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| "Triumvirate" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Reviewed By: RonsBella [MediaMiner Member] On: November 22, 2009 17:14 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great original idea :)
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2005 20:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like the beginning of this story. The visuals you used of him recounting his battles to grow and improve from them seems very in character. I also like the extra little cookie about Piccolo zapping the butterflies. There was one secion in your opening meditation that seemed a little off to me. "...he brought in his ki." That line seems a little off -- like you could have a stronger or more accurate description. In the middle of all of your wonderful imagery, this stood out. It was interesting how you had the differing voices in Piccolo's thoughts. I could identify the gruff Piccolo, the kind Kami, and protective Nail in Piccolo's inner monologue. I liked how you used Dende as a foil to show Piccolo's growth. I also appreciated your use of a beta reader. I did spot a few comma problems, but those are easily missed and not really too noticable. Since you have a lot of talent and potential. I would recruit a couple of betas -- one for grammar only and one to help you with plot and flow. I find that it helps because that way your beta's aren't overloaded with doing both. This is a nice little one shot that remains very true to the show. Well done. I look forward to seeing more from you and thank you for submitting to FFRG.
| Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Rini Saiyan-jin [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2005 19:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, this is a nice one-shot story, it is nice to read some DBZ fanfics from time to time. This story is very on the spot with canon, which is awesome. I loved how you displayed how Piccolo feels about different feelings/virtue and other things. The begining was slightly weak but interesting enough to keep me reading, which is always a plus. I didn't really spot any errors except that maybe some of the tenses could be mixed up, but other than that, it's a nice one-shot story. Thank you for submitting to the FFRG!
| Reviewed By: chidogs [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2005 12:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
This was a very good read. Piccolo is one of my personal favorites in the cast of DBZ, which I have just really discovered. His inner voice rings very true, and his spoken comment at the end is so in character.
| Reviewed By: majin sue [MediaMiner Member] On: April 27, 2005 14:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good Piccolo fic. I enjoy those who put more of him into their fics. He's very insightful and brings a lot to the DBZ table of characters. He's so unused in GT it's ashame, plus the kill him off X.X......too bad. he might have been able to save it had it been doen right.
| Title: Kieri
Reviewed By: Kieri [MediaMiner Member] On: April 24, 2005 18:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
This short story is a rare gem here at Mediaminer. It's very well written and deals with a topic and characters that don't get enough attention, IMHO. Dende must have experienced quite a culture shock after coming to Earth, and it doesn't get dealt with often. It was very true to the manga (Piccolo living on the Lookout after the Cell games) and was an insightful look at Piccolo's thoughts and feelings about the changes in his life. Are you planning a continuation of this fic? It stands nicely alone, but it would also make a great intro for a longer story! The only problem I had is the huge gap between Dende voicing his worries and Piccolo's great response. I don't know how else you could handle it, but by the time I got to Piccolo's reply I was so engrossed in his thoughts I forgot what Dende said! Nice, nice job!
| Reviewed By: debbiechan [MediaMiner Member] On: April 24, 2005 18:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
Nice Piccolo study. He was such a alienated character in DB, just raging with angst and ISSUES, a real precursor to the identity crisis that AT explored some with Vegeta-- but unfortunately in Dbz the big guy got shifted to the narrator role for the fights. I always enjoyed the glimpses into Piccolo's relationship with Gohan in the anime, and it's interesting to see him as having merged with a society of Nameks somehow as well as having that paternal thing with a Saiyan I really liked this piece.
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