Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The New Authoress ❯ Whammy Jammy Yamis!!! ^___^ ( Chapter 14 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Whammy Jammy Yamis


Sam comes downstairs after the stress of revision for school exams (A/N: I've been a good girl and been working whilst everyone else was playing) to see the Yugioh gang all scattered about in the living room slouching in exhaustion from partying three nights straight after Tea has been officially announced dead in the newspapers. The place is a dump littered with gum wrappers, party poppers, crisps, a plastic duck, toilet paper and… o_0? Firecrackers? *looking on ahead* Beer cans? -, - UUUU this was going to be a long day…

Sam: *sighs and looks at the time 2.05am… has something to drink then grabs an apron and vacuum and ties a bandanna over her head* Right…

Cue Benny Hill theme: #BAAAA LA DA DADADA, BA LA DA DADADA etc… *everything is fast-forwarded; to relieve viewers of the boredom of watching someone clean up the dump in the house where the gang had just been partying 3 nights straight* BA LADA DADADADA LADA DADADADA DA LALA DALA DA…

Sam: *music stops as Sam stops at Malik and Bakura's feet with her vacuum* SHIFT!!!!!

Malik and Bakura: YIKES!!!!! *they jump up from the surprise in the air as Sam proceeds with the vacuum cleaner where their feet were. Yami and Yugi had been watching her running back and forth like a tennis match and soon the dump had been cleaned up to the respectable living room it used to be. Yami looks worried*

Yami: Um Sam? *goes to her seeing her really stressed*

Sam: MOVE!!!! *he jumps out of the way. Work is done. Sam collapses on the couch*

Sam: Phew… *looks at time* 2.07 … ^_____^………… *konks out* @. @…

Yugi: Sam? *prods her*

Sam: @. @… o_0? *gets up* Wait a minute… don't I have a Psychology project to hand in tomorrow? *checks her organiser which is filled to the brim with lots of notes on exam dates, coursework deadlines* @()@ AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *runs around wildly*

Yugi: Sam… calm down… >.o


Sam: *Sam's is slammed against the wall she falls and Yami catches her*

Yami: Oh RA!!! SAM!!!! SPEAK TO ME!!!!! (A/N: ^______________^ Ooh I feel so loved)

Sam: o. o *blank expression* Can't… take… any… more…. *steam comes out of her ears* x()X

Yami: NOOOO!!!!!!!

Joey: Wat happened!?!?!?

LS: *checks Sam out* Oh no… she's suffering from…

Suspenseful Music: #DUNDUN DUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!#

LS: A nervous breakdown…

YGO cast: *gasps*

Ryou: What's that?

Bakura: Is it contagious…

Cyndi: She means that Sam's stressed out… And it's no wonder… she's nearing her exams soon, got a good load of coursework due in and still has to take care of you lot *glares accusingly at the YGO cast*

LS: Um I best say the disclaimers before more trouble arrives from those pesky lawyers again *goes to open the window and screams* MADYAMISAM DOESN'T OWN YUGIOH OR ANYTHING ELSE BUT HERSELF!!!!!!!!! NOW BUGGER OFF!!!!!

Lawyers: *become tone death* @~@

Sam: x. X

Serenity: I think she needs someone, like a Yami…

Yami: I'm a Yami…

Yugi: But you're my Yami…

Yami: Well then I can handle the household chores.

Ryou: No you can't I've seen what you were like when you were trying to fix the boiler…


Pipe: Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak…. (A/N: Is it me, or is this rather hentaish?)

Yami: *whacking pipe violently* I ASKED YOU TO SHUT UP!!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!? CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yami: *continues whacking the pipe* WHY… CAN'T… YOU… JUST… SHUT… UP!?!?!?

Pipe: Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. Yaddayaddayadda… (A/N: 0_____o)

/KAAAAAABBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM/ *the house explodes sending Yami flying and bouncing down a hill*

Yami: Ow. *bounce* Oh. *bounce* Ee. *bounce* Ooh. *bounce* Ack… *Sam comes home… well… what's left of it anyway*

Sam: Dude, where's my house? *hears a whistling sound, looks up and sees a toilet seat fall from the sky bounce a couple of times before rolling around in a circle and resting on it's side* O.O……

*******END FLASHBACK*****

Seto and Bakura: *roll around in laughter whilst Yami looked humbly down twiddling his thumbs*

Tristan: But how did she get the house back?

