InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Darkness Fades to Dawn ❯ Denial ( Chapter 41 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Thank you angel-up-above-heaven, CatLover260, loretta537, SistersGrimm, Bluemoon4526, Ladycash, Chanda, Grammyinulvr, mysteriousmoon30, la623, and kmoaton

Extra special thanks to Kokoronagomu for being my beta! Enjoy.


Denial

Kagome woke early in the night to the light tremors and moans from the girl beside her. Misery was soaked in sweat and shaking with fear. Lightly the miko grabbed the other's shoulder and shook.

“Missy, wake up. Missy it's just a dream.” She urged her friend from her nightmare.

“Mmmm, Kagome?” Misery rubbed at her eyes with her thickly bandaged hands.

“I'm here sweetie. It was just a bad dream.” Kagome pulled the covers up around the both of them and held the shaken nephilim.

“It was so real.” Her voice sounded so distant. Kagome began to worry that perhaps there was more to the dream.

“Was it Cernonnus Miss? Are you having the terrors again? He's likely alive and well right now you know.” Kagome squeezed tighter, wishing she could shield Misery from the pain associated with the malicious oni.

Misery was quiet a few moments before she responded. “I meant it was so real on the battlefield. I saw it all again. The pains Kagome. The pains I've been having are associated with Cernonnus.”

“Your chest pains?”

Misery simple nodded her head and snuggled closer. “I know why I have them now. I should have thought of it sooner.”

“What do you mean?” Kagome was confused at where the conversation was headed.

“The first one, the time between it and the second. The others that followed and then my vision at Shimabara castle. They all correspond with Cernonnus' betrayal.”

“How?”

“I'm not sure. Every evil thing he is doing to me in Europe right now I feel. The first pain was his initial betrayal. The day that he changed. He came to me and proposed but when I refused he became very angry. He struck me right in front of my mother. She used an ancient spell to expel him from our home and it prohibited his reentry. The next few pains followed his separate attempts to take me away from my mother.” Her voice trailed quietly off, lost in her memories of what was transpiring a continent away.

Kagome worried about Misery having to relive such a painful past all over again. Was she truly cursed to have to feel each violation her younger self was experiencing right now? “Misery, what did you see at the castle. You scared me half to death. You looked so vacant at first and then it was as if you were watching something. Then you screamed and burst into flames. What the hell happened?”

“He's killed my mother.” The hollow words flitted from her lips as she thought again about the night she had thought was buried in the past. Misery closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There is the saying 'the past repeats itself' but she never thought she would have to relive the horrors of those bygone days. “My chest felt like someone had shoved a knife clean through when I was helping Tsukune. Right before we started to board the ships the vision came. I was there Kagome. Maybe not in body... but it was real.”

Kagome remained silent processing the information in the dark. What was it like for Missy, knowing what was going on across the world and being powerless to change it? Kagome was so grateful that Midoriko had restored her own mother and brother to her. She had experienced their loss but that didn't matter now that they were both alive and well. Misery would never know that relief or the see her mother's smile again. More importantly though, Cernonnus was still alive and functioning very well. What trials would this cause them back in Tokyo? The future seemed so uncertain suddenly and she worried what they would have to face when they returned home.

The soft and steady breath of the girl in her arms signaled the nephilim's return to sleep. Kagome however would stay awake for hours wondering and worrying about the future of them all. Already they had changed history concerning the Shimabara rebellion. The extent to their impact was yet to be determined though she realized that it would not be small. The textbooks would have a heyday with the fact that a Shinto miko and a pagan were aiding Catholic rebels. This rebellion was about so much more than just religion though. So many had suffered under the unrealistic tax burdens placed upon them. Children were starving and freezing even as she lay safely in the hold of this ship. How could she ignore such pain? Her duty went beyond upholding her own faith. What did it matter what beliefs one chose to follow? Where they not still human and did they not feel the hunger and cold as much as anyone else?

