Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Partings ❯ Touya ( Chapter 3 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Starlight Rose 
Yue must deal with Touya's death and the effects it produces upon Yukito.
Anime/Manga: Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama / Occult / Psychological / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.27.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 414 | Status: Completed
Yue must deal with Touya's death and the effects it produces upon Yukito.
Anime/Manga: Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama / Occult / Psychological / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.27.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 414 | Status: Completed
Partings 3: Touya
By: Starlight Rose
Email: starlighto_rose@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: How many times must I write that CCS does not belong to me but to CLAMP, ya hear, not me so don't sue me!
A.N. I know a long time in coming, but I'm finally done with this chapter and hopefully the next one will not take too long to come out.
*****************************
I walk down a cold white hospital corridor and for once I know Yukito is not smiling. It is through Yukito's eyes that I see everything that is happening around me and it is through him that I am feeling this pain in my chest. Yukito reaches a door with the name Kinomoto on the nameplate. I feel Yukito's dread at opening the door because he knows as well as I do that each time he goes in there he sees his favorite person in worse condition.
We both also know that this will probably be the last time he will enter this hospital room. About six months ago Touya was diagnosed with a terminal illness. The illness was incurable. It was the same one that had taken Touya's mother's life and it was apparently about to claim him. The doctor had told Touya that he only had a few months to live and to make the most of his time left. Touya tried to live the few months he had left in the manner that he wanted to until a month ago. Touya's condition had been slowly deteriorating until finally the doctor deemed it best for him to enter the hospital. He did though after much persuading because he did not want to die in a cold hospital like he was about to do now.
I felt Yukito's regret at having persuaded Touya into entering the hospital, but I could not comfort my other self. There was no way to comfort someone that was about to lose their favorite person. I knew that from experience. Even if you know the person will find someone else, it does not help.
I could not help him, like I cannot help Touya. Magic cannot solve all your problems. To those that have a lot of power they can sometime prolong their life, but they cannot prolong the life of someone whose natural life span is about to end. If it were so then I could have saved Touya, but I cannot. I wonder though, if Touya had never given me his power would he have lived longer? It hurts me to think of it, but this knowledge I keep to myself. I don't want Yukito to know about it because it is better for me to blame myself for Touya's death than for Yukito to blame himself for Touya's death.
It is better this way.
Yukito finally gathers up his strength and opens up the door. Inside the room Touya is laying in the hospital bed with various tubes coming out of him. Yukito shuts his eyes at the sight. He reopens them again a few moments later and I see Sakura and her husband standing by the bed. They both look exactly the same as the last time I saw them. They did not age.
Sakura was sitting by the bed holding Touya's hand and crying. I heard her murmuring softly, "Onii-chan, please don't leave me. Otou-san already left us last year and joined Okaa-san in heaven. It's too soon for you to leave me too."
Yukito turns away from the sorrowful scene in front of him. I am glad that he did because I do not think that I could have endured watching it much longer. I heard Touya's voice whispering softly to Sakura trying to comfort her. "Kaijou stop crying. I will never leave you. Okaa-san, Otou-san, and I love you too much to ever leave you. We will always be watching over you. You can even see us now. You have the power to see ghosts and you've seen Okaa-san and Otou-san sometimes so don't be sad."
"But Onii-chan, I don't want you to die. I don't understand why you have to die." Sakura cried.
"It is a natural part of life. Everyone has to die, I'm just dying before you, but eventually our family will be together again. So stop crying." Touya told his sister warily. I could tell that Touya was getting tired and would not last much longer. He was breathing heavily now and his breathes were becoming more labored. A cough caused his body to spasm violently and when he was done I noticed a bright red stain on the cloth Sakura had given him to cough into. Out of the corner of Yukito's eyes I could see him turning to face Li Syaoran, "Oy, gaki!"
I smiled involuntarily at that. Touya never changed even in a situation like this. I heard him telling the boy, "I'm leaving my imouto to you. You better take good care of her and never make her sad or I'll haunt you for the rest of your nearly immortal life."
