Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Therapy ❯ The "GREAT" Hercule Satan ( Chapter 11 )

Disclaimer: You know what? I really don't care. Sue me for all I care. You can have all my debts.

A/N: If you haven't noticed, someone over here has been a very busy beaver. It took me quite a bit longer than normal to get this written to begin with and even longer to get it edited because all my normal betas are out of commission for the time being. Hopefully things will get better though and updates will come quicker. Basically, gomen. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Read on.

Is it just me or are almost all my days at school very trying and tiring? Well, this story starts slightly differently. It was in the middle of the dog days of summer. Temperatures were soaring in excess of one hundred degrees daily, and with the humidity at ninety-five percent, it was absolutely miserable. That's why I was staying indoors. I seriously don't know how I'd make it living in the south without air conditioning.

I was just hanging out in my room, sitting on my bed with my feet propped up on my box fan, letting the cool air blow up my shorts, when the phone rang. Let's just say I was not exactly pleased with having to move from my comfort just to answer the stupid idiot machine. Finally, along the time it gave the third ring, I decided it wouldn't kill me to do without the fan for two seconds, and grabbed the phone from its cradle.

"Hello?" I spoke into the receiver as I moved back into my original position and muted the television. This had best be good.

"Ms. Hippiechick?" a female voice questioned from the other end of the line.

I frowned a little. When people call looking for me and I don't recognize their voice, it usually means trouble. I hate getting calls from telemarketers. Do I look like I have money to you? "Yes," I responded hesitantly. "How may I help you?"

The lady's voice seemed to brighten a little knowing she had the right number. "Hello, my name is Debbie Turner, and I'm calling on the behalf of Mr. Hercule Satan."

I just blinked. I mean, what else could I be expected to do? No, it wasn't that the "great Hercule" was calling that threw me for a loop. Actually it was the thought of dealing that glory hog over the phone or, Lord forbid, face to face. Even on TV he had always seemed to be a bit…odd. Then after talking to the Z-Senshi…. Okay, so I'm trying to be nice. It's a new thing with me. It probably won't last even this entire chapter, but I'm going to go for it anyway.

Moving on, I decided to pursue this little matter farther. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes. In fact, you can," Ms. Debbie informed me. Grrreat, community service. Gotta love it.

"Well…"I prompted her for a response of some sort.

"Oh, sorry about that." She seemed distracted. "I just needed to make an appointment for my boss. He heard about your talent and would like a free consultation."

I nearly spit out the raspberry Kool-Aide I was drinking at that one. "Did you say free?" I choked out.

"Why, yes. Of course," came her cool reply.

"Look," I started. "Tell your boss I'd be more than happy to listen to him tell me how hard it is to be rich and famous and adored by the masses, but the word `free' is not in my vocabulary. I have classes coming up in the fall at a private university and they're not going to be cheap."

"Oh…. Well, I understand. Please hold?"

I sighed. "Yeah, sure. Whatever." I was put on hold and went back to focusing on smearing the sweat from my glass across my forehead before setting it down and grabbing my squirting water bottle. A refreshing mist of water was just what I needed.

Finally Ms. Debbie came back to me. There's nothing like having someone call you and then ask if you mind being put on hold. "I spoke with Mr. Satan, and he agreed to whatever you normally charge. It will be no problem."

"All right. That's great." I frowned. Now is the time when I'd normally get my appointment book and find an opening for him. That day was just simply too hot, so I laid back on my bed and looked at my calendar upside down to find an opening. "How about next Tuesday at around four? Is he free then?"

Ms. Debbie was silent for a moment before speaking to me again. "Yes. That works quite well for Mr. Satan. He will be most happy that he now has an appointment. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome, I suppose," I replied. "Have a nice day."

"Oh, you too, ma'am," Debbie said happily as she hung up on her end. Sighing, I followed suit and turned the TV back up to hear my program, Trading Spaces. I am so into that show!

