Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Yugioh: Christmas Party ❯ Safety first, Kissing second, and Musicals last of all ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: I don't own no Yugioh ya hear?!

Gw: I feel sorry for you all, I mean the story is going to end and you haven't even had a good Christmas.

Bakura: -_-, you do realize that Christmas was about two months ago, right?

Gw: uh...who wants presents?

Yami: I do! I do!

Gw: *hands Yami present* There you go! A free make out session with Tea!

Tea: O_o I never agreed to this!

Bakura: *grabs it from him* It's mine!

Yami: Hey! I thought we were on a truce!

Bakura: Make out sessions eliminate everything!

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Dude, Where's my Pornographic Bomb?

Seto: what's with all the screaming?

Yugi/Tristan/Joey/Ryou: *backed up against a wall Super-freaked*

Yugi: *points to the thing Seto tripped over* The-the-the-

Seto: Oh come on! Spit it out!

Tristan: PORNO BOMB!

Seto: huh? *Turns around* . . . . .. *Gives a ear-piercing girlish scream*

*Everyone else starts to panic*

Tristan: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Joey: I'M TOO COOL TOO DIE!

Ryou: I'M TOO CHARMING!

Yugi: I'M TOO SHORT!!!

Seto: *still screaming*

Ryou: *slaps him* that's enough out of you!

Serenity: *calls from outside* Is everything all right in there?

Seto: O_o uh, um-*calls back* we were just having a screaming contest! Yeah, that's what we were doing! No porno in here, hehehe.

Serenity: are you sure we shouldn't come in there?

Seto: *thinks of something to say* er, um- YES DAMMIT! Aw, fuck. Why did I say that?

Serenity: *obviously pissed at Seto* Fine! *Conversation ends*

Seto: *in thought* YES DAMMIT? Where in the hell did that come from?

Ryou: *peering at the PB* shouldn't we tell them that it's in here?

Seto: and risk having my obsession with porn revealed to my girlfriend? I told her I got rid of it all and if she sees me with a room full of pornography . . .I don't know what she'll do...

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He's not crazy! Just obsessed . . .

Serenity: *clearly upset* I wonder what they are doing in there . . .

Isis: hmmm, if I know Kaiba . . .it probably has to do with porno.

Serenity: Oh come on! He's not that obsessive! It's not like he has a "Secret Porno Stash" or something.

Mai: *laughs* Wouldn't that just be insane?

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I don't have germs cuz germs are hated, so kiss me baby I'm vaccinated!

Tea: O_O you want me to kiss you?

Malik: *leans forwards* you said you would do anything.

Tea: bu-but I didn't-I don't

Malik: *perverted grin* you said . . .

Tea: but . . .*evil idea* I tell you what. I'll give you something even better.

Malik: *perverted grin grows* Something better?!?

Tea: yes, but, you have to close your eyes. And don't open them until I say . . .

Malik: *closes eyes* *in thought* MAKE OUT CITY HERE I COME!

Tea: *very quickly and quietly sneaks away* *in thought* what a perverted freak.

Malik: *sitting by himself* *In thought* I wonder what she's doing . . . . . .if it takes this long it has to be worth it! *Waits longer* yup, worth it . . .*waits longer* worth it . . . *waits* Ok, maybe she wants me to look! No, no, I have to wait . . .

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Yami Allison Bakura?

Marik: *completely traumatized from the fondue treatment* . . . . .*blank stare*. . . . *Blinks*

Bakura: *glances at Malik* Do you think that was a tad too mean?

Yami: not at all.

Bakura: yeah, how are we going to take care of this detonator?

Yami: *picks up teddonator* I have no idea *looks at Mokuba* he was our only hope . . .

Bakura: . . .I've got an idea! You've seen those movies right, where they have those bombs they have to defuse and they have to cut the red or blue wire?

Yami: red or yellow.

Bakura: whatever--if the detonator works like a bomb, maybe we could deactivate it.

Yami: don't you think that a bit risky? We're dealing with a lot of lives here.

Bakura: *daring grin* Risky is my middle name.

Yami: I thought Allison was your middle name . . .

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Food? What is Food?

Isis: You know what I just realized?

Mai: what?

Isis: We've haven't eaten in a very long time.

Serenity: Oh yeah! I forgot about food.

Isis: I don't know about you two, but I'm going to kitchen to find something to eat. Even if Joey cleaned out Kaiba's pantry.

Mai: you're right, I'm sure there has to be something.

Serenity: I don't know . . .Joey did eat that turkey once . . .

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Fun and games until some one gets thrown out of the stash

Seto: *scrutinizes PB* I think I've got a solution to all of our problems!

Yugi: You mean I'm finally getting platform shoes?

Seto: *smacks Yugi in the back of the head* No you moron. The Bomb, I think I can defuse it.

Yugi: *rubbing head* oh . . .I knew that.

Tristan: when did you learn how to defuse a bomb.

