Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ What I Really Feel ❯ Chapter 1: Haunting Me ( Chapter 1 )

What I Really Feel

Drof: I just hadda post this! ^_^ Anyways, it's DEFINITELY gonna have more chappies, because oohoohoo, I thought up the BEST little songfic to the song Faint by Linkin Park on the bus and in gym, and it's from Kara-chan's POV! Anyway, it'll be chappie two!

Karasu: …I doubt I want to know….Ford owns nothing…Except a couple CDs and an obsession problem or five.

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Chapter 1: Haunting Me

Kurama's POV

[I'm so tired of being here,]

[Suppressed by all my childish fears.]

[And if you have to leave,]

[I wish that you would just leave.]

It's always the same. You already left me. Is it you that I'm afraid of? Do I really fear you? Or do I fear the fact that maybe you're not dead? Is that what I'm afraid of? If you're going to be dead, then don't come back like this and haunt me. If you're alive, then show me that. But don't taunt me with implications.

[`Cause your presence still lingers here,]

[And it won't leave me alone.]

It's like I can hear you, see you. Sometimes I could swear I hear you speaking to me. But whenever I reply, you're not there. This sense that you're here, the feeling of your aura, it's driving me crazy! Are you here, or is it just wishful thinking?

[These wounds won't seem to heal.]

[This pain is just too real.]

[There's just too much that time cannot erase.]

Still, I feel the pain of your death. The pain of losing my first real friend. I can see it like it was yesterday. Sometimes, I think it was just yesterday when you died. That I'm trapped in an eternity of loss, always forced to remember your death and the pain. Even though it's been hundreds of years, the pain is as fresh and sharp as ever, and the memory is even sharper.

[When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.]

[When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.]

You'd have horrible nightmares, and always you'd wake up screaming, crying. I don't know who, or what, caused them, but I know what effect they had on you. I was always there, to lend you a shoulder to cry on, to give you the comfort of knowing that you had a true friend, a friend who would always stay by your side, a friend who would never hurt you.

[And I've held your hand through all of these years,]

[But you still have all of me.]

I was always by your side. Always ready to defend you when I knew you were in the right, and always ready to make sure you didn't do the wrong thing. I was your best friend, and you were mine. And even now, the friendships I have cannot even begin to compare with our friendship. None can. There will always be a special place in my heart for you, and you alone, my friend.

[You used to captivate me,]

[By your resonating light.]

[But now I'm bound by the life you left behind.]

That aura of kindness and caring that always surrounded you, it was like no other. I was amazed that even after all you'd been through, you still managed that kindness. But now, now that aura is gone, fled just as surely as your life, and now I'm caught and bound in the chains and ropes of the memory of your aura, your kindness.

[Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams,]

[Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.]

Every time I close my eyes, I see your face. I wake up to the vision of you, your smile, your eyes. I often wake up with your name on my lips, and the echoes of my screams dying down. I hear you too, especially late at night when I lye awake, trying not to cry when I remember how you died. How I couldn't save you, my one true friend. The only one who accepted me for who and what I was, and still am. Am I going crazy, or do I really hear your voice?

[These wounds won't seem to heal.]

[This pain is just too real.]

[There's just too much that time cannot erase.]

The scars are no longer visible, not in either form, but I know they're there. And I still feel the pain. Even after all these years, it hasn't dulled at all.

[When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.]

[When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.]

Always it comes back to this. Always, it comes back to your mysterious past. Someone hurt you, hurt you badly, and I always wanted to know who, but you never told me. I still did my best to comfort you, but without the knowledge of what you so feared, how could I?

[And I've held your hand through all of these years,]

[But you still have all of me.]

Why can't I let you go? You're gone, dead! I saw you die, saw the light fade from your eyes even as your blood poured out on the ground. So why is it that I still can't be free of these chains, tied with the memories and soaked in blood, your blood, which bind me here even after so long?

[I've tried to tell myself that you're gone.]

Oh, how hard I tried! I still say it, but I can't lie to myself. I know you're gone, but no matter how many times I say it, I can't believe it!

[And though you're still with me.]

And no matter what, you're always here. I feel your aura, your spirit. Always near me, protecting me like I used to protect you, all those years ago.

[I've been alone all along.]

Even as I get the call from Botan, saying I need to come pronto, saying it's important. Saying it's about you. I get up, hope flashing through me. Is it you? As she leads me to Koenma's office, where she says you're waiting, I still feel as if this isn't real. The doors open, and for a split second your aura assaults me, and I know that you're there. You're really there. I rush into the room, so eager to see you, my dearest friend.

[When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.]

[When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.]

[And I've held your hand through all of these years.]

And then, as I am about to see you, I wake up. The dream disintegrates into nothingness. I can't help but cry, whispering your name as tears stream down my face, as once more I am reminded that you're dead. And the loss comes back, and hits me full force. I cry harder, not bothering to muffle my sobs. I lost my best friend the day you died. I lost you, the first person to care about me. My first, and truest friend. And as I cry, I realize something.

[You still have all of me.]

You do, Kuronue. You do.

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Drof: ….No, this isn't romance….I'll do romance later….In case no one has noticed, I do ANGSTY romance…Well, nothing's really come up yet….But I don't DO cheerful and happy…Sorry. Not.