Dragon Knights Fan Fiction ❯ Counseling Sessions ❯ Narcissistic Personality Disorder ( Chapter 6 )

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Disclaimer: Don't own DK. Awful, horrible, tragic, terrible.
 
Title: Counseling Sessions
 
Summary: In which Thatz attempts to get Rune therapy for his often lapses of temper. In which his plan backfires and all DK members are forced to do the same. In which Kharl is the shrink. In which complete chaos occurs.
 
CH.6. In Which It Is Discovered That Nadil Is Obsessed With Bunnies, Shydeman Is Secretly Scheming Behind The Demon Lord's Back Of How To Outdo Him And Take Over His 'Complete World Domination' Agenda, And Shyrendora Puts New Emphasis On The Term 'Dumb Blonde'.
 
It was sickening.
 
It was unnerving.
 
It was weird.
 
It was…oddly fascinating to watch.
 
Garfakcy stared at the scene, mouth hanging open in disbelief, as the purple-haired Yokai held a mirror out in front of him and made kissy-faces at himself.
 
"Master," the servant inquired, his left eyebrow going off into spontaneous twitches, "Is that normal?"
 
"Well, Garfakcy, it would be normal, because all people do tend to do this some time or another," Kharl explained, watching the scenario in front of him with avid interest, "However, in this situation, I think it is safe to say that His Almighty Demonishness…has severe issues."
 
The Yokai leader affirmed this statement then, by swooning at himself and exclaiming excitedly to his two second-in-commands, "OOH, I'M SO HOT! SOMETIMES I WISH THERE WAS A WAY TO CLONE MYSELF, SO I COULD MAKE OUT WITH ME! AFTER ALL, WHO ELSE LIVES UP TO MY STANDARDS OF EXTREME HUNKINESS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
 
Then Nadil scrunched up his eyes, engaged in some sort of fantasy, and drooled.
 
After Garfakcy's temporary sickness passed, he turned to the alchemist and inquired, "Master, you can clone people, can't you?"
 
Kharl shot out his arm and clapped a hand over the servant's mouth, sweatdropping, "Garfakcy, now would not be a good time to mention that little detail."
 
Luckily, for them, the purple-haired Yokai was being berated by Shydeman, on the overview of his "Complete World Domination" campaign.
 
"Your Almighty Evilness," Shydeman addressed seriously, "I must be frank with you. Unless you want your 'Take Over The World' agenda to be thwarted by these peace-loving, do-gooder Dragons, I suggest that you spend more time on plans of catastrophic chaos and the utter destruction and ruin of the planet, than you do on yourself."
 
"Oh, come on Shydy!" Nadil pouted in a rather childish way, "Don't be an old grumpmeister!"
 
"GRUMPMEISTER! HAHA!" Shyrendora giggled insanely, "SHYDY'S A GRUMPMEISTER! HE'S A GRUMPY-MUMPY OLD FUMPY! HAHA!"
 
"Oh do refrain from your callowness, sister," Shydeman said, obviously used to similar random outbursts.
 
"HE'S A SILLY-BILLY, MEANIE BO-BEANIE!" Shyrendora shrieked with laughter, "HE'S A STUFFY OLD FART!"
 
Nadil crowed at that, cackling maniacally, "A FART! HAHA! SHYDY'S A FART! BWAHAHAHA!"
 
And the Demon Lord leapt up from his seat, grabbed Shyrendora's arm and spun her in a mad dance around her brother's chair, while the twoYokai chanted in unsion, "SHYDY'S A FART! SHYDY'S A FART!"
 
Sweatdrops sprung out on Shydeman's forehead, along with a few, small throbbing veins.
 
"As much as it kills me to say this," Garfakcy stated to his master, "Perhaps you better start the session soon."
 
"I do believe you are right," Kharl agreed, watching the scene wide-eyed. Taking his pouch of ash out, he blew its contents towards the group of demons, effectively pulling His Almighty Demonishness and Her Almighty Dumbishness back to their seats.
 
