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"Steal The Covers" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ]
 Title: XD AHH!
Reviewed By: Unsigned Dee  On: August 08, 2005 14:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
I forgot how funny and romantic your work is! Between the cute lovers' spats and some well intentioned scheming, I think that "Steal the Covers" is a great, light reading. Add that to writing that has a good grasp of grammar and spelling, and I get to read something genuinely entertaining!
 Title: FFARG: Chapter 6 Review
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member]  On: August 04, 2005 11:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hullo! There were a few errors in chapter six--not counting that way you still have of replacing the American Z's with an 'S' :-P --however the errors within this chapter were slight. Chapter 6 had a great fast-paced entertainment to it. It was very light-hearted and sweet. Overall, I think that minus the small errors, this was a very cute, feel-good romance.
 Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Dumas1 [MediaMiner Member]  On: April 22, 2005 15:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
I'll second Lark's recommendation that you do something to give readers more of a feel for the characters. Changing POV every chapter, though not unheard of, makes it even more difficult for people unfamiliar with the series (like me) to figure out just who these characters are. Chapter four doesn't seem to be quite consistent with chapters 2 and 3, especially if Alfeegi's love is Tetheus. I'm just having trouble puzzling out what's going on.
 Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: roku kyu [MediaMiner Member]  On: April 13, 2005 17:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, that was fun. Now I'm not at all familiar with Dragon Knights, but I really enjoy the way you brought the characters to life, making me want to learn more about them and their convoluted relationships with each other. Your humor had me laughing out loud in many sections, especially the second chapter, all of that character's musing about his "lost ass." I have to agree that the first chapter starts slow, mostly due to the repetitiveness of the complaints and mental responses of Alfeegi. I think that people really do think this repetitively in real life, but sometimes real life doesn't work dramatically, if you know what I mean. I did enjoy the last line, however, and the last line of each of the four chapters; you have a real gift for "stingers." I also like your "relay" idea of detailing each character as he/she encounters one another; it's an original plot device that brings the reader into the story. Good luck, and keep writing.
 Title: FFARG Reivew for Chapter 1
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member]  On: April 02, 2005 21:26 CST
Comment/Review:
First, I need to say that I don't know the series you are basing this off of at all. So I can't comment on characterization and if the characters are OOC or not. However, there are several things I can mention. First, you need to have consistent formatting throughout. If I were you I would make sure that there is at least one space between each new quote/paragraph. Second, you have a decent grasp of grammar (good for you) I noticed some comma problems that would be fixed with the help of a good beta. Third, the conversation seemed a little stale and repetitive. You have a first person perspective, use it. That means that you can make all kinds of snide commentary that goes through our minds when someone talks to us. Also because it is more obscure series, I would suggest taking a moment to describe the characters. This doesn't mean doing a catalog of features but just the character thinking, 'I glanced over at him. Normally, his blond hair is perfectly coiffed but the bed-head monster had turned his curls into a veritable bird's nest.' then you can go on. Little things like that help when establishing characters. It doesn't matter that your readers should know what they look like, authors of series books do the same thing. I would try to do something that is a little better of a "hook" the story is slow to get into and doesn't really encourage people to check out the next chapter. You don't have a bad story here, just one that needs a little work and some polish.

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