Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ For the Love of a Child ❯ Chapter 14 ( Chapter 13 )

"For the Love of a Child"

Disclaimer: I am not making any profit from this story, nor do I own the rights to any of the characters in this chapter (or most of the story for that matter).

*Chapter 14*

My tears slowed eventually and I stopped shaking. I realized dad was holding me, gently rubbing his hand on my back and was humming a song. I was startled to realize I recognized it as the lullaby I sang to Goten.

"I always wondered how I knew that song. It was you?"

I felt him nod slightly and he seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment before answering.

"We use to go for walks while your mother rested. It always amazed me how tiny you were, at first I was afraid of hurting you. But you were so strong, you'd grab onto my fingers or hair and wouldn't let go. I would walk with you outside, singing you to sleep."

He stopped and I could see tears gathering in his eyes making them shine.

"I wanted to hold you like that forever, keep you safe and watch that smile of yours grow."

He shuddered and the tears broke free from his eyes and slid down his face.

"Instead I watched you become a soldier, watched you go away with Piccolo a little boy and come back a man. I was so very proud of you when I saw you again, but a part of me cried. I never wanted you to have to see the violence and destruction this world offers. I never wanted you to have to kill. I wanted you to stay that little baby sleeping in my arms.

"I saw you smile through it all, you put your faith in me and those around you. I thought somehow you had remained untouched from the horror of it all. I convinced myself that you could handle anything and that you didn't need me anymore. I saw your strength and let it blind me from the truth. You were just a child. Just a child, and I took that away."

He pulled away from me then and buried his head in his hands.

"You put me to shame Gohan. Not only did you become the incredible fighter I knew you to be, but you surpassed me as a father as well. I have no rights to you now, you owe me no obligations. I can not take any credit for the man you have become."

He looked up at me then and his eyes shone fiercely.

"But I am so damn proud of you. And for all the days I have, and all the days to come I will always point you out and say, `Look, look at him. Isn't he wonderful? Do you see that spirit and courage? That's my son...' Gohan, I am honored that you are my child, you have become a fine man. Worthy of all the grace in the world."

I watched him, and didn't know what to tell him. I had always thought it was me that messed up. I was the unforgiven one.

"Gohan, do you know the first thing I noticed when I saw you after all these years?" He was staring at me now, shoulders slumped in defeat. "It was your eyes. They're so cold now. I remember when you fought Cell, and you finally tapped into your full power. Your eyes became cold and hard. Ruthless. They didn't shine with that love of life you had. They were dead. I thought after you defeated Cell, that everything would be fine just they way it always had. I never got to see your beautiful eyes, full of joy again. You've changed so much and it's all my fault. God, I'd give anything to take back all of my mistakes. I'd do anything to see you smile again, hear you laugh. I'm so sorry Gohan."

He was crying again and I felt helpless. I hated feeling this way, it reminded me of all the times I stood by and watched him fight and die. And now here he was begging for my forgiveness, for a crime I thought I had committed. Would I forgive him? Could I forgive him? He wasn't a bad man, he had never intentionally hurt me, instead he had always done what he thought was best for me. He said he hadn't known about Goten, but I'm not sure that whether he did or not, made much of a difference. I had never resented him for leaving me with Goten, I had resented him for leaving me. Could a person remain unforgiven forever?

He was hunched over on the floor, holding his head in his hands, the picture of a completely defeated man. It wasn't right. He was suppose to be standing tall, laughing and carefree. I was surprised that it hurt to see him broken like this.

Unforgiven.

I thought about Goten. I thought about myself. I remembered dad and mom and our house in the woods. I thought about dad holding my hand and ruffling my hair.

Could I forgive?

I remembered laughter and sunshine. I remembered the good times that always followed the bad.

It hurt. The demons inside screamed and the child cried. When had I lost my humanity? I had been falling deeper into my own darkness and hadn't even realized. I couldn't live for Goten, forever. I had to start living for myself as well.

"Dad."

He looked up at me slowly, despair and pain in his eyes.

"I'm...we're...going to be ok. I mean...I think...it's going to be alright."

He studied me for a moment and then the anguish slowly disappeared from his eyes. I nodded slightly. He watched me, uncertain and then smiled a little. Slowly, as if not to frighten me, with hope shining on his face, he opened his arms.

