Fake Fan Fiction ❯ A Current Obsession ❯ Prologue

DISCLAIMER: The song doesn't belong to me, neither do any of the characters used in this story and I'm not making any money from it. All these factors are extremely disappointing, but I guess I'll just have to live with it *sigh*.

WARNING: First ever fanfiction published on the 'net. Please be kind.

/: indicates italics; mostly thoughts and stressed words.

A CURRENT OBSESSIONCome to me to feel my protection

A countdown to my revelation

No more respect for your regrets

And your time has come

The naked truth is in disguise

It's your secret complication

Exhausted of this sacrifice

Hiding to survive

Chorus:

So strong, living in torture

I know that you will never see the light again

So hard, living in torture

Erase the burning fear into your eyes again

The silent scream is stronger now

You cannot keep it too long

This cloud evolving into rain

Your desert seems so far now

Following your line

I'm losing mine

(Lacuna Coil)

"Dee-sempai!"

The familiar battle-cry of the over-enthusiastic cop warned by-standers to get out of the way as JJ launched himself at his beloved.

So far, a normal day.

-------

Unfortunately, five minutes earlier, Dee's mood had begun to darken dangerously. Eight children murdered; ages from five to fifteen, no correlation between race, age, looks, class; only the way they had been murdered. Throat slit, then the body dumped. But again, there was no pattern to that, either; they had been dumped in alleys, derelict buildings, rivers and behind the dustbins in suburbia. Dee stared at the photographs, facts pulling themselves together in his mind.

He was on to something.

And thank god, because he didn't think he could stand to see Ryo's face if his partner saw another little corpse being photographed against a backdrop of gore. His lover was getting more and more upset as the killer remained elusive and they were asked to attend more scenes. No DNA, no fingerprints - just a blade across a little neck. Forensics even reported that a different knife was being used each time and only the precision of the wound was consistent. Sometimes the blade was serrated, sometimes they suspected a razor; one weapon had been rusty and another was curved, like a Japanese sword.

But this had triggered something in Dee's memory. He just needed to remember what. If he could only-

"Dee-semapi!"

And his arms were trapped by his sides and the photographs scattered in JJ's slip-stream, taking with them the beginnings of his elusive recollection.

He had been on to something, and now it was gone.

And the entire month of pent-up frustration, stress, and seeing Ryo suffer exploded...directly at JJ.

-------

JJ had espied every wish of his hyper-active heart standing over his desk, going through evidence. The platinum-haired cop had been through a tough week, during which he hadn't seen his Dee-sempai once. In fact, he really shouldn't be back at work at all, and Rose, grudgingly, had only let him return on the understanding that he was on light-duties. In other words; paperwork. But at least he would get to see Dee at the precinct.

A week ago, he and Drake had been arresting the perpetrator of a number of armed robberies; usually carried out at convenience stores. The suspect turned out to be exactly seven feet and one inch tall, and built like a brick outhouse. JJ and his partner had managed to subdue him, but at some cost to both. JJ's black eye had faded, finally, although most of the other bruises hadn't. He had to be careful when he tried to run or walk quickly because his ankle still felt it was going to give out under him at any moment, and he was grateful that when the perpetrator managed to grab his wrist and try to break it, it was his left and not the right. Had it been his right hand, he wouldn't even be able to write.

His ribs still felt cracked, and the flesh all along his right side still bore the bruises where the baseball bat had slammed into him; three times. Painkillers pretty much took care of that. JJ knew he might be taking a few too many (hence travelling on the subway and not driving), but at least his injuries wouldn't stop him from showing Dee that he hadn't given up!

The perpetrator was also being charged with ABH on Drake (who had managed to keep away from him more than JJ), and GBH on himself.

There had been an intolerable overnight stay in casualty, then a week stuck at his flat with nothing to do. He would have welcomed paperwork for the distraction alone. And there was altogether too much time to think. Not even a telephone call from Dee.