Her mind eventually wandered to intense amber eyes and soft silver hair. She knew that her reunion with Inuyasha had been anything but spectacular. She smiled sadly at herself. Had she really assumed that everything would be the same as it had been in Tokyo? It would be difficult but she had to keep in mind that this Inuyasha had never been beside her when her family lay cold in the ground. Never stood by her side when the first threats of Cernonnus surfaced. This Inuyasha had been living his own life without her in sengoku Japan, not holding her close in the comfort of their bed. He had never whispered loving words to her as they recovered from a night full of passion. The reality of their mating was surely very foreign to this hanyou. Did he know that they were mated? Would he care?

Hot tears slipped silently down her face as she closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep.

The morning rays were only an hour away yet he had spent the entire night shell shocked by what the miko had told him. Her story was so fantastical he could not decide whether it was truth or all lies. His nose was the only damn thing that kept forcing him to consider the truth of her words. There was no doubt that the mysterious redhead was covered in faint traces of his scent. It disturbed him. Perhaps it was trickery of some sort. A certain other redhead he knew was very good at disguising himself so it would be no stretch of the imagination that this 'Misery' was able to manipulate scent. Happy with himself for figuring out the problem he smiled smugly in the dark.

It was quite obvious now. She must have been sent by one of his enemies. A spy or simply a concubine meant to distract him from his duties. The slightest of frowns marred his perfect features. He would have to send a messenger to his courts just to ensure that all was still well. As far as he could tell he currently had no enemy with enough cunning or guile to attempt such a bold operation. But enemies were born every day and his lands were of great value. Nothing he would worry too greatly about though, after all, he was the great Sesshoumaru. All who fought against him perished.

A soft scent floated on the breeze to his nose. His hands twitched as the floral tones infiltrated his senses. His youki surged; a response he did not like. It betrayed the solid answer he had carefully constructed moments before. If she was truly his enemy then the beast within would not want her as it did. Moving silently around the deck he came upon the source. A predator in the night stalking his pray. His breath hitched in his throat when he finally got a glimpse of her again. The yukata she was wrapped in was far too small for her. The scent on it belonged to the rebel boy and he embarrassingly fought to suppress the jealous rage that somehow had wormed it's way into his head. This Sesshoumaru would not be concerned with whose clothing the woman was wearing. His eyes traveled up the bare expanse of her creamy calves only to be stopped near her knees by the thin cloth that covered her. Her hair hung loose, falling in rich tones to her hips. Slender and perfect hips, his rebellious mind offered up before he squashed the thought like one of his pathetic kills. The night breeze moved the lightest of strands around; a hypnotic dance on the wind. Strong forearms illuminated by the few shimmering rays of moonlight led to small shoulders and finally the delicate features of her face. Her eyes were the most unusual shade of silver.

Noting that he would learn nothing by staring at her in the dark, he moved beside her with lightening speed to ensure his surprise attack. He had her turned and pinned to the railing before she had even had a chance to sense him. Though he thought that her tainted blood had something to do with her poor reflexes. Wide terrified eyes stared up at him and he felt the slightest bit of remorse for being the cause of the look in those silver orbs. The shocked expression soon faded though and she exhibited no fear. That raised his ire just as much as the fear had in the first place. Did she not realize how dangerous he was?

“Explain your tricks.” He growled lowly relishing in the shiver that ran through the woman in his grasp. He loosened his hold, worried that he gripped her too harshly.

To his wonder one arm pulled free of his grasp. A soft finger lifted from her bandaged hand and slowly began tracing his cheek. Her eyes had clouded and he suspected that she had momentarily become lost in her mind. This was not good at all. It was hard to focus on interrogating her when his body tingled with the oddest sensations at her mere touch. He regained his grasp on her arm and gave her a quick shake to ensure that he was once again in control of the situation. The woman shook her head slightly and her eyes became clear once again. The saddest look flashed across her face causing another strange need in him. He wanted to hold her then and chase the look from her face for all eternity. What was this woman? A witch? How had she come to have such a strong hold on his emotions? Sesshoumaru was not supposed to feel anything. He had survived perfectly by being cold and detached. Not even his human ward had elicited such a strong response from him. When Rin died he swore to never again let anyone close to him that would be a liability. To feel was to have flaws and flaws resulted in an enemies ability to conquer.