I saw the boy smile sadly at his brother-in-law before giving him a pretend glare and retorting, "Try it and I'll exorcise you." His tone softened then and he murmured quietly, "Don't worry. I'll take good care of Sakura."
Touya nodded his head weakly and then spotted Yukito standing here by the door with his head turned sadly away. "Yuki..." he whispered sadly. Yukito turned his head towards Touya and I could feel the tears in Yukito's eyes. It hurt me to know the pain Yukito was experiencing right now, but there was no way for me to relieve his pain.
I saw Touya laying the bed and felt a pain that was not Yukito's but my own as well. It was Touya's relationship with Yukito that gave me my first glimpse at many things. Through Touya's relationship with Yukito I learned what it was like to be loved by another person. I learned friendship and the complete and utter trust that came with it. Without Touya I don't think Yukito could have been the innocent and trusting person he was. Without Touya I would not have been able to accept the notion of friendship. I have learned so much from Touya and Yukito yet there is no way for me to pay them back for all of it.
It's ironic how I originally chose to befriend Touya because he possessed the power to mask my own, but so much more developed out of it. Friendship and love developed out of a desire to mask my presence. Touya knew that I was inside Yukito, but he did not mind it. In the end I owe my continuing existence to Touya. Because of his love for Yukito he gave up his power to allow Yukito and myself to exist. I owe him so much and it pains me to know that perhaps if he had not given up his power he might still be able to live. I may not be able to repay him but I could at the very least thank him. I asked Yukito if I may have a few words with Touya and Yukito agrees. I know that he just wants to delay his inevitable good-bye to the one he loves the most by agreeing to it, but I am grateful to him for allowing me to have some of the precious little time he has left with Touya.
I transformed into myself allowing Yukito to retreat into my mind and sleep. Touya seemed a bit surprised at my transformation, but he still smiled weakly at me. "I'm glad you decided to come out. I wanted to talk to you a bit." I nodded my head and approached him.
"I know what you're thinking while you're looking at me lying here." He said seriously, "You're thinking that it's your fault that I am dying. If I hadn't given my power to sustain you and Yukito, I might be able to live longer." He coughed again this time harder than last time, spitting up more blood as he did so.
"I wanted to tell you to not blame yourself for this. I gave my power to you to save Yuki, because I loved him. I also gave my power to you to take care of Sakura, which you did. It wouldn't have mattered even if I had not given you my power. My Okaa-san had power also, but she too died from this illness. I was lucky to have been able to live this long and I'm happy to have been able to meet you and Yuki. I've lived twenty years longer than my Okaa-san and I've lived a happy life. I have nothing to complain about so you should not feel guilty about it. If you feel guilty and responsible for my death then you won't be able to take care of Sakura and Yuki for me once I'm gone. I gave you my power to protect them so I want to use it to do so even after I die. Promise me you'll watch over them." Touya asked grabbing my cold hand firmly in his. Despite the fact that he was dying his hand still felt warm and strong. There is so much about Touya that reminded me of Clow and so much of him that reminded me of Sakura, but Touya was still Touya. He was special because he was the one that Yukito loved.
"I promise." I whispered solemnly. I shut my eyes and then returned to the form of Yukito. Yukito blinked a few times to reorient himself. He looked down at his hand, which was holding one of Touya's hands. I felt Yukito steeling himself to look at Touya full on without crying. He managed to do it but I felt the tears gathering his eyes as he stared at Touya.
Touya lifted his hand and brushed the tears from his eyes and said softly, "Yuki, please don't cry. Tears don't suit you. You should be happy and cheerful, not sad."
"How can I be happy without you, Touya? Don't leave me please." Yukito begged Touya.
Touya sighed warily and stroked Yukito's cheeks as he told him, "Every living thing must die sometime. It is my turn to die, but I will always be with you, in spirit if not in body. Don't be sad for me Yuki. I don't want to leave when you're sad."
"I know, but I don't want to live without you." Yukito cried.
"It's okay Yuki. I'm happy to have met you. Thank-you for loving me." Touya said as he closed his eyes.