Oh, there was a card, signed by everyone, including Dee, but the message written in his barely-legible scrawl had been as innocuous as all the other best wishes for his health and poor jokes about the whole inch of perpetrator that all the witnesses had failed to notice when they described him as 'about seven foot tall'. All Dee had written was 'hey - size matters and quit skiving. GWS, Dee'.

Even Ryo's message had been more sentimental.

Maybe he should admit defeat? Maybe he really had lost Dee?

But during his latest assault on the sole object of his affections, JJ was too busy making sure his ankle didn't give out under him to remember such melancholy reflections, and hurled himself around Dee, ignoring the scattered evidence.

He expected the usual struggle as he fought to gain a solid position against his beloved's chest. He /didn't/ expect the "DAMN YOU, JJ!" bellowed in his ear and the forcible removal of his arms, Dee's fingers closing painfully over still-livid bruises as he tore JJ away from him and pushed him against the opposite desk. The violent reaction drew the notice of the other offers as JJ stared at Dee in disbelief.

"Will you fucking /stop/!" Dee screamed at him. "I am /sick/ of you, JJ!"

/Ooops - bad time/, JJ thought, confident that Dee would turn away to pick up the photographs, but instead an odd, cold look came into the dark-haired detective's green eyes.

And then it started.

"I am /sick/ of you!" Dee repeated, only just loud enough to be clearly heard. "I am sick of the sight of you and the sound of you. I am sick of your very fucking existence. There is /nothing/ about you I want, JJ. /Nothing/. You are /nothing/ to me. And if you weren't a decent shot, you'd be worth nothing at all! Do you understand?"

Everybody was staring at Dee, but JJ felt himself included in all the incredulous gazes, even as his beloved's hurtful tirade continued.

"I wouldn't want you if you were the last person in the whole damn world. You're irritating, you're worthless, and you're /useless/. You can't even detect how much you piss me off, JJ - you couldn't detect your way out of an open door! Can't you even arrest one lousy robber without screwing up?"

"Hey!" Drake protested, apparently feeling included in that last insult, but Dee ignored him, and nobody else said a word.

"What the hell /would/ I want with you? I can't think of a single thing. I'm not into other people's leftovers, however good in bed they are after all that practice. Why don't you do everyone a favour and crawl back under whichever rock you came from!"

JJ realised he was beginning to shake. He couldn't hurt; he just felt utterly numb.

The office door opened as Dee started to lay into JJ again, and everybody jumped at the interruption but him. He couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe.

Ryo and Rose must have sensed the tense atmosphere the instant the door was open.

"Is there a reason why no work is being done?" Rose demanded icily from his position (which was indecently close to the Japanese-American). Ryo took the distraction as an opportunity to move over to Dee. He didn't seem to notice the icy glare Dee was bestowing on JJ, or the smaller man, standing pale and shocked against the desk where he had been pushed before Dee's onslaught. "Has New York become a crime-free zone?" Rose continued.

Detectives began turning back to their workloads. Dee seemed to have forgotten all about JJ in his hurried, hushed conversation with his partner.

"Detective Adams?" Rose asked lightly. "Do you have a problem?"

/No, sir/, JJ tried to command his mouth to say, but failed. He managed to shake his head, though, feeling every bit as useless as Dee had described.

"Good - then perhaps you'd like to re-acquaint yourself with your job."

JJ nodded. Dee and Ryo walked past him on their way out and by the time they had gone, Rose was heading back to his office, apparently dismissing JJ from his thoughts, already.

Switching to auto-pilot, JJ sat at his desk and belatedly realised that there were dozens of files that he needed from the records room if he was going to be doing paper-work all day. Fortunately there was some new work on his desk already, and he picked up the first job. Now there was no more Dee to distract them, JJ couldn't help but feel that everyone would notice if he so much as shifted in his seat, and he didn't want them to know how badly he needed to escape. After all - he was JJ. He bounced back every time, didn't he?