Tuesday was yet another long, hot, tiring day. I had been in bed until around two when my baby brother had once again decided it was time for me to get out of bed and pay him some attention. He had crawled up in the bed with me and kissed my cheek softly before punching me in my stomach and laughing like a maniac. He's so mean!

Finally I had simply groaned and gotten out of bed to make myself some breakfast. There's nothing like a pan of chocolate chip muffins to wake a person up first thing in the morn…err…afternoon. C'mon. What did you really expect from me? I'm lazy and darn proud of it.

After "breakfast" I had sat down on the couch and let my baby brother attack me repeatedly, each time, pushing him down on his little butt and laughing. You'd think he'd figure it out eventually. If every time he charged me he landed on his butt, you'd think he'd finally get it through his head that he's not going to win the fight. Most kids would. Then again, my little brother is a very unique person indeed. God, I love him, every obstinate little cell.

As I was countering yet another bombardment of punches and kicks, trying to block them as best I could to show him halfway decent techniques, my mother left the kitchen, heading to the laundry room. I didn't think anything of it. Her leaving me alone with the little monster while she goes outside to take a break is nothing new. She has the best timing. She always waits until I've had just about enough of playing with him, and then she makes her grand escape so that when I am finished, I look around for my salvation and she's no where to be seen.

This time though, she returned a few moments later, and instead of going back to her hidey-hole in the kitchen, she entered the living room and spoke to me. "Mar, there's someone at the door to see you. A man."

At first I just looked up at her blankly while my brother punched me about a dozen times. Then it finally sank in. She wanted me to go answer the door for myself. Sighing, I pushed my brother away from me and to the floor, and struggling to my feet, I went to the back door where I was met by a strange looking man in a brown gi top and white pants. What I think I found the oddest about him though was his hair. This guy was white, and yet he had a fro bigger than Justin Timberlake. (One moment please while I shudder at the horror that is/was N'Stink...Sync. Whatever.)

"Can I help you?" I asked him. Why is it I seem to be helping people so much lately? I think I need to work on that, or at least raise my rates. Decisions, decisions.

The man grinned at me and struck a ridiculous pose I can only assume was meant to impress. "I am The Great," he changed poses to show his biceps, "Hercule!"

I blinked at him. How can one person contain so much stupidity in their being? This guy was unbelievable. I had never thought anyone could surpass the stupidity of The Great Saiyaman. Then again, you never know with people. First impressions can sometimes be deceiving. There was this one time…. Never mind, most first impressions are right on when it comes to my patients. They're all friggin' nuts.

"Would you, uh, like to come in?" I asked him in an attempt to be hospitable. He was paying my salary after all and sweating like a pig. Then again, with the prices I charged Bulma every time she and Vegeta have a fight, especially as often as those are sometimes, I could easily get away with not charging anyone else. Of course Hercule had money to spare too, and I had the feeling that dealing with him would require immense recompense on his part.

Hercule cocked his head to the side before shrugging. "Sure."

I opened the door and stepped back inside. If he followed me, great. If not, it sounded like he would have an unresolved personal problem. Luckily for him, less so for me, he chose to trail me into my home and back toward my office as I warded off my brother along the way. The kid certainly was in a clingy mood that day.

When we got back to my room, I frowned. I hadn't thought to prepare a notebook for the occasion and to be honest, I was out. So many patients…. Anyway, so I just picked up my Sacred Notebook and after freeing a single sheet of notebook paper, I set it aside and prepared to take notes on the session.

"So, Mr. Satan," I began.

"The Great Hercule!" he interrupted me as I blinked at him. No one dares to interrupt me, not even Vegeta. We were going to have a problem.

Frowning, I started again. "Hercule-"

"The GREAT Hercule!" he emphasized for me as I growled lightly, sending a decidedly menacing glare in his direction.

"HERCULE," I spoke in warning. I guess he picked up on it, because he didn't interrupt again to give me his title. I couldn't help but smirk a little. At that point I knew the stories I had heard were correct. Hercule really was nothing more than a coward. I almost chuckled evilly to myself at the realization. It would be so easy to intimidate him, make him cower…. Man, now I'm having evil thoughts again. Once again, I'll have to work on that.

"Now, your secretary never told me exactly why you wanted to schedule this appointment. Usually I prefer to know what the issue is so I can do research if needed, but I'll make an exception this time. So tell me what it is you have found so wrong in your life that you need my assistance," I explained sweetly.

Hercule blinked at me.

I waited…and waited…and waited. "Uh…earth to Hercule. Come in Hercule." I waved my hand in front of his face and finally he seemed to come back our dear planet and looked at me. "Why did you want to see me? What life altering changes do you hope I can assist you in making?"

"I…well…uh," Hercule stammered nervously in Son fashion before getting back into character. "I don't have a problem! The Great Hercule doesn't have any silly little mental problems!"

Please excuse me for rolling my eyes, but hello! Who calls a therapist but people with issues? And on top of that, we're talking about Hercule! Don't even get me started on nutcases there's too much there in his case.

Using my `speaking to a small child yet about to lose my patience' voice, I addressed Hercule in an attempt to clarify what was going on. "Hercule, if you don't have at least one issue, why did you request an appointment with me?"

"I…uh…well," Hercule's eyes darted around nervously. Finally he sighed and quietly answered me in a solemn tone. "I didn't make it because of a problem…."

"Really?!" I asked caustically. "I'm so glad you took the time to clear everything up." Needless to say, I was not pleased.

Hercule winced at the bitter tone and sighed dejectedly.

The look on his face was so pathetic I couldn't remain angry at him. "All right Hercule. Tell me the reason behind your appointment," I suggested kindly, even though if felt as though I might die, or more likely, kill him.

Looking up at me with sad brown eyes, Hercule sighed. "The real reason…. The real reason I made the appointment is…. Do you know the Briefs?"

I blinked, completely lost. What did that have to do with his making an appointment with me?

"Well, yes," I ventured. "I know exactly who the Briefs are."

Hercule peered into my eyes and in an honest tone continued. "I made an appointment because of them. I overheard Bulma talking at a party about you and your work."

"Okay. So you were indirectly referred to me by one of my patients. What's the big deal? I still need to know your issue if you expect me to help you," I explained patiently, though my patience was beginning to run thin in a major way. I only have so much for a day and after playing with my rambunctious brother, Hercule was pushing my limits.

"I…don't have an issue," he confessed. "I didn't come to you looking for help."

"Then why did you make an appointment costing you a pretty penny, Hercule?" I was going to get to the bottom of this one way or another. He wasn't going to keep me in the dark. There had to be a reason, and I was going to find it. He wasn't going to pay for my services and then sit in my room and annoy me for an hour just so he could leave with unresolved issues and have to come back for a follow up visit. No way.

"I did it because the Briefs use you. That's why," Hercule explained again as though he was speaking to a simpleton and this was the easiest concept on earth. Kinda like `what goes up must come down', or something just as simple.

I just simply blinked at him for a moment before it dawned on me what he was trying to say in so many words. "You made an appointment with me for popularity reasons? Am I hearing you right?"

A thoughtful expression crossed Hercule's face (I know, it's hard to picture, so just bear with me.), and then he nodded slowly. "I guess you're right. That was the reason."

"Do you have any idea how disturbed that is? You made an appointment with an expensive therapist for no real reason, simply so you could talk about it at parties and increase your popularity…. Well, at least now we have an issue to discuss." I smiled at him proudly. "Way to go Hercule! That's a pretty good one, too."

Hercule nodded to me as though he agreed. "Thank you, I think…. Now what are you going to do about it?"

I couldn't help chuckling at the expression on his face. The "Great" Hercule who "saved us all from Cell" looked more like a child than the hero everyone thought him to be. How in the world he had been able to deceive so many for so long was beyond me.

