Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Black Wings ❯ Chapter 17 ( Chapter 17 )

Black Wings

By: Aisaki Sumi

 

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Chapter Seventeen

 

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Sakura leaned against the rough surface of a tree trunk and watched the falling leaves idly; a hand tracing lazy, feather-light circles with a fingertip and occasionally poking at the Mashimaro picture on her bento box.

 

The warmth of her lunch seeped through the thin plastic of her bento box, heating up her cold, slightly numbed fingertips.

 

Taking a deep breathe, she relaxed herself and gave into the gentle caress of the slightly chilly wind of late autumn and early winter. She liked the feeling of the cool and slightly crisp air blowing against her face; the smell of mustiness in the air.

 

The sight of falling leaves, all painting a scene which was almost like a picture dream, vague and full of rich colors that warmed the heart. Dead leaves fluttered in the air before her, dancing jovially to an unheard tune of a season's end. She closed her eyes, then inhaled, deep.

 

Another season was coming to an end, yet the transition was vague—almost too unnoticeable. The chill was near, and the dead season was arriving rapidly on wintry wings.

 

It was the only season where the changes were slow and sleep-like, caught up with the lull after a busy season. Sakura brushed aside the bangs that fell into her eyes, delicate fingertips leaving butterfly-light touches across her pale, almost colorless skin.

 

She sat in solemn silence as she watched the leaves fall, witnessing deaths, and watching the season pass her by. Those fallen leaves, she recalled, looked withered and lifeless. They danced in the cold, refreshing air, like millions of butterflies flapping over the field.

 

It looked like the sky was raining auburn colored leaves. The image was mesmerizing, like a picture out of a fairytale.

 

For some strange reasons, she couldn't find herself drawn to its beauty like she normally would. Something was missing, or rather, someone was missing. Her gaze shifted to the empty spot beside her, an unfamiliar feeling tugged at her heartstrings as if she was expecting someone.

 

He wasn't here today. She noted mildly.

 

She really should be celebrating it right now, that he has finally had enough with her silence and stopped coming to annoy the heck out of her. But she wasn't. She didn't feel the joy. Just emptiness, as if there was a small hole in her heart.

 

Sakura slapped her forehead lightly, just hard enough to knock some senses into her head. Pleasant tranquility, solitude and painting the world were the only things she wanted in life. He crashed into her life unexpectedly, disrupted her quiet lifestyle.

 

And now, he wasn't around anymore. She really should be happy, right?

 

But then why was her heart missing something or rather, someone? Why was she subconsciously missing his annoying babblings? Why was she suddenly finding all this quietness a little uncomfortable?

 

Did she really get used to having him around and that all of a sudden, when he stopped showing up, she started to feel slightly delirious?

 

Rubbing her temples, Sakura decided to ignore the thoughts in her head and occupy herself with something else. She took out a sheet of paper which says Japanese Literature Assignment 3 on it. It was another to-be-handed-in assignment for the poetry unit.

 

She hated writing poems, because she couldn't see how writers say they could use words to express their feelings and deepest thoughts. It just didn't work the same for her. Words are delusive; words could lie.

 

Emerald green eyes scanning through the introduction paragraph on the sheet and stopped at the procedures part. She could pick her own them and write a poem about it. It had to contain some personal experience though.

 

Sakura then took out a crumbled piece of paper, and stared at it. It was a poem she wrote in class today when she was brain storming ideas for her poetry assignment. The idea just hit her like that and she scribbled it down immediately.

 

Her eyes stopped at the line “I do not dream, for dreams only lead to nightmares.”

 

Images of a floor covered by a thick blanket of scarlet red liquid, a pair of hollow gray eyes that were hauntingly beautiful, a smile that was mixed with sadness and mockeries of the world, and a pale, bloodless face that belonged to none other than her mother, Nadeshiko.

 

Shaking her head violently, Sakura tried to get the images out of her head. She didn't want to see it again. Her mother's cold body covered with blood, and those hollow eyes, those expressionless gray eyes.

 

She didn't want remember. But those images were imprinted in her mind. She could never forget them, or put them behind her.

 

That piece of memory would always remain at the back of her head, coming back to haunt her until the end of time, torturing her psychologically until it breaks her threadbare sanity.

 

Tilting her head towards the slightly grayish sky, Sakura tried to fill her mind with other thoughts, other things that would distract her. She watched the sheets of clouds drift slowly away to the far away horizon, their edges tinted slightly blue and grayish.