"Touya?!?" Yukito cried frantically.
"It's ok Yuki. I'm just tired. Do you mind if I sleep now?"
Yukito, Sakura, and the Li boy shook their heads and settled about the room to watch over Touya as he slept. Touya closed his eyes and fell asleep. He never woke up. He died sometime during the night. The doctors said that he died peacefully without anymore pain. That mollified Yukito some, but he was still upset over his death. Yukito slowly fell into a depression.
Touya's funeral was held on a beautiful spring day. The sky was a bright blue with a few wispy white clouds dotting it. Many people gathered at the cemetery to see Touya's body laid into the ground. As the priest gave his sermons I watched from Yukito's eyes as Sakura cried on Syaoran's shoulder and knew that Yukito had no one that he could lean on. Touya had always been the one that Yukito had leaned on but this time Yukito no longer had Touya. I tried to talk to Yukito and comfort him, but I felt him tuning me out. I knew that Yukito felt dead.
I waited until the ceremony was over and Touya's coffin had been laid into the ground. Sakura and Yukito both placed a blood red rose on the grave and started walking away with everyone else. "Yukito?" I murmured.
"Hai?" Yukito answered me quietly.
"Would you like to sleep within me? I know you do not want to live without Touya and although you cannot die and join him because I cannot die, would you like to sleep forever in my mind?" I asked him. I knew he would say yes, although I did not want him to. If Yukito chose to sleep then that would be another person I love lost to me forever. But I was not cruel enough to keep him here just so I would have his company.
"Is it okay with you if I do so?" Yukito asked me worriedly. I guess I wasn't as good at hiding my feelings from him as I thought.
"If you are happy, then it is okay with me. I do not want to see you sad either. Touya entrusted me with taking care of you and this is all I can do to comfort you. But before you do so would you talk to Sakura so that she will not e too sad about your leaving?"
"Hai. Thank-you Yue for allowing me to be with Touya in a way. Without having to worry about me you can now be with Sakura-chan, ne?"
I was taken a back by his comment. I never knew that he knew my feelings for Sakura. I had always thought I had hid it from him, but I laughed at myself as I realized that Yukito had to know since he was I as much as I was he. I smiled mentally and told him, "Hai, I can be with Sakura now."
Yukito went to talk to Sakura that night. She surprisingly understood about it. I expected her to be more upset, but she accepted it because she understood Yukito's feelings. We decided not to allow Yukito to rest immediately, but to get to Hong Kong before I had him retreat into my mind. Yukito was much happier after that because he knew that in a way he would be with Touya again. I was happy for him even though I was saddened by the thought of losing him so soon after I lost Touya. I think he knew my loneliness and tried to reassure me as best he could. I took comfort from his words and from the knowledge that I at least still had Sakura even if she was with the Li boy.
I knew that the Li boy knew my feelings for her and that Sakura probably also knew. I could tell by the sympathetic looks that he gave me. He knew how I felt for her and I it did not seem to bother him. I wondered why, but I realized why without very little more thought. He was comfortable with Tomoyo's love for Sakura so why would he not be comfortable with my love for her. He saw us not as competition, but rather as friends. He was a lot like Sakura and I knew he belonged with her, even if it meant that I could not be the one with her.
The night that we arrived in Hong Kong had my last conversation with Yukito. Sakura and her husband were gathered in front of him. Sakura hugged him tightly and said her good-byes as Syaoran watched. Sakura stood there to watch as I turned into Yukito, but I could not do it until I had said my farewells. I was surprised to hear Yukito address me first, "Yue, thank-you for creating me. Thank-you for allowing me to live and meet To-ya, Sakura-chan, Syaoran-kun, and Tomoyo-chan. Thank-you for also letting me go to sleep. Please take care of everyone for me. Sayonara."
"Sayonara Yukito. Thank-you for being my friend." I whispered to him before I resumed my true form to allow Yukito to rest eternally.
