A Habit

Kinshin: I have major writers block for my other story. But anyways this just popped into my head.

Summary: AU-Shuuichi Minamino picked up a habit. But it's dangerous for his health. Then he finds something that will change his mind. Shounen-ai, possible yaoi

Part 1: A Habit

Shuuichi's POV

Everyone has a habit. They do it everyday at least once. I do but I can't help it. If people knew the habit I picked up they would look at me in disgust, especially the number 1 student. I wonder would they accept it? Or would they hate me for it and not like me anymore? The polite, respectful student Minamino Shuuichi. Hmm, that would be interesting.

Ah, I better get to class can't miss a day otherwise I'll ruin my perfectly good record. Sarcasm intended. I wonder why do I have to keep this up anyways? I mean I don't need to but… I just keep it up for my mom. She's really nice to everyone and me. And I can carefully tell the truth or make my way around it. Plus if I lied to someone's face they would immediately trust me. I love it. Well not really…

See with this reputation comes a price. My price is the annoying little fan club of girls that like to be around me. I hate being smart and beautiful at the same time. The geeks like me because I'm smart. The girls like me because I look beautiful. It's no secret from me. They always talk about my red hair and emerald green eyes. As they say they are also jealous of my looks. Oh well, not like I could drive them away no matter how polite I am when I try to.

I sighed as I see the school campus. I really need a vacation from all of this. I wish someone or something would break this stupid cycle of my life. I'm tired of the same routine. I need a new one.

As expected, I get stares, the door is willingly hold opened for me and the girls always greet me with flirty looks. God I'm so sick of it. But I can't make it go away. Besides even if I cause trouble I'll still be the topic.

I walked into my first class since the bell already rang. I sat in my seat. It was the far corner at the back so I could stare out at the window all I want while look like I'm actually paying attention. The teacher doesn't notice so it's a bit fun. I've had years of experience. I've done it since I was actually this popular.

This is going to be a long time, till lunch that is.

* * *

Ah! Finally it's lunch. But I'm not that hungry. No I don't eat at lunch in school. Actually I save the lunch money I get and spend it on something else or save it for something big.

No, actually I go some bathroom that no one goes in. No one would bother coming in.

See, this is the bad habit I picked up.

Cutting.

I know that it's wrong but I just can't help it. At least I won't go crazy or be out of my mind like drugs do. This is different. I love the feel of it. It calms me down when I'm nervous. Or otherwise I do it to escape my reality for a while. I've been doing this for a while. It was since I think when I started high school.

I love the adrenaline rush that comes with it. I hear my heartbeat beating faster, the smell of new coins, the coppery taste. I bleed. It helps me take on the life I have. Like other people that take drugs and drink alcohol. They do that to forget or take on the life they have. They want to be calm and not out of control. Though cutting is different. You won't go nuts later on, you'll just keep cutting and cutting until someone or you stop yourself or you actually go through with suicide.

My mother doesn't know of this, no one does.

Though I wonder why people cling to life as always. They wish to live their life to the fullest no matter what comes in the future. I've been looking for the answer, the answer to my question.

Why do people try to live on when they'll just die anyways?

I've always wondered why they do. Is it because the influence of other people let them stay? They want to get something out of it? But I always see that you become alive then you go to school, find a job, retire, and then live in a house until you die. What's the point of living something that is so original? Shouldn't something be different? I mean they say life is full of surprises because you don't know what's coming. But then it's better to not know. It wouldn't be a surprise anymore.

I stare at my reflection. I'm tempted to punch it and shatter it but I can't destroy school property. The janitor cleans this bathroom anyways, even if no one comes in.

I pull out my trusty razor blade. I've had it longer than the others. Somehow this blade hasn't gotten dull yet with all that cutting I do. I made a slash on my already marred arm. I love the feeling. I can hear it. It's just like a drum. The heart pumps faster to get blood through the veins in its continuous cycle.

The adrenaline!

The blood drips in the sink. I don't want to make a mess on the floor or the top of the sink. Otherwise if anyone does come in here they wouldn't be suspicious. The blood starts to clot making the bleeding stop. I turned the water on, washing the blood down the drain.

I walked out since the bell rang. It's time to go back to classes.

It is so going to be a long three hours.

* * *

The bell rang, finally school's out. Freedom!

Not really. I still have that pile of homework I got. Stupid homework. Why do we have to bother doing it anyways? It takes up our time. Why do we even need to study something that we will most likely not use when he grow up? I just don't get the world today. Is this like torture? Why do we have money anyways? It just makes other people greedy and the populace poorer. It's kind of sad really. I mostly see someone looking for something to eat because they can't afford and they beg other people for it. Some would give, others would ignore. Me, I don't ignore I give. They deserve it. Why should we be selfish?

I reached my house and entered. My mother always greets me when I get home. But she knows that I don't have friends to take home so she could cook for also. I feel sorry for her. But no one does want to be a friend so it's kinda sad. Not like I care, from what I learned friendship and love are just going to backstab you later on so what's the point?

"Hello Shuuichi, how was school?" my mom said greeting me.

"It was fine," I answered.

"Did you make any friends?"

"Not today. But someday I will."

She asks the same question. She doesn't want me to be lonely for some reason. I know that she won't be around forever. She wants me to find someone that I could talk to. But I never found anyone like that. They're all the same.

"Okay honey, do you want some snacks while you do your homework?"

"Ah, sure mom."

"I'll bring it up to your room."

She walked into the kitchen while I walk upstairs. Actually I never have homework because I finish it during study hall. I like that class. I don't do anything except homework. It's always my last class anyways.

I sat my bag down and flopped on my bed looking up at the ceiling. Now I have nothing to do. Oh well I guess I'll just stare at the garden then. I opened my window and leaned forward accepting the breeze that blows in. I watch the garden. My mom and I spend every weekend in the garden. I enjoy it anyways. I always like to spend time with my mom. And I'm sure that she enjoys spending time with me too. It's spring. The flowers and trees always grow best.

I jumped on the tree branch that happens to grow to my window. I always sit on the branch. My mother knows if I'm sitting in the tree. She sometimes joins me and we talk or keep silent to admire the view. The view is really beautiful. You could see the sunset and the various colors of the flowers.

"Shuuichi?" I heard my mom call out. I jumped back in.

"I was just outside mom."

"Oh, well here are your snacks. Did you do your homework already?" she asked amazed.

"Well, I finished it all already."

"Really? Well then I guess you have plenty of free time. I'm sorry to have to leave today for the trip my friend invited me to. Are you sure that you're going to be okay?" she asked concerned. I can't believe that I forgot about that.

"I'm sure mom. Go enjoy yourself. You know I can take care of myself," I answered.

"Okay," she said and kissed my on the forehead, "I'll be leaving now. I'll be back in a week. Bye Shuuichi." She said before leaving.

Looks like I do have plenty of free time.

I waited until night came. I always cut myself at night when I shower. The blood would always clean automatically. Apparently water lets the blood run longer. When it wouldn't run anymore I would stop. I would dress in nightclothes and brush my teeth. Hygiene is very important.

I lied on my back on my bed and stare blankly at the ceiling. I sighed.

Days such as this, I wish tomorrow would never come.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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Kinshin: There's part 1. I've already started part two. Tell me what you people think!

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