The cop bent over his notes, feeling every furtive glance the others in the office stole, and stalwartly pretended not to have noticed.

Finally, after far too long, the office emptied a little - partners left to attend cases or interviews, or even just their coffee-break. JJ waited until Ted ducked behind his desk to retrieve something from his bottom drawer before grabbing his neat pile of papers and scurrying out, with a muttered remark to his partner about being in the records room if Drake needed him. Drake was a good guy; JJ didn't mind him seeing the retreat and was confident that he would cover for him, without embarrassing JJ further.

The sharp-shooter settled much more comfortably in the records room. It was much less busy than the office, and while everyone would recognise him; not all of them would have witnessed events in the office upstairs. He even pulled the small table right behind the door so anyone who did come in would likely not see him at all, and he could pretend to be too engrossed in paperwork for them to talk to him on the way out.

It was perfectly silent, here, and rather chilly, but that helped him focus his thoughts better. Although he had been humiliated and crushingly embarrassed in the office, JJ couldn't seem to feel anything about Dee. He should be hurt and angry, but somehow it just wasn't touching him the way it should.

/Maybe I deserved it,/ he mused. /Maybe sharp-shooting really is all I'm good for. Dee was right - I did screw up that arrest.../ His arm was proof enough of that; despite the tube-grip, his wrist to elbow seemed to ache just from flipping pages over in the files. Coughing was enough to send shooting pains across his rib-cage.

And he supposed he did sleep around a lot; usually with men who were dark-haired and green-eyed, all the time trying to pretend it was Dee above him, kissing him. Even if it had never worked. /But it doesn't alter the fact that I've been around, so I suppose I am a slut. Dee only said what everyone must be thinking.../

JJ tried to bury himself further in his paperwork. By lunch-time, he couldn't stomach anything more than a glass of water and retreated back to his secluded desk in the basement of the precinct so he wouldn't have to face anyone else until his shift was over.

Just as he was contemplating packing up and leaving, the door burst open again. The officer, like the others, didn't notice him there.

It was Dee.

JJ's heart leapt. Whether in its usual, love-fuelled excitement, or a cold dread of a repetition of the office scene, the platinum-haired officer couldn't tell. His instinct was to flee the records room and perhaps hide in the bathroom until he had gone. Then he thought that perhaps somebody had told Dee he was down here.

/I can't believe I honestly think he'll say 'sorry',/ JJ concluded a moment later, returning to his previous gloom. The day had been just about long enough for him to start believing that everything Dee had said was utterly true. It left JJ with no good impression of himself.

/Maybe if I apologise!/ he thought suddenly. /Perhaps if I show I can be sensible about this; if I stop annoying him, he might at least be friends with me. It's not what I want, but it has to be better than this./

JJ began to compose a heart-felt apology to Dee in his head, waiting for the dark-haired officer to come back towards the door. He just needed to let Dee know that he was sincere, and then he could build on that. A platonic relationship would have its own rewards, and oddly enough, JJ didn't have many close friends. He was always to busy with work, or on his futile quest to either win Dee over, or find a Dee-substitute.

Quarter of an hour later, JJ heard footsteps herald Dee's return and stood up. He moved to intercept his sempai as Dee reached the door. Dee finally noticed him and an irritated frown appeared between his eyebrows.

"Dee? I just wanted to say-" he began softly.

"Dammit, JJ, get out of my face!" Dee growled.

It wasn't a hard push, but with JJ's ankle still weak, and his pain-killers in the office drawer, the shove Dee inflicted on the little officer was enough to make JJ stagger into the wall behind the door. JJ righted himself, hoping to make another attempt and straightened just in time for the door to swing freely as Dee pulled it open in irritation, and it hit JJ square in the face.

