Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ I Don't Need a Hero! ❯ Guilty Thoughts ( Chapter 10 )

“HIEI, YOU SON OF A BITCH! WHEN YOU COME BACK, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU DEAD! I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE A DEMON! I HOPE YOUR INSIDES ROT!!”

 

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Scream.

 

“HIEI! IT'S BEEN WAY MORE THAN AN HOUR!” Kaya screamed into the darkened sky. It was now night time and she was still sitting in the woods, playing with twigs. All that has kept her from going insane with rage over the last few hours was thinking of Hiei's demise. And with Yusuke already on her hit list, she'd be pretty busy in the upcoming days.

 

“I've been here the whole time, onna,” came Hiei's voice out of the darkness. And sure enough, Hiei himself came stepping out of the shadows a moment later.

 

“What… the HELL is wrong with you?” She asked, very slow and shaky. It was very obvious that she was angry.

 

“What `s wrong with you?” Hiei asked, pausing to snicker. “You couldn't even sense me there. Pathetic.” He replied, standing over her with his hands behind his back.

 

“You're supposed to be TEACHING me this, you lard head! How am I just supposed to know how to “sense” if someone is coming?!” She shouted, venom dripping off of every letter of every word she had just spoken.

 

“Get up. We're going back.” He said, turning to walk off. Throughout all of her screaming, all of her rage, Kaya had kept the twigs up all day without dropping them once. That alone proved to Hiei that she had the power to learn quickly… If he could tame her stubbornness first.

 

Growling lowly and deeply in the back of her throat, Kaya had to keep reminding herself that she knew he'd be like this during training. She knew he'd test her like this, anger her, and enrage her. She knew it, expected it, she even thought she could handle it. But all of those words meant nothing to her at the moment and she just couldn't stop herself.

 

She had the mental image of the very same twigs he had forced her to hold up all day, hitting him the in the back of the head and breaking away from her control as they hit the ground with a “thud”. She hadn't even realized when her energy shifted from keeping the wood in place, to moving it. She hadn't noticed when the pile of sticks came zooming past her face, blowing her hair around. She hadn't seen when Hiei moved out of the way so quickly, and the twigs hit a near-by tree.

 

None of it registered to her brain when it happened, the only thing the mattered was her anger. Then Hiei spoke, snapping her out of it.

 

“What do you think you're doing, wench?” He asked, his voice low and dangerous.

 

Kaya stood there, eyes wide and mouth agape. Had she really just done that? All she did was think about it, she wasn't even focusing on trying to move the wood! It just...moved! It was like she wasn't the one in control at the moment, her anger was. Was it really that easy to move things telepathically? Was that normal? Was she missing something!?

 

Her anger forgotten, Kaya stepped up to Hiei with a confused and surprised look on her face. “I'm so sorry, Hiei! I didn't mean to, I didn't think they would just…. Heh heh….You know…You did have that coming to you.” She said, laughing a little under her breath.

 

“Hn.” Hiei grumbled, glaring at her as he turned to walk back to the temple, silently telling her to follow him.

 

During the entire walk back to the temple, Kaya had this huge feeling of guilt overtake her and sit heavily on her shoulders… Until she did something to push it off. Swallowing her pride, Kaya did the unthinkable. “Hey, Hiei…um…I'm sorry about the whole `trying to kill you with twigs' thing, alright?”

 

No response. No movement. Not even the slightest indication that he had even heard her.

 

“Look, I said I was sorry, okay?! I didn't mean to almost hit you in the head with a pile of wood!” She said, raising her voice a little this time.

 

Once again, she got nothing from the little fire demon.

“Hiei, I am talking to you here!” She shouted.

Silence.

“Hiei!”

 

…..

 

“Alright, fine! I apologized, my conscience is cleared! I have no reason to feel guilty anymore, so fuck you!” Kaya stated, throwing her hands up into the air as the temple came into view.

 

“Hn.”

 

Once inside the temple, Kaya and Hiei were greeted with the slight of Kuwabara and Yusuke punching each other's heads in over the remote control. Yusuke had bought the TV for Genkai last Christmas saying “you need something to do other then chain smoke and bitch.”

 

Kaya sighed, walking up to pile of flying fists and cheesy insults, she bypassed the fight and snatched up the remote control without a word or farther effort.

 

“You guys are acting like 5 year olds. Therefore, I get the remote.” She mumbled, plopping down on the sofa and switching the channel from cage fighting to a movie she hadn't seen in years.

 

“Oh! The crow! I love this movie!” She exclaimed, smiling brightly as she re-positioned herself to sit cross legged on the couch.

 

“Aw, c'mon Kay! We don't want to watch some girly emotional chick movie!” Yusuke whined. The fight had ended as soon as Kaya stole the prize.

 

Kaya snorted at him in a very un-ladylike manner as she gripped the remote closer to her chest to keep it safe. “The crow is not, by any means, a girly chick movie, dumbshit.” She informed, pausing her informative rant to think for a minute. “While it may be an emotional movie, it's not something your girlfriend would make you watch. It's not a tear-jerker AND it's got some kick ass fight scenes in it.” She said, smiling when her friend's faces lit up at the mention of fight scenes.

 

After looking over to his friend for conformation, Yusuke nodded and said, “Alright, we'll give it a try.”