 

As if the wistful sheets of clouds had a soul-calming affect, Sakura felt her restlessness finally settling down. Her eyelids seemed to have gained a few pounds as she relaxed herself again, giving into the embrace of Mother Nature.

 

Closing her tired eyes, she allowed herself to slowly fade into the pleasant tranquility and becoming a part of it. Perhaps it was time to catch up on some of the sleep she had lost in the past few days.

 

Sleepiness took over her body. Her mind drifted away to the border between half-consciousness and tired slumber, and slowly fell into the realms of dreams—a place which she feared for so many years at the asylum, because it held all of her darkest memories.

 

And she remembered…

 

Their apartment wasn't exactly large, but it gave a stark, cold welcome, harsh lights beating all too brightly against her bleary eyes. Colors blurred, contours melt into shapeless masses that vaguely resembled where she lived.

 

“Okaasan, taidaima! (Mom, I'm back!)” The younger version of Sakura called out, her soft voice sounded exceptionally loud in the ghostly silent apartment.

 

Her breath echoed dully in the empty space between the walls; the faint flicker of hope at the sight of glowing lights died upon her first, quick glance around.

 

After receiving no replies, Sakura shrugged out of her coat, kicked off her shoes and turned a blank stare at the floor beneath her feet. She should have gotten used to this already. Her mother had stopped replying “welcome home” with a loving smile a while ago.

 

Frankly speaking, she didn't even know if her mother was home any more. During the day, Nadeshiko was either locked up in her room or somewhere else which Sakura didn't know of. She said she had a few jobs, never specifically said what they were and where she worked.

 

Sakura had stopped asking a long time ago anyway.

 

It was as if they led separate lives. The only thing that tied them together was the apartment and their relationship of being biological mother and daughter. Other than that, they were distant from each other. One could almost mistake them as strangers.

 

Placing her bag on the floor, she headed for the kitchen to grab a glass of water and then strolled out the kitchen and towards her bedroom with a half-filled glass in her hand. But she stopped in the hallway as she saw her mother's room's door left half unclosed.

 

Perplexed, she tiptoed across the floor and stopped right in front of Nadeshiko's bedroom.

 

It was strange for her mother to leave it open like this, since she always kept it closed. Sakura's eyebrows scrunched together in a frown of contemplation as she debated with herself on whether of not she should check up on her mother for her odd behavior.

 

Inhaling deeply, Sakura reached out a hand to give the wooden door a little push. There, she saw Nadeshiko dressed in her favorite white gown.

 

Nadeshiko's was standing by the opened window with her back facing Sakura. The room was so quiet that even a drop of a needle could sound exceptionally loud.

 

Sakura didn't move. She stood still, watching, thinking, wondering what Nadeshiko was up to this time.

 

Through the open window, the wind darted in - a ruthless, freezing touch through the sweat-damp clothes on her back. Sakura bit her lower lip. “o…kasan?” Her voice was subtle and filled with uncertainity.

 

Silence and stillness, with the occasional hisses of the wintry chills and nothing more; there was still no reply. Sakura took the time to study this Nadeshiko, whom seemed so familiar yet strange at the same time.

 

Nadeshiko's hair was the color of ashes. The long, tumbling curls—like midnight waterfalls, cascaded over her shoulder, giving her the appearance of a divine and exotic goddess. The long locks were afloat in the air as a gust of whirled through the open window.

 

Her profile looked so fragile and frangible, like a china doll, delicate and ethereal. Sakura wondered how such delicate form could withstand the battering of the chilly wind without shattering right there. Suddenly, Nadeshiko looked over her shoulder.

 

Her face was like watercolor; soft lines that flowed like melted snow down aspens. Her eyes were the color of splendor: a dark malleable tint, esoteric and ornate. Like sapphires made from the light of midnight fireflies. Her lashes were long and dark, making a striking contrast with her pale skin—like ceramic, so endless and pure and smooth, flowing like water.

 

The corner of her mouth lifted just so ever slightly, curling into a smile full of despair and mockeries, as if she was laughing at the world for its unfairness and its apathy.

 

“I'm sorry Sakura-Chan…I just wanted you to be happy…But all I can bring you is pain…I'm so sorry…” Her voice was shaking and the smile on her face waned, evident sadness surfacing in her eyes.