JJ fell backwards, his ankle refusing to hold his slight weight. He crashed into the table, groping frantically to catch himself and succeeded only in knocking the glass over. He landed hard on the floor, pain rushing along his cracked ribs, his wrist and hand stinging, having landed over the broken glass. Other aches provided a chorus of protests throughout his body.

It hurt when he tried to breathe, and by the time he managed to take one shaky breath, he was light-headed and in some danger of passing out. He let the precious lung-full of air out in a sob. How had things gone so horribly wrong?

-------

JJ wasn't sure how long he had lain on the floor, trying to think only about breathing without hurting himself further. He didn't even notice how badly his arm hurt as he struggled not to suffocate against his protesting rib-cage every time he inhaled.

Eventually it occurred to him how pathetic he must look, lying on the floor of the records room and wasn't sure whether to be grateful that nobody had come in and seen him like this, or sorry that there hadn't been anyone to help. When he looked up, he couldn't see, and it was a few moments before he realised that someone /had/ come in and turned the light off, not noticing that he was there.

JJ struggled to his hands and knees, cutting his hand more on the broken glass and choked on a sob. Not only was he suffering under the absence of his pain-killers, but he wasn't sure he could even stagger up to the office to get them.

/Useless.../

Dee's words still haunted him and he bit his lip against the tears that threatened. He was JJ - he /always/ bounced back. Even after a battering from a perp, even after Dee's rejection. This had just been a stupid accident. So why did it feel so hard to accept it and move on? It was ridiculous to be upset just because someone had switched the light off.

His vision blurred further as he lost the battle against tears that were now spilling down his cheeks. JJ leaned back against the stone wall and drew his knees as far up to his chest as he dared. It was best that he stayed down here until he had got himself under control. It wouldn't matter if he was late - or even absent - tomorrow; since he was off active duty, and the chief wasn't so bad he would begrudge JJ a small lapse.

/Especially if he knows what Dee said.../

Hell - the whole precinct probably knew by now. Too many people had been witness to Dee's tirade for JJ to hope that there was /anyone/ who didn't know about it!

"JJ?" A soft voice and his name spoken in concern.

The platinum-haired cop looked up, surprised, and blinked against tears and lights that were suddenly too bright. He struggled to get the face before him into focus. He could just make out honey-coloured hair and dark eyes.

"Oh! Ryo! I-I didn't hear you c-come in!" he stammered, wiping his eyes on the back of his good hand. Right now, only Dee would be less welcome company; Ryo was sure to tell his partner - /and his lover,/ JJ thought bitterly - about the pathetic state he was in.

When he could see properly again, he noticed Ryo's eyes narrowing in anger and wondered what version of events the Japanese-American had been told.

"He really hurt you," Ryo observed, frowning at JJ's arm; the glass had torn his shirt and blood had gathered on the tube-grip. The detective gently removed a few stray shards as JJ surveyed the damage for the first time. JJ's ankle and ribs had hurt so much, he hadn't thought about the stinging he felt when he fell.

"It was an accident," JJ told him, quickly, not wanting false blame to be put at the door of his sempai. Besides, he didn't want to talk about it.

"Dee pushed you /accidentally/?" Ryo asked, sceptically.

JJ looked away and nodded towards his wrist. "I couldn't catch myself," he elaborated, briefly. "I fell against the table."

"Well you can't stay here all night," the dark-eyed officer reminded him. "Come on - will you be okay if I help you up and drive you home?"

It was typical, thought JJ. No consideration for how late Ryo was going to be. Never mind the trouble he went to; the honey-haired cop /always/ went out of his way for others, not considering the inconvenience he went to himself. It was no surprise that he was so popular with everyone else in the precinct and JJ wondered why he had not noticed that before.

JJ nodded, dully. He had more pain-killers at home, anyway, and if Ryo drove him, it would mean that he wouldn't have to struggle up the stairs to get the ones from the office and then face the subway home. Ryo reached down, hand outstretched, to let the injured man grip him whichever way was easiest, and pulled him up, his other arm coming around JJ's lower back when JJ very nearly fell back down again.

