Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy ❯ Revelations ( Chapter 34 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Author's Note: I almost called this chapter “The Revelation of St. Shinji” but I just couldn't bring myself to call Shinji a saint. It would just be too wrong. Hehe

Required Disclaimer: Still no own. Still no money. Too evil for a conscience. I think I might just have some jelly donuts around here now, however… Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX! And stuff.

Chapter 34: Revelations

`Water… ripples on the surface. Dripping down… rainfall. Tears? Are these my tears? Tears of sadness… tears of joy. What makes a person cry? Water… soothing. Who am I? Am I the mother? Am I the daughter? I am me. But who is that? Shinji… I am Shinji as he is me. He is in my heart… Shinji… I love you.' Rei's eyes snapped open and she sat up. “What?”

“Hey.” Shinji greeted her as he sat up straighter, looking like he hadn't slept in days.

The first child noticed she was in a hospital room. “Shinji-kun?” She looked around and noticed Asuka lying in the next bed over. “Asuka-chan? Is she… all right?”

The blue-eyed boy shook his head. “She hasn't woken up since the angel attack.”

Rei frowned thoughtfully. “Why am I here?”

The third child's eyes squinted a little in confusion. “You came in to see Asuka-chan… you said something to her and then you fainted.”

The red-eyed girl thought about that for a few moments and then said “I don't remember.” She rubbed sleep from her eyes and wondered how long she had been asleep. “Asuka-chan was asleep when I spoke to her?”

Shinji nodded and glanced over at the second child, guilt crossing his features for a few moments. “Yeah. You just… whispered something in her ear and then you passed out.”

The first child wondered what it was she said and why she couldn't remember it. The last memory she had was when Tabris was killed. “How long since the last angel was… defeated?”

The young Ikari frowned thoughtfully and glanced to the side. “Ah, that was… two days ago now? Yeah.”

“I have been asleep for two days?” Rei asked, surprise edging into her normally stoic whisper.

The blue-eyed boy shook his head, sitting up a little straighter as he became concerned. “No, you've only been asleep for maybe twelve hours now. You don't remember anything from before then?”

Rei frowned thoughtfully as she tried to remember. `Shinji-kun was forced to cripple Unit 02 because Tabris had forced his soul into contact with Asuka-chan's and pushed her into a state of feral rage… afterwards I suppressed the angel's AT field with my own so that Shinji-kun could defeat him. Then I… I… wept? Yes… I wept for the pain that my beloved was forced to endure because of… me? I… should have never allowed Tabris to befriend Shinji-kun again. I should have protected him. I failed him… Shinji-kun… forgive me. Afterwards… I… what? I must have witnessed Asuka-chan and Shinji-kun being extracted from their Evas… but I don't remember it. What else could I have done? Seen the commander, no doubt. Did I wait a whole day and a half before I came to see the two people most important to me in the world? Why? And why have I been unconscious for twelve hours… did I overtax my S2 organ? Doing what? It should not have drained me overly much by suppressing Tabris's AT field… and that was 36 hours before I fainted… did I do something to Asuka-chan? Perhaps to help her?' The girl blinked a few times before responding finally. “I do not remember.”

“Should I call a doctor? After you fainted, they said you just seemed exhausted. I assumed you've been working too hard at whatever it is that my father has you working on. And that you probably hadn't slept since… the angel attack.” The third child stated, fidgeting nervously as he worried over the girl's condition.

The red-eyed girl shook her head once. “That will not be necessary. I have had memory lapses in the past… though normally not ones of so recent events. It was likely due to exhaustion. You should call the commander and inform him of my condition.”

“Oh… ah… ok.” Shinji pulled his cell phone out and dialed the number his father gave him. “Father… yes. I know sir but… yes. Sorry father. But I'm calling to tell you… I'm sorry, father. Yes sir.” A frustrated expression formed on his face. After several long moments of listening silently to the commander, he spoke up again. “Sir! I was calling to tell you that Rei-chan woke up. She…” He sighed and put his phone away. “He hung up on me.”

The first child nodded, having already drawn that conclusion. “Perhaps he is on his way.”

“He was in a meeting. He was very angry about being disturbed.” Unit 01's pilot explained with a shrug. He looked over at Asuka again, vainly searching for any signs of her waking up. “Rei-chan… did you know that… Nagisa was an angel?”

`Oh shit.' Rei's eyes widened in surprise at the question. “I… knew that he was like us.” She responded carefully. `Please don't ask for more than that…'

“It's just that… when he first came to NERV… you seemed agitated by his presence. I assumed at the time it was because he was a stranger and said he was your brother… but now… I get the feeling that you knew he was an angel.” The third child stated uncertainly, but his eyes were far from uncertain.

“I… knew that it was possible that he was an angel.” The blue-haired beauty stated, turning her gaze down to her hands as she sat on the hospital bed. `It wasn't 100% certain that he was the last angel… at least not at the time. So I am not lying.'

“Rei-chan. I'm beyond tired. I've been lied to and manipulated by people I thought cared about me. I want a straight answer from you.” Shinji stated firmly, leaning forward a little to catch the girl's eyes with his own again. “Did you know when he first arrived that he was an angel? Did you know he was an angel when he was pulling me off to spend the day with me?”

`What is this feeling? Sadness? Shame? The pain of being the cause of a loved one's suffering? What is this feeling called?' The first child nodded. “Yes.”