"There, that's better," the alchemist stated grinning at his newest batch of clients, "Now let's get right down to the diagnosis of things, shall we?"
 
Nadil crossed his arms and began sulking, not all pleased his merriment had been interrupted. Shyrendora took out a pocket mirror and began applying cosmetics to her face along with her regular war-er, face markings, while Shydeman looked immensely relieved to be left alone.
 
"Alright!" Kharl exclaimed, the excitement of the prospect of tortur-er, counseling people, making his blood pump madly, "Let's start with you, Lord Nadil. It is quite obvious from what you're suffering from. It is called…Narcissistic Personality Disorder."
 
The white-haired Yokai waited for a reaction.
 
There was none.
 
"Does…anyone have anything to add to that?" Kharl inquired, glancing at the room's occupants.
 
Shyrendora, having finished putting on her mask, now was busy filing her bright purple nails and blowing humongous bubbles with her gum, and Nadil had found another way of amusing himself by repeatedly poking his second-in-command in the shoulder and whispering, "Stinker Shydy, Stinker Shydy." Strands of hair stuck out on Shydeman's head in all directions as the demon struggled to maintain his composure.
 
"Ahem," Kharl cleared his throat, trying to get his clients' attentions, "I said His Almighty Evilness has Narcissistic Personality Disorder!"
 
Shyrendora now was spraying herself with sickly smelling perfume that quickly doused its way all over the room, and Nadil had taken to flinging spitballs at Shydeman who was scowling and gritting his teeth so hard, it sounded like someone was scraping their fingernails over a chalkboard.
 
Garfakcy, quite fed up with his master being ignored and wanting the session to be over with as quickly as possible, stomped over to the group, snatched Shyrendora's perfume bottle and sprayed it into the Demon Lord's face.
 
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!" Nadil shrieked, pawing at his eyes, "I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND!" Then as his nose clogged up from the smell, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGH! CADD BREED! CADD BREED!" (Translation: Can't Breathe! Can't Breathe!).
 
"Thank you, Garfakcy," the alchemist said sweatdropping, making sure never to get on his servant's badside, "I think."
 
"Now," Kharl said smiling, turning back to the group, "Is everyone ready to listen to me?"
 
Shyrendora and Shydeman nodded wide-eyed at their therapist and the Demon Lord bobbed his head emphatically as he sneezed violently into his lace handkerchief.
 
"WONDERFUL!" the alchemist beamed, taking out his notebook, "Very well then. As I was saying, Lord Nadil has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which I am going to name the symptoms out and I want you, Shydy and Dora, to affirm or refute whether they are true or false. Symptom number one: a persuasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and has an air of self-importance. Does any of that sound familiar to you two?"
 
"I don't understand," Shyrendora stated blankly, looking very confused, "What do all those words mean?"
 
There were several seconds of silence as everyone sweatdropped, until Shydeman spoke up.
 
"I believe I can help with that," the pale-haired Yokai said, clearly wishing revenge on his leader for all the past name-calling, "Yes it is all true. Lord Nadil likes his image to seem unfallible and all-powerful. That's why he always tries to make his debut by appearing suddenly out of thin air, as you'll note in Dragon Knights, volumes 2, 12, and 18. I think it makes him feel as if he is a god or something immortal. Also, he loves to be worshipped too. That's why you always see us groveling and almost kissing his feet. That's a rule he laid down for his henchman."
 
"Devil Dudes," came a sniffling, nasaly-sounding voice from the Demon Lord, whose nose was still closed from the perfume, "I dubbed our army the Devil Dudes."
 
"I still like the Muffin Brigade," Shyrendora stated, fiddling with her hair, "Although the Skipping Daisies sound good too!"
 
Once again, there was a long pause as everyone gaped at her for a while, before Kharl continued naming the symptoms.
 
"Symptom number two: exaggerates achievements and talents. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love," the alchemist raised an eyebrow waiting for a response.
 