Seto: When your secret spy you pick up a few things.

Everyone: huh?

Seto: O_O''' uh-I mean, Mokuba taught me.

Joey: oh, that makes sense.

Seto: The only things I need is a pair of scissors, goggles (for safety), a coke, if possible a playboy *Ryou hands him one* and a screwdriver . . . .So one of you has leave to the porno and get me those things.

Ryou: *looks at Yugi*

Yugi: *looks at Joey*

Joey: *looks at Tristan*

Tristan: *fiddling with thumbs*

Ryou: AHEM.

Tristan: hm? *Realizing everyone is staring at him* What?!

Joey: *puts arm around Tristan* listen bud, your going to have to get out of the stash.

Tristan: huh? What do you mean?

Ryou: *pushes Tristan towards door* I would go, old chap, but I have to . . .um . . .. Yeah.

Tristan: you didn't say any--

Yugi: bye now! *Pushes him out of door*

Tristan: but I don't unders-*door closes on his face* and.*snaps fingers* I'm always on the brink of adventure.

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Safety first

*Bakura is dissecting the poor teddonator*

Bakura: *wearing goggles (for safety) that came from who-knows-where* *with screwdriver in hand *Red wire to blue wire, then blue wire to yellow wire, than yellow wire to purple thing . . .

Yami: *wearing goggles (also for safety) too* Do you know what your doing?

Bakura: *takes off goggles* from what I've acquired . . . no.

*Looooooooong boring silence*

Yami: *getting bored*Let's just cut a wire and see what happens.

Bakura: Are you serious? If we mess with one thing it might set off the bomb! And if the bomb explodes then not only will we die, but children around the world will never experience Christmas again! And eventually because of the lack of love and care in the month of December the world will fall into a horrible depression! One that we might never leave!

*Silence*

Yami: *giddily points* How about the green one?!

Bakura: *like a three-year old* Okay!

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Kissing second

Tristan: *meandering downstairs*

Tea: *sees Tristan* Hey Tristan! Whatcha doing?

Tristan: Me? Oh, I'm looking for a pair of scissors, goggles, a coke, and a screwdriver so Kaiba can save us all from the Porno Bomb. You?

Tea: Nothing much. *Still bitter from Malik's futile attempt to make out with her, and also wants to do something evil to Tristan cause of his screwed up hair* Tristan, could you do me a favor?

Tristan: Sure. What do you need?

*Tea leads Tristan very quietly to Malik*

Tea: *whispers* Tristan, I need for you go up right in front of Malik and uh, make sure he isn't sleeping.

Tristan: Why can`t you do it?

Tea: Because . . . I. can't--just do it! *Pushes him*

Tristan, thoroughly confused, follows Tea's instructions and crouches right in front of a very horny Malik. Tea then signals for him to scoot closer to him, and Tristan does until he is reeaaally close to his face. Silly Tea, tricks are for kids.

Tea: *loudly* KISS ME MALIK! KISS ME!

Malik: *responds to this outburst by kissing the first thing he gets his hands--or lips on . . .which was Tristan*

Tristan: *muffled yelling* Gettooph mue oo gay brassard!

Malik: *lets go, sees Tristan* . . . . .WHAT THE HELL?

Tea: *rolling on the floor laughing out loud*

(An: isn't it strange that this is the second yaoish thing that happened in this story. And isn't it even stranger that it happened because of Tea? Hahaha.)

Tristan: *completely freaked (an: I mean, how would you feel if you thought someone was sleeping and they just kissed you? I would be traumatized, but then again, things like this happen to Tristan all the time.)* WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

Malik: I thought you were--uh-Tea . . .

Tristan: O_O Does that make anything better?

Malik: . . . . .. *Looks at Tea* TEA!

Tea: *giggles a little* Malik, I gave you something better!

Malik: *is truly hurt* I thought you actually liked me. *Sniff* you didn't have to play such a mean trick. *Sniff*

Tea: *sorta guilty* Sorry Malik, I just don't go for evil-cute-horny-perverted-sneaky-homicidal-Egyptian-guys!

Malik: *sniff*

Tristan: . . . . Tea, would you help me find the things Kaiba was asking for?

Tea: *one last glance at heartbroken Malik* . . . sure.

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Mokuba: a boy with issues

Bakura: *poised over wire* you know, we only have about one hour or so to get this thing to stop working.

Yami: yeah, so?

Bakura: What if we choose the wrong one? So many lives depend on this cut.

Yami: *sigh* yeah . . .

Bakura: *sigh*

Mokuba: *sigh*

Yami/Bakura: . . . . . . . . . YOUR AWAKE?!

Mokuba: I've been awake for the past 5 minutes!

Yami: why didn't you tell us?

