Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Island Satanime ❯ Prologue to hell ( Prologue )

(Setting: A cliche looking room in a castle)

Nin: Good God, how did I manage to get roped into this one?

Xellos: I think a more appropriate question would be why an anal prose child such as yourself chose to write this prologue in script format. n_n

Nin: (splutters) ANAL PROSE CHILD?! XELLOS!!!

Xellos: (hems & haws) No, I still find Filia's anger all the more satisfying. n_n

Nin: (sarcastic) Gee, I don't know why I chose this format. Script is for slackers and screenwriters. Maybe I just don't take this project seriously enough?

Xellos: (pouts) You're going to spoil all my fun, aren't you?

Nin: Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about YOUR happiness. >.<

Xellos: (his face snaps back in place like a rubber band) Oh, yes, that's right! To you, this fanfiction represents the embodiment of all evil! n_n Yummy.

Nin: No kidding. If the blatant, Mary Sue-ish Self Insertion (complete with super powers/superior technology/immortality/strange appendages that defy physics) wasn't enough, they just HAD to employ an overused, cut'n'paste plot in a shameless attempt to mask a shallow "let's kill off all the characters we dislike! MWA HAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA

Xellos: (turns to the audience) Yes, I would also find the anal ranting child utterly disturbing, but temporary insanity is just so delicious! n_n

Nin: HAHAHA!!!" cliche. Wait a second. (splutters) ANAL RANTING CHILD?! XELLOS!!!

Xellos: (peers over to a previously nonexistant door as it swings open) Oooo! Look! Look! The victims are here! :D

Nin: RUN! RUN, YOU FOOLS! RU--

Xellos: (clamps a hand over Nin's too big mouth) Welcome! Welcome to Satanime Island! Please make yourselves at home and we'll explain the details shortly. n_n (he indicates the numerous couches and chairs that seem grossly out of place in the cliche looking castle room)

(Stage Directions: Everyone finds a seat. Xellos drags Nin by the mouth to their own seats. Nin silently fumes as Xellos releases her, but appears to have settled down some)

Xellos: Well, let's get started, shall we? n_n I am Xellos, Trickster Priest, and this is Nin, a very an--

Nin: (hissing between her teeth) DON'T. EVEN. THINK. ABOUT. IT.

Xellos: (suddenly aware that Nin could develop an SI complex at a moments notice) A very...angelic child. (he nearly choked on the word)

Victims: (sweatdrop) Um...where are we, anyway? Where is this island? It's deserted...

Nin: Welcome to hell.

Xellos: (whispering) You weren't supposed to tell them that...

Victims: Err...

Xellos: Anyway. n_n All thirty-five of you have been transported here to play a game. But not just any game. n_n This is a reality game show not unlike the hit American game series 'Survivor'.

Nin: And 'America's Most Wanted'.

Xellos: (pouts) Lord Ruby Eyes, Nin-chan, what is your damage?

Nin: (whimpers tearfully as she finally accepts the fact that some of her favorite characters were going to die horrible, gruesome deaths) I want to go home...

Xellos: Blllliiiiisssssss... (yes, he actually did say that aloud. But then he thinks silently to himself, inner dialogue somehow sounding like Filia Ul Copt's conscience) (thinks) No, no, heavy hearts are saddled with much too many calories. I must not indulge myself on such fattening emotions...(sighs, and gently places a hand on Nin's shoulder) (out loud) There, there, Nin. None of this is REAL. It's just a silly fanfiction.

Nin: (sniffles) Xellos?

Xellos: (suddenly uncomfortable at the abrupt change of mood) Um, yes, Nin? (he removes his hand and moves slightly away just in case he had to flee)

Nin: ...For the love of God, would you quit demolishing the fourth wall?!

Xellos: (splutters) Excuse me?! Like you should talk!!!

Nin: ...O_o...Whoa, wait, did I just make Xellos SPLUTTER? (her fingers twitch, like a typist's would)

Victims: Um...

Xellos: (hastily regains his composture and clears his throat) Yes, well, back to business. The object of the game is to make it off this island. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But there's a catch... n_n

Victims: (sigh) There's ALWAYS a catch...

Nin: You must make it off the island ALIVE.

Victims: (GASP)

Nin: MWA HAHA HAHAHA... (tearfully) Please be strong...

Victims: O_o()

Xellos: n_n() You see, among your number, there are three...assassins, if you will. And if you aren't careful... n_n

Nin: Please, PLEASE be strong...

Victims: (GULP)

Xellos: I do believe it is time to divide you all into groups. n_n I'll let Nin do the honors. n_n

Nin: (sarcastic) Oooo, I get to announce the grossly unbalanced teams! :D

Xellos: Watch the fourth wall, there, Nin. n_n

Nin: I DON'T CARE, XELLOS!!! It's just so...so...AAARRRRGGHHHH!!! I mean, they COULD have had five teams of seven--or seven teams of five--but nooooo. They have three teams of five, a team of six, and two teams of seven!!!