"Thanks," JJ said, almost embarrassed by how close they had ended up, but Ryo didn't seem to have realised. He even had JJ's coat slung over one arm.

The platinum-haired officer was relieved to find that he actually felt a bit better standing up, and Ryo thoughtfully set an easy pace up the stairs and towards the car-park. He noticed, then, that his car keys and JJ's coat were all that Ryo was carrying.

"Didn't you come for some files?" he asked. After all, why else would Ryo have returned to the precinct?

Ryo opened the passenger door for him, still hovering near in case he needed any help here as well as the stairs.

"No - I was looking for you," Ryo answered.

"For me?" JJ asked, taking his coat as the Japanese-American handed it to him.

The frown appeared between Ryo's brows again as he closed the passenger door and let himself into the vehicle on the driver's side. JJ watched him get into the car, bewildered. He knew Ryo was easily upset by cases involving children and wondered if he was in for another yelling at. Perhaps that was why Ryo had been looking for him, and then changed his mind when he saw the tear-stained, bloody state JJ had managed to get himself into. He /had/tried to be a little sensitive and not fling himself on Dee while Ryo was there so much, lately.

"Drake told me what Dee said," Ryo explained, shortly.

"Oh."

"Well - Dee rang you at home to apologise. You didn't answer, so we were worried." Ryo shrugged dismissively. "I remember pain-killers; you can fall asleep in some really interesting places, so I thought I'd just check you were here, rather than turn you in at the subway for not paying your fare to the end of the line." He shot JJ a brief smile.

JJ looked down. "You mean you /made/ Dee ring, and then /you/ were worried," he said softly.

Ryo had the grace to look sheepish. "Well..." he tried, "I guess that's why you're a good detective."

JJ didn't reply. The implication of what Ryo had said was sinking in. Rather than be angry at JJ, Ryo was more angry at Dee. He had been worried enough to return to the precinct after a day at work - during time he could be spending with Dee - to look for him and make sure he was all right. JJ found he could picture Ryo doing exactly the same thing for Ted or Drake.

/Damn...he'd even do it for Berkley Rose, wouldn't he?/ But JJ had always felt that he couldn't and shouldn't expect the same sort of kindness from Ryo.

The fact that the Japanese-American was here really touched him. He had seen the jealous looks Ryo shot him when he threw himself at Dee, especially before they had become a couple...no --JJ had no right to think Ryo should go to so much trouble on his behalf. He had done his best to wrestle Dee away and the fact that he had lost didn't make any difference. His only consolation was that he hadn't adopted the kind of underhand tactics Rose had with Ryo.

The journey home didn't take very long - or didn't seem to as JJ thought about his new information. Ryo seemed to be concentrating on driving, even though it was relatively quiet at this time of night, giving JJ the space he wanted. And JJ wasn't in the mood to force conversation.

JJ expected to be let out of the car when they reached his apartment block, but Ryo found a space and locked up the car, with every intention of seeing JJ up to his flat. The platinum-haired man didn't put him off; he still felt rather unsteady, and thought wistfully about those pain-killers he had left in the kitchen drawer - he seemed to hurt all over.

JJ let them into the flat, trying to remember whether it was left in a decent state for guests, then recalled that he hadn't been fit enough to make much of a mess. He was generally quite tidy, although is desk at work said otherwise, but that was only because he liked to keep all his files immediately to hand, and the desk was too small.

But he was rather embarrassed by how shabby everything was. The worst frays and scratches on the old couch were covered by a newish throw, but there was no hiding the battered cupboards, or the fact that the furnishings didn't quite match. JJ had to rely on himself - moving to New York had cost what fortune JJ had accumulated, and the landlady had wanted 6 months rent in advance when he first moved in. It was also more than JJ would have liked to pay, but he had deliberately tried to find a quiet district with as little crime as possible. He didn't want to have to deal with work on his own door-step.