 

“I couldn't protect Touya…I was responsible for what happened to him… it was all my fault…and now, I'm doing the same thing to you …I'm sorry Sakura…” Crystal clear tears were beginning to form in her dark, tired eyes. There were bags under those beautiful grayish sapphire eyes. She was tired; she had enough with it.

 

“I just want you to be happy…I just want to see you smile again… But because of me, you stopped smiling…stopped laughing… just like Touya…It's all my fault. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here.” Tears streamed down her white, almost colorless cheeks as she muttered on.

 

“It's…not true Okaasan.” Sakura wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to run toward Nadeshiko and hug her, bring warmth to her frozen, numbed body. But for some unknown reasons, she couldn't move, as if her feet had been glued to the ground. No matter how hard she tried to step forward, she just couldn't.

 

The Nadeshiko before her seemed so unfamiliar, as if she was someone else.

 

“Sakura…” Nadeshiko called out softly, turning around, revealing the kitchen knife in her hand. Sakura felt her blood running cold as she spotted the silvery, metallic, sharpened tip of the knife. Survival instincts kicked in and Sakura took a step backward, her body on high alert.

 

“I just want you to be happy…” Nadeshiko trailed off, her broken voice fading into a whisper, barely audible. Raising her hand, she brought the knife up to where her heart was and pierced through it. Sakura's eyes widened with horror, her jaws dropped to the ground; she literally froze at where she was standing.

 

Scarlet liquid rushed out of Nadeshiko's chest as she fell backward. Leaning against the wall for support, she slowly slid down the cold wall, dying it a bright red color, leaving a trail of blood behind. Her gown was now the color of a red, blooming rose. The blood quickly seeped through thin material of her dress, drenching it.

 

The contrast of red and white was striking. Almost too beautiful to exist in this world.

 

Not knowing what to do, Sakura was too stunned to think. Her mind was blank.

 

It was then the sound of Nadeshiko falling to the floor snapped her out of the state of shock. Sakura's body was trembling violently as she ran toward the nearest phone and shakily dialed the emergency number.

 

Upon nearing the operator's force, Sakura cried out helplessly, almost begging the operator. “Help me please! My mother is dying! There's so much blood on the floor, please help me!”

 

Her nails dug into the plastic material of the phone, gripping it so tightly as if it was the last thread of her life.

 

“It's…okay…Sakura…” Nadeshiko breathed weakly with great difficulty. “I don't belong here…”

 

“I'll…watch over you…and protect you…from high above…” More blood rushed out of her chest, but she didn't seem to mind it. There was a gentle smile on her face—the smile Sakura thought she'd never see again.

 

That smile belonged to her mother only. And for a moment there, Sakura felt like she had found her mother again—the one who said she loved her, and the one who told her stories of the dark angel when she was little.

 

Nadeshiko laid peacefully in the pool of blood, letting the life drain from of her body.

 

Forgetting about the phone call, Sakura dashed towards the pale Nadeshiko, holding her tightly in her arms. She couldn't let her mother slip away from her hands again, she had just found her.

 

Feeling her vision becoming blurry by the seconds, tears spilled out of her eyes uncontrollably. “Ikanaide okaasan, onegai! (Don't go mom, please)” Sakura begged, sobbing.

 

She was scared by the thought of losing Nadeshiko again. Ever since they moved to Tokyo, she felt like the Nadeshiko she knew was slipping away, along with her loving smiles, light-hearted laughter. It was ironic how she was back again, but just before the end of her life.

 

Smiling mildly, Nadeshiko looked at her in the eyes lovingly, reaching out a bloodstained hand to wipe away Sakura's tears. “Aishiteru…anata wo dare yori sora yori…mo fukaku, Sakura. (I love you more than any one else, more deeply than the sky Sakura)” The soft soprano-like voice was easily whisked away to the corners of the silent room.

 

The hand that was raised into the air suddenly dropped to the ground as the last word rolled off the tip of her tongue. Nadeshiko's eyes became hollow and empty, her face as white as the snow and her lips were the color of gray—the saddest shade of gray.

 

Her heart had stopped beating.

 

“Okaasan!!” Sakura cried out, shaking Nadeshiko's shoulder frantically. Her voice was coarse and her eyes were full of disbelief and denial and an endless sorrow. “Ikanaide okaasan! Koko ni ite! Onegai!(Don't go, okaasan, please stay)” But Nadeshiko didn't seem to have heard her.

