Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Sin of Regret ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

A/N: Finally! A decent length chapter! (unfortunately, chapter five has also stubbornly stuck to the 3 page average that this fic seems to be holding to -_-)

I really seriously love and respect Botan; I don't think I ever consciously realized this until I was writing this chapter. I don't think I'm portraying her OOC at all, she's a very formidable lady when the necessity arises, and these circumstances certainly call for her serious side. Most people only think of Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei as being the Reikai Tantei, and Botan as being nothing more than a messenger, when, in fact she is a very integral part of the team; sure, she doesn't fight much, but the things she _does_ do are no less important. Don't forget that the "five man team" has been a staple of shounen anime for more than 30 years (since Gatchaman, 1972); where would our boys be without their "capable female" to help them? ^_~.

But enough blabber; here's the long awaited (sorry!), double length (don't get used to it) Chapter 4!

Sin of Regret

Chapter 4

"_Regret_!?" Kuwabara burst out incredulously; Yuusuke had called him over so that Koenma could tell them both at the same time. "What the hell kinda fucked up way to die is THAT!?!"

"`Fucked up' or not," Koenma said, "there are only a couple things that can cause a Youko to become self-destructive, and since breaking a promise usually results in physical self-destructive acts, that leaves the Sin of Regret."

"Surely there are plenty of things Kurama regrets!" Yuusuke objected.

"It's not that simple," Koenma said. "Youko generally live their lives by the principal of doing and taking whatever they want, and they don't usually feel guilt over hurting others; that's why so many of them are thieves. If they fail to get something they want, or if their actions blow up in their faces...well, at least they tried. Regret, for a Youko, is the result not taking a chance on something potentially important to them when the opportunity presents itself."

"But what on Earth could Kurama be regretting?" Yuusuke asked.

"It might not be something recent," Koenma replied. "Being human may have protected him from the effects for a while. But more importantly, since this is a Youko condition it's likely that both Kurama's human and Youko selves will die."

~*~

"The limiter was a clever idea," Kurama said to the ferry girl. "But even so, you couldn't have bought me much time." Botan sighed and looked down at her fingers playing with the edges of her kimono sleeves. "How long?"

"An extra month," Botan said. "Added to the week you had previously. But the last two weeks won't be...pleasant."

"So we might as well take it off three weeks from now and get it over with quickly." The resigned tone of his voice rocked Botan to the core.

"You've given up!?" Botan exclaimed. "This isn't like you!! What's wrong with you, Kurama!?!"

"You should probably go," Kurama said, looking away. "'Kaasan will be back soon."

"Kurama..." His eyes remained evasive and Botan's lips tightened into a firm line. "Fine, I'm going; but even if _you've_ given up, I haven't, and neither have Yuusuke, Koenma, or any of your other friends. Keep that in mind before you decide to stop fighting!" She fixed him with a meaningful glare before allowing herself to slip out of the physical plane.

Kurama's illness, his resignation to his imminent death...it just didn't add up, and the only unknown variable in the equation...was Hiei.

Something had changed between Hiei and Kurama, and there was little doubt in her mind that the change had some bearing on Kurama's current condition.

It wasn't just a gut reaction. Botan had been dealing with the dead and dying for a couple centuries now, she had seen how the bonds between people could influence them; she had seen people pulled back from the brink of death by the ones they loved, and she had seen perfectly healthy people suddenly decline and die after the bonds with the people most important to them were severed by anger or death. Having seen these things, Hiei's apathy towards Kurama's situation caused a knot of fury to grow in the pit of her stomach.

~*~

"How do you feel, Shuuichi?" Shiori asked, as she sat down in the chair beside her son's bed.

"Better," he replied. "The doctors want to keep me here for observation for a couple more days, but if I don't get worse and they still can't find anything wrong with me I can go home." He smiled, but Shiori could see bitterness in it and she wondered about it.

"_Is_ there something wrong?" She asked quietly.

Kurama was saved from having to answer her when Yuusuke came in.

"I heard you were feeling better," Yuusuke said. "So I came to bother you. Kuwabara and the others will visit later."

"I guess I'll leave you boys alone to talk," Shiori said, getting up. "I'm going to go home for a while, but I'll be back soon."

As soon as she left Yuusuke's expression became serious.

"Regret is a stupid way to die, Kurama."

Kurama's eyes widened, then he looked down at his hands.

"How did you find out?"

"Koenma did some digging," Yuusuke replied.

"I see."

When Kurama didn't volunteer any more information Yuusuke decided to ask.

"What the hell are you regretting!? Is it your mother?"

Kurama shook his head. "If I told her she would be terrified; not of me, I don't doubt that she'd accept me regardless, but knowing that all the monsters she was afraid of when she was a child are real... I don't need her to know all my secrets; she loves me as her son and that's exactly what I am. That's all that matters."

"So if it's not that then... Does it have something to do with Hiei?"

"What...makes you ask that?"

"Well, I'm guessing the two of you got in some kind of fight, considering how he acted when I went to see him."

"You went to see him?"

"Yeah. He was a total bastard. What happened between you two?"

"I wish I knew," Kurama replied. "Nothing actually _happened_, as far as I know; Hiei just closed off from me suddenly."

"So is that why you're dying?"

"I wish it were that simple," Kurama said, softly, "but it's much more complicated than that."

"Are you saying that you _know_ what you're regretting?" Yuusuke asked incredulously. There was a slight tightening of the muscles in Kurama's back and shoulders. "You _knew_ this would happen, and you didn't _do_ something about it!?!" Yuusuke shouted.

"It's not like that," Kurama said. "I don't fully understand what happened or how it happened...or how to fix it. I don't think this would have happened if I'd never become ningen. Ningen emotions can be so much more complicated than youkai emotions, possibly because of how short the ningen lifespan is; they just feel so much so fast, everything's mixed up and it's hard to make sense of it. By the time I realized what was going on, it was already too late."

"Well, we bought you some time," Yuusuke pointed out. "You damn well better use it to figure this out, because I am _not_ loosing one of my friends over something this pathetic!!!"

"Botan said something to that effect a couple hours ago."

"There, see! If even a ditz like her thinks so, you'd better listen!!!"

"There's a flaw in that statement somewhere," Kurama said, yawning. "But right now I'm still too tired to think of it."

~*~

Botan stormed down a hall in the Reikai Library, not noticing that the various Oni, ferry girls, and other spirits she passed gave her a wide berth. It was rare to see Botan angry, but when she _was_ anyone with a sense of self-preservation, whether they had had previous experience with this or not, knew to stay out of firing range. A few of the more seasoned Oni ducked into whatever doorway was nearest; even among those who had been around for a couple centuries, few had ever seen her _this_ angry. An angry Botan would use her full authority if provoked, and many of her subordinates had found themselves demoted back to janitorial duties for crossing her on days like these; particularly offensive employees had also ended up with an assortment of oar-inflicted wounds for their foolishness.

Naturally, word of Botan's "mood" soon reached Koenma and he sent George, one of the few Oni not completely terrified by her moods, to get her. Of course, the fact that George wasn't _completely_ terrified, didn't mean he wasn't still more than a little apprehensive.

George met her at the end of the hall.

"Ano...Botan-san," George started, _very_ respectfully.

"What?" Botan snapped. George cringed; at least she couldn't demote him.

"K-Koenma-sama requests your presence."

Botan merely nodded curtly and headed for the shortest route to Koenma's office.

She entered Koenma's office and stood before his desk. Koenma looked up from the pile of papers he was processing, then shifted from his toddler form to his teenaged form and stood up.

"I heard that you're in a bad mood," Koenma commented. Botan had the good grace to look a little chagrined.

"Maybe a little," the ferry girl replied.

"A _little_? Botan, you demoted the head librarian back to stacking shelves because she couldn't locate a book you wanted; which, might I add, turned out to be in the rather large mess of reference books being used by the team of Oni I assigned to research Kurama's condition."

"Okay, I guess I overreacted..."

"What's wrong?" Koenma asked.