I saw the darkness behind me, the emptiness and cold. The demons inside me howled from its depth. In front of me was dad. Offering a new chance. A chance to live again. I looked at the little boy, scared, with tear streaks down his face and took his hand. Clutching him tight I moved into dad's arms. I felt them close around me and I knew. I was finally home.

-------

I would like to claim that I knew everything would be fine once Gohan got a chance to talk to Goku again. In fact, I was terrified. I sent Goten out to pick vegetables and then stood outside the study door eavesdropping. Normally I am much to dignified for that sort of underhanded behavior, nor do I need to, my ears are extremely sensitive. In this case though, I was worried about what Gohan would do once he had his dad all alone. No, rather than eavesdropping I prefer to think of it as guarding the ones I care for. As part Guardian of the Earth, I considered it my prerogative to watch out for those important to me.

I had been furious when I found out Goku knew absolutely nothing about what had transpired the last six years, including the existence of Goten. The anguish in Gohan's voice, as he crouched there in the kitchen, nearly broke me. The heart is such a fragile thing, no matter how strong a person might be, it is so easy to crush their heart. Sometimes I think Gohan is a little too strong. He doesn't allow himself to break down and cry his sorrow. Part of that is probably my fault. I was hard on him as a kid, his dad would have gone easier on him. I didn't. I saw the potential in Gohan and pushed and pushed until he excelled. Goku blames himself for Gohan becoming this ruthless solider, yet I am equally to blame. I took that little boy and turned him into a weapon.

That didn't break him though. He smiled through it all and never lost his faith in the world and its capacity for goodness. I offered him nothing and he loved me anyway. Somewhere along the way he touched my heart and enabled me to find my own humanity. He was my first friend.

When I closed my eyes I could still see him in my mind, not any older than Goten now, running towards me grinning and crying out, "Mr. Piccolo!" He isn't six anymore, nor does he smile the way he use to. I felt as if we had traded places and now it was Gohan who shut himself away from the rest of the world.

There was silence coming from the study and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I waited for a moment, holding my breath and then heard Gohan speak.

"Dad. I'm...we're...going to be ok. I mean...I think...it's going to be alright."

I let out my breath and opened the door a little to see better. Goku was holding his arms open and then Gohan seemed to fall in to them. I watched them for a moment and then slowly closed the door. I leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor. My shoulders were shaking and my face felt wet and I realized I was laughing and crying at the same time.

"How come you're crying? Are you sad?."

I looked up in surprise to find Goten standing in front of me holding a bunch of carrots.

"No, I'm not sad." I wiped a hand over my face and stood up, embarrassed to be caught in a moment of weakness.

"How come you were crying then?"

Had Gohan been this persistant? Goten was staring at me, eyes wide, as if he had absolutely no doubt I would answer his question. Wasn't there a time when I just had to look at somebody and they ran away? It never had worked on Gohan. Guess it didn't work on Goten either.

"You know kid, you remind me of your dad so much sometimes, it scares me." He continued to stare at me and I couldn't help but laugh. "Occasionally people cry because they are happy."

He looked at me in disbelief. "So you're happy?"

I nodded and took the carrots out of his hands, nudging him back towards the kitchen.

"Yes."

"I don't think my dad has ever cried because he was happy."

"Geez, kid. You can't just trust me on this one?"

He gave me that disbelieving look again. Chuckling, I lifted him up onto the counter so he could watch me prepare the carrots. I cut off an end and handed it to him. He took a bite off of it and then shook his head.

"When I'm happy I usually laugh."

"Huh, well maybe crying when you're happy is a grown up thing."

He shook his head again. "My dad laughs."

I groaned in exasperation. "Well maybe it's just me then." I shoved another carrot end his way. "Here, eat this and stop asking me impossible questions."

He took the carrot end and studied it for moment, before taking a bite.

"Once, Uncle Vegeta shut his finger in the door but he didn't cry."

I raised an eyebrow at him and continued chopping carrots.

"Oh yeah? Maybe it didn't hurt that much."

He shook his head and wrinkled up his face. "No, I'm pretty sure it did."

"Why's that?"

"Cause he said a whole bunch of really bad words and his face turned all red."

I tossed Goten another carrot end. "That sounds like Vegeta."

"Yep, and then later Trunks accidently dropped a plate and he said one of those words."

Despite myself, I found I was rather entertained by Goten's little tale and couldn't help but ask, "So then what happened?"

Goten grinned at me. "Bulma yelled at Trunks and then she yelled at Vegeta and chased him out of the kitchen with a big wooden spoon."

I laughed. The arrogant Saiyan prince, domesticated. Who knew?

"You're dad ever make you Piccolo stew?"

He shook his head and looked at the vegetables lying on the counter waiting to be chopped.

"What's Piccolo stew?"

I pointed to an onion that was sitting next to him and he handed it to me.

"When your dad was a little younger than you, I took him out to train. He called the soup I use to make `Piccolo stew'. It's just vegetables and whatever meat you caught that day. He thought it was great because he got to help make it."

"Like me!"

I nodded. "His favorite part was the carrots and potatoes. He liked to eat the tops and skins."

"You know, I came home and mom couldn't figure out why on earth I wanted to eat the potato scraps."

I turned and saw Gohan standing in the doorway watching me with a strange expression on his face.

"I had completely forgotten about Piccolo stew."

"Hi Dad! I'm helping Piccolo make dinner!"

"Hey squirt." Gohan smiled at the little boy and reached over to grab the last carrot end.

I turned back to the onion I was cutting to hide my expression. It always amazed me how gentle Gohan was with that little boy.

"Dad, do you ever cry because you're happy?" Goten was leaning forward, his head

gently butting against Gohan's chest, eyes turned up questioningly.

I swallowed back a groan. I should have known Goten wouldn't drop the subject without asking Gohan's opinion first.

"Why do you ask that Goten?" He was studying the little boy seriously and then pulled him close for a hug. "Has something made you cry?"

Goten shook his head and snuggled closer to Gohan. "No, but Piccolo told me that people don't always cry because they are sad. He said that sometimes grownups cry because they are happy."

Well that didn't come out as bad as it could have.

"But I only see you laugh when you're happy, so I was just wondering."

Gohan chuckled a little. "Well you're both right I think. I can't ever remember crying because I was happy, but I'm pretty sure some people do."

"I have."

Goku was standing in the doorway, which Gohan had vacated a moment earlier.

"You've cried because you were happy?" Goten was eyeing Goku with the same skeptical look he had given me and I bit back a laugh.

"Yep."

Goten looked back towards me and I nodded, smiling slightly. He let out a sigh and then smiled. "Ok."

I handed him a couple pieces of potato skin in consolation. "Here, make sure you share with your dad."

Goten gave one of the pieces to Gohan and then ate his own. He looked at the remaining potato peel in his hand and then over to where Goku was still standing in the doorway.

"Can ghosts eat potatoes?"

Goku nodded slowly and Goten squirmed down from where he sat. He approached the older man and held out the potato peeling.

"Here, you can have some if you want. You could probably stay for dinner too if it's ok with my dad." Goku took the piece of potato from the little boy and looked down at it as if he couldn't figure out how he had gotten it. Goten ran back over to Gohan and grabbed his pant leg.

"Right dad? The ghost can stay for dinner?"

Gohan chuckled and knelt down next to the little boy. "He has a name Goten, he probably doesn't like being called `the ghost' all the time."

"I know dad, but can he stay?"

"Why don't you ask him if he wants to stay. He might have other houses to...haunt or something." Gohan snickered a little and I almost joined in, but Goku glared at me and seemed to be judging the distance between me and his piece of potato so I turned my back and pretended to ignore them all, while watching them in the reflection cast from the window in front of me.

Goten looked expectantly over at the man standing in the doorway. "Would you like to stay and eat dinner with us? We're having Piccolo stew."

Goku looked toward Gohan as if seeking approval and walked a little further into the kitchen.

"Yes." Goku smiled, shyly at first and then a little broader. "Yes, I think I would like to stay for Piccolo stew."

TBC

*Well here you go, a new chapter just like I promised. I didn't get as much writing done over break as I'd have liked so actually, this is the `only' chapter I wrote, I was hoping to get more done but it just wasn't to be. Thank you everyone for your Thanksgiving wishes and nice comments. I hope you enjoy the chapter, I probably had way too much fun making Goten as ornery as possible <grin>. See you all next week!*