 

namida ga ato kara afuredashite,saigo no egao ga nijinde mienai no…okaasan, ikanaide…onegai (As my tears keep overflowing one after another, I can't see your last smile through their blur…okaasan, please don't go…)

 

Everything was fading away into the darkness.

 

She was lost. She was alone once again.

 

Don't go! She wanted to scream out loud, but nothing came out.

 

“oi, wake up, Sakura!” She heard a distant, concerned voice. A warm hand attempted to brush aside her falling tears. She grabbed the welcoming hand and held it tightly against her tearstained cheeks, not wanting to let go of the last source of warmth.

 

“Don't go okaasan…don't leave me, I don't want to be alone…okaasan!” Sakura begged between her sobs; her fragile shoulder was shaking.

 

It was then she felt a hand circling around her waist, pulling her into a warm embrace. She buried her face into the person's well-built chest, a hand holding onto the material of his shirt.

 

“Shhhh it's okay, it was just a nightmare.” He whispered softly, assuring her that everything was going to be okay. “I'm here for you, you're not alone.” He murmured, trailing his hand down her back in feather-light touches to slow down her violent sobbing and sniffling.

 

Sakura stopped struggling, in his arms, she felt safe and protected. She adjusted her breathing until it was even and slow.

 

Relaxing her tense muscles, she fell back into a deep slumber with a small smile on her tearstained face. It was probably her dark angel. She thought. He was protecting her, offering her a shoulder to cry on, to lean against.

 

With him around her, she no longer felt alone.

 

Syaoran looked down at the sleeping girl in his arm and studied her beautiful complexion. Trails of tears were still visible on her pale skin. It pained him to see her like this.

 

Even though he often complained to Eriol about her expressionless face, but he wanted to see her smile, like she had done so in the family portrait he saw at her house.

 

He didn't know what caused such dramatic change in her personality, but he wanted to change her back to the person she was before. It even scared him at first how strong this desire was. Maybe Meiling was right, maybe he was attracted to her…

 

But fatal attraction or not, the bottom line was he wanted to stay by her side, and get to know this talented artist better.

 

She was always distant from everyone else. Like the far away Northern Star, she was bright, but alone. Every time he tried to get closer to her, she pushed him away, saying how she didn't need anyone in her life.

 

But he knew that her toughness and coldness were just a way to hide her scarred heart. Unlike many other girls he met, she liked to keep things to herself, carrying the burden alone.

 

The reason for her actions was unimportant, insignificant to him. All he wanted to do was to help her, help her carry that heavy burden—whatever it is.

 

Running a hand through her honey colored hair, the silken strands slid pass his fingers like the smoothest silk. He caressed her gently, holding her protectively in his arms as if she was a delicate china doll.

 

It was then he spotted a crumbled paper ball on her lap. Puzzled, he scrutinized it for a moment with curious eyes and decided to take a look at what it was. He reached over for it and smoothed it out with his hands. It read.

 

Black Wings

By: Kinomoto Sakura

I do not dream,

For dreams only lead to nightmares.

I do not hope,

For hope only leads to death.

 

I glide aimlessly through life,

Silently and unseen.

Like a shadow in the dark.

Like a ghost through time.

 

And I wait patiently for the dark angel,

The man with black wings to save me,

From my life and from my death.

 

A dark angel…eh? Syaoran's gaze fell upon Sakura's peaceful face. “Then let me be your dark angel, Sakura.”

 

There was no reply from the sleeping figure, only a quiet muffle was heard as she shifted slightly.

 

Syaoran's smile enlarged.

 

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A/N: Second update this week. I'm being good again. -Smiles- Can I get my review and chocolate hearts now? -Holds out a hand and asks her readers shamelessly-

 

A special thanks goes out to selina-m! You're a real sweetie :P always gives me such long encouraging and analytical reviews. -Huggles and squeezes- ME LUB YOU!

 

Oh, and the poem isn't written by me (like I'm poetic enough to write something that goodie). It's written by Tella, a reader of Black Wings and she said chapter 8 inspired her into writing that poem, so all the credits go out to her. -smiles-

 

Pure SxS moments in the next chappie. Don't know if there'll be enough fluff to satisfy you guys, knowing me and my angsty brain…but I'll try. Hard. Very hard.

 

In the meantime, if you wanna a faster update, remember to review and let me know howwww muchie you lub me XP buwahahah!