Sakura stood in front of me with tears in her eyes that she had held back while Yukito was still there. "Yue-san...thank-you for giving Yukito-san the peace he wanted." she told me as she threw her arms around me and cried into my chest. I felt tears in my eyes and let them fall as I hugged her as much giving her comfort as receiving comfort from her.
By: Starlight Rose
Email: starlighto_rose@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: How many times must I write that CCS does not belong to me but to CLAMP, ya hear, not me so don't sue me!
A.N. I know a long time in coming, but I'm finally done with this chapter and hopefully the next one will not take too long to come out.
*****************************
I walk down a cold white hospital corridor and for once I know Yukito is not smiling. It is through Yukito's eyes that I see everything that is happening around me and it is through him that I am feeling this pain in my chest. Yukito reaches a door with the name Kinomoto on the nameplate. I feel Yukito's dread at opening the door because he knows as well as I do that each time he goes in there he sees his favorite person in worse condition.
We both also know that this will probably be the last time he will enter this hospital room. About six months ago Touya was diagnosed with a terminal illness. The illness was incurable. It was the same one that had taken Touya's mother's life and it was apparently about to claim him. The doctor had told Touya that he only had a few months to live and to make the most of his time left. Touya tried to live the few months he had left in the manner that he wanted to until a month ago. Touya's condition had been slowly deteriorating until finally the doctor deemed it best for him to enter the hospital. He did though after much persuading because he did not want to die in a cold hospital like he was about to do now.
I felt Yukito's regret at having persuaded Touya into entering the hospital, but I could not comfort my other self. There was no way to comfort someone that was about to lose their favorite person. I knew that from experience. Even if you know the person will find someone else, it does not help.
I could not help him, like I cannot help Touya. Magic cannot solve all your problems. To those that have a lot of power they can sometime prolong their life, but they cannot prolong the life of someone whose natural life span is about to end. If it were so then I could have saved Touya, but I cannot. I wonder though, if Touya had never given me his power would he have lived longer? It hurts me to think of it, but this knowledge I keep to myself. I don't want Yukito to know about it because it is better for me to blame myself for Touya's death than for Yukito to blame himself for Touya's death.
It is better this way.
Yukito finally gathers up his strength and opens up the door. Inside the room Touya is laying in the hospital bed with various tubes coming out of him. Yukito shuts his eyes at the sight. He reopens them again a few moments later and I see Sakura and her husband standing by the bed. They both look exactly the same as the last time I saw them. They did not age.
Sakura was sitting by the bed holding Touya's hand and crying. I heard her murmuring softly, "Onii-chan, please don't leave me. Otou-san already left us last year and joined Okaa-san in heaven. It's too soon for you to leave me too."
Yukito turns away from the sorrowful scene in front of him. I am glad that he did because I do not think that I could have endured watching it much longer. I heard Touya's voice whispering softly to Sakura trying to comfort her. "Kaijou stop crying. I will never leave you. Okaa-san, Otou-san, and I love you too much to ever leave you. We will always be watching over you. You can even see us now. You have the power to see ghosts and you've seen Okaa-san and Otou-san sometimes so don't be sad."
"But Onii-chan, I don't want you to die. I don't understand why you have to die." Sakura cried.
"It is a natural part of life. Everyone has to die, I'm just dying before you, but eventually our family will be together again. So stop crying." Touya told his sister warily. I could tell that Touya was getting tired and would not last much longer. He was breathing heavily now and his breathes were becoming more labored. A cough caused his body to spasm violently and when he was done I noticed a bright red stain on the cloth Sakura had given him to cough into. Out of the corner of Yukito's eyes I could see him turning to face Li Syaoran, "Oy, gaki!"
I smiled involuntarily at that. Touya never changed even in a situation like this. I heard him telling the boy, "I'm leaving my imouto to you. You better take good care of her and never make her sad or I'll haunt you for the rest of your nearly immortal life."
I saw the boy smile sadly at his brother-in-law before giving him a pretend glare and retorting, "Try it and I'll exorcise you." His tone softened then and he murmured quietly, "Don't worry. I'll take good care of Sakura."