The blue-eyed boy nodded. He had assumed so but he wanted to hear her say it. He needed to know that she would indeed tell him the truth when he asked for it. “Why didn't you tell me? You could have warned me. We could have killed him before he hurt Asuka-chan.” He did his best to keep his anger out of his voice but was only marginally successful.

Rei stared at her hands again. “I… hoped that this time it would be different.”

“This time? What… I feel like I'm going insane.” The third child clutched at his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “What did you do?”

The girl closed her red eyes as sadness fell over her heart. `He's figured it out. Is he going to hate me now? I wish that I could comfort him… but I think I am the last person he wants that from now.' She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again to look upon the stressed visage of the boy who owned her heart. “That information is classified.”

“Oh, of course. How convenient. So you're not going to tell me why my brain feels like it's on fire every time I think about what's been going on lately?” Shinji sighed in exasperation and turned his head, not wanting to look at the former pilot that he loved, because he was afraid of what else he would say.

“I will tell you if you order me to do so. I cannot determine whether the truth would do you more harm than good at this point.” Rei stated sadly.

The third child met his lover's eyes with his own, resolve shining within them. “Tell me.” He ordered firmly.

The blue-haired beauty nodded. “Hai. Please close the door, this information is highly classified.”

Shinji got up and closed the door immediately and locked it for privacy. He even went so far as to pull the curtains over the observation windows. Then he sat down at the foot of Rei's bed and faced her. “I'm listening.”

The first child nodded and took a deep breath and let it out slowly, though whether it was a slight delaying tactic or to calm her nerves, only she knew. “Third impact is inevitable. That has never been in question. The human race is dying out. Without the Third Impact, we might survive for another generation… possibly two. But birth rates are dropping at an exponential rate. The only question has ever been… which race will survive and how will we survive.”

The young Ikari nodded. It made sense, though he wasn't sure why. “So the angels had to die so that humanity could survive, in more ways than the obvious.”

Rei nodded. “Yes. The committee that oversees NERV has planned out how humanity's evolution would take place. We are to become one with God. Or return to the Heavenly Kingdom… I'm actually not positive on the end result of their plans. Commander Ikari, on the other hand, seeks a different solution. He wishes the barriers between humanity's souls to be dropped so that we would all become as one. No need for deception… or loneliness. No more sorrow… we would all be united… and reunited with those we love the most. You and Commander Ikari, for example… would be reunited with your mother.”

The third child's mouth was hanging open in shock. “But… that's insane!” He was trying to tell himself that she was making all this up, but he knew she was telling the truth. He wasn't sure how… perhaps it was because he knew she wouldn't lie to him, or perhaps he had some idea of this already. Either way, it scared the crap out of him.

“Perhaps. Despite the best intentions, however, both times we tried initiating Third Impact, the sorrows and regrets of humanity held us back. People were unable to move on, simply because they had too many regrets. I… attempted to address those regrets, at least with the people I cared about most. Even resolving the deepest regrets in our lives, we still had new ones when the world ended the second time. This time… success or failure, it's over.” Ayanami stated as if she were relating a tedious event to somebody.

Things were falling into place now. All the feelings of dÃ©jÃ vu that he experienced time and time again… it made sense now. “So this is the third time we've gone through this hell.” The blue-eyed boy stated for clarification.

“Yes. I cannot… put you through it a fourth time. I understand if you hate me…” The girl's red eyes fixed down at her hands again, unable to meet her lover's gaze.

“I could never hate you, Rei-chan. But… I can't say I'm not angry over this. Why… did the world even need to be remade in the first place? So what if regrets held us back. That's life. Why… try again? Especially when it didn't even work the first time. Are you just a sadist?” Shinji couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Perhaps.” The first child responded sadly. “I had… hope for you. And Asuka-chan. And Nagisa-kun. And… Commander Ikari.”

The young Ikari flinched a little at the angel's name and only winced slightly at the mention of his father. He was quiet for a while as he absorbed everything the girl had told him. “So I had… regrets? And you… addressed them? What does that mean?”

Rei turned her head slightly to stare at one of the blank walls. “I am not quite sure. I believe I made minor changes to create the desired effect.”

“Such as what? What did I regret the first time and how did you resolve it?” The blue-eyed boy asked, accusation breaking into his tone.

The red-eyed angel closed her eyes for a few moments, her heart aching because she knew she was causing her beloved pain, but she told him she would answer his questions if he ordered her to do so, so she had no choice. “We… were not close, originally. You… kept your distance from me. And without you reaching out to me offering friendship, I was alone. I had nothing. No hope, no dreams. I wished only for my purpose to be fulfilled so that I could die. Your regret was that we had not gotten to know one another better. My regret was that I never had any reason to live. Addressing your regret solved both of our problems. I gave you a desire to want to know me. By reaching out to me… you gave me hope and a reason to live.”

Shinji swallowed nervously. He couldn't even imagine a world where he wouldn't have fallen in love with the young Ayanami and he was glad that she had given him a second chance to get to know her. “What about the second time? You said this is the third time… so you remade the world a second time and tried to address our regrets again.”

The first child nodded, turning her head to look at Shinji, feeling better that she did not see hatred in his eyes, only confusion and pain. She felt guilty for her selfish desire to not be hated, even if it meant her lover was caused this pain instead. “When the angel before Nagisa attacked… I detonated my Eva then, as well. Only… you did not save me. That was your regret, that you were unable to save me. So I gave you a way to save my life.”

