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| "Tanabata Jasmine" Reviews/Comments [ 47 ] | | Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] | Reviewed By: kokoronagomu [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2007 23:20 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
and i thought that with that title it was going to be some sappy romantic fluff with a bit of humor... stupid me who should pay attention to summaries. =/ . . . i am traumatized now i am going to find some humorous fic and get a laugh somehow. . . really interesting, intelligent, exciting story, eloquently written. ~ thank you, ginny
| Reviewed By: Chibi Korala On: August 27, 2005 09:04 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Thank you for the great fanfiction and the fact that you actually finished it is another amazing feat! The characters were all very well done. Fighting scenes were amazing! I will be looking forward to reading your future stories.
| Title: F.F.R.G (ch.8)
Reviewed By: Forlorn Essence [MediaMiner Member] On: August 19, 2005 19:39 EDT
Comment/Review:
I found it to be a very addictive chapter. The detail could use a little bit of tweaking throughout the chapter and the grammer and paragraphing could be looked over. Other than that, it seems like an excellent chapter. -F.E*
| Title: FFARG review Ch7
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: August 15, 2005 23:34 EDT
Comment/Review:
As always you have great imagery as always, (I don't know why this hasn't been reviewed yet.) I like how you give translations for your Japanese sentence and sue me if I'm not getting something here, but Atama means head in Japanese. Overall there really isn't much for me to critique. *Sweatdrop* And I know it sometimes sucks getting really good reviews from the FFARG because you brace yourself for the worst, and it doesn't come! This is *MARVELOUS!* Your characterization is good and I can tell even though I've never even seen Ruroni Kenshin. Virtually everything from your description to your cliff hanger! It's a danged good story, please keep writing and that's all I can say. Thank you so much for submitting to the FFARG. ~Sisi
| Title: ffarg: Review of Chp 6
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2005 11:21 EDT
Comment/Review:
I only read chapter six and I can't recall the last time I felt so overjoyed to realize, 'Oh my, God. There are TRUCKLOADS of other chapters!' This really was a very well-written chapter, and it seems like "Tanabata Jasmine" has an excellent plot filled with action and the ability to pull some heartstrings. It doesn't hurt that there weren't any grammar or spelling errors to jarr me from the story. Thank you so much for submitting to FFARG! :cDee
| Title: FFARG Review Ch. 6
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2005 17:55 EDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your work to FFARG. You have a very good grasp of the fight scene making it come alive with each paragrah. You make it so the reader can litterally see the fight play out in their mind. However, you only scratch the surface with this. While your descriptions of the fight itself are very good you need to give your characters more thought and emotion. We know Kenshin is in pain when he gets hit with the kunai but what is he thinking besides the pain. Does Kenshin think he can keep fighting despite the pain or does he feel it's best to give up? What's motivating him and driving him through the fight? This is where you can add more description to your story. I also see it when you bring about the scene with the flowers and Sano going to see Kaouru. Why does he feel the need to talk to Kaouru about what he saw? Digging deeper into the minds of your characters will give them more depth and dimension. You have a very good story here and little more attention to what goes through your characters' minds will make it even better. Thank you once again for submitting to FFARG.
| Reviewed By: S On: July 03, 2005 01:14 EDT
Comment/Review:
I read Chapter 29 on Fanfiction.net. I loved the omake at the bottom- I would have been rolling on the floor and laughing my lungs out if it wasn't midnight here and everyone else was asleep! I loved this story- excellent job and very believable. About how you said you write- like the story writes itself- I write the same way. I get a general idea for a story and I'll start writing, but then the end won't be what I thought it would! Whenever I try to force fics out they stink. The best kind of writing is natural, flowing stories and that can't always be achieved by planning a story out. I often never know the end of one of my fanfics until I finish it. Whenever I go back and read a few chapters, it doesn't seem like I wrote it. Once I read the summary for a story, started reading it, and got a few chapters into it when I realized why it seemed familiar- it was one I was writing! Excellent job! If you have time, could you check out my Rurouni Kenshin fanfics? I have a vampire fanfic that I just started- it's called 'Blood, Death, and Love'. The other I have already finished. It's called 'Blood and Amber'. I forget if it's spelled with a '&' or an 'and'! If those don't work then just look for Bookkbaby84 under Author Search. I look forward to your future works! I'll try reviewing them when I see them up.
| Title: FFARG Ch 4
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: June 19, 2005 17:13 EDT
Comment/Review:
*Side-y, Side-y look* Yes I can review in the proper chapter order, and I suppose that it would have been better if I'd read this chapter first ne? Ahh well. >.> On to the review. When it comes to weapons or… whatever a shinai is, a small description of what these things are is always good for morons like me. That along with the "-Dono" part, either in the beginning or the end just put a translation (Preferably in the beginning). I like the fight between Kenshin and Senzo. I also like how Kenshin was lulled into trusting Senzo without much of another thought. "de gozaru yo" Japanese again, and I'll tell you that I've taken Japanese for three years now in school and I've never come across that. Again, I don't have anything to concrit with grammar or spelling. Mainly just the use of Japanese again, either translations in the beginning or doing away with it all together.
