Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The Walls Between ❯ Event Horizon ( Chapter 3 )

Daisuke drifted gently awake, unsure why he'd been sleeping or where exactly he was. The darkness had a different quality from what he was used to, and the soft breathing of the person snuggled up behind him definitely didn't belong to Miyako. He couldn't hear the sounds of his neighbors arguing, or partying, or even watching television, and it felt early, as if it were just after midnight. After the events of the day before came back to memory, Daisuke sat up in bed.

"Shit," he whispered to himself. He really hadn't intended to sleep with Ken, and he definitely hadn't intended to stay this long. Miyako was going to want to know where he'd been. "Shit," he said again. He'd have to tell her more lies.

"Mmmph," said Ken, and a hand groped out and found Daisuke's flank.

"Go back to sleep," said Daisuke softly, peeling the blanket off himself and getting a nasty surprise when he found out why it felt like it was clinging to him. He was liberally smeared with semen, which had gotten sticky as it slowly dried beneath the blanket. "Ugh."

"What's the matter?" asked Ken, sounding more awake by the second. Daisuke felt and heard him sit up in the darkness and poke around by the side of the bed. "Watch your eyes." Daisuke closed his eyes while Ken turned on a small light.

"What time is it?" Daisuke blinked painfully around for a clock or his watch.

"Um ... it's after two. Why, what's wrong?"

"Shit, I should have been home hours ago! And this is disgusting, Ken, why did you let me sleep like this? Weren't you always the neurotically neat one?"

"You seemed so tired."

"Ugh," was all Daisuke had to say about that. What a time for Ken to start being considerate!

"Did you mind sleeping here?" Ken raised his knees and draped his forearms over them.

"Look, just because I fucked you again doesn't mean anything, okay?"

"I understand," said Ken, reaching out to run one hand over Daisuke's back. Daisuke liked this a great deal, but got out of bed anyway.

"Just as long as we're clear on that. Um ... where's your bath?"

"Here, I'll show you." Ken started to get out of bed as well, but Daisuke shook his head.

"No, no, just point the way. No, really, it's okay, I can wash myself. Just where is it?"

Ken gave him a bemused look, but sat back down and said, "It's that door right there." He pointed.

"Thanks," said Daisuke, and made his escape.

The bathroom was, like the rest of the apartment, decorated in tasteful white and off-white, which glared back at Daisuke once the lights were on. The tub was empty, so Daisuke started it filling with hot water while he scrubbed himself. The gunk readily sluiced off his skin, but he took his time washing anyway, picking through the almost girl-like assortment of soaps and body washes that Ken had available.

Why had he agreed to have sex with Ken? He really had no answer for that, aside from the obvious answer that he enjoyed it. In fact, just thinking about it in the most general terms was enough to give him half an erection. Daisuke slowed his scrubbing further, running bare hands over his skin and frowning thoughtfully at the floor. Sex had never been the problem; even Ken's kinks didn't really pose a problem, not in the grand scheme of things. Daisuke could work with all the bondage shit, since that was what turned Ken on, and sometimes it was extremely sexy to Daisuke as well.

He ran his hands, slick with soap, down the folds of his hips and under his testicles, then up and over his genitals. His cock hardened further, and Daisuke leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes.

Yeah, Ken could make him feel wonderful, but that wasn't a very good reason to screw someone. Not really. There was more to a relationship than great sex, and Daisuke already knew what life with Ken could be like. He wasn't getting into all that again. No way, no how.

Of course, Daisuke was certain that fucking Ken didn't necessarily mean that he had to live with Ken, or even spend all that much time with Ken. A relationship didn't have to happen, not if Daisuke kept his resolve about this. Maybe they could just fuck every now and then, and leave it at that! That would be nice ... have all the benefits of Ken as a lover, without having to take the baggage that came along with it.

The sound of water flowing into the tub stopped, and Daisuke glanced that way, releasing himself. Ken straightened and approached him, gloriously naked, and soon he was wet as well as he joined Daisuke and splashed himself down.

"Ken ..." said Daisuke, intending to warn him off but somehow not able to complete the statement.

"Let me help you with that," murmured Ken. Daisuke gasped as Ken's pale hands slid down his body and massaged his penis a little before moving on. Ken rubbed him everywhere, helping him wash, making the mundane act erotic. Where the soap was thin, Ken poured on more, until Daisuke was completely sudsy and totally frictionless. After a little while of this, aroused again, Daisuke began to reciprocate the action, washing Ken down in likewise manner.

