Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy ❯ Tamed by Fear and Numb From Sleep I Wake ( Chapter 6 )

Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Author's Note: Well I decided against any revisions. The main thing I was wanting to do was decide on where I wanted to go with Gendo (and to a lesser degree Fuyutsuki) and I came to a decision and no revision was necessary. So, if you don't like it, too bad. If you decide not to keep reading this fic, that is your choice. I think this will end up being a rather good story, though I'm a bit biased and more honest than humble. So, sorry for all the confusion and the worry, but the story continues!

Required Disclaimer: No own. No money. No conscience. And no jelly donuts! Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX!

Chapter 6: Tame From Fear And Numb From Sleep I Wake

"Baka! Can't you do anything right?!" Asuka yelled, glaring over at Shinji. The third child, however, listened to his music and moved on the sync pads, waiting for the second child to synchronize with his movements. "Bastard! Answer me! Take off those damn headphones!"

Shinji sighed and slipped the earpieces down and cast a pleading glance at Major Katsuragi and the children that were sitting around a card table watching the efforts of the pilots. Misato caught the look and frowned at the red-haired pilot. "Are you even attempting to move the same way he does, Asuka-chan?"

The pilot of Unit 02 clenched her hands into fists and glared defiantly at the major. "I can't lower myself to this baka's level! He's the one not syncing!"

Misato frowned and looked at the pilot of Unit 00. "Rei, give it a try."

"Hai, Katsuragi-shousa." The blue haired girl replied, immediately standing and moving to the sync pads that Asuka had abandoned moments ago. She placed headphones over her ears and turned on the same song that Shinji was playing and without looking at each other they moved as one.

Asuka stared at both pilots in awe, her gaze moving quickly from one to the other waiting for the slightest imprecise move on their part, but it didn't happen. "It can't be. Get off of that pad, Wonder Girl! If you can do it, so can I!" Asuka stated proudly.

Rei lifted her gaze up at the major, ignoring the second child and waiting for confirmation. Misato scratched her head, not having expected the first and third child to be so… in tune with each other. "Leave her be, Asuka. You're sitting this mission out."

Asuka spun and stared at the major in shock. "Nani?! How dare you! I started this mission and I'll damn well finish this Scheiße!"

"You are hereby ordered to stand down from this mission, Pilot Soryu. Please leave it at that." The major replied. "And if you ever question my authority like that again you'll spend a week in a NERV detention cell, do I make myself clear, pilot?"

Asuka glared at Rei who simply looked back with no expression on her face. She advanced suddenly and struck out, slapping the girl across the face. "That's for taking my mission, ko musume!" She stomped off out the door, slamming it shut behind her. Rei simply stood where she was, straightening her posture after the initial shock of the blow retreated. Whether she resisted the urge to rub her stinging cheek or simply wasn't as sore as the force of the blow would suggest, no one but Ayanami knew.

"I better talk to her." Hikari stated reluctantly, shuffling to door and exiting without another word. Moments later they heard the retreating voice of the second child screaming about how she was surrounded by idiots and glory-hounds.

"Well uh… perhaps we should get going, Touji." Kensuke suggested nervously.

Touji sighed. "Yeah, yeah. That girl needs an anger management class or something. Catch ya later, Shin-man!" He and Aida left with a wave and a not so covert leer at Misato before they left.

Rei started leaving as well without saying anything when the major stopped her. "Rei! Wait. It's good that you two are so in sync already, but you need to continue to move as one to guarantee victory on the battlefield. Would you mind staying here until the Angel regenerates and attacks again so you can continue being in sync with Shinji-kun?"

Rei stared at the major silently for a few moments before replying. "If you order me to stay here and continue synchronizing my movements with Ikari-san's, then I will do so."

Shinji stared at his feet, feeling ashamed that Rei was going to be placed into a situation that she did not want to be in all because of him. Misato, however, felt no such qualms over it. "Then consider it an order, Pilot Ayanami. Please retrieve anything you need from your apartment to stay here for the next six days. Take Shinji-kun with you to retrieve your possessions."

"Hai, Katsuragi-shousa." Rei replied before turning and walking towards the door.