| Title: FFARG Ch 5
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: June 18, 2005 18:47 EDT
Comment/Review:
One thing first, a note on Japanese in stories: I try to avoid it; I also try to discourage it, why? Because I see no point for it unless you're going to be writing only in Japanese or you have a character that speaks singularly in Japanese. Simply because it disrupts things in my eyes, it's a bit of a personal preference. Captializations are often very easy to miss but they're rather important. (Probably something you know) Must say this: Poor Kenshin… And the fact that the writing made me say that is a big compliment. You have wonderful grammar and flow. It's a good story. (Makes me want to check into Ruroni Kenshin actually.) You're a wonderful writer and there isn't much constructive criticism I can give you (As much as I hate submitting to the FFARG and not getting my ass ran through the mud myself.) I like it very much keep writing.
| Title: FFARG review-Chapter 3
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 11, 2005 02:46 EDT
Comment/Review:
I know you are looking specifically for detail information. The only thing I would have to say about any of these chapters, is just give the POV character a little more feeling. As in all emotion creates a physical reaction in us, it's not necessary to put it in at all times but it can help enhance your writing if it's something you find brings your characters to life more. I just personally feel it helps draw readers into the characters eyes a little more when they can relate to what they are feeling. From the feel of the sweat on the palms of your hands when nervous to the pain experienced when falling off something unexpectedly and including the lump in your throat when you are willing yourself not to cry, sensations can really add to your writing style. That's about the only advice I have...and even that is just something that isn't necessary, since it has to do with authors preference.You have such a strong and engaging writing style, this isn't the first time I have read this and I didn't know a whole lot about Kenshin. Believe it or not, it was reading this story that made me first pick up that first Kenshin manga. For that alone, I thank you. As always, this was an enjoyable read. A great set up for what misfortune will happen next. Thanks for submitting to FFARG!
| Title: FFARG review Ch2
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 10, 2005 18:54 EDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting this to FFARG. I read the first chapter along with the second, and I have to say that it's very descriptive to me and gives me a crisp picture of the scene and the emotion. But as Aquamarine mentioned in the review for the first chapter, you could try and put a limit on the Japanese words you use. For me, the japanese words puts a blur on the scenery because I'm concentrating on what all of the words mean instead of reading the rest of the story. This could be solved in two ways: 1. You could limit the Japanese words you use. 2. If you can't limit the japanese words, then you could put the English translations in the author's notes so I'd know what they all meant. Aside from that, I personally enjoyed this story, and it's very well-written. Thanks once again for submitting this to FFARG.
| Reviewed By: kalident On: June 08, 2005 22:21 EDT
Comment/Review:
Yowza! What an intense chapter. I think I forgot to breath a couple of paragraphs there... Kenshin must really be tired if he's actually speaking his mind, and being a little bit blunt with his comments. Good job! Warning: chapter may include traces of anime physics as opposed to real physics {snicker} What a wonderful warning.
| Title: FFARG Review Ch 1
Reviewed By: Aquamarine [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2005 00:16 EDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to FFARG! Your narrative has a nice flow to it. The dialogue, actions and descriptions are all excellent. I did have trouble, though, understanding some of the Japanese words ("Tanabata" and "de gozaru yo," specifically). If you would put a glossary of Japanese terms that you use at the beginning of your chapter, it would be really useful. You implied that it's a special day in your story. Is it a festival or something? You might want to give us just a little information about it, so we can understand that cultural aspect of the fic. Also, in the first paragraph, Kenshin has a little flashback of a conversation. Even though it's a flashback, I think the dialogue should still be in quotations in order to avoid any confusion. On a more positive note, you ended the chapter well, with a light cliffy. Very nice. ^_^ ~ Aquamarine
| Reviewed By: kalident On: May 15, 2005 11:36 EDT
Comment/Review:
Wow. Color me impressed. I find your action scenes very well written -- both interesting and clearly described. I'm really enjoying this fic. Keep up the good work!
| Reviewed By: BakaChuu~! On: May 10, 2005 14:19 EDT
Comment/Review:
Wheee~ I looove action scenes! XD I don't know why you hate them so much when you're so good at writing them, but eh *shrug* Whatever gets you to write them is fine with me. >:3 I don't think you've crossed into OOCness at all here - all the RK characters in this chapter (Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, Sano, Aoshi, Misao) are all quite in character. ^^ Very nicely done, m'dear! You have nothing to fear on this chapter - I think you're paranoid (then again, there are a mass of really dense readers out there who might not get it anyway, but their opinions don't count XD). *munches pocky and skitters off to get the daily work load done*
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