Ken slipped his arms around Daisuke's waist, and said, "Kneel down." Not questioning, Daisuke did so, and so did Ken, before pulling Daisuke close and kissing him deeply. Their cocks were pressed between their bodies, warm with arousal and so slippery that even breathing was an act of stimulation. Ken leaned closely against Daisuke, spreading his knees and bracing both himself and his shorter lover; Daisuke complied with Ken's unspoken wishes implicitly, trusting that something pleasurable was coming.

He felt Ken's hands move down to his rump and spread the cheeks, massaging gently between them in a way that had nothing to do with cleanliness. Daisuke moaned, the sound muffled by Ken's tongue, and wrapped his arms around Ken's shoulders. The heat of Ken's body, the slickness of the soap, the tiny motions that were teasing his penis ... it all combined in a cascade of desire. When Ken pushed a finger a little way inside him, Daisuke broke the kiss to press his neck against Ken's and arch his back in pleasure.

"Yes," he moaned. "Take me."

The finger moved, stroking in and out of him, while Ken's other hand clasped Daisuke between the legs from behind. Ken's forearms held Daisuke tightly against the taller man's body, trapping him completely.

"Take me," groaned Daisuke again, writhing.

"No," murmured Ken, teasing Daisuke mercilessly with his fingers. "If you're going to come, you can come from this."

"That'll take so long!" The protest was rather weak, though, as Daisuke panted helplessly against Ken's shoulder.

"Mmm-hmm," agreed Ken mildly. The hand that grasped Daisuke behind the testicles shifted, so as to press Daisuke's flesh in every important spot, while the fingers of the other hand did unspeakable things to his rectum. Daisuke felt completely controlled, held by the balls and utterly helpless to do anything but cling to Ken and twitch his hips as he was tormented with pleasure; every twitch rubbed his penis against Ken, inching him toward orgasm.

It was almost painful, the way his body went taut with lust and responded to Ken's attentions so readily. Daisuke closed his eyes, feeling every inch of own skin and marveling at the involuntary sounds of pleasure that cracked out of his throat every few seconds. His own arms were around Ken, holding him for support, and as he edged closer to climax he found himself somewhat lightheaded and almost disconnected from the extremes being inflicted on his body. It seemed to take forever.

He hit orgasm, not in a sudden rush, but in a gradual wave that shut down all his higher brain functions all at once. Squirming mindlessly against Ken, who held him up as even more pleasure was forced on him, Daisuke screamed a little and sank his fingernails into the skin beneath them. All his words were gone. The only thing that was left was Ken.

"Oh-h-h-h," he moaned, as Ken's deathgrip loosened, and he was allowed to lean against the wall. His mouth was full of Ken's a moment later, and he wrapped his arms around Ken's neck again, kissing his lover with languid exhaustion. Ken's body tensed, and he whimpered a little; in his hazy state, Daisuke was still somehow aware that Ken was frantically masturbating. The wet sounds of this made Daisuke smile, even more than Ken's low groan when he came.

After catching his breath again, Ken rinsed off himself and Daisuke, and helped Daisuke into the bath. The water was soft and sensual against Daisuke's skin, and he rested gratefully against the side of the tub. He was very tired again, but not sleepy. He just wanted to rest a little.

Ken was quiet for a while before he said, "Did you ever hate me, Daisuke?"

"Mmm-mmm," said Daisuke, with his eyes closed. "I was angry, that's all." He paused to collect his thoughts before continuing, "I loved you so much. I thought I was doing everything you wanted, and it hurt when you walked out. So I was furious. It hurt less to be angry after awhile. Did you hate me?"

"Mmm. No. I tried to hate you, but I couldn't do it. I never stopped loving you."

"I managed to stop loving you right about the time I got Tai's goggles in the mail, smashed to bits." A little annoyance uncoiled within Daisuke's chest at the memory of his beloved goggles, destroyed.

The water rippled as Ken shifted position in the tub. "I'm sorry about that. I despised you for awhile, you know. For letting me do all that to you."

Daisuke frowned, but still didn't open his eyes. At one time, he would have been incensed by this statement, but time had dulled his fury, and the recent mind-blowing orgasm had a mellowing effect as well. "You guilt-tripped me into it, and I was young enough to believe that 'if you love me, you'll do whatever' bullshit."

"I know. It was my fault. I know that now, but for awhile there I despised you anyway. It was just my way of coping, shifting the blame to you."

"Yeah, well, don't. It wasn't my fault."

"I know." There was another pause, and then Ken said, "Did you ever wonder if maybe we could try again, and make it work this time?"

"Not really. Why, are you wanting to try again?"

"I don't know. I've had a lot of time to think things over and cry myself to sleep with wanting you."

Daisuke cracked open an eye and gave Ken a narrow look. "Crocodile tears. In case you've forgotten, you walked out on me."

A pale shoulder shrugged beneath the water. "Believe what you want. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I probably was, but I missed you so badly. Daisuke ... it hurt to think about you. It hurt to hear your name."

