Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ The Homocidal, Genocidal, Sucidal Phenomenom That is The Fifteenth Chapter ( Chapter 15 )

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The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 15)

Gohan: (he, Kevin, and Hiei are trudging through a snowstorm in their search for Fred. He shouts to be heard over the storm) Tell me again why we're looking in Alaska.

Kevin: I thought that this would be a good place to start.

Hiei: (his arm wrapped up from the last show) Why?

Kevin: Fred hates the cold.

Gohan: Are you sure about that?

Kevin: No. But I hate the cold. And I figured that whoever kidnapped Fred, probably did it to ruin me.

Gohan: Why do you think everything revolves around you?

Kevin: What else would it revolve around?

Hiei: Can we just hurry up? It's cold out here.

Gohan: You should've wore a shirt.

Hiei: (staring down at his shirtless body) I prefer it off.

Gohan: Why?

Hiei: Sex appeal, bitch. I'm sexy and I need to show it off.

Gohan: We're in Alaska. Who's going to care if you're sexy or not? There's like no one here. (notices some hot Eskimo girls are looking at Hiei, giggling and waving. Gohan sighs) Nevermind.

Kevin: Gohan, let me see that note again. (Gohan hands him the note) "I stole Fred. If you ever want to see him again, well that's too bad. I'm going to do to him what he failed to do to me. And don't bother trying to find out who this is because it's a waste of time. You'll never find me. MUWAHAHAHAHAH!!!" I don't get it. Who would kidnap my monkey?

Hiei: Let me see the note. (takes a look at the note) Uh... guys. Did either of you look at the top of the note?

Gohan: No. Why?

Hiei: It says "From the Desk of Miguel." Who's Miguel?

Gohan: It's Fred's older brother.

Kevin: Of course, only that orange bastard could pull off something this dastardly. Actually, I'm kind of impressed.

Gohan: Kevin, this is serious. We need to find Fred before our ratings sink to rock bottom and we're cancelled.

Hiei: Well, now that we know who's behind this, we have to figure out where he is.

Kevin: (thinking for a long time) Wait. The volcano.

Hiei: Huh?

Kevin: Fred tried to kill Miguel at a volcano. That's what he meant by the note. It's where Fred failed.

Gohan: Well, that's great and all but that still doesn't tell us where he is. There are a lot of volcanoes on Earth.

Kevin: Well, if I know Miguel, which I don't, he won't leave America, as other countries hate us at the moment. So, staying within the country, that leaves Mt. St. Helens in Washington or any where in Hawaii. And Mt. St. Helens sounds too easy. He went to Hawaii, for sure.

Hiei: (eye twitching) So we weren't even close when we decided to come here?

Kevin: Apparently so. (laughing) Boy was that a mistake.

Hiei: (jumping on Kevin) Why are you laughing? I'm freezing my ass off. This is no time to laugh.

Gohan: He's right. We have to get to Hawaii, and fast.

Kevin: Okay. Let's go. (as Kevin has basically no money and Hiei is a cheap son of a bitch, they both hop on Gohan and he takes off)

Gohan: (while flying) You know Kevin, you could stand to lose a few pounds.

Kevin: (sitting on Gohan's back) What are you trying to say?

Gohan: I'm saying I had an easier time carrying Bulma and Yajirobe. And I was ten when I did that.

Kevin: Well, why don't you tell Hiei to lose some weight?

Hiei: (standing on Gohan's ass) Cause I'm svelt. And sexy. I don't need to lose anything. I'm perfect.

Gohan: Actually, could you sit down? The pressure is making my ass go numb.

Hiei: Where am I going to sit? Fat ass right there has taken up all the good spot.

Kevin: You bastard. (he tackles Hiei and they go flying off of Gohan. Gohan swiftly flies down and catches them both by the collar)

Gohan: Can you two quit bickering? We still got a ways to go.

***ELSEWHERE***

Fred: (tied to a pole next to a volcano, trying to speak through the gag) Ull er git gae wiv dis.

Miguel: I'm sorry, the gag must be in the way. (removes the gag) Now what did you say?

Fred: You'll never get away with this.

Miguel: Who's going to stop me? It's the perfect plan.

Fred: Yeah, but I bet you wrote that note on one of your papers that say "From the Desk of Miguel."

Miguel: I did no...(remembers what paper he wrote on) DAMNIT!!!

Fred: See, and I bet my friends are on their way here to stop you.

Miguel: I'll admit that I might have made a mistake. But you have to admit that those two are dumber than a box of rocks.

Fred: That's not true.

***BACK WITH THE OTHERS***

Kevin: Um... Gohan... It's cold again.

Hiei: Have we just been flying south?

Gohan: Uh..... yeah.

Kevin: You needed to take a right back at California.

Gohan: How was I supposed to know? Maybe if you would've told me instead of staring down those girls bikinis to try to "catch a peek" we might already be in Hawaii by now.

Kevin: Hey, I wasn't the only one staring.

Hiei: Don't bring me into this. Those girls were staring at me first.

***BACK AT THE VOLCANO***

Miguel: Somehow I think you're lying. They're dumb and you know it.

Fred: Maybe, but they'll find you. Cause Gohan's lucky.

Miguel: Yes, but wouldn't Kevin's horrendous bad luck cancel that out.

Fred: (thinks about this for a couple seconds) Damn.

Miguel: HAHA. You'll never win now.

Fred: So then why haven't you killed me yet?

Miguel: Because. I'm waiting for your friends show up. Then they'll see me push you in. And they'll have to watch you die. It's called being dramatic.

Fred: It's called being stupid. I would've pushed you in hours ago.

Miguel: Well, it's not too late to try it your way.

Fred: (eyes widening) No, that's okay. You're way's good too.