Xellos: You forgot the hamsters. n_n

Nin: (sarcastic) Oh, yes, forgive me. One team of five is actually a team of around five billion. Shoot me now.

Xellos: May I? n_n (thinks) Anal sarcastic child.

Nin: Ye...actually, no. I would like to complain just a little more before I die.

Xellos: Drat. That's what all the old people say.

Nin: XELLOS!!! Must you deliberately confuse people about my actual age?! You were calling me an anal (insert noun/verb here) child just a little while ago!!!

Xellos: (waggles finger) I refuse to believe that you have the capacity to vote. n_n And besides, you forgot 'adjective'.

Nin: (momentarily confused) What? I don't remember any adjectives...

Xellos: Excuse your short term memory, but I just called you an anal sarcasic child. Oh. Wait. I'm sorry. I must've just thought it to myself. n_n

Nin: ...WAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Xellos: Ahhh...now that's the stuff. Mind-numbing rage is always low in fat AND carbohydrates. n_n

Victims: Um.

Xellos: Oh, yes, of course! My, my. By the Dark Lords, it is humorously simple to get us distracted, isn't it? Well, Nin?

Nin: (practically foaming at the mouth) ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!

Xellos: (calmly slaps Nin across the face)

Nin: (stunned in silence for a moment) Right. (produces a piece of paper) Okay, here goes. The first name is the team captain. (rolls eyes) Gee, I wonder who half the team captains are?

Xellos: Focus! Focus! n_n

Nin: Grrrr... (consults paper) Team number one includes Gub, Yami, er...possessed Joey? O_O I'm not even going to ask.

Xellos: You just did. n_n

Nin: Shut up, you. Possessed Joey, Kai, Vegeta, and Heero Yuy.

Xellos: Heero Yuy, the pacifist leader?

Nin: No, Heero Yuy, the bloody assassin.

Victims: (GASP)

Nin: GOOD GOD, PEOPLE!!! ARE YOU REALLY *THAT* STUPID?! THE PLOT WAS CONTRIVED BY TEENAGE FANGIRLS PRACTICALLY ON NARCOTICS!!! OF COURSE THEY WON'T EMPLOY A TRAINED KILLER AS ONE OF THE GAME'S ASSASSINS!!! DON'T YOU SEE THAT EVERYTHING HERE IS BASED OFF OF THE TWISTED INTENTIONS OF--

Xellos: (covers Nin's too big mouth yet again) Nin-chan, you're hurting the poor fourth wall again! I guess I'll just have to announce the next team. n_n

Nin: (fumes silently as Xellos takes away the paper)

Xellos: n_n The second team includes Relena Peacecraft, Rebecca, Dorothy, Yamcha, and Vultare.

Nin: (twists herself out of Xellos' grip and take the paper back) The third team consists of DragonRider, Valgaav, Ray, young Gohan, Seto Kaiba, Duo Maxwell, and Quatre Raberba Winner.

Xellos: (reading over Nin's shoulder, which is one of her major pet peeves, and he knows it) The fourth team is Bandir Keith, Boris, Ash, Misty, and Amelia.

Nin: (shifts in her seat to block Xellos' view of the page) The fifth team is made up of DevilsLady, uh...why is Wufei Chang's name capitalized? ...Nevermind. Um, Wufei Chang, Hellmaster Phibrizzo, Tala, Android 17, Marik, and Yami Bakura.

Xellos: (reciting from memory) And, as you all can see, the sixth team consists of Lady Une, the numerous hamsters, Tyson, Gendo, and Davis. Now, are all of you ready to begin? n_n

Victims: Wait! Who are the assassins?!

Nin: WHAT?! YOU STILL DON'T GET IT?! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT THE ASSASSINS IDENTITIES ARE ACTUALLY--

Xellos: (once again slaps his hand over Nin's too big mouth) A SEEEEEEECRET!!! n_n

Victims: (facefault)

Nin: (slaps Xellos' hand away) ALL RIGHT!!! ALL RIGHT!!! I'LL STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN THE BLATANTLY OBVIOUS!!!

Xellos: About time. n_n Anyway, it's about time that we sent you all off.

Nin: (muttering) To your doom.

Xellos: You are a dirty, dirty liar. n_n

Victims: (sweatdrop)

Xellos: Well, off you go! Remember to ALWAYS STAY WITH YOUR TEAM. (he teleports them away) Has anyone ever told you that you have a big mouth?

Nin: I don't understand how you can tell...you never OPEN YOUR EYES!

Xellos: Oh, yes, that's me, Xellos the emotional punching bag. n_n It feels so gooooooood. n_n

Nin: GUUUHHH?! (sigh) It's pointless to insult you.

Xellos: Glad you finally realized that. n_n

Nin: ...I'm going home. (leaves)

Xellos: I am definitely staying here for a while. n_n

Nin: (storms back in) XELLOS!!! GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET, DAMN YOU!!!

Xellos: (clasps hands together tightly) Ahhh....this is happiness...

To be continued in Chapter 1