The blue-eyed boy nodded. That was why she seemed so uncertain that he had saved her… it made sense. “What was your regret?” He inquired, curious why she had told him without prompting last time, but not this time. He saw the hesitation in her eyes before she looked away again and that brought fear and anger boiling up. “Answer me!” He insisted.

“That we did not have a future together. So I… gave us one.” Rei replied, vulnerability evident in her normally stoic whisper-like voice.

Shinji blinked in surprise. It didn't sound bad… but it obviously was by the way she was reacting. “What does that mean? What did you do?” By the way she looked ready to start crying, he thought he knew and it horrified him. But he had to hear her say it… and know why. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” He demanded.

“I set events in order that would ensure that we had a future together.” The first child stated, even though she had already said that.

The blue-eyed boy clenched his fists several times, struggling to maintain at least a modicum of calm. “Answer my question, Rei-chan.”

Rei took a deep breath as tears dripped out of her eyes unnoticed. “In order for humanity to continue to exist as individuals, which you expressly desired considering how you rejected Third Impact twice… I had to come up with a way for humanity to evolve. Developing S2 organs was the ideal solution.”

The third child stiffened in outrage but managed to keep from lashing out. Had it been anyone else… he would not have been strong enough for that. “That's why you said it was your fault that I died.” He stated bitterly.

“Yes. I did not fully realize it at the time. It was only recently that my memory of the previous two worlds returned fully.” The red-eyed girl explained. “I did not think of the means for you to have an S2 organ, only that you should have one. Fate… filled in the rest.”

Shinji nodded for a few moments but then his expression turned quizzical. “I don't understand though. What's the point of me having an S2 organ?”

`That should have been obvious…' The first child thought. “Your children will also have S2 organs.”

“But you can't have children.” The young Ikari pointed out.

Rei nodded. “That is true.” She saw the question in his eyes so explained before he had to ask. “However… Asuka-chan can.”

The third child's eyes widened in shock and he edged away from her slightly without realizing it. “That's why you've been trying to get me to make love to her. You wanted me to impregnate her?! Are you twisted?!”

The blue-haired beauty shook her head, hiding her offense well. “You could have picked anyone to be the mother of your children. I… only hoped it would be her. It did not even occur to me that you might pick Ibuki-san.”

Shinji stared at his beloved in bewilderment. “Why do you think I would pick Ibuki-san?”

“You had sexual intercourse with her.” The first child pointed out.

“She came on to me when I was feeling hurt and alone! It's not like I planned on marrying her and having kids with her! I chose you! I don't care if you set it in motion; I still fell in love with you! And I'd do so again in a heartbeat, but I can't say I like you very much right now.” The young Ikari bit out in anger. “Speaking of which, do you realize what my semen did to Ibuki-taii?! You want me to get Asuka-chan sick like that?!”

“She would suffer no ill effects from exposure to your blue cells.” Rei stated in an ambiguous tone.

“Are you telling me that you had her killed too?! Is she a fucking clone as well?!” The third child demanded, indicating the comatose girl in lying in the bed next to them with an expressive gesture.

The red-eyed girl turned her head away down at the floor beside the bed. “If was not necessary for her to be cloned, nor to have an S2 organ. Your children will have S2 organs because you have one. It was only necessary for her to be immune to the mind-altering effects of super solenoid energy cells when first encountering the central nervous system.”

Shinji's eyes narrowed suspiciously. “How?”

The first child shook her head. “I do not know. I believe that the commanders utilized some means to give her immunity to S2 cells while she was undergoing her Eva pilot training. The exact means of their methods are unknown to me. I only know that they had prepared her to be the mother of your children in the event of Third Impact either not occurring properly or in case both you and she rejected the ultimate form of mankind. They did not force her upon you; they merely made the preparations and gave you the opportunity to grow close to her.”

The young Ikari frowned, again suppressing the urge to lash out at her. “Why? Why did you choose her, especially when you knew I was going to choose you?”

“Because I love her.” Rei replied simply.

The third child stood up abruptly and started pacing around. “Do you realize how hard this is for me to wrap my head around?! Two weeks ago you hated her! Now suddenly you love her? Where does that leave me?!”

“I have loved her since the previous world. She slapped me and I fell in love with her. The time we spent together this time… reminded me of that. And so I fell in love with her once again.” The blue-haired beauty explained.

Shinji grabbed at his temples and hissed in exasperation and then looked at his girlfriend as if she were insane. “You fell in love with her because she slapped you?! And I thought I was fucked up.”

“It was not the slap itself. I saw into her heart. I saw her vulnerability. Her fear. Her loneliness. I saw into Asuka-chan's soul during that slap and I fell in love with it, and her. I did not appreciate the attack, but if it meant seeing her heart that way again, I would gladly accept another slap. This time, however, she showed me her heart without striking me.” The red-eyed girl elaborated.

The third child sighed and leaned back against the wall, still clutching his temples as his brain struggled to make sense of all these revelations. “Then we're back to my previous question. Where does that leave me?”

Rei looked over at the second child thoughtfully. “If you can accept her into our lives, I would appreciate it. I wish to share my love with her. But if you forbid it, I will comply. If you do allow it, however, it is your choice as to whether you share your affections with her or not. I wish to share mine with her, but I can not and will not force you to do likewise. If you do not wish for Asuka-chan to be the mother of your children, I will respect your wishes. She… deserves love. I wish to give her that love.”