Shydeman burst out laughing at that, exclaiming, "By Dusis, wizard! Where have you BEEN? Everyone knows that His Almighty Evilness's main goal is to triumph in Complete World Domination! When he's not swooning over his image, he's having agenda meetings!"
 
"YES!" Nadil cried mightily, leaping up from his seat, fire in his eyes, "ONE DAY I SHALL RULE ALL! AND ALL SHALL BOW AND PROCLAIM MY GLORY! MWHAHA! WHATEVER I WANT, I WILL HAVE! AND THE FIRST THING I WILL DO IS TO ESTABLISH MY REIGN THROUGH EVIL, DERANGED PINK BUNNIES! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
 
"But I thought you said you wanted to enslave everyone to make you blueberry jam and chocolate eternally," Shyrendora stated blinking at the Demon Lord a bit spaced out, while everyone's mind was still reeling over the 'evil, deranged, pink bunnies' thing.
 
"Dora, HOW MANY times do I have to explain this?" Nadil sighed exasperatedly, "You have to first TAKE OVER, and THEN you enslave them! AND MY EVIL, DERANGED, PINK BUNNIES WILL BE THE BEST WAY TO GO ABOUT IT! After all, they keep going and going and going! THEY WILL MAKE PEOPLE FEAR AND RESPECT ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
 
That or make a laughingstock of him, Garfakcy thought sweatdropping, And I thought that guy obsessed with teddy-bears was crazy!
 
"MY PLAN IS BRILLIANT, I TELL YOU! BRILLIANT!" the Demon Lord cackled evily, "I AM A SUPER-GENIUS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
 
Kharl was aware of his mouth hanging open in either shock or amazement. In any event, he coughed and finished hurriedly, deciding it would be best if the session were over quickly, "Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. Heh, I think the last little outburst answered that. So, then, we simply have to find a way to stop you from thinking of yourself all the time."
 
"Fat chance," Shydeman scoffed.
 
"Yes, but we'll work on that in a little while," the alchemist explained, "For now, let's move on and diagnose your sister."
 
"You don't have tell me what she has," Shydeman said airily, "I already know. It's called Dumb Blond-itis."
 
"So, are you including yourself in that implication?" Kharl questioned shrewdly.
 
There was several seconds of silence as the pale-haired Yokai glared at the therapist, as if he could slay him with his eyes.
 
"Hahahaha!" the alchemist laughed nervously, before turning to Shyrendora and asking, "Well, Dora, share with us. Do you consider yourself to be a dumb blonde or are you angry at us making an unjust accusation?"
 
"Y-you think I'm d-dumb?" quivered Shyrendora, before bursting into tears, "WAAAAAAAAAAHHH! T-THAT'S NOT FAIR! JUST BECAUSE I TRY TO PUT LOOKS BEFORE SMARTS! A GUY DOESN'T LIKE A GIRL CUZ OF HER BRAIN, YOU KNOW! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
 
"Nice going" Shydeman stated, "She'll be at it for hours now."
 
Kharl broke out into a sweat, trying desperately to soothe his clients nerves, "NO! NO! I don't think you're dumb! I was-that is-ah, when I say 'dumb blonde' I'm referring to, er…GARFAKCY, HELP ME!"
 
The servant sighed, resigning himself for another long drawn-out session of hysterical chaos. Going over to the female Yokai, he took a stance before her and said, "You're blonde. You have no clue whatsoever. And you're dumb. Face the facts. Master Kharl is more intelligent than you."
 
There was silence in the room as Shyrendora stared speechelss; Kharl wondered whether the statement was a compliment or not; Lord Nadil was oblivious to the whole incident still sniggering maniacally to himself about 'evil, deranged, pink bunnies'; and Shydeman flinched and sunk low in his chair, the only one who knew the impending doom to come.
 
There was a sudden outraged screech then and everyone was drawn out of their musings in time to see Shyrendora sprang out of her seat and towered over the servant dangerously, her voice rising several octaves, "SO YOU THINK I'M DUMB, AM I?"
 