Shinji hurried to catch up and blushed in embarrassment, knowing this was the last thing the girl wanted to do. After they stepped outside, Shinji said, "Gomen, Ayanami." Rei's red eyes fixed on the third child as she waited for him to explain what he was sorry about though her walk forward was barely slowed. Shinji looked down at his feet, imagining an intensity in her glare that wasn't there. "For you having to stay here for the next week. I know you do not wish to live here."

"I will do as I am ordered to do, as will you, Ikari." Rei replied.

"Hai… but I am still sorry." Shinji stated in a soft voice, to which the first child made no reply. Shinji gasped suddenly as he heard the distinctive sound of two bodies colliding and he saw that Asuka had grabbed Rei by the throat and was squeezing for all she was worth with intense hatred oozing out of her gaze. "Asuka?! What are you doing!?" <Wait… this didn't happen to us. Where is this memory coming from? Someone... strangled Rei-chan?> Shinji desperately tried to grab Asuka off the now little Rei, but his arms passed through her body as if they weren't there. "Rei! NO!" Shinji cried, desperately trying to save the little girl's life, not knowing that it was too late by several years already.

Shinji's eyes snapped open as he felt sweat trickling down his cold skin. "Nani?" Shinji blinked and realized it was dark and he was lying down on something soft, and his arm hurt… a lot. <Where am I? There was no bed last night, was there? I couldn't be sleeping on Rei's bed, for where would she sleep?> Shinji then realized that something was lying against him. Something warm. <Bare skin? Is Rei sleeping next to me… oh my.> He expected to get a sudden and violent erection, much to his apprehension and embarrassment, but it never came. Shinji blinked into the darkness and in his mind's eye suddenly saw Asuka attacking him again, then strangling the first child.

Rei woke up when she felt Shinji shifting around and a few moments later his whole body started to vibrate. <How… strange.> The girl thought before she heard the soft choked sob. <Oh… he's crying again. Is this… sorrow? Why is Shinji-kun feeling sorrow? I do not understand it.> She remained still for a while but then her bladder started to give her gentle hints so she knew she had to get up. "Shinji-kun?" Rei asked in a near whisper.

Shinji froze for a moment then shot out of the bed so fast that he tripped on the bottom of the bed sheets and landed face first on the cold hard floor. The boy rolled over and rubbed at his face, feeling the warmth of blood but not knowing the source of the flow. "Gomen! Gomen nasai, Ayanami-san! I don't know how I got in your bed, but I swear I didn't touch you!" <My butt is colder than it should be… oh no…> Shinji looked down and shrieked when he saw that he was naked, and as Rei sat up it was apparent that his guess at her nudeness was correct. <She's going to kill me now… what the hell did I do last night!?>

"Shinji-kun, I need to use the toilet." Rei stated softly, making no comment on the boy's predicament.

Shinji blushed and covered himself and turned away from the nude former pilot of Unit 00. "Um, let me find something to put on."

Rei glanced down and shook her head. "I will walk on my own, no need. I cannot wait for you to dress youself." Rei stood up and nearly fainted from dizziness but she continued on, no matter how wobbly she was on her feet. Shinji rushed to her, forgetting their bare states as he helped the light-headed girl make it to the wash room. Rei sat down and her eyes drifted shut unbidden, and she was glad she had not lost control before making it to the bathroom. It would have been quite a mess. A smelly mess, at that. Rei groaned and rubbed her temples, unable to keep from just sitting there impassively as the weakness and vertigo assaulted her senses.

Ayanami finished up and started to stand and lost her balance but the third child caught her as gently as he could and helped her walk back to sit on her bed. She felt a strange wetness on her arm and looked at it, noticing that there was a discoloration there. She looked up at Shinji and saw that his arm had started bleeding through the bandages. "You're bleeding, Shinji-kun." She stated without emotion.

The third child narrowed his eyes in confusion and looked down at himself, still ignoring his nude state as he looked at his body curiously. "Where?"

"Your arm. Does it not hurt?" The first child asked.

Unit 01's pilot looked at one arm and then the other, finally noticing the bandages. "Whoa… how did those get there? What happened?"

Rei blinked.

Shinji looked up at her after poking at his wounds. "Rei-san?"

"You inflicted numerous razor cuts on your arm last night in the shower. You were in the shower for seven hours." Rei explained.

Shinji's mouth dropped open in shock.

Rei stared back at Shinji and raised her eyebrow after several minutes. "You don't remember?"