The blue eyed boy sighed. It still sounded to him like he was interfering in their love, leading him back to his feelings when he first asked her to be his girlfriend. “So you love her. What about me?”

The first child's gaze snapped up to meet the boy's. She was shocked he even asked. “You know how I feel about you.”

“Right now? No I don't. If it was the day we made love, then I wouldn't be confused. But now I am. I want to hear you say how you feel about me so that I have no confusion over the matter.” Shinji stated firmly.

The young Ayanami stared down at the floor. “Words will never fully express my feelings for you. These words that you wish me to say… I am not yet ready to say them. But I am always ready to tell you in action how I feel. I remade the world twice for you, even after you rejected me. My every look… my every action shows my devotion to you. If you cannot see it, then my heart weeps.”

The third child sighed and turned his gaze over to the second child. “That's what I thought you'd say. Normally I'd feel ashamed and apologize for hurting your feelings… and don't get me wrong, I do feel bad about that. But on the other hand… you essentially killed me. No matter your reasons or your feelings, it doesn't make it right. Tell me this then… knowing the pain that finding out about my death caused me… knowing what happened to Asuka-chan… if you could go back and put us through this again… would you?”

“I told you that I will not remake the world again.” Rei replied.

“No. That's not the answer to my question. Had you known this is what would have happened… would you still do it?” The blue-eyed boy asked, fixing his gaze intently on the girl in front of him.

The girl's red eyes lifted up to meet those of her lover. “Yes.”

Shinji's eyes closed for a few moments as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His eyes then opened and he looked at the first child, as serious as he had ever been in his life. “Get out. I can't even look at you right now, but I need to be here in case Asuka-chan wakes up.”

The blue-haired beauty stood up and sighed. “Shinji-kun…”

“Get… out.” Ikari repeated.

Rei bowed low as tears dripped from her eyes. “Forgive me, Ikari-sama.” Without another word, she left, not caring that everyone she passed saw her weeping as she exited the hospital.

*************************

“You deserve death.” One of the SEELE committee members pronounced just before terminating the communication.

“Hmph… foolish old men.” Commander Ikari spat out bitterly. He turned to regard Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki. “It won't be long now. Are the preparations complete?”

“Mostly. Repairs on Eva Unit 02 should be complete by morning. The repair crews have been working on it around the clock. Unit 01 only required minimal repairs… I believe she took care of most of them herself. It was only the damaged armor that needed to be replaced.” KÅzÅ informed the commander.

Gendo nodded as he started walking out of the conference room. “Rei is awake now. Her rest shouldn't put us behind schedule. I believe she has nearly completed her work. The coma that the second child is in is a bit of a concern, however.”

“If she does not wake up before we are attacked, then we shall simply have to hope that Shinji-kun can hold the forces back long enough for our plans to be realized.” The professor stated as he followed a step behind the commander.

“Does Rei seem to know more about what is going to happen than we do?” Commander Ikari inquired out of the blue.

Fuyutsuki blinked in surprise. “You mean because she requested the MAGI be prepared for hacking attempts? It does seem the logical first step for SEELE to attempt. I'm surprised that we didn't think of it.”

Gendo frowned slightly in thought and glanced back at his old friend for a few moments before turning his gaze back in front of him. “Indeed.”

KÅzÅ's eyes dropped down to the floor as he followed the commander silently. `I hope you'll forgive me some day, old friend.' He thought to himself.

*************************

Asuka lay curled into Shinji's side, idly running a finger over his bare chest. “Something has been bugging me for a few weeks now. Where's Wonder Girl?”

The boy turned his cobalt blue eyes to fix on the girl's royal blue ones, an eyebrow arching up slightly as he considered her. “What do you mean? She's been around. She's just been busy with my father.”

The second child frowned thoughtfully. “I don't remember seeing her since the breakfast a few weeks ago. That's really strange… I'd think she'd at least come home to get some tender loving from you. Surely she's not going to just let me hog all your affection.”

“Why do you care? Don't I fuck you enough?” The young Ikari inquired.

A slight blush crept into the German pilot's cheeks. “Well, yeah. But that's not why I'm asking. I miss her. And it's not that I don't appreciate your… carnal attentions, but I do happen to enjoy the affection that she gives me too. And it's not just about the affection, I like hanging out with her. You two didn't break up, did you? Because the last thing in the world I wanted was to come between you…”

“No, of course not. She's been around. You were probably just too distracted to notice, is all.” The third child explained.

“That's weird… I would think I would have…” Asuka started to say.

“Asuka-chan, you need to wake up.” Rei's soft voice stated out of nowhere.

The second child blinked in surprise and looked around. “Did you hear that?”

Shinji quirked an eyebrow up. “Hear what?” He asked.

“I… thought I heard Rei-chan's voice.” The red-haired spitfire stated uncertainly.

The young Ikari shrugged. “You might have. Maybe she stopped by to change her clothes or something.”

“Maybe I should go check, say hi if she's still around.” The German girl suggested, starting to get up.

“I'm sure she's gone.” The third child stated quickly, grabbing the girl and tickling her. “Wanna fool around some more?”

Asuka grinned. “Sure, why not?”

Sometime later, the young Ikari was feeding the blue-eyed girl breakfast in bed. “I bet you wouldn't say no to some sausage and bacon. I found those bratwursts you like.” The boy gave her a lopsided grin as he waved the meat under her nose.