Joey: In da same way she managed ta clean a place where da residents had been partyin' for three nights straight in two minutes

Tristan: Oh…

Malik: Anyway Sam needs a Yami I mean everybody here has a Yami…

Tristan: I don't…

Yugi: Yeah but you don't really count in the overall of everybody. You're not that important…

Tristan: T_T

Joey: Wat `bout me?

Ryou: Well in a way Seto could be classed as a Yami to you… I mean… you two are like Yin and Yang. Joey has a red eyes black dragon and Seto has a blue eyes white dragon. Joey has a little sister whilst Seto has a little brother. Joey is kind, warm, friendly and fair whilst Seto can be a nasty, cold, horrible and a cheating snitch at times. (A/N: Referring to the time he cheated with his life in his duel against Yugi. Ok it's for noble causes BUT IT'S STILL WRONG) No offence…

Everyone else: o_0

Seto: T____T

Sam: X___X

Cyndi: I propose we do an advertisement for Yamis

Everyone else: YEAH!!!!

Sam: X_______X *the gang set up everything whilst Sam is sleeping*


Sam: -,- zzzzzzzzzzzzz


Sam: *holding smoking 9mm in her hand. Clock dies*

Alarm: X___X *Sam goes to college*

Start the interview…


Yami: Right first…

Boring man: Um I like reading the expiry dates of packages and stuff so that's why… I… think I'll be a good Yami…

Gang: -,-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cyndi: ¬_¬ Next…


Hyper woman: *pole dancing to `I'm so excited'*


Everyone else: `___'………… o___o…………. O___O…

Serenity: Um… next

Yami: *covering Yugi's eyes*

Yugi: Aww… *disappointed groan*

Everyone else: o_0?


Sexy woman: Hi… I'm not bad I'm just written that way… *All men sit and drool*

Tristan: *drooling* I like you…

Sexy woman: *smiles seductively*

Cyndi: Um… what kind of experience… *YGO boys go to `Spontaneous Blush Combustion' Mode* (A/N: SBC for short) do you have as a Yami?

Sexy woman: *does a full turn on the swivel chair she's sitting on*

Male YGO cast: *lean to see the cleavage*

Sexy Woman: Well I… am considered… to be quite… dark… in attitude… that's what Yamis are right? Dark…? Mysterious…?

LS: And… can you handle extremely dangerous and insane situations, which are probably as pointless as dressing yourself up as a lemming and singing `La Cukuracha'? (A/N: That's `The Cochroach' in Spanish you know?)

Sexy Woman: *does the swivel chair thing*

Male YGO cast: Oh… *leaning even more*

Sexy Woman: Why… of course… I do it best… at night…

Serenity: And lastly would you be able to cope with the stressful life of… chores?

Sexy Woman: *does the swivel chair thing*

Male YGO cast: *start's wolf whistling and stuff. As Sexy Woman finish spinning there in her place is a beaver* YAY!!!! OH YES!!!!

All the girls: o_0?

LS: *seeing Mally drool over her and growls and knocks her sky high with her frying pan* NEXT!!!! *all males edge away*


Man playing violin: *playing some sort of classy music*

Ryou: GAH!!!!! *leaps up and dust cloud forms as he pounds the living day lights out of him*

Others: o.0

Man playing violin: @()X

Ryou: -_-* I hate people who think their so posh… ^_____________^ *brush off dust from his sweater* Next…

Bakura: *stares at his hikari then grabs him shaking him* WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH RYOU!?!?!?!?!?


One of them giant spiders from the film `Eight Legged Freaks' come in.

Gang: *holding their seats* O_OUUUUUUUU *the spider is cleaning it's… fangs…*

Yami: Um… *looking nervous* Sam's arachnophobic sorry… Don't eat us… NEXT!!!!


Barney: I love you… you love me… *they gang has an assortment of weapons each with a venomous glare at the purple dinosaur* Ibettergetgoingbeforeyougoonabigkillingspree… *runs like lightening*

Mai: Look at him go… He's sure fast for a fat giant purple dinosaur… Anyway… next…


Tinkie Winkie: Eh oh…

Seto: TINKIE WINKIE!!!! *leaps out and glomps him* He's hired!!! HE'S HIRED!!!!!