Touya nodded his head weakly and then spotted Yukito standing here by the door with his head turned sadly away. "Yuki..." he whispered sadly. Yukito turned his head towards Touya and I could feel the tears in Yukito's eyes. It hurt me to know the pain Yukito was experiencing right now, but there was no way for me to relieve his pain.
I saw Touya laying the bed and felt a pain that was not Yukito's but my own as well. It was Touya's relationship with Yukito that gave me my first glimpse at many things. Through Touya's relationship with Yukito I learned what it was like to be loved by another person. I learned friendship and the complete and utter trust that came with it. Without Touya I don't think Yukito could have been the innocent and trusting person he was. Without Touya I would not have been able to accept the notion of friendship. I have learned so much from Touya and Yukito yet there is no way for me to pay them back for all of it.
It's ironic how I originally chose to befriend Touya because he possessed the power to mask my own, but so much more developed out of it. Friendship and love developed out of a desire to mask my presence. Touya knew that I was inside Yukito, but he did not mind it. In the end I owe my continuing existence to Touya. Because of his love for Yukito he gave up his power to allow Yukito and myself to exist. I owe him so much and it pains me to know that perhaps if he had not given up his power he might still be able to live. I may not be able to repay him but I could at the very least thank him. I asked Yukito if I may have a few words with Touya and Yukito agrees. I know that he just wants to delay his inevitable good-bye to the one he loves the most by agreeing to it, but I am grateful to him for allowing me to have some of the precious little time he has left with Touya.
I transformed into myself allowing Yukito to retreat into my mind and sleep. Touya seemed a bit surprised at my transformation, but he still smiled weakly at me. "I'm glad you decided to come out. I wanted to talk to you a bit." I nodded my head and approached him.
"I know what you're thinking while you're looking at me lying here." He said seriously, "You're thinking that it's your fault that I am dying. If I hadn't given my power to sustain you and Yukito, I might be able to live longer." He coughed again this time harder than last time, spitting up more blood as he did so.
"I wanted to tell you to not blame yourself for this. I gave my power to you to save Yuki, because I loved him. I also gave my power to you to take care of Sakura, which you did. It wouldn't have mattered even if I had not given you my power. My Okaa-san had power also, but she too died from this illness. I was lucky to have been able to live this long and I'm happy to have been able to meet you and Yuki. I've lived twenty years longer than my Okaa-san and I've lived a happy life. I have nothing to complain about so you should not feel guilty about it. If you feel guilty and responsible for my death then you won't be able to take care of Sakura and Yuki for me once I'm gone. I gave you my power to protect them so I want to use it to do so even after I die. Promise me you'll watch over them." Touya asked grabbing my cold hand firmly in his. Despite the fact that he was dying his hand still felt warm and strong. There is so much about Touya that reminded me of Clow and so much of him that reminded me of Sakura, but Touya was still Touya. He was special because he was the one that Yukito loved.
"I promise." I whispered solemnly. I shut my eyes and then returned to the form of Yukito. Yukito blinked a few times to reorient himself. He looked down at his hand, which was holding one of Touya's hands. I felt Yukito steeling himself to look at Touya full on without crying. He managed to do it but I felt the tears gathering his eyes as he stared at Touya.
Touya lifted his hand and brushed the tears from his eyes and said softly, "Yuki, please don't cry. Tears don't suit you. You should be happy and cheerful, not sad."
"How can I be happy without you, Touya? Don't leave me please." Yukito begged Touya.
Touya sighed warily and stroked Yukito's cheeks as he told him, "Every living thing must die sometime. It is my turn to die, but I will always be with you, in spirit if not in body. Don't be sad for me Yuki. I don't want to leave when you're sad."
"I know, but I don't want to live without you." Yukito cried.
"It's okay Yuki. I'm happy to have met you. Thank-you for loving me." Touya said as he closed his eyes.
"Touya?!?" Yukito cried frantically.
"It's ok Yuki. I'm just tired. Do you mind if I sleep now?"