"Yeah," said Daisuke, finding a hint of his anger again as he closed his eyes. "After everything I did for you, and all the shit I put up with, you walked right out on me and left me a total emotional wreck."

"I said I was sorry. And I am. Do you want blood?"

"Would you give it to me if I said yes?"

"Hmm. I was just as much of a wreck as you were."

Daisuke lifted a hand out of the water and rubbed his thumb against the side of his index finger. "This is me playing My Heart Bleeds For You on the world's smallest violin. Ken, you twisted me up and wrung me out, and then you left me! Don't expect any sympathy from me for your problems, because I don't have any to spare for you."

"All right, I know. I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I still think it was the right thing. I mean, look at you. You straightened yourself out. You got over me. You're not the same co-dependent, clingy Daisuke that I walked away from, you're independent now and you don't need me."

"Fucking right I don't need you."

"I've straightened myself out too. I'm better now. I swear I am."

"I notice you're still into the BDSM crap."

Ken made a scoffing sound. "I can't help that and you know it, and you know it's harmless."

"It's fucking weird. It was fucking weird before, and it's still fucking weird, and it's proof that you're still fucked up in the head."

"I've always been that way though."

"Yeah, and you've always been fucked up in the head too, or have you forgotten about that, Herr Kaizer?"

Daisuke said this because he was tapping into his residual fury at Ken, and he knew that saying it would hurt Ken. He expected Ken to snap back at him with something just as barbed, and then they would have a nice, healthy argument that would refresh Daisuke's resentment and make him feel good about avoiding Ken for the next few years.

What he got, though, was pained silence, and when he opened his eyes he found Ken staring at him, dark blue eyes enormous and bleeding. Doubt wormed its way into Daisuke's mind; he hadn't intended his offhand dart to rip Ken's heart out.

"Look," he began, but Ken interrupted him.

"I haven't forgotten," he said. "I know I'm screwed up. I know I've always been screwed up and I probably always will be. And I'll never be happy, ever. You don't have to rub it in." This last ended very softly, and Ken looked away from Daisuke, his eyes glistening.

Shit, thought Daisuke. He's not going to cry, is he? Fuck, he is. Grudgingly, Daisuke said, "I didn't mean it like that, okay?"

Turning to the side, Ken pressed a hand to his mouth, his lips twisting into a grimace just before the concealment was complete. He nodded forgivingly, but Daisuke could see that he wasn't buying into it. After a moment of dithering, Daisuke moved over to the other side of the tub and snuggled up next to him.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. Come on, don't cry. Ken-chan ..."

"I know you hate me!" said Ken suddenly. There was a sharp catch in his voice, just short of a sob, and he refused to face Daisuke. "I'm so sorry, I know I've been a total failure as a human being my whole life, and I don't blame you for hating me! I love you so much, and thinking about you is the only way I can make it through the day! And you hate me!"

Daisuke tried to remember how he'd handled Ken's moodiness before, and couldn't recall it to mind. So he improvised. "I don't hate you. I never hated you, I can't hate you. Don't think that. Come on, Ken-chan, don't be this way." He put his arms around Ken's warm shoulders from behind and snuggled up closer.

"Please don't hate me," whispered Ken.

"I don't. I don't even like being apart from you. But you have to understand, you hurt me bad."

"I know," said Ken, still whispering. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Yeah, and I understand that, but you can't expect me to just forget about what happened. You can't just tell me to get over it and expect me to do it." He rubbed a hand over Ken's hip, beneath the water.

"Please let me make it up to you," said Ken. "Please let me be a better person for you."

Daisuke sighed. "I can't move back in with you."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm not asking anything of you, just let me try to make you forgive me."

"Mmm," said Daisuke. Was this what he'd come to Ken's place to obtain? Maybe it was. Maybe he just wanted to be reminded of why he was so angry at Ken; maybe instead he wanted to try to lay that anger to rest. Daisuke wasn't sure. "We'll see."

"Just give me a chance."

"We'll see," said Daisuke again. "But you won't get one if Miyako murders me for staying out all night. I need to get going soon."

"Will you come back?" asked Ken, sounding forlorn.

"Maybe. Probably."

Forty minutes later, Daisuke let himself out of Ken's apartment building and into the wet night air. If he hurried, he should be able to catch one of the late subway runs home; Ken had given him money to buy a cab ride in the event he missed it. Despite the rush, Daisuke paused out on the sidewalk and looked up at the building's facade, toward where he guessed Ken's apartment to be.

"I'm not falling for you," he whispered. "I can stop any time I want to. I'm not getting addicted to you again."

The unmoving air did not answer. After a few moments, Daisuke turned and hurried away.