Everyone else: ¬_¬ Next…

Tinkie Winkie: Bye, bye…

Seto: T___T You never even gave him a chance…


Hannibal Lector: Hmm, hmm… *stares at Yugi hungrily* Your liver will taste quite nice with butter beans and a blueberry flavoured ice slushy. Ffffff

Yugi: O.O… Eek!!!! *jumps into Yami's arms* NEXT!!! NEXT!!! NEXT!!!

Yami: Oh you're such a scaredy cat aibou…


Tea: Hi Yami my love…

Yami: EEK!!!! *jumps into Yugi's arms who can't hold him for obvious reasons and ends up getting squashed*

Yugi: @O@ *Yami runs around wildly*

Serenity: Aren't you suppose to be dead?

Tea: Well rules say you can't kill a character if the authoress has chosen to do comedy for her fanfic…

Cyndi: Who made up such a stupid rule?

Shadow and Tyrande: Lawyers…

Everyone else: -_-****

Mally: There is no way that that… b-

LS: Ah, ah… *points at a sign saying. `No Swearing or off to the Curse Room with ye!!!!'*

Mally: There's no way that that female dog is gonna be Sam's Yami. She'll turn her sane and into one of those goody two shoes with those lousy friendship speeches.

Tea: Hey that was uncalled for… Friends should never…

Everyone else: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *huge demolition ball knocks Tea sky high. The others look to see Mokuba operating it* o_0?

Mokuba: ^___________________^ Next


(A/N: This next one was sent by Pandapants182… Ta chuck)

*Pimp walks in with all his b____s and h___s*

Pinp: Hey ladies... *notices all the guys* And not so hot ladies.

Boys: ¬.¬* .... next...

Pimp: Wait just one second there, not-so-pretty ladies! I've come to collect my bill from one of my... buddies here.

Seto: *shifty eyes*

Pimp: *walks over to... soemone who shall remain unamed for one second* Pay up, biggie!

Yami: WHAT?!?!?! ME?!?!?! I'm no pimp daddy!

Pimp: No, but you're stealing my trademark tri-colors.

Yami: Huh?

Pimp: *points tp Yami's hair*

Yami: *ahem* Yugi's got the same exact hair style... only mine's better.

Pimp: -_-0

Seto: Okay, okay, leave before I tell your mama!

Pimp: Run, b____s and h___s! He's calling my mama!

*they flee from the crazed mama-calling bajillionare*

Everyone besides Seto: ¬.¬

Seto: ^^;;; Ehehehe....!


Bob the Builder: Can he fix it?

Malik: NO HE CAN'T!!!! P*** OFF!!!!

Siren: *sounding*

Security Computer: Red alert… Potty mouth… Red alert


Security Computer: Oh for Ra's sakes, nothing's is reliable here… WHERE WOO WHERE WOO WHERE WOO… Red alert… Potty mouth… WHERE WOO WHERE WOO WHERE WHO…

Malik: *picked up by the tank top and tossed into Curse Room* NNNNEEEXXXX- *door slams shut and put under lock and key*


Pikachu: Pikachu…? *sniffs Joey* Pika pi!!! *hugs his legs rubbing his face*

Joey: GAH!!!! NEXT!!!

Serenity: Why? Pikachu's so cute. He would make a great Yami…

Joey: NO!!!! NEXT, NEXT, NEXT!!!!

Yami: Pikachu's the last one though…



Pikachu: *death glare* Pika… *Thunder shocks Mally*

Mally: AIAIAIAIAIAIAI… @.@ I stand corrected… it's a wimpy rat with a high voltage capacity… X.@

Pikachu: ^_'_^ *leaps into Joey glomps him*

Joey: *wrenches him off with a crowbar and backing away* Keep away from me…

Pikachu: Pikachu?

Yugi: Why are you so afraid of him Joey?

Pikachu: ^()^ PIKAPIKAPIKAPIKA CHU!!!! *toddling closer. Joey hides behind his sister*

Joey: It's been stalkin' me day and night…

Yami: o_0? Like an obsessive fan? *Joey nods his head* Oh… Urgh… I'm getting goodebumps about that…

Seto: Wow… the pathetic puppy dog actually has admirers… I think it's understandable that it would be an animal though…

Pikachu: ^()^… o_0? *sees Seto* Pika… *growling at Seto*

Seto: o.0?

Joey: Oh yeah, he sent me letters saying he was going to kill you for beating me up in that episode in Duellist Kingdom.