Shinji looked off to the side towards the bathroom and pondered that question. "The last thing I remember was going in there and…" <crying my eyes out.> "Well, maybe I passed out." The third child unwrapped the bandages and stared at his mutilated arm in horror. "I did this?" A flash of memory came to him then of raking his nails down his arm in an attempt at distracting himself with physical pain to forget the emotional pain, if only for a moment. It hadn't really worked so he figured he must have grabbed the razor and slashed himself and perhaps it had worked because there were a little over a dozen other cuts accompanying the first.

Rei leaned over and held his arm gently and gazed at the wounds with interest. "It's amazing. Every single cut is superficial. Just deep enough to cut skin and capillaries but not deep enough to cut muscle or nerve. Perhaps you should consider becoming a surgeon."

Shinji pulled his arm gently out of Rei's grasp and blushed as he once again noticed their unclothed condition. "I still feel dirty." He stated finally.

"I would like to bathe, Shinji-kun." Rei said in way of reply.

Whether she was giving him an excuse to bathe again or simply wanted a shower herself did not matter to Shinji as he was just grateful for the chance to have a shower that wouldn't end in a 7 hour cry fest under cold water. The third child briefly wondered if the water had been cold enough to induce hypothermia but then he realized it was a silly thought since he was still healthy. <Or am I?> Came the unbidden thought.

"Are we going to shower?" Rei asked, fixing the boy with a stoic stare.

Shinji looked over at the clock. <4:47 AM… It's still early. Ow… my stomach hurts. Dinner! I didn't cook dinner last night!> "Rei, I'm so sorry, I didn't get to cook dinner last night! You must be so hungry, should we eat first? I'm so pathetic, I can't even take care of you. I am so sorry!" Shinji's words jumbled out all at once,

"Shower then food." Rei stated simply. She hated feeling dirty and she often showered at least twice a day.

Shinji nodded and so they showered with much less embarrassment on Shinji's part this time around as he was too distracted to get embarrassed about helping Rei bathe. She was able to move around a bit more but she kept getting intense dizzy spells so she finally just leaned against the shower wall and tried not to pass out while the third child washed her. "Orange blossoms." Rei said suddenly, scrunching her nose up slightly.

"You don't like it?" Shinji asked from his kneeling position as he washed the first child's foot.

Rei was quiet for several long moments. "It is… acceptable."

Shinji glanced up and chewed his lip thoughtfully. He couldn't tell whether it was her way of saying she liked it or if she was being polite. "If you'd prefer a different scent, just tell me."

"…" Was Rei's response.

Shinji bit his tongue and wondered if he would ever get accustomed to Rei's succinctness. "Will we be going to school today, Rei-san?" He didn't want the silence to grow uncomfortable so he changed the subject. He wasn't sure why he felt so nervous around the girl as he was normally happy to be silent. <It's because I'm feeling ashamed and dirty. Why do I feel this way? Any other guy would have loved to have been in my place yesterday. But there was nothing erotic about it. She was trying to hurt me because… I hurt her first? My head is starting to hurt.> He realized that Rei still hadn't responded. "Rei-san?"

"If you want to go to school, we will go to school." Rei replied.

"But are you up for it?" Unit 01's pilot pressed.

"Hai. I will be fine." <With your help.> Rei replied.

Shinji blushed and tried to think of something to say when he washed some of Rei's more delicate parts. "Rei-san, did you speak with my father about whatever it was he wanted to talk with you about?"

"Iie. Not yet. Do not worry yourself over it, Shinji-kun. When Commander Ikari wants to speak with me, he will speak with me." Rei avowed, almost grimly.

Shinji looked up at her eyes for a long moment then averted his gaze. "As you would have it, Rei-san." He murmured.

Shinji stood and shampooed Rei's hair and rinsed it and waited until she nodded her approval before he rubbed conditioner into her soft blue locks, then proceeded to wash himself after rinsing the conditioner out of his own hair. They finished up the shower and dressed in their school clothes, and Shinji's stomach would no longer allow him to dawdle. "What would you like for breakfast, Rei-chan?"

"Miso soup with tofu." Rei replied.

Shinji nodded and started the soup. As he was facing away from the first child his head lowered and his shoulders slumped and tears forced their way out of his eyes, burning a wet path down his cheeks to drip into the soup unnoticed. He could feel Rei's eyes on him and that just made it worse. "Shinji-kun?" Rei asked in her soft placid voice. Shinji turned his head slightly but didn't respond. "Namida muyo [no need for tears]. Everything will be fine, I am sure."