“Sorry.” Her soft voice broke him from his trance. She had become so lost when she gazed upon him for the first time. What was he doing here? “I mistook you for someone else.”

“Hn.” Even her voice was music to his ears. “What are you up to woman?”

“Excuse me?” The sadness in her features vanished and the first traces of angry burst on the air. He dare to accuse her of trickery!

“Who sent you?” He demanded tightening his grip ever so slightly to push the point that he was not joking.

“No one sent me.”

“The miko has told me the most fantastical story.” Her response was not what he expected. The colour drained from her face and he soon found that his grip on her arms was the only thing keeping her standing.

“What?” The tiny voice squeaked out.

“Why do you smell of me?” He viciously growled. Shaking her to try and pull an explanation faster. The only thing she did was pale further and begin to tremble. Perhaps she finally grasped the situation.

Misery was in shock. First Sesshoumaru had miraculously materialized beside her with no indication of where he had come from. Now she finds out that Kagome had told this version of Sesshoumaru the intimate details of their future life. It was too much. She had decided long ago that she was going to keep herself from Sesshoumaru in an attempt to not complicate the past anymore than she already had. This was not good. Sesshoumaru was not suppose to meet her for another few hundred years. What the hell was she going to do? Think. Think. Think. Oh it was so hard though with him so very close. His hands were still as strong as she remembered. His body as hard and warm as she remembered. Those eyes too. He looked so powerful and wonderful. Her treacherous body reacted at the worst possible time. Here she was thinking about his body when this younger version was likely thinking about killing her.

The heady scent that broke from her was the last thing he was expecting. His youki surged victoriously; the beast lost in a rant of machismo at his obvious affect on the female. Damn her to the seventh hell. This would have to stop now or he would likely haul her off and have his way with her. Just as the enemy had planned he thought as he tried to justify his wayward thoughts.

“I don't know what you are talking about.” She responded finally.

He growled reaching out and seizing her wrist, halting any chance of escape. Would she deny that they were mated. Did she think herself, a hanyou of sorts, better than the Lord of the Western Lands. Another insult flew from his lips as he tried to regain ground. “What means of deception are you using? Are you here to spy on the Lord of the Western lands or do you simply wish to warm my bed?”

“What nonsense are you babbling Sesshy?” Misery clasped her hand over her mouth realizing her mistake by using such a familiar term. The air around her crackled with tension as the youkai drew her closer. Hard amber orbs bore into her eyes and for the first time she truly feared the man.

“Sesshy? I have yet to tell you my name yet you speak it with such familiarity. What are you?” His tone had dropped an octave as he sought out the truth of the matter.

“Perhaps once I was familiar with you. I will not make that mistake again I assure you my Lord.” Her mouth spat his title with disdain.

“Hn.” His eyes narrowed and he hurled his insult. “Why would this Sesshoumaru waste his time and energy on such a disgusting creature? You're obviously of tainted blood and I would never bring such filth into my bed.”

Instant regret and guilt pushed back at his comment and his beast inside actually snarled back at himself. When the salty scent of her first tear crashed into him, he nearly pulled her against him and begged for her forgiveness. He didn't have a chance though as her aura pulsed and she forced him back with a hard push to the chest.

“You're nothing like him” Her anguished sob made him drop his gaze momentarily from her eyes.
“You're cruel and heartless! I was sorely mistaken to confuse my mate with you! A momentary lapse in judgment brought on by the sorrow of his death.”

This was not the man she fell in love with. He surely was more monster than man. Her heart closed off to all possibilities as the cold, dark night threatened to consume her soul. Fallen. Broken. Her world was dissolving into an incomplete nothingness. In that moment she felt she would be happy to resign her life to eternal darkness. Without disdain she would accept her fate; punishment for the sins of her fore mothers. To lie with the devil was to inflict suffering of the spawn you created. Her grandmother had created such spawn and her mother had been cast among the humans to live a life of cruelty. Daerean had followed in the footsteps of her own mother, bedding down with a fallen angel. Misery had lived with the curse of oni blood for too long. It had brought her nothing but pain and suffering. It had been her own foolishness to think that perhaps she could escape the fate of her fore mothers. She would be cast from this world in likely the same manner they had. A death laden with betrayal and false hope. Her heart and mind heavy with dark thoughts she turned her head away from the younger taiyoukai, barely noticing when he dropped her wrist.

