used it to open the book, rather than just sending the lock to the shadow realm. He hurt his hikari enough without destroying more of his possessions.

Turning the pages, nothing jumped out to Bakura, besides the fact that he now knew that this was Ryou's diary. Skipping to the back page, two words jumped out at him. I have.

He began to read, every word from the top of the page to the bottom. The last words, and I don't know why, brought him to a stop. The entry could've come from himself, from his own mind. But what scared him the most was the three words that were running repeatedly over the page, and in his head. I love him...

...and he loves me.

Closing the book gently, locking it again, and setting it back in the drawer, Bakura looked down at his hands. A stray tear ran down his cheek, and he didn't wipe it away. He couldn't. He closed his eyes, trying to will the surge of emotions away. But when that didn't work, he allowed himself, all alone, to fall to his knees. He didn't cry, he didn't scream. He just knelt on the floor, all alone.

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Ryou came home around four that afternoon, and as he hung up his coat in the hall closet, he called out to the other inhabitant of the small apartment. "Bakura! I'm home!" The sound of footsteps behind him announced the arrival of the dark part of Ryou's soul, and a rumbling voice asked quietly, "Did you have a good time?"

Shocked by Bakura's almost-concerned words and tone, Ryou turned around slowly. "Well...yes, I did actually. I feel ready for the week."

"That's...good, hikari." Bakura stumbled over the words slightly, noticing ho Ryou began to look at him suspiciously. "Bakura...what's wrong?" Flinching inwardly, Bakura tried to shrug. "Nothing, why?"

"You never call me hikari. Or ask me about my day. Or say that anything's good. So something must be wrong. Tell me, what is it?"

He was trapped. Ryou was going to find out everything. Raising his fist as he felt the anger start to rise inside him, Bakura watched as Ryou flinched, backing away, bracing himself for what was coming. Bakura felt the strange pang from earlier, the one he'd felt when he'd been in Ryou's room. Dropping his hand, he instead pulled Ryou awkwardly into his arms. He didn't say a word. He simply held Ryou as his hikari, confused and drained, frightened and yet knowing exactly what to do, clung to him tightly. Ryou began to sob, but Bakura kept quiet. It wasn't the right time for words. So he just simply held him.

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AN: There's a sequel to this that I also have up here, and on fanfiction.net. I hope you like them both, and please send in reviews!

-Sparx