The third child turned and stared at Ayanami in shock and wonder. It was likely the single most poignant thing the girl had ever said. The tone was flat and simple, but the tenderness that lay behind the mask could still be detected. Shinji knelt down next to her and wrapped his arms around the girl's neck and buried his face in her shoulder and sobbed for several long minutes before pulling back. "I'm so sorry… I will try to be stronger for you, Rei-chan." He held her close again, even though Rei had not moved, her arms still hung limply at her sides.

"Could you please let me go, Shinji? You'll ruin the soup." Was Rei's response.

Shinji reluctantly backed off and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Gomen." He stood up and returned to the soup, feeling better despite how Rei had reacted to his embrace. <It's my own fault. I invaded her personal space. I hope I didn't freak her out too much. She just has no idea how much her words meant to me… and how much could she care since never says words of comfort?>

They ate silently and took a taxi to the school and Shinji was glad it wasn't the driver he had assaulted. This man seemed familiar with Ayanami as he just waved when they arrived at the school and copied down the fare for the ride. Shinji watched the taxi drive away then walked by the first child as she slowly made her way into the school building. "How come you never pay for anything?" Shinji asked.

"I do not carry money. I have a tab set up and my expenses are paid for by Nerv and Commander Ikari." Rei replied, pausing for a moment as a dizzy spell overcame her. "I think I may be overtaxing my system." She was referring to her careful use of her S2 engine to heal her injuries, though Shinji did not know about it so assumed she meant she was overdoing things.

"Well, you'll be sitting still for a while in class so you can rest. I will sit by you instead of my normal seat." It wasn't a suggestion or a question, but rather a statement made by Unit 01's young pilot.

Rei almost smiled at Shinji's care. "Hai." Was all she replied with. Rei nearly tripped when Shinji stopped suddenly and she resumed walking forward, despite the hold the third child had on her arm. "Shinji-kun?"

She followed his gaze and saw Asuka Langley Soryu glowering at them. After several tense moments she turned and stuck her nose in the air and entered the school. "Suddenly I don't feel like coming to class today." Shinji muttered.

"You wish to return to my apartment?" Rei asked. She didn't care where she was, it was all the same to her.

Shinji shook his head. "I have to face her sometime. Let's go." <I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away…>

<Did something happen between Soryu and Shinji-kun?> Rei wondered silently as they entered the school. By the deadly glares that Unit 02's pilot kept casting at them both, Rei assumed she was involved as well. It was an interesting day, to say the least.

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This chapter seemed to drag a bit near the end but it couldn't be helped. Anyway, I appreciate all the urgings I got in both reviews and emails to continue this story. It meant a lot to me. And sorry I freaked you all out with the pause but I had to make a decision with Gendo that could very well have meant I would have had to revise every scene involving him. But, I decided to leave him as he is. So, if you get the impression that he's conflicted on the whole 3rd impact, Rei, and Shinji issues, you're right. But feeling a little guilty about using his "daughter" to bring about 3rd impact doesn't mean he won't go through with it. Or does it? Who knows, other than my subconscious? Hehe. Oh, and I have a few questions after watching Death and Rebirth. 1) Does anyone know how the Lance of Longinus was going to be used to bring about 3rd impact? The SEELE guys said "We cannot use the Lance to bring 3rd impact now" or something to that effect so they said they'd have to use the EVAs instead. Oh and I learned something interesting… if you look at the dummy plugs that are loaded into the production series Evas that tore Unit 02 apart, you can see the word Kaoru on them, so they used extra Kaoru's for their dummy plugs rather than Rei's… which I guess makes sense. So, the only Rei dummy plug that was used that I can think of was the prototype one that made Unit 01 do the whole bash and crunch on Unit 03. Hmm. Oh, and question 2) What would have happened if Kaoru had found Adam instead of Lilith? He said something about how if he messed with Lilith that humanity would come to and end then he let Shinji do the old squeeze on him, but what about if he had found Adam? Anyway… enough questions. Next chapter: Rei recovers. But what does that mean for Shinji? Hint: If you think this is going to be another "So Happy Together", think again. Teehee.