“It's true then isn't it.” His monotone voice crackling in the night air. She likely was his mate from the future. He had tried to crack a spy and found he was only cracking a woman. How had he ended up mated to something that was neither human nor youkai? Her blood was mixed with something entirely different. A entity he had never seen before. Her blood was slightly human but mostly something else.

“Truth matters not. It is over now. I will not burden you with 'it's' responsibility. I will leave here soon enough.” Her own icy tone echoing his own. They may have been mated in the future but she would not force the issue here. She had survived on her own for decades. She could do so again.

Silent tears were the only betraying emotion to the inner turmoil she was experiencing. The air became too thick to breathe as the rush of despair crawled at her throat. Her need to escape his burning gaze was great. Without thinking she spun and ran, racing to get away from him. She could feel his youki close even as she ran. Looking back to spot her assailant she suddenly found herself crashing into a warm form.
“Hey there.” The calming voice of Inuyasha was her undoing. How could Sesshoumaru be so cold when Inuyasha remained so warm? Her throat closed off as she fought her own demons, making her unable to respond.

Inuyasha stared down at the girl who was shivering in the thin yukata. She was obviously in great distress and he was certain of the cause. Sesshoumaru approached growling at him, so instinctively Inuyasha tucked the shivering girl beside him, a protective arm draping around her shoulders.

“What the hell's going on Sesshoumaru?” He demanded, not liking the predatory gaze the elder youkai had trained on Misery.

“Nothing that concerns you. Hand the girl over.”

“Doesn't look like she really cares to be with you Sesshoumaru.” He growled back not at all deterred from the ominous glare coming from his brother.

Inuyasha felt the presence of Kagome approaching quickly and he cursed. He didn't want her to be in any danger and the situation looked like it could escalate quickly. It had been years since his brother had made an attempt on his life but Inuyasha wasn't positive that their truce would hold out. Especially now that he was keeping the enraged taiyoukai's mate held fast to his side.

“Misery?” Kagome's concerned voice drifted through the night. “Misery where are you?”

“Over here Kagome.” He called out to her. Best she be at his side if Sesshoumaru decided to release his youki.

“What's going on Inuyasha?” Kagome considered the trembling form of Misery tucked protectively under his arm. Her blue orbs darted to the irate youkai approaching slowly in front of her.

“I'm not sure. Seems your friend has an unwanted pursuer.” He nodded towards Sesshoumaru before carefully passing Misery over to his Miko. Tetsusaiga was drawn, effectively pausing the advance of the growling inu.

“Move brother.” The stoic lord's eyes never left the fearful gaze of Misery.

“Stop this!” Kagome suddenly stepped in. “Why are you being like this? Your own mate... and you have her scared out of her mind. Do you have any idea what she has been through! You're suppose to protect her, not... not terrorize her. You're no better than Cernonnus. Disgusting. Here I thought inu youkai were beyond honourable.”

“Kagome!” Inuyasha warned, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her back to his side.

To his astonishment Sesshoumaru seemed to contemplate her words rather than become entirely enraged. He began to open his mouth as if to speak but the words of the nephilim broke the silence. Misery breathed the statement, intending it only for the ears of Kagome but Inuyasha knew that even his brother would have heard her whispered confession.

“It's alright Kagome. He is of no consequence to me know. My Sesshoumaru is dead: only a painful memory. Memories fade with time. Trust me Kagome. All mine have.”

“But Misery, you deserve some happiness.” Kagome whispered back, her own tears threatening to spill over.

“You're always so hopeful Kagome.” Misery turned and began to walk away, not truly acknowledging the miko who rushed to her side. “Promise me something Kagome.”

“What is it?” Kagome did not like the dark look that came over her friend. Misery looked broken. A porcelain doll that had been cracked beyond repair. The fallen angel came to stand at the railing, the icy breeze blowing her hair around her.

“Remember who I was in those times for I am already beginning to forget.” The pull of darkness was so great. If she closed her eyes and fell back she could forget it all. No more memories to haunt her in the night. Her few months of peace in Tokyo seemed so long ago now. Her pause gave Kagome a chance to step in.

“What are you talking about?”
“This world is unforgiving and I'm aware of the punishment that is to come.” The dark was calling to her even now. Promising closure. Blackness. Solitude. Even peace. This punishment might not be as bad as she thought. It would be easy to simply let go and fall into the oblivion. She had nothing left to anchor her now. The one person she had transcended time to reach was disgusted by her. “Sesshoumaru was right.”

“Punishment? You haven't done anything that warrants such.” The miko reached out to brush the tears from her friends eyes.

Kagome chanced a look back at Inuyasha. She could see that he was listening intently to their conversation. Ears twitching slightly to catch the nephilim's words. Sesshoumaru had ceased his aggression and now stood expressionless behind the hanyou. Was it this Sesshoumaru she was referring to?

“Cursed to walk this world as an abomination of both races.” Finally Missy turned to give her a sad smile. Yes, the same fate that befell her mother and grandmother likely was waiting for her too. Being part oni was a curse. Sesshoumaru had said it with his own mouth. She was filth; a taint on this world and unworthy to be in it. Without another word she floated away. A ghost of a woman in her pale yukata, vanishing into the hold below the deck. Seeking solace in the familiarity of the room she shared with her one remaining friend. Rage bubbled inside Kagome. The Sesshoumaru that stood before her now was the one responsible for cracking the fragile shell that they had all tried so hard to fix back in Tokyo.

“Why did you do that to her? I went to trouble of filling you in on your own future and you use it to destroy your own mate? Why may I ask is she so suddenly worried about her mixed bloodline?” Kagome paused when the realization hit her. He must have used it against her. “What did you say to her?”

“Hn. I would never take taint into my own bed. This Sesshoumaru does not need to explain himself further.” He turned as gracefully as he could muster and faded into the dark on the other side of the ship.

“I don't believe this.” She moaned sinking with her back against the railing. Inuyasha sheathed Tetsusaiga and joined her.

“Didn't go the way you planned did it.” He offered trying to lift the mood.

“How could he be so cruel? Can't he tell that she belongs to him? Why would he purposefully hurt the one thing that should matter the most?” She sighed leaning her head against Inuyasha's shoulder. She felt him tense at first, then slowly relax.

“He's never met her Kagome. He's probably unsure of everything. The scent has been throwing him off since you first arrived. For someone as heartless as him it'll take awhile to get used to the idea. Sesshoumaru isn't exactly trusting. He likely thinks her a fake.” Inuyasha tried to explain. He ignored the own blush blossoming on his cheeks thinking about Kagome's changed scent. A conversation they had yet to have.

“Baka. It'll be too late now. By the time he figures out that she's the real thing he won't be able to reach her. She's so fragile Inuyasha. Strong and ferocious on the outside but battered and broken within. I've never seen her look so devastated.” An involuntary shiver raced down her back. A strong arm tentatively fell across her shoulders.

“Umm Kagome?” He began, unsure of how to proceed. His felt awkward and childish, even bashful as he rested his arm over her. She was still so tiny. So weak. This was the Kagome he remembered. So very different than the woman he had met on the battlefield. “You've changed too.”

“Hmmm? How so?”

“Your.... smell.” There. It was out in the open. She was his mate right? The evidence was in the air, so why was it so hard to bring this up. Why did he feel so embarrassed? “We must have... I mean you... oh hell.”

Kagome was surprised when he insinuated what he did and had to suppress a smile when he hastily removed his arm and flushed a deep crimson. Still as shy as ever. Time couldn't change some traits it seemed. Maybe her initial impression had been wrong. Inuyasha had grown and matured but he really was the same guy. When it was just the two of them anyway.

“It's okay Inuyasha.” She giggled reaching out to grasp his hand. He shot her a quick glance before his eyes darted away again. “We did but the circumstances where very different. I'd be lying if I said neither of us changed. Do you think we could start fresh?”

“Like pick up from where you left after the fight with Naraku?” He felt a little relieved. Jumping into to a relationship with a mate, regardless of it being Kagome, was something he had feared. He needed time to reacquaint himself with her. Time to adjust to being able to care and feel again. There was so many questions that had been left unanswered. Time had passed, dulling his memory of those days. Nothing was untouched by time; nothing remained the same. It would be foolish to think they were the same kids who had fought with innocent ideals against Naraku.

“I think that would be best. I want to get to know this you better. You're not the same guy I left the first time nor the one I just lost.” She lifted his arm up and snuggled against his side. A smile lit up her face when he possessively wrapped his arm around her waist. “You felt it though right? The distance between us when we were reunited?”

“Yeah.”

“I was scared.”

“Me too.”

“We're going to be alright though right Inuyasha?”
“I think so.”

“Time will tell I guess.”

“Yes, Kagome. Time will tell.”

Only a few crates remained on board the last docked ship. Their arrival at Hara's castle had been less than glorifying. The tattered remains of this castle had been disheartening to the rebels. Their charismatic leader had stepped up to the plate and lifted the moods of his troops. It may not look like much but he could see th potential of the site. Shiro had set to work ordering his men to unload their precious cargo of food and ammunition. Then he ordered the ships to be stripped and the wood used to reinforce the castle grounds. They would be able to make it a functional base and that was all they required.

Kagome watched as the last of the freight was placed safely within the broken walls of their new fort. Her eyes moved over to Shiro and then to Misery who had refused to leave his side from the time she woke. The miko knew that Misery was using him as a distraction and the young leader did not seem to mind at all. A soft blush had remained on his face all day. The attention he was receiving from the nephilim was very welcome. Kagome could tell that he saw Missy as much more than a sister. A boyish crush had developed though it went unnoticed by her friend. The crush extended beyond just the pagan though for Kagome had been the recipient of many a charming smile today as well. The poor boy was just too far out of his league. Not much older than Souta she too looked upon him as a child.

“You look cold.” His husky voice caused goosebumps to form on her skin. Turning she smiled at the silver haired man that strode towards her.

“I'll be alright. Where's your baka brother?” She smiled when he wrapped her cloak around her shoulders.

“Last I saw he was creating a swath of destruction in the nearby forest.” Content that he had provided his mate with adequate protection from the falling temperatures, he urged her to follow him into the walls of the castle.

“Someone a little grumpy still?”

“More like pissed at himself I'd say.”

Kagome stopped and quirked an eyebrow at Inuyasha. Could Sesshoumaru have already realized the error of his ways or was it simply wishful thinking.

“How long will winter last?” She asked once they had made it through the newly constructed front gates.

“A few months yet.”

“Damn. I hate the cold.”

“Since when did you curse Kagome?” He asked, uncomfortable with the bold mouth she had adopted.

“Since I met you silly. Where do you think I learned such words?” She grinned sheepishly back at him.

“My fault then?” He grinned back liking the relaxed atmosphere that had slowly developed around them through the day.

“Oh of course!” She laughed heartily.

“What else did I teach you?” He teased absentmindedly. Kagome was suddenly beside him whispering in his ear. The picture she painted made his blood warm and face flush. He was stunned that such words had come from his innocent miko. How could she possibly know such things? Worse yet was that he had done such an act with her and had no recollection of it. He was about to ask her another question when she grinned evilly and ran towards Shiro and Misery.

Apparently his innocent miko was innocent no longer. He felt a surge of male pride mixed in with the regret of not having experienced it yet himself. He was really beginning to like this new Kagome. She was less reserved, wilder and fearless. Admirable traits that warranted more investigation. Yes, he would like very much to investigate this new Kagome. Preferably alone in a warm cave somewhere. Hot springs would be good too. His mind wandered bringing a new heat to his body. Shaking his head back to reality he watched with hooded eyes as she sparkled with merriment around her companions. With his body aching, he wondered if she would be the death of him. Maybe he shouldn't have agreed to start fresh. Having a mate would be very beneficial to ease the pain he was currently in.

Very beneficial indeed.