The German girl grinned and grabbed the plate eagerly. “You're right about that, mein Freund!” She paused after she took a bite when she heard a voice in the distance.

“Asuka-chan… please! Wake up! Wake up and tell me what an idiot I am! Please! I… need you. Please wake up!!! ASUKA-CHAN!” The voice of the young Ikari floated down.

The red-haired beauty blinked in surprise. “Ok, you can't tell me you didn't hear that. What the hell was that?!”

“That was… ah… that was me. I said that earlier to wake you up. It's probably just ah… now sinking in.” The boy explained lamely.

The blue-eyed girl was far from stupid, though. “I'm asleep, aren't I? This is all one big long dream!”

Shinji sighed and nodded. “Yes, you're dreaming. But you don't have to wake up. You can stay here with me forever. I'll love you the way you've always wanted me to. I'll never leave you. Isn't that what you wanted?”

Asuka snorted. “Fuck you. If I wanted a dream, I'd take a nap. I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, asshole. I don't settle for second best, EVER. Besides, Shinji-kun obviously needs me. What do I want with a ghost like you when I can comfort the real Shinji? See ya.”

“Asuka, wait! I love you!” The dream-Ikari pleaded, clutching at the girl as she tried to leave.

“Es ist mir Wurst (I don't care… literally it means `It is sausage to me' hehe).” The second child stated firmly, stepping out a door. The world seemed to fade into blinding whiteness. She cracked her eyes open slowly, squinting at the bright light. “Shit… turn the fucking lights down, would you?”

Shinji's head shot up to attention immediately. “Asuka-chan?! You're awake! You're finally awake!!!” He cried, clutching at the girl and sobbing.

The second child blinked in surprise and held the boy, rubbing his back in what she hoped to be a soothing manner. “Hey stupid… I've got a question for you. Did you jerk off on me while I was asleep?”

Ikari slowly leaned his head back and stared at the girl as if she must be brain-damaged, but then he saw the humor in her eyes. “Ah… yeah. A little. I felt you up too.” He joked with a tired smile.

Asuka giggled softly and tweaked the boy's nose playfully. “Yeah, I figured, you pervert. Next time do it when I'm awake so I can enjoy it too, ja?”

The third child chuckled and held the girl close again, glad she was obviously feeling well enough to tease him. “You scared the crap out of me. Don't ever do that again. Are you feeling ok? I mean… is your brain smooshed any?”

The second child gave the boy a lopsided grin. “Smooshed? Is that a medical term? No… my brain feels fine. A little fuzzy, but I chalk that up to being asleep for… ok obviously long enough to get some pretty horrid bed hair. So what's it been? Twelve hours? …a day?”

Shinji coughed nervously. “Ah… almost three.”

The blue-eyed girl fell silent for a few long moments before responding. “Ah… I take it you don't mean hours. Three days? Ach… I guess it could be worse. At least Angel-boy didn't break anything when he was dicking around in my brain.” She grew nervous when she saw the look on the boy's face. “What? He didn't, did he?”

The third child shook his head. “Not that I know of. I'll call a doctor… I'm sure they'll want to do an examination now that you're awake.”

Asuka nodded. “I suppose this would be a bad time to joke that I feel a nap coming on, ja?” She smiled brightly, despite the glare she received from the boy. “Ah, you'll laugh tomorrow.”

After the examination, the doctor made some notes on a chart. “There don't seem to be any neurological deficits. We'll want to keep you under observation for a while, just to be on the safe side, though.”

“Of course. Thank you for taking such good care of her, doctor.” Shinji bowed deeply in gratitude. He didn't know whether the German girl wanted to leave or not but he didn't wish to take any chances with her health.

“So… we obviously saved the world because we're still here. Did I kick his ass?” The blue-eyed girl asked as she casually put her hands behind her head and leaned back.

The third child shifted nervously, unsure of how to respond. “Ah… well…”

“If I got my ass handed to me, just say so. I was too fucked in the brain to tell what was going on.” The red-haired beauty stated.

“Ka… ah… the angel made you go kind of crazy. You started attacking me. I… had to put you down so I could kill the angel before he reached Adam and killed us all. I'm so sorry!” Shinji bowed deeply, afraid the girl was going to kill him for hurting her.

“You did the right thing. Had the situation been reversed, I would have done the same. I'm just glad you were able to get to him in time. I guess it's a good thing I wasn't in my right mind or you would have never been able to beat me.” The second child gave the boy a lopsided grin.

The young Ikari breathed out a sigh of relief. “I was afraid you'd be angry with me. I tried to snap you out of it… I didn't want to hurt you. Misato-san reminded me though I that I didn't have to kill you to stop you. I… wish I had realized that when Suzahara's Eva was infested. I had to get pretty nasty though… I almost stabbed my prog-knife through your Entry Plug and you were still trying to kill me.”

“I don't lose easily, even when I'm durchdrehe… ah… sorry, going mad I mean.” Asuka said as she smiled, proud of her determination despite the circumstances surrounding it.

The third child shook his head, bemused by her attitude. “You're in a much better mood than I expected.”

The blue-eyed beauty shrugged nonchalantly. “I had some really good dreams while I was asleep.” She explained with a mysterious grin on her lips. “How's Rei-chan, by the way?”

Shinji's smile dropped at the mention of his girlfriend. “Ah… well we kind of had a fight this morning. She's… healthy, at the very least.”