***BACK WITH THE OTHERS***

Kevin: Are we there yet?

Gohan: (eye twitching) No.

Hiei: Are we there yet?

Gohan: No.

Kevin: Are we there yet?

Gohan: No.

Hiei: Are we there yet?

Gohan: No.

Kevin: Are we--

Gohan: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Hiei: Then why have we landed?

Gohan: (looks around at the mountainy terrain of the Hawaiian volcano) Oh, I guess we are here.

Kevin: Okay, let's find Fred.

Gohan: Are we sure we landed on the right volcano?

Kevin: (sees a man sitting, conviently, on a stool by where they landed) You wouldn't have happened to see an orange monkey with a turquoise monkey go by here, have you?

Man: I reckon. Been a lot o' folks going by. But I do remember two awkward monkeys going by. Yep. They went up that trail there (points to a trail that is dark and has several dead trees) Yep. I told them that trail was haunted. But they wouldn't listen. Yep. Many a folk been up that road. None come back. It's haunted by the souls of hell. Lot a history on that road. (realizes that all three of them left a while ago) No one ever listens. Hopefully they'll avoid the rampaging dinosaurs and swarms of undead zombie unicorns. Yep. Those undead zombie unicorns can be pretty harsh. I remember when I first heard about those undead zombie unicorns. It was back during the World War II. The Battle of the Unicorns was a fierce one. They were all viciously murdered by underground man-eating zebras. It was horrendous. Yep. Thousands died. And not just unicorns. Yep. Fairies were ripped out of their home and forced into slave labor. When the battle was over, they revolted and rioted. The zebras decided to give the fairies minimum-wage jobs, working as short order cooks and teachers. Then the fairies asked for the right to vote. The zebras decided to slaughter them too. But without people to do their work for them, they soon died. Yep. Lots of history on that road.

***AS THAT WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, LET'S GO TO THE TOP OF THE VOLCANO, WHERE GOHAN, KEVIN, AND HIEI HAVE FOUND OUT WHERE MIGUEL IS HOLDING FRED***

Kevin: (whispering) How are we supposed to get to him?

Gohan: We need a distraction.

Hiei: Can I kill the monkey?

Gohan: Which one?

Hiei: Either.

Gohan: Hell no. Fred's important to the show.

Kevin: And we want to make Miguel pay for making us come to Hawaii. (the other two stare at him confused) What? I hate the beach. You can't wear a shirt.

Gohan: That's not important. We need to do something and quick.

Kevin: We could wait til Miguel falls asleep and then sneak over and untie Fred.

Gohan: That might take too long. Our ratings might not make it.

Kevin: After the whole thing with Fred going single? We could wait a year and the ratings still wouldn't go down.

Gohan: Fine. We'll wait til he falls asleep. (they all sit down)

Hiei: I'm bored.

Kevin: It's only been three seconds.

Hiei: Hey, I get bored easily.

Gohan: Yeah I'm getting bored too.

Kevin: Fine, I'll think of something.

***THREE HOURS LATER***

Hiei: Got any threes?

Gohan: Go Fish.

Kevin: We're playing poker.

Hiei: I hate poker.

Kevin: That's because you always lose.

Hiei: I just don't understand. How the hell do you know what beats what?

Kevin: I've been trying to tell you but you just won't listen.

Hiei: (kicking cards away) I hate this game.

Kevin: (shouting) THOSE WERE MY CARDS ASSHOLE!!! (they start to wrestle around) I'll kill you.

Hiei: Not if I kill you first.

Miguel: (hearing them behind the boulder that they were hiding) Ah ha. So you're here. Now I can begin my master plan.

Kevin: Just a second. Me and this three-eyed bastard are trying to settle something.

Miguel: But I have your friend tied up to a pole near a volcano. What's more important?

Hiei: (ignoring Miguel) What did you call me? (he tackles Kevin and they start to fight again)

Miguel: Hey. HEY!!! I'm trying to talk here. (unbeknownst to Miguel, Gohan has freed Fred from the ropes)

Fred: Now, Miguel. YOU DIE!!! (he charges Fred and they roll around fighting)

Miguel: Get off me you son of a bitch.

Fred: Your mom was a son of a bitch.

Miguel: We have the same mother, retard.

Fred: I'll same mother you. (they have rolled to the edge of the volcano. After Fred says the line, he hits Miguel, who falls into the volcano. He happens to grab the ledge before it is too late.)

Miguel: If you kill me, you'll be killing a part of yourself. I'm what makes you so evil.

Fred: (evil smile) I'm evil on my own accord. (he kicks Miguel in the face and he falls to his death)

Kevin: (who stopped fighting Hiei a while ago) Wow, you killed your own brother.

Fred: It had to be done.

Kevin: I wish I could do that.

Gohan: Well guys, now that that's all over, let's go do our show.

Fred: I don't know. I'll probably need a day or two to get over the shock.

Gohan: What shock? You killed him. What do you need to get over?

Kevin: He means celebrate. We got a lot of drinking to do tonight. (notices Hiei looking dejected) Hey Hiei, want to join us?

Hiei: (doesn't smile, but you can tell he's happy) Whatever. I guess I'll do it. But I had other plans.

Gohan: Hey guys, can I come?

Fred, Kevin, and Hiei: NO!

Gohan: Bastards.

***THE END***

Suddenly, a shot of the volcano is shown and an orange monkey paw comes out of the lava, perfectly okay.

***THE END???***

Don't worry, I'll keep going with the show. I'm not going to end it like that. I just thought that it would be funny to put a little break in between shows. So go ahead and review. And don't let the laughter die. By the way, did any one catch the "Pet Cemetary" reference? I hope so. It took me a long time to think up that crap. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's the whole "Man" story about the unicorns and stuff.