Joey: *grabbing Seto by the shirt* Listen tough guy… I understand that you want to get your brother back and all but don't tink that you're the only one with a noble cause, kapish? We've all got somethin' worth fighting for so if you want to get to Pegasus then get in line or deal with me… That's right hot shot I'm not afraid of you…

Seto: Nice grip… let me show you mine. *grabs Joey harshly and throws him to the floor*

**********END FLASHBACK*******

Seto: *gulps*

Pikachu: PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! *shocks him with his electricity*

Seto: ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! *runs whilst Pikachu gives chase shocking* CALL HIM OFF!!! CALL HIM OFF!!!


Tristan: This is hopeless…

Joey: Gee… I never thought that finding Yamis could be so hard…

Yami: *sigh*

Sam: ^______________^ Ah… *coming home from school* (A/N: Apparently that they've been interviewing all day) Guys!!! Guys!!! I've got a C on my Psychology coursework!!!

Yugi: That's great Sam… *looks out the window*

Sam: Gee… what's up with you lot?

Ryou: We've been interviewing canditates to be your yami so you're work load would be cut in half…

Sam: Oh… you guys… you didn't have to… *group hug* Oh but you lot are so sweet…

Yami: We just wanted to help… We know how stessed you are…

Sam: Oh nevermind… Everybody has stressful days… but nature always has a way to balance things out…

Serenity: Like Karma and self actualisation?

Sam: No… weekends and tv… *grabs remote*

Door: DING DONG!!!! OPEN ME!!!!!

Yugi: *opens door and a girl who looks like Sam only shorter and chibier…*

Girl: Hi… my name's Kiki… I'm your new neighbour… *sinister figure appears behind her* Oh and this my cousin MaujinVadar…

MaujinVadar: *laboured breathing, looking dark and sinister in her black cloak* The force is strong in you…

Yugi: o.0?

Kiki: *whispers to Yugi* Star Wars fanatic…

Yugi: Oh…

Kiki: *hears her mom calling* Oh… I gotta go… I'll see ya later neighbour…

Yugi: Oh… ok… *see her leaves*

Yami: She's seems nice… *notices Yugi's blank expression* Aibou?


Yami: Yugi?

Yugi: *love hearts popping around him everywhere and in his eyes* I'll just go to my room… *floats away*

Sam: Y'know I think I just solved the Authoress Yami problem… Ah the power of love…

MaujinVadar: ^___^ Ah, love.... tis so wonderful... I can almost taste it... lick it... rip it into itty bitty shreds like a defensless butterfly!!!! Hoo hah!!!! (A/N: I borrowed that from Pandapants182… it's just so funny)

Mally: *gasps* YOU'VE BEEN EATING MY SUGAR FROSTED HYPER BITES!!!! GRAH!!!! *leaps to a fight*

Sam: OI!!!! *grabs mallet and wacks Mally sky high* THAT'S NO WAY TO TREAT A GUEST!!!!

MaujinVadar: *laboured breathing*


MaujinVadar: Chill man…

Sam: Yeah MajinVadar's a Stars Wars fanatic that's all…

Tristan: Oh… I knew that… *walks away*

Sam: *mutters* --U You stupid, pencil headed pillock…*to MajinVadar* ^______^ Feel free to stay for the next chapter MajinVadar…

MaujinVadar: Ok… *Bakura tootles pass* ¬_¬ *draws out her double sided lightsaber and runs after him holding it high in the air*

Ryou: Um Sam I get this bad feeling of having Kiki as your Yami.

Sam: Why?

Yami: Cos there might be a problem

Sam: Problem? What problem?

Yami: The problem is… *coughs* DP *cough* TC *cough*

Sam: *confused* DP… TC *out loud in realisation* Oh you mean Yugi's love for Kiki might cause a problem with Drunken Panda and Tsuki Chan!?!?!?

Others: *nod*

Sam: o_0… ^()^ Ah well it be something to write about then for the next chapter MUWHAHAHAHHAHAH AHA!!!!!

Ryou: -_- Did any of you cared to remind her to take her medication…

Others: O_O Uh… no… *they all back away from Sam and run off*


Bakura: *walking oblivious of MaujinVadar stalking him with a huge double sided green lightsaber held above her head* Hmm? *turns around and sees MauginVadar* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!


Bakura: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *runs around in circles chased by MaujinVadar*



Back to Sam…

Sam: Readie and Reviewy folks!!!! *goes past Bakura who's hair has been singed black* Ooh have you dyed your hair black again Bakura… ^()^ Good for you!!!

Bakura: @()@ *hair singed black*