Grafakcy had a sudden revelation then that it was never wise to goad females.
 
"IF I'M DUMB, CAN I DO THIS, THEN?" Shyrendora screamed, flinging out her hand and casting a magic spell at the hapless servant who disappeared in a cloud of smoke and reappeared a second later.
 
As a rat.
 
As a green rat.
 
As a green rat who squeaked in fear and scurried across the room zig-zagging to avoid Shyrendora's lightning bolts.
 
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the female Yokai laughed triumphantly, hands on hips.
 
Kharl's eyes were bugging out so much, he looked like a frog. Shydeman seemed unpertrubed at his sister's sudden mood swing, and His Almighty Demonishness was struck by a flash of inspiration by the spectacle.
 
"THAT'S IT!" Nadil cried, snapping his fingers excitedly, "I SHALL GIVE MY EVIL, DERANGED PINK BUNNIES LIGHTNING POWERS TO KEEP THE PEOPLE IN LINE! HOO-HAH! I'M SO VILLAINOUS! GO, ME! YEAH! MWHAHAHAHAHA!"
 
Meanwhile, the alchemist was sincerely wishing he had never suggested the Demon Tribe get counseling. The Dragon Tribe, though much crazier, was less violent (excluding that Officer with the mallet). Not only that, but he could have already had been in a session with his beloved by now! Instead he was forced to listen to plans of Complete World Domination made possible by evil, deranged, pink bunnies! What could be next?
 
Shyrendora turned around to her brother and the therapist giggling.
 
Kharl gulped and braced himself.
 
"Mr. Kharl-san, I was wondering," the female Yokai inquired puzzled, "Isn't your hair what they call 'white-blonde'?"
 
The alchemist lost his balance and fell over, while Shydeman burst out laughing sinisterly and stated, "That explains a lot!"
 
Kharl managed to pick himself back up and decided to just leave Shyrendora alone for the time being. Anything said to her would be blown off course or way out of proportion.
 
Coughing, the alchemist turned to a still snickering Shydeman, and said, "You can stop this whole charade now. I'm on to you, Shydy-boy!"
 
"I don't have the faintest idea of what you're referring to," Shydeman said loftily.
 
"Ohohohohoho!" Kharl cried, his turn to laugh, "You think I have no idea of how to secretly scheme behind another's back to obtain the goal you've long strived after! You think I don't know of what it's like to have others who are less deserving than you are hinder your path to that goal? To have the very goal you seek slip out of your grasp due to others tampering with it! JUST WAIT FOR ME A LITTLE WHILE LONGER, MY BELOVED! I WILL RESCUE YOU SOON!"
 
"Look," Shydeman said to the white-haired Yokai who was punching his fist in the air determinedly, "I have no idea what your problem is or what kind of therapy you need over it, but if you're implying that I am attempting to out-best His Almighty Demonishness and claim ruler-ship in Complete World Domination-"
 
"AHA!" the alchemist crowed victoriously, "YOU SAID IT! NOT ME!"
 
"Well, you have to admit," Shydeman stated calmly, "Anything would be better than that."
 
The pale-haired Yokai pointed a finger at the Demon Lord who was gazing out into space, rubbing his chin, and having one of his 'evil moments' plotting dastardly plans of chaotic destruction.
 
"MWAHAHAHAHA! YES! OOH! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! OHO! AHA! HEHE! AFTER MY EVIL, DERANGED, PINK BUNNIES WITH LIGHTNING POWERS ENSLAVE EVERYONE, I SHALL HAVE THEM WORK IN A FACTORY WHERE THEY WILL DUTIFULLY MAKE ME BLUEBERRY JAM AND CHOCOLATE EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES! WHAHA! ONLY, I WILL KEEP SOME FOR SERVANTS SO AS THEY CAN POLISH AND SHINE ALL THE STAUTUES OF ME IN MY PALACE OF DARKNESS AND EVIL AND THEN I WILL KEEP SOME FOR PETS, SO I CAN CUDDLE AND HUG THEM AND STROKE THEIR SOFT, FLUFFY FUR BECAUSE THEY'RE SO DARN CUTE! BWAHAHAHAHA! I MUST GO AND ORDER SOME RIGHT NOW!"
 
And Nadil rushed from the room, skipping in a mad sort of glee.
 
"Perhaps you're right," Kharl agreed sweatdropping, "Well, I won't try and hinder your goal…UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE WHO DO!" Then composing himself, the alchemist clapped his hands and stated, "So, all that is left is trying to help everyone on their way to recovery! Shydeman, I suggest you should at least give it one more try of staying under His Almighty Evilness's rule. You could help him be a better, more devious demon than he is. If that doesn't work then, well…BULLY FOR A CHANCE OF SIEZING YOUR GOAL AND TASTING THE TREASURED PRIZE AT LAST! NOT TO MENTION SAVORING EVERY BITE! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"
 
Kharl was practically drooling by now, his eyes glazed over.
 
"You scare me," Shydeman stated wide-eyed, sweatdropping.
 
The alchemist swallowed the mouthful of salvia he had made and moved onto Shyrendora, "Perhaps you should encourage your sister to get angry more. It seems to help spark that hidden spot of knowledge inside her. Oh, and maybe persuade her to die her hair. That might help too."
 
"Wouldn't that be called 'artificial intelligence'?" Shydeman questioned.
 
"SHYDY! MR.KHARL! LOOK!" Shyrendora shouted, "THERE'S A MOUSE IN HERE! AND IT'S GREEN! HOW ODD!"
 
Everyone turned to view the forgotten Garfakcy still in rodent-form, squeaking shrilly, trying to get their attention.
 
"But," Kharl inquired sweatdropping, "Don't you remember what you did?"
 
"Did what?" Shyrendora asked blinking blankly.
 
"She has very short memory spans," Shydeman explained to the alchemist, before turning to his sister and saying, "And it's not a mouse, Dora. It's a rat."
 
Shyrendora immediately broke out into a fresh supply of water as she jumped up from her chair and fled the room bawling, "THAT'S RIGHT, SHYDY! ALWAYS MAKING ME SOUND STUPID! WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER! I STILL KNOW HOW TO PUT ON MAKE-UP BETTER THAN YOU!"
 
"OHO!" Kharl cried, narrowing his eyes at her brother, "Perhaps, we should make another appointment for you sometime, eh, Shydy?"
 
"SHE'S LYING!" the pale-haired Yokai protested, leaping up indignantly, just as a lip-stick case fell out of his robes.
 
Kharl merely smiled knowingly.
 
"SHE PLANTED IT ON ME!" Shydeman yelled, his face quite red, as it was his turn to flee madly out of the room, "YOU'RE DEAD, DORA!"
 
The alchemist tsked, shaking his head at the tragedy of it all, until an image of a certain dark-haired Dragon Knight appeared in his head, wearing lipstick, eye-shadow, and blush, complete in a pink nightgown. Then Kharl tripped over his own feet and fall flat on the floor, unable to get up, paralyzed by the tantalizing picture in front of his eyes.
 
Garfakcy would have to find some way to tolerate his rat-form for a few more hours.
 
Kharl wasn't going to get up any time soon.
 
TO BE CONTINUED…
 
A/N: YES! FINALLY! IT'S UP! ALL RIGHT! GEE IT ONLY TOOK ME LIKE A WHOLE DAY TO WRITE THIS! SO, I hope it was worth the wait! After this chappie, we only have four more chappies to go until the fic's complete! So you get to vote again!
 
WHO'S NEXT FOLKS?
 
Is it the long-lost Kai-stern?
 
Or
 
Lykuleon, Raseleane, Lamgarnas, and Gil?
 
Vote! And tell me your fav parts in this chappie! I like to go back and re-read the parts which made you all laugh! AH! IT FEELS GREAT TO BE WRITING MY FAV FIC AGAIN! CAN'T WAIT TILL I GET TO RATH! REVIEW PLEASE!