He couldn't hope that Ryo hadn't /noticed/ the poor surroundings, but there was nothing in his face or manner to suggest the slightest distaste. Dee had bluntly declared his lodgings at the Academy as a pigsty, and coming from Dee, that was pretty bad, and part of the reason JJ had become so neat.

Actually, JJ just wanted to be left alone, now, but he was conscious of the ever-concerned Ryo hovering by the door. He couldn't imagine what he was lingering for; didn't he /want/ to be with Dee?

"Would you like some tea?" he asked, through courtesy only.

Oddly, Ryo seemed relieved at the suggestion and accepted with a warm smile. Despite what Dee had said about his detective skills, JJ was astute enough to realise Ryo had motives other than JJ's welfare at heart, and curiosity was beginning to settle in, usurping his desire for solitude. He wondered what Ryo wanted from him as he took some of the pain-killers.

He handed Ryo his mug of tea as he took a seat on the couch.

"Thanks," the Japanese-American smiled. "Do you feel any better?"

"A bit - the painkillers kick in after about fifteen minutes," JJ replied, rather than tell Ryo that no, he didn't feel any better, as it happened. "Ryo - why did you come looking for me?"

The honey-haired officer sighed, but was honest enough to look him in the eye when he spoke. "Dee and I - we're working on the child murders and Dee's been…he's been so short tempered lately, he hasn't dared start at Bikky in case he really hurts him. I think you managed to catch his full temper." Ryo leaned forward to put the mug on the table.

"Dee remembered something about the murders; he's been saying something is familiar all the way through, and it frustrated him that he couldn't pin it down. Usually /I'm/ the one losing it over children. I'm not trying to excuse what he did," Ryo told JJ quickly. "I just figured…well - I-I think what happened was partly my fault. I came looking for you because I felt responsible…"

That was not what JJ had expected to hear. He wasn't sure what to say. Ryo had been in Rose's office when Dee had been giving his speech and hadn't been anywhere near the records room when he had fallen.

"Everyone knows what you're like when a case involves kids," JJ said, softly, hoping to hide behind professionalism. "And everyone understands, but it affects Dee more than the rest of us. Even if you weren't…uh…together…" /oh, it hurts admitting that out loud!/ "he's your partner. I guess it's certain to affect him more."

Ryo blinked. "Yes - I suppose that's true," he acknowledged. "But it isn't what I meant." Ryo shifted on the couch so he was facing JJ as squarely as he could. He was frowning, as though concentrating.

"When Dee and I became lovers, we dealt with Rose, but we never really…I guess we never thought about you." Ryo spoke with a faint tone of shame. "I threatened Rose with legal action for harassment, Dee just threatened him repeatedly. Not that it's made /much/ difference, but he's a lot more careful, now."

JJ looked away, uncomfortable with Ryo's sincere attention and the more intense conversation.

"It's not meant as an insult to you," the Japanese-American continued, painfully gently. "We saw Rose as…well - more dangerous, I guess. How can I put this? If Dee were hopelessly drunk, I'd trust you to take him home and get him to bed and only be annoyed that you've finally got him alone and can't take advantage. On the other hand, if I were that drunk…well, Rose would take me home and get me to bed, all right and more besides. I guess that means we trust you more."

The platinum-haired cop wasn't sure how to respond to that. He understood why his colleague would view their situation in such a light, after all, JJ and Rose were almost complete opposites. And Ryo's assessment seemed pretty accurate to him.

"It was very wrong of us," Ryo said. "Especially when Rose just lusts, and you really care."

JJ could see that Ryo was waiting for some reaction other than the stunned silence he was receiving. He must look pretty stupid by now, just sitting here and saying nothing.

"A lot of that is my fault, not Dee's," Ryo insisted.

JJ tried to bite back a laugh and failed. He looked down. "Sorry - I just don't see it that way." He took a deep breath and his eