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| "Operation Rubber Band" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: KACD2 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 18:53 CST
Comment/Review:
Review of Operation Rubber Band: Operation Rubber Band (Chapter 1) I must say, it's hard to find something wrong with this story. It's difficult to belive that something so simple, could take on so much. But when dealing with Gundam W, small things will always mean much more. It was however a little hard to follow in places. Not quite jumpy, but it made you reread to make sure you had read it right the first time. It might have been better, if you'd showed more of his 'Mission' What they talked about. How Dou answered. They were hanging out for almost a month, but we didn't get to see it. This story could be more, showing how "we" see him changing. How "Somehow, my mind went straight from the mission to the objective without bothering to think about what it meant. It was never about the rubber band to begin with." happened? I've seen it done, where someone even redoes the story, from the other person's P.O.V., just to show the reader, what was going on there. It always amazes me to see how something so small, so simple, could turn in to something so much more. You just wanted to write a story dealing with envy. Your friend thought a rubber band was just the thing to envy. And yet, in the end, to people came together. There lives were changed. You were able to show how the small, simple things, can really change... anything.
| Reviewed By: kuramaandkarasu [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 18:40 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting to FFRG! I'll get right to the point: in short, I loved it. The theme of envy was well written, and it was evident that Heero was jealous of the rubber band. The imagery, the flow of the sentences, everything was perfect. When I first started to read it, I thought I wouldn't enjoy it, as I haven't seen the series and chose this story at random, but I was wrong. The first sentence hooked me into the story and each one after that caused me to continue reading in almost a frenzied mode. The ending was the icing on the cake, and please keep writing.
| Title: FFRG Review - Part 2
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 17:20 CST
Comment/Review:
Damn computer sending before I was done. . . Grumbles. Anyway, you wanted to know how ENVY fit in with the story and if it carried through. It does and in a way it doesn't. You start off strong, you explain the shift to Envy well and you do a good job on elaborating that. However, when you shift to the mission, the bulk of the story, you start to lose the theme. I forgot that Heero envied the rubberband to be honest and I felt that the story shifted from that of Heero trying to possess Duo's soul like the rubberband possessed Duo's hair to more of light hearted romance. I hope that this helps and if you have questions/concerns you can contact me. Thanks for submitting to FFRG.
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 17:10 CST
Comment/Review:
All right, I'll admit it. I loved the analogy of the rubberband. It was so innocous and so simple that the complexity was great. I think that over all, the one thing that bothered me about this story was that Heero seemed down right chatty. I could see Duo having this tone of voice, but not Heero. Even if set far into the future, I can't see him changing that much to become anything more than a word miser. That being said I think that you nailed another aspect of Heero, his need to have missions and to turn is personal life into one. That was well done. There are some stylistic things I ran into that I can show you. I don't think I want to nitpick you here. Overall this is a good story. I think that to some degree it tells a little more than it shows, but when it shows it is excellent. I think it is a limitiation of the voice that you chose to use. Since Heero is telling someone (us the reader) a story, it is going to have that problem. Otherwise, I don't have a whole lot more to say. I like Duo's character in this. He feels right to me. I also like that you didn't really bring unnecessary characters into the story. You didn't need them. Overall well done.
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