The second child snorted. “What are you, stupid?! Go apologize to her!”

The young Ikari scowled. “Why do you assume that I'm the one at fault?”

“Because you're a boy, and boys are idiots. What did she do to piss you off?” Asuka asked, looking the boy over as if nothing he could say would convince her.

`She killed me and she said she'd do it again even though she knows how much it fucked me up to find out about it.' The blue-eyed boy thought, but he couldn't tell her that. “I… can't really tell you that without getting her in trouble. Let's just say it was something horrible and she said she'd do it again even though she knows how much pain it caused me.”

“Waah.” The German spitfire deadpanned.

Shinji blinked in surprise. “Wha… what?”

“You heard me. Boo-fucking-hoo. You love that girl. You know it, and I know it. If you can't find it in your heart to forgive something she did that upset you, you never deserved her in the first place.” The red-haired beauty stated.

Ikari rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I've been saying that from the beginning. Nobody listens to me. Look… I'm sure I'll forgive her. I just need time to work this all out in my head. She dropped some major bombshells on me and it's going to take some time to get past it all.”

“Why do you look guilty?” Asuka asked suddenly, sitting up fully and looking at the boy more closely.

“Huh?” The third child scratched the back of his head nervously.

The German girl scowled. “Don't play dumb with me, Third. You haven't looked me straight in the eye since you told me about the angel battle. It can't be that you just feel guilty about having to take me down… there's something else bothering you. Spill it.”

Shinji sighed and rubbed his face furiously with his hands for a few moments. He was way too tired for this. “It's my fault that the angel was able to… do what he did to you.”

The second child shook her head. “What are you, stupid? You weren't even allowed to launch yet. There was no reason before he did that to assume I couldn't have taken him on my own.”

The young Ikari turned his gaze down to his hand, flexing it a few times in agitation. “No… Nagisa… he said he was able to cause you to berserk because… your defenses were down… because you felt rejected… because of me. I'm so sorry, Asuka-chan.”

A flash of anger lit up Asuka's features for a few moments but then she looked thoughtful for a few moments. “I forgive you.”

The blue-eyed boy stared at the girl in surprise. “Huh? How can you forgive me so easily after what you went through?! It must have been hell, especially because it was the second time it happened to you!”

“Shinji-kun. I love you, idiot. You forgive those you love when they fuck up. Everyone messes up or does stuff that pisses someone else off. It's an unavoidable fact of life. If you love someone, you forgive them. If you don't forgive them, you don't deserve to call it love. I know you, stupid. If you could go back to before that angel attacked and show me the love you know you wanted to, you would do it. And so, I forgive you. Do I wish I didn't have to go through all that again? Hell yes. Do I blame you? Hell no. I blame that silver-haired freak.” The German girl explained.

“But it's not that simple…” Shinji tried to protest.

“Yes, it is. I love you. I forgive you. Now shut the fuck up.” The second child stated firmly.

Tears fell from the boy's cobalt blue eyes as he leaned over to hug the girl close. “Thank you, Asuka-chan. I don't deserve a friend like you.”

“Of course not. Do you know what I'm going to ask you now?” Asuka inquired.

The young Ikari leaned back to look the girl in the eye. “No… you can't be serious! You just woke up from a coma!”

The second child giggled. “Pervert. I'm definitely not thinking that… and I can certainly tell this isn't a dream.” She stated as she shifted uncomfortably. `Catheters definitely don't make you feel sexy…' The girl thought, hoping that the device would be removed soon. “No, I was going to say… you should go find Wonder Girl and forgive her. I'm sure she feels appropriately shitty for hurting you.”

Shinji looked uncertain. “But… I can't just leave you. You just woke up.”

“I'm not going anywhere, stupid. Come back after you straighten things out with Rei-chan. I'll still be here. Unfortunately.” The blue-eyed beauty stated with a shrug.

The third child sighed and then nodded. “Ok, I'll be back soon.” He leaned over and gave the girl a sweet kiss and blushed slightly when he saw the happy smile that appeared on her face as he left. `I should go back to Misato-san's and get cleaned up at least… then I guess I'll try to find Rei-chan at NERV.' He paused for a few moments at the door and looked back at the girl. “Ah… just checking, but you really don't have any brain damage, right?”

“No! Now go, Dummchen.” Asuka glared playfully at the boy and shook her head in amusement after he left. “I just had one long beautiful dream… that's all.” She remarked to herself. She then looked around and groaned. “Aw shit… there's not even a television in here! What am I supposed to do now?” She grumbled.

*************************

Ritsuko Akagi sat in her office, staring at a photograph of her cats. “I really miss you guys.” She mumbled to herself, letting out a long sigh. A few moments later she set the picture frame down. “It took you long enough.” She remarked without turning around.

“Your cats?” The quiet voice of Rei Ayanami inquired.

“They were, yes. I'm surprised you're curious about them.” The doctor stated, turning her chair around to face the blue-haired girl.

“Why?” The first child inquired.

“Why?! Because in all the years I've known you, you never once asked me a single question about my life! That's why.” Ritsuko bit out angrily.

Rei glanced at the photograph of Maya on the woman's filing cabinet. “I asked you many times.”

Dr. Akagi glared at the girl. “Not all of us can read body language as easily as you, Rei.” She blinked when she heard a cracking noise and looked over at the source to find one of her picture frames had cracked glass. The sight of it made her swallow nervously. “I mean… Ayanami-san.”