Yukito, Sakura, and the Li boy shook their heads and settled about the room to watch over Touya as he slept. Touya closed his eyes and fell asleep. He never woke up. He died sometime during the night. The doctors said that he died peacefully without anymore pain. That mollified Yukito some, but he was still upset over his death. Yukito slowly fell into a depression.
Touya's funeral was held on a beautiful spring day. The sky was a bright blue with a few wispy white clouds dotting it. Many people gathered at the cemetery to see Touya's body laid into the ground. As the priest gave his sermons I watched from Yukito's eyes as Sakura cried on Syaoran's shoulder and knew that Yukito had no one that he could lean on. Touya had always been the one that Yukito had leaned on but this time Yukito no longer had Touya. I tried to talk to Yukito and comfort him, but I felt him tuning me out. I knew that Yukito felt dead.
I waited until the ceremony was over and Touya's coffin had been laid into the ground. Sakura and Yukito both placed a blood red rose on the grave and started walking away with everyone else. "Yukito?" I murmured.
"Hai?" Yukito answered me quietly.
"Would you like to sleep within me? I know you do not want to live without Touya and although you cannot die and join him because I cannot die, would you like to sleep forever in my mind?" I asked him. I knew he would say yes, although I did not want him to. If Yukito chose to sleep then that would be another person I love lost to me forever. But I was not cruel enough to keep him here just so I would have his company.
"Is it okay with you if I do so?" Yukito asked me worriedly. I guess I wasn't as good at hiding my feelings from him as I thought.
"If you are happy, then it is okay with me. I do not want to see you sad either. Touya entrusted me with taking care of you and this is all I can do to comfort you. But before you do so would you talk to Sakura so that she will not e too sad about your leaving?"
"Hai. Thank-you Yue for allowing me to be with Touya in a way. Without having to worry about me you can now be with Sakura-chan, ne?"
I was taken a back by his comment. I never knew that he knew my feelings for Sakura. I had always thought I had hid it from him, but I laughed at myself as I realized that Yukito had to know since he was I as much as I was he. I smiled mentally and told him, "Hai, I can be with Sakura now."
Yukito went to talk to Sakura that night. She surprisingly understood about it. I expected her to be more upset, but she accepted it because she understood Yukito's feelings. We decided not to allow Yukito to rest immediately, but to get to Hong Kong before I had him retreat into my mind. Yukito was much happier after that because he knew that in a way he would be with Touya again. I was happy for him even though I was saddened by the thought of losing him so soon after I lost Touya. I think he knew my loneliness and tried to reassure me as best he could. I took comfort from his words and from the knowledge that I at least still had Sakura even if she was with the Li boy.
I knew that the Li boy knew my feelings for her and that Sakura probably also knew. I could tell by the sympathetic looks that he gave me. He knew how I felt for her and I it did not seem to bother him. I wondered why, but I realized why without very little more thought. He was comfortable with Tomoyo's love for Sakura so why would he not be comfortable with my love for her. He saw us not as competition, but rather as friends. He was a lot like Sakura and I knew he belonged with her, even if it meant that I could not be the one with her.
The night that we arrived in Hong Kong had my last conversation with Yukito. Sakura and her husband were gathered in front of him. Sakura hugged him tightly and said her good-byes as Syaoran watched. Sakura stood there to watch as I turned into Yukito, but I could not do it until I had said my farewells. I was surprised to hear Yukito address me first, "Yue, thank-you for creating me. Thank-you for allowing me to live and meet To-ya, Sakura-chan, Syaoran-kun, and Tomoyo-chan. Thank-you for also letting me go to sleep. Please take care of everyone for me. Sayonara."
"Sayonara Yukito. Thank-you for being my friend." I whispered to him before I resumed my true form to allow Yukito to rest eternally.
Sakura stood in front of me with tears in her eyes that she had held back while Yukito was still there. "Yue-san...thank-you for giving Yukito-san the peace he wanted." she told me as she threw her arms around me and cried into my chest. I felt tears in my eyes and let them fall as I hugged her as much giving her comfort as receiving comfort from her.