"Hercule, I think you need to remember who everyone thinks you are. You are the man who saved the world from Cell, and you should try to be more confident in that. On the television you give the impression of one who owns the world and thinks he is bigger and better than anyone else. In truth, this is to hide your own insecurities. Hercule, why are you so insecure? What is it about yourself you're so ashamed of?" I broke things down for him. Gotta get on the patient's level sometimes. I'm getting pretty used to it by now though.

The face peering back at mine was completely blank. For a long moment I began to wonder if I had gone way too much over his head. Finally I decided I needed to break the point down to an even more approachable level when he decided to speak.

"Those other fighters…they were so good…."

Other fighters?.... Wait, Cell! I knew what he was talking about after all! "You mean the golden fighters, the ones who beat Cell?" I proposed.

With a nod, it was confirmed. "Those fighters."

"Well, Hercule, no wonder they were so good." I sighed. "Look, I'm going to tell you a little secret. Okay, so maybe it's not that little, but it is a secret just the same and I don't want you to go around repeating it or I'll tell everyone you weren't the one who beat Cell after all.

Those fighters are also my patients, and yes, they are good, very good. Of course, there is a reason behind their success. Most of them are aliens. I know the green one was kinda obvious, but the golden fighters were as well, just different aliens. As far as humans go, you're actually very good, extremely strong."

"I was supposed to beat Cell," Hercule said softly. Obviously this coming out of sorts was taking its toll on him.

Nodding, I continued. "Yes, I understand. You got the glory, but since you didn't do the work, you're afraid one of them might come out and challenge you, demanding everything you received in due. Sound about right?"

Hercule nodded.

I smiled at him. "Well, cheer up because I have good news."

"You do?" he looked in my eyes in surprise. "What do you mean? What is it?"

"Basically, what I'm saying is that they don't want that kind of recognition. None of them want the attention. You are safe. None of them are going to challenge you on the subject," I explained. It was true. Vegeta could care less for human affections. Goku was dead. Gohan was struggling to fit in as a human, and Mirai Trunks had gone back to his future. Not a one of them were going to say anything. Who really cared who beat Cell (even if it was Gohan) as long as he was beaten?

"Are you sure about that?" Hercule seemed somewhat skeptical.

"I'm positive. I know all of them personally and none of them would really want what you have for doing the act." I was very confident in what I was telling him. Hopefully he would see that and take comfort as well.

Hercule's face slowly began to change as he went back to his television persona, a goofy grin all his own plastered on his face. "The Great Hercule will be known as the savoir forever! And if the earth ever needs saving again, call Hercule! He will be there, and he will not fail!"

All I could manage to do was shake my head sadly. Hercule was back, and somehow I was relieved. I mean, this Hercule was rather annoying and sometimes obnoxious, but the solemn Hercule of before was just plain creepy. Some people just needed to be the way they were. A humble Hercule is like an affectionate Vegeta. It's just not right.

"Well, I'm glad I could help you. Now it's time for you to go. I have more than half a day left to waste, and you're in my way." I stood, hoping he would get the hint and just leave without incident. I get tired of having to almost practically toss patients out on their butts.

Hercules face became honest again as he stood as well. "Thank you."

I shrugged. "It's no big deal. That's why you came to see me. I am a therapist after all, and you did pay good money to receive help. I thought it was kinda ridiculous for you to sit here for an hour and have to pay when I could find something wrong and try to help fix it for you."

He nodded his head and started for the door. As his hand reached the knob, he put on his game face and stepped out with all the false bravado everyone has come to expect from him.

I watched him walk down the hall toward the door. When he was gone from sight, I closed and locked the door, climbed in bed and after pulling the sheet up to my chin, fell sound asleep until I smelled food. It was a good day. That's the life. Too bad everyday can't be like that one. Eat, play, help someone with a serious emotional struggle they're having, nap and eat. Yeah. That's the life alright….

A/N: Well, what did you think? We all knew Hercule had issues, but was this what you were expecting? Did you think he'd be such an easy patient or that I'd have to toss him out like I did with Roshi? Let me know! REVIEW!!!!