| "A simple sentence" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] |
Title: Awww...
Reviewed By: DBZBoyLuver [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2005 14:32 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Awww... this was an adorable fic!
|
Title: oh! how cute
Reviewed By: satanico On: November 30, 2003 21:49 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
spelling and grammer don't mean anything. This fic was sooo cute! I loved it. It read well and was very different than other fics I've read (which seem to fall in a pattern). It was incredibly enjoyable and all together fun.
|
Title: potential
Reviewed By: Hard Candy Vegetto [MediaMiner Member] On: November 29, 2003 20:41 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
This has so much potential to be a heart warming tear jerker that I could throw up blood. Right now though, it's just cute... don't settle for cute!!! Here's a few suggestions: 1. Proofread or get someone else to read it for grammar and spelling. The grammar is so broken it's difficult to read. Punctuation and sentence structure do make a big difference. 2. Take each sentence and picture it happening. Don't just tell what's happening action wise. Describe it with sounds, smells, whatever. instead of (A tear rolled down his cheek.) how about (A warm bead traced a cooling trail down his cheek.) So you get to know how the tear feels rolling... I dunno.. stupid example but you get the picture...(Just finished my shower and walk towards the kitchen to get something to eat.) Could have been a whole paragragh. 3. desribe how people are saying things and what htey do as they say them. Over 60% of human communication comes from body language alone. No one just speaks... you get more info from what a person does. how they stand... all that stuff. Hope that helps some. HCV
|
Title: Awww
Reviewed By: Mar [MediaMiner Member] On: November 29, 2003 07:17 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That is pretty sweet. You gotta love those father/son moments^_^
|