"It's nothing, I'll go apologize and get back to work."

"I'm not asking you boss to employee, Botan," Koenma said. "I'm asking as a friend; if I'm not overstepping my bounds."

"Sorry..." Botan sighed. "I'm mad about Hiei; the way he acted when we told him that Kurama's dying...I just can't _believe_ he could behave that way! I thought Kurama was his best friend!" Botan scowled. "And if that's not enough Kurama's all set to die! He's not fighting things at all!!!"

"If I'm not mistaken," Koenma said, thoughtfully. "Hiei isn't aware of the current developments; he's still under the impression that Youko Kurama will be returning to the Makai once Minamino Shuuichi dies. At this point we've pretty much confirmed that this isn't the case. And even if he _does_ return to his original form upon his human body's death, he will almost certainly die shortly thereafter; after all, his humanity has been buffering the effects of his condition somewhat. As a Youko he wouldn't last more than a day.

"Perhaps it would be a good idea to appraise Hiei of this new information?"

Botan suddenly leaned across the desk and gave Koenma a peck on the cheek. "_Thank_ you, Koenma-sama!" Koenma smiled slightly, touching the spot on his cheek where the feeling of the cerulean-haired ferry girl's kiss still remained, as Botan all but ran from the room.

~*~

Botan landed in front of the gates of Mukuro's castle.

"I'm here to see Hiei." She announced. "Don't bother fetching him, just tell me where he is."

The guards glared at her for a moment, but they knew who she was and that if any harm came to her it would only get Mukuro in trouble with the Reikai, so they gave her the information and let her pass. Besides, with that look in her eyes she was a little scary...

~*~

Hiei looked up with surprise when Botan slammed open his bedroom door.

"I just thought I'd tell you," she said, without preamble, "that it's actually Youko Kurama who's dying, not just Minamino Shuuichi." She glared at his shocked expression. "Are you still going to stand there and say it doesn't matter to you?" She turned on her heel and stalked back out.

Hiei stared after the irate ferry girl blankly, then her words sank in and his eyes widened. He was still frozen with shock and indecision when Mukuro came into the room.

"I hear you had visitors again," she said. "Should I be expecting you to take your leave of me soon?"

"Kurama's dying," Hiei said, a slight tremor in his voice. "Really dying."

Mukuro took in her heir's shell-shocked expression and sighed.

"I stand by what I said about him, Hiei," Mukuro said. "However, you should probably go see him."

~*~

"How do you feel, Kurama-san?" Yukina asked softly, as she sat down in the chair beside the bed.

"Better," Kurama replied, smiling for her sake. "The doctors will probably let me go tomorrow or the next day."

"That's good," Yukina said. "These people do not have the ability to help you. There is no point in staying with them. Demo..." Her eyes lowered. "I cannot help you much either."

"It isn't your fault, Yukina," Kurama said, gently. "This is an inherent danger for my kind."

"Even so..."

~*~

Hiei came to rest on the roof of the hospital, removing the ward on his Jagan to search for Kurama's ki. He nearly missed it; would have if he hadn't sensed Yukina. He knew that Botan had used a limiter to slow the damage from Kurama's agitated youki, but he hadn't expected it to be so frighteningly weak; Hiei could broadcast his presence and Kurama wouldn't sense him at all. The realization that Kurama was completely powerless hit Hiei like a two-by-four to the head.

Vulnerability was not something that Hiei associated with Kurama; even the first time he had met the kitsune he had sensed that, despite appearances, he was quite dangerous, much like the rose that was his trademark. But now Kurama was every bit as helpless as...as an ordinary ningen, and reconciling that knowledge left Hiei with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Hiei didn't even realize that he was scanning the area for potential threats until he sensed Botan making an aerial approach. Without a second thought, Hiei hid in the shadows of the stairwell and cloaked his presence; keeping track of Botan as she entered the hospital. He was not ready to make his presence known; he still felt betrayed by Kurama and needed time and space to think. Even so, he would stay near, if only to protect Kurama from enemies who might try to take advantage of his weakened state; Hiei owed him at least that much.

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