 

“Either way, we're watching it.” She mumbled, putting the remote in her pants pocket as she got up and headed for the kitchen. “You guys want some snacks?” She asked, not bothering to wait for their answer.

 

“YEAH!” They both shouted in unison.

 

Placing a bag of “instant popcorn” into the microwave, Kaya sighed and grabbed three cans of soda from the refrigerator.

 

`I can't believe I attacked Hiei with a pile of twigs. I mean, I was angry and I was planning on doing something to get him back for ditching me in the woods all day. But I didn't mean to attack him or cause him bodily harm. Not that I even came close to doing so, but the fact of the matter is I tried too. Well, I didn't TRY too, it just kind of happened. Either way, it was my fault. And I should feel guilty. ' Kaya thought, emptying the bag of popcorn into a bowl and throwing the bag out.

 

Walking back into the living room, she was surprised to see Hiei sitting there on the windowsill. She thought for sure he'd want to be as far away from her as possible for what she did earlier.

 

Brushing off her surprise and confusion, she handed Yusuke and Kuwabara their drinks and sat down with the bowl of popcorn in her lap. The movie had just started, though she wasn't paying attention to it. She wanted to make it up to Hiei, though he seemed to be content with just sitting there on the windowsill, eyes closed and arms crossed. Fuck, he was probably reading her thoughts right now, getting some sick amusement out of her guilt.

 

She knew she was right in thinking so when she heard a dark chuckle in her mind.

 

“You know, you could have just said “No big deal” or something when I apologized back in the forest instead of sitting there LISTENING to me rack myself with guilt.” She said to him inside her mind.

 

“That's not any fun.”

“And this is?! You, Hiei Jaganshi, are a sad, sick little man.” She grumbled, popping a handful of popcorn into her month.

“Popcorn Hiei?” She offered aloud, all traces of her anger due to her inner argument with Hiei gone from her voice when she spoke. He shook his head no and the inner argument continued.

“That may be so, but at least I can tell when someone is standing right behind me.” He mocked, smirking when he heard her growl.

 

“You know what Hiei? Screw you! I can't believe I actually felt guilty for throwing those sticks at you! I should have thrown rocks instead!”She shot back, calmly taking a drink from her can of soda. From the outside, you could never guess they were fighting. The anger Kaya was feeling wasn't visible on the outside. Her eyes were fixated on the TV screen, appearing to be watching the movie. And Hiei looked to be sleeping over from his spot on the windowsill.

 

“They still would have been too slow to hit me.” He said smugly. She could just see the cocky grin on his face.

 

Deciding to ignore him for fear of ruining the rest of her night, she turned to Yusuke, who looked to be deeply interested in the movie. “Where are the others?” She asked. It appeared to be a random question, but to her and Hiei it was a change of subject.

 

“Huh? Oh, uh… Kurama is in spirit world with Koenma, Genkai is sleeping and Boton took Yukina out for some girly thing or something.” He answered, never taking his eyes off of the TV screen.

 

Her movie ruined, Kaya sighed as she handed Kuwabara the popcorn. “I'm going to bed. Good night guys.” She said as she walked up the stairs, not bothering to wait for replies.

 

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Kaya picked up her pillow and smacked it around for a few minutes. `Who the hell does that little shit think he is? Playing with me like that…' she thought, growling. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself down.

 

`That's just Hiei. That's just who he is. I can't be mad at him for being his arrogant, pissy, cocky self. I mean, I guess I know him better than anyone else here now…despite knowing him for the shortest time..' She thought, taking off her shirt and throwing them into a pile. Walking into her bathroom, she turned the shower on as hot as she could stand it and waited for it to get warm.

 

`There is no way in hell he is ever going to say he's sorry for messing with me like that, so I might as well just get over it since I do have to work with him and he is doing me a favor by training me to use my mental abilities.' She thought, pulling her pants down and stepping out of them.

 

As she went to check the water temperature, she caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror that was on the wall of the bathroom. She stood there in front of it in her black bra and panties, looking at her reflection with no emotion. She had a few scars on her body that she wasn't proud of, a lot of them from just falling on her skateboards and bikes as a little kid. But a few of them served as a constraint reminder of her long forgotten past and the misery that came with it.

 

Her ghostly pale white skin was clear of blemishes and hair, birthmarks and freckles. Her body was toned and tight, smooth and soft. But she still hated looking at herself in the mirror. It wasn't that she thought she was ugly, she just could never see herself as being one of the “pretty girls.” She had never thought of herself that way, she found she simply couldn't think like that. She didn't know why, but it was always like that. When she was a little girl, everyone would always tell her mother what a pretty little girl she was, and even as she got older boys would tell her too. But for some reason all those complements went unheard. She had always just thought she just didn't care for those people's opinions, but looking at herself now she realized she didn't have one herself.

 

It was like she was just nothing. Not pretty, not ugly. Not smart, not dumb. Just Kaya. Just… nothing.

 

Snapping out of it, she took off her under garments and hopped into the shower, thoughts of her appearance refusing to leave her mind.

 

Once she was done with her shower, she wrapped herself in a towel and walked back out into her room to throw on some night clothes. Digging around in her dresser she pulled out a pair of boxers and another tank-top before drying herself and slipping them on.

 

She lay down in her bed, shut off the light and went to sleep with thoughts of her powers, fighting with Hiei, and the nagging vain thoughts of her appearance haunting her dreams.