The girl turned her head to fix her red eyes on the doctor curiously. “You are frightened.”

“You're damned right I'm frightened. You said the next time we met, you'd kill me. And here you are.” Ritsuko stated with a wave of her hand.

“I did not say I would kill you, I said one of us would die. The choice of who dies is yours and yours alone.” The first child stated in an ambiguous tone.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” The blonde inquired apprehensively.

Rei blinked. “You are a very intelligent woman. I am confident that you can figure it out.” She curiously reached out and picked up a folder containing her medical records. “Is there any mention in here on memory loss?”

Ritsuko frowned thoughtfully. `She sure is calm for someone who said one of us would die.' “Your childhood memories? Third page.” Her hand slowly slid into her pocket to the remote detonator she had prepared while working on the MAGI systems.

“Don't bother, your mother betrays you every time. There is no indication here of memory loss occurring after my cloning.” The first child stated casually as she flipped through the pages.

“After your cloning? No, you never reported any memory loss after that. Why do you ask?” The doctor took the detonator out and frowned down at it. `Mother betrays me every time? She had to have been talking about this… she knows more than she is telling. How else would she have known what I was planning?'

“I have no memory of events occurring after the angel attack two days ago. Twelve hours are accounted for, as I fainted after visiting Pilot Soryu in the infirmary, but thirty six hours are a total blank.” Rei responded as she set her medical file down.

The doctor frowned thoughtfully. “Then I suggest you get a skull x-ray and an MRI to rule out concussion and brain tissue damage. You showed no sign of a tumor when I examined you last week, so I doubt it's that.”

“If I suffered such an injury, it has already healed.” The blue-haired beauty stated, picking up the picture frame with Maya's photograph in it. “Ibuki-san is very kind.” She remarked.

Ritsuko's eyes narrowed, finding the girl's behavior to be baffling. “Yes, she is.”

The girl placed the photograph back down and turned to face the doctor. “Have you decided?”

Dr. Akagi quirked an eyebrow up inquisitively as she asked “Which one of us will die? We both know I can't kill you, Re… Ayanami-san. Your AT field wouldn't even let me get close enough. So what was the point of you even giving me that knife?”

“My AT field is at rest. If I used it to defend myself, the MAGI would detect the energy and the angel alert would sound. If you decide to kill me, you should aim for my S2 organ.” The first child informed the woman.

“If I decide to kill you? What other choice do I have?! You said one of us would die!” Ritsuko paused and tilted her head slightly to the side. “You can't mean… you expect me to commit suicide?! For what, regaining my honor?! Honor is illogical, Ayanami-san.” She scoffed.

“As is the murder of a dozen innocent children. You can kill me if you wish. Or you can atone for your crimes with jigai (ritual suicide for women). The choice is yours.” Rei stated in an even tone.

Dr. Akagi frowned in thought. `Even if I killed Rei… what would be the point? Gendo would kill me in retaliation. Though it might be worth it… I have to be honest with myself. She's as much his victim as I am. It's illogical to punish her for his sins. And I have my own sins… I did come back here to atone for them. Damn you, Nagisa… why did you have to show me my own soul?' She took a deep breath and pulled out the dagger that the former pilot had given her. “It's sharp… probably sharp enough to split a hair. Whoever was stabbed with this blade probably wouldn't even feel it.”

“That is true.” Ayanami agreed neutrally, patiently awaiting the doctor's decision.

“Hmph… I know it doesn't mean much now, but I'm sorry for what I did, Ayanami-san. A final piece of advice, woman to woman: don't trust Gendo, he'll betray you just as he did me.” The blonde stated, raising the dagger up to her throat.

“Akagi-san, wait a moment.” The first child requested, approaching her. She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss onto the woman's brow. “I forgive you.”

Tears fell from the doctor's eyes. “Thank you. Ah… you wouldn't happen to have…”

The red-eyed girl pulled off her necktie and offered it to the woman silently.

“Silly of me, I know…” Ritsuko shook her head, spilling hot tears as she tied her ankles together. “Tell Maya-chan… that she deserves better.” After the quiet girl nodded, she lifted the knife up to her neck and took a few deep breaths, trying to will her hands to stop shaking. “Sayonara, Ayanami-san.”

Rei watched silently as the woman sliced open her jugular vein and was dead within moments. “See you soon, Ritsuko.” She remarked before leaving the office. She glanced down at her clothes and realized she would need to change them, as she had been wearing them since the morning before the angel attack. `All of my clean clothes are still at Shinji-kun's apartment…' She silently left NERV headquarters and started going back up to the surface.

*************************

Shinji finished dressing and took a few moments to look at himself in the mirror, noting his bloodshot eyes and tired expression. “After I find Rei-chan and settle things with her… I think I'll go back to Asuka-chan's room and make sure she's still ok and then fall asleep on that other bed. She should be fine as long as I'm in the room…” The boy remarked to himself. His heart nearly jumped into his throat when he heard his door opening. “What?! Oh… Rei-chan…”

Ayanami blinked several times, just as surprised to see the third child there as he was to see her. “I apologize. All of my clean clothes are here.”

`Damn… I was going to use the time it took to get to NERV headquarters and find her to mentally prepare myself for this…' The blue-eyed boy thought with a frown forming on his lips. “Oh… yeah. I was just surprised… Misato-san would have called out that she was home.” He tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but he wasn't very successful at it. He hoped that someday she would learn to announce when she came and left, as was expected.

