Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Buying into Insanity ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter 2: “O Brother! Where art thou…going?”

 

Iris awoke to a strange pounding sound as well as a delightful ringing of chimes. Finally, she remembered that her new home had a doorbell and it was ningen custom to not only ring doorbells, but also to answer them. She grabbed her bathrobe and hurried down her stairs to retrieve her guest. She quickly hoped it was that attractive redheaded boy from yesterday and was quite disappointed to find a dully dressed man standing on her doorstep.

“The doorbell works great, thanks for testing it for me. Have a great—“ She was about to finish her sentence and slam the door, when he introduced himself.

“Hi! I'm Norton Crane. Now I know what you're thinking--”

“That now I know your name, I have to kill not only you, but your family too? How clairvoyant of you!”

This stopped Norton momentarily and his face turned an ashen grey, but he quickly recovered. “No siree! I know you're not used to seeing traveling salesmen and probably want to slam that door in my face--”

“Got that right there, Nortie.”

“But would you still want to slam this door on me if I said I could offer you the greatest gift in the entire world?”

Iris pondered this for a moment, a vision of the delightful redhead meandering through her brain. “You mean you found him?”

Norton brightened. “Why, yes ma'am! And I've brought Him here, just for you!”

Iris peeked out around Nortie, then grabbing his shoulders and shaking him vehemently. “Where is he? Why are you hiding him?”

Nortie, slightly confused by the woman's reaction, held out a beautifully engraved bible tentatively. “Right here, guaranteed to stay with you always.”

The elf stared at the bible for a while, even daring to touch it once. “Well, he sure looks different.” She finally said.

“That is just packaging, ma'am. But He's all inside here, waiting to be taken into your home and treasured forever.”

Hearing this, Iris grabbed both the bible and Nortie and yanked them inside. She placed a stunned Nortie, who was still clutching the bible on the couch, and she stood in front of a fluffy chair, across from him.

“Okay, Nortie. How do I get it from you? You like money? Food? Small, tree-dwelling children who live in magical forests?” She leaned in over her low coffee table. “Level with me, Nortie. How can I make it—him mine?”

Norton shifted uncomfortably. “Well, um, there are a few kinds of payment we take.” He gulped as Iris leaned closer still, now leaning on the coffee table.

“I feel like we know each other pretty well, so why don't you just wait right here while I get a little more comfortable.” She winked as she began to leave, then turned and said, “Be right back!”

As Iris neared her stairs, she began to hear another banging, this time from the vicinity of her linen closet. Walking near it warily, she loudly announced her presence. “Linen Closet, I mean you no harm! I'm going to open you now!” She opened the door slowly, closing her eyes until the doorway was completely opened. After a moment, she peeked open one eye and stared at the noisemaker in her linen closet; her favorite redheaded demon. “Why, Shuichi! You're in my linen closet! How exciting! My towels haven't gotten nearly enough lovin' lately!”

Slightly confused by this, Shuichi stepped out of the linen closet and into the hallway next to Iris. “Well, I suppose they'll have to wait a little longer. It seems I've been detoured to your house again.”

“It's okay,” Iris said. “You can admit it. I know you figured this portal thing out and just wanted to see me. I think it's cute!” With that said she launched herself into his not-really-open arms and proceeded to hug him fiercely. Not really knowing what else to do, Shuichi patted her back and then stepped out of her grip, blushing slightly.

“Yes, well. I've not figured out how the portal malfunction works, but there is someone looking into it.” He paused for a moment, not quite sure what to say. Then he realized that Iris was waiting for him to say something, so he said the first thing on his mind. “Your linens smell like butterscotch.”

Iris giggled. “Yep. I make the detergent myself. It smells edible, but I've learned that you can't eat it, no matter how good it may smell.” She paused. “Guests don't really eat it either.”

“I would certainly hope not. That would be—” Shuichi was cut off by a shriek given off by Iris.

“Oh My Grapes! NORTIE!” she stalked back down the stairs, with Shuichi's hand firmly held in her own.

Kurama was slightly taken aback by this and when he entered the living room, he was even more taken aback to find a very starched-looking man sitting terrified on Iris's couch, staring between a bible on the coffee table and the wild-eyed look in Iris's eyes.

“You!” she said, pointing her finger at the man on the couch. “Lied to me! You promised me HIM!” she said, turning her pointer to Shuichi. “And HE was found in my linen closet! NOT in that thing!” she yelled, turning the pointer again to the bible. “Nortie, I thought we had something! I thought we were being real!” She sobbed. “How could you lie to me?” She ran out of the room, dragging Shuichi with her into the kitchen.