Mokuba: I was enjoying the drama. ^_^

Yami/Bakura: *major sweatdrops*

Mokuba: *stands up and shakes himself off* *talking to in a super fast chipmunk voice to no one in particular* My brother says that I can't grasp the seriousness of a "real life situation". He says that I am always thinking too fast and I should slow down before I say or do something. *Walks over to teddonator* when he says that, I get angry. And when I'm angry I burn things. That's why I went to this nice person called the "child psycho-iatrist" and he told me it's not nice to burn things. *Fiddles with the teddonator*

Yami: yeah, anyway. *Turns to Bakura* I was just thinking, are we still on the truce?

Bakura: There's really no need for it now that Mokuba's conscious and we don't have to work together.

*Silence (excluding Mokuba's disturbing rants)*

Yami: how about till we get out of here.

Bakura: *considers* I see no problem with that.

Mokuba: and I was like "Oh my gosh!" And he was like "totally" *continues to talk*

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And Musicals last of all

*Tea and Tristan wander into the kitchen (followed by a super depressed Malik) to find Serenity, Mai and Isis*

Tea: hey guys! Whatcha doing?

Mai: well, we discovered that Joey didn't eat all the food in the house. I don't know how, but he left the Christmas Dinner untouched!

Tristan: *looks at clock* Don`t think we are going to see Christmas if I don`t get upstairs with *quotes items from memory* scissors, goggles, a coke, and a screwdriver.

Serenity: Could that box over there help? *Points to random box that says "Super handy box o' scissors, goggles, a coke, and a screwdriver."*

Tristan: *shrugs and takes box upstairs*

Isis: *looks at Malik* gee, Malik what's wrong?

Malik: *sniff* nothing.

Tea: *without emotion* he's depressed cause I said I didn't like him.

Malik: *sniff*

Isis: Oh come on Malik! There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

Tea: I'm not a fish!

Malik: *sniff*

Isis: Wow, your really upset. *Light switch goes off in her brain* I've got the perfect idea to make your feel better!

Malik: *curious sniff*

Isis: *starts to sing*

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Malik: *unaffected by his sister's attempt to cheer him up*

Serenity: *joins in*

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

Malik: *feels slightly better*

Mai: *also joins in*

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may

Malik: *grins a little*

Tea:

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

*Brief silence*

Everyone: (including Malik)

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya tomorrow!
You're always
A daaaaaay
A waaaaaay!

(An: . . .)

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Porno: The British Man's Kryptonite

Ryou: I can't do this! It's wrong!

Joey: *(an: I prefer not to tell what their doing)* Come on Ryou! Be a Man!

Ryou: No! This is wrong! Indecent! Immoral! And I won't stand for it!

Yugi: hey Ryou, look at this! *Shows him something*

Ryou: WHOAAAAAAAA! I'M GONNA WRAP YOU UP AND TAKE YOU HOME AND SPREAD YOU ON MY WAFFLES!!! YAAAAAAAAAAHOOO!!

Yugi: O_o uh, never mind.

*Tristan walks in*

Tristan: hey Kaiba, I got what you needed!

Seto: *grabs box* Took you long enough!

Tristan: I dunno, I could of sworn I heard Annie the Musical playing somewhere.

Joey: *drops the porn and looks at bomb* I can understand why you would need the other stuff, but why coke?

Seto: because, *drinks coke* Even when I'm on the brink of death, the only thing that makes it better is a ice cold coke. Life tastes good Coca-cola! *Commercial smile*

Everyone: O_o?

Seto: I get paid to do that.

Yugi: *looks around* There aren't any cameras in here.

Seto: Not any you can see.

Everyone: O_0.

Seto: *puts on goggles* Well boys, if we don't get out of this alive I just have to say . . .even through thick or thin, you guys have been there for me and--and. . . This was the best Ch-Christmas ever. *Breaks down*

Yugi: Kaiba, are you crying?

Seto: *sniff* no. *busily starts to work on PB*

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Mokuba: and the cat was like, at least the size of a watermelon and--*stops* uh oh.

Yami: *jumps up from poking Marik* what do you mean "uh oh"??

Mokuba: *not hyper* Well, it seems that when I was constructing the Bomb I got smart and put a trick or something in it.

Bakura: what do you mean?

Mokuba: I don't know which wire to cut. The red or the blue. .

Yami: it's obvious!

Bakura: yeah

Yami/Bakura: Red/Blue!

Yami: *stares at Bakura* oh come on Bakura, in every single movie they cut the red one!

Bakura: no they don't. They cut the blue one!!

Yami: Okay! We aren't going to fight about this. Mokuba cut the red one.

Bakura: No! The blue one!

Yami: *getting pissed* Listen Tomb Raider! I'm not going to risk Tea's life on your stupid decision!

Bakura: Who died and made you king?

Yami: I'm not king, I'm pharaoh!

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Gw: sorry I had to leave you guys at such a sucky cliffe, but this chapter was getting really long!!

Malik: my only question is how I know anything from "Annie".

Gw: *shrugs*

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An: fondue: Hot sauce-like melted cheese or chocolate in which bread or fruits are dipped.