The red-eyed girl looked at the bags containing her clothes for a few moments before turning her gaze back to her beloved. “Ikari-sama… I am… troubled that you might not ever forgive me. I am… experiencing an emotion that I am unable to name. It is like… fear and grief… I… I don't know what to say.” Tears started to fall from her eyes as she looked at the boy whose pain was her own.

`I can't stay mad at her.' The blue-eyed boy thought, moving forward and embracing her. “It's ok. I may not understand what you did… but I know you feel you did it for a good reason.”

Rei turned her tear-stained eyes up to meet the boy's gaze. “Ikari-sama… please… please forgive me.”

`I… I can't look at her right now. I'm not ready for this. And seeing her cry is only tearing my heart out.' The third child squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away, feeling tears of his own straining to flood out of his eyes. “I… I will, Rei-chan. I just… need some more time.” He walked purposely out of the apartment, his heart breaking as he heard the girl he loved breaking into sobs behind him. He clutched at his chest, feeling faint as he collapsed to the floor, gasping and wheezing for breath.

“Shinji-kun!” The blue-haired beauty's voice could be heard, in one of the rare moments when it wasn't a quiet whisper. The young Ikari felt himself being cradled in the girl's arms. “What is wrong, Shinji-kun?!”

“I can't… I can't… breathe.” Shinji gasped out, his vision going haywire as he clutched his chest tightly. `Oh god… am I having a heart attack?! They're going to publish a paper on me… 15 year old in good health has a heart attack! Doctors replaced his heart with a bowl of zoni (rice cake soup… a Japanese “winter” soup). Man in cafeteria gets big surprise in his soup bowl…'

“Shinji-kun! Look at me. Look in my eyes.” The first child commanded gently. When the boy turned his dilated eyes to fix on hers, she stroked her fingers through his hair gently while maintaining eye contact. After a minute or so, the boy's breathing had returned to normal and he stared as if hypnotized into the girl's crimson eyes. “Are you feeling better?”

The young Ikari nodded, closing his eyes as he rested his head back against the railing behind him. “I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest.”

“Your heart belongs to me. I would not allow it to do so.” Rei stated in her normal soft whisper-like voice.

The blue-eyed boy nodded with a gentle smile on his lips. “Asuka-chan said… when you love someone, you forgive them. Easy as that. I guess… I didn't want to admit that she was right. But she is. I love you, Rei-chan. I forgive you.”

The first child felt tears fall from her eyes again, but this time she felt sure it was because she was happy, because a smile was also on her lips. “Shinji-kun… I lo…” She paused for a few moments and squeezed her eyes shut before she spoke again. “Thank you. My heart sings for joy.”

Shinji smiled and tenderly brushed his fingers against the girl's smooth cheek, staring into her eyes with adoration. “I'll never stop loving you, Rei-chan. Even if it took moving heaven and earth twice over to bring us to this moment, even if it meant dying so that we could have a future together… it was worth it, because my life is meaningless without you.”

Rei smiled at her beloved. “Aren't you glad I fixed that?”

The third child burst into laughter and held the girl he cherished closely. “Yes… god, yes.”

The red-eyed girl kissed the young Ikari's neck and whispered into his ear “Though I did remake the world twice over, I am not god. But if you wish to worship me, I am sure you can think of some way to show me your devotion…”

The blue-eyed boy grinned and stood up, picking the girl up into his arms and carrying her back inside. Several hours later, Rei was cuddled into his side, letting a tired and satisfied “Mmm” sound escape her lips. “That was… more than acceptable.” She remarked.

“Give me… a few minutes… to catch my breath… and I can see if I can… improve on that… even more…” Shinji gasped out.

The red-eyed girl smiled up at her beloved and kissed him. “If you are able to… perform again, you are obviously better at this than I am.”

“I just needed a little… practice, is all. But I'm more than satisfied, I thought maybe you wanted more… ASUKA-CHAN!” The boy cried suddenly as he sat up.

Rei frowned slightly, puzzled by her lover's strange and sudden action. “Shinji-kun… I may not have minded being called god… more than once during that encounter, but being called Asuka-chan is more than my ego can bear.”

The third child blinked as he stared at the girl in bewilderment, but understanding dawned on him several long moments later. “Oh! No… she woke up and I was going to go back there so she wasn't alone… when you showed up. And then all this… she must be so lonely.”

The red-eyed girl sat up as well, joy lighting up her eyes. “She's awake? Allow me a few moments to… freshen up, and then find some clothes that were not ripped off of my body… and let's go see her.” She rushed off towards the wash room, ignoring the surprised looking Misato whom had just gotten home and was about to announce her presence when a nude blue-haired girl rushed from Shinji's bedroom to the bathroom.

Shinji blushed in embarrassment as he regarded the torn clothes on the floor. `I guess I wasa little over-eager. But damn… that was hot.' He casually strolled out of his room as well, figuring he should wash the smell of sex off of himself before going to the second child's hospital room.

“Wow, Shin-chan… looking good!” Major Katsuragi announced rather loudly.

“EEP!” Unit 01's pilot rushed into the wash closet and shut the door, feeling another panic attack coming on. He blinked as he watched Rei nonchalantly washing herself and a grin formed on his lips. `I'm happy. I'm actually happy. The world is surely about to end…'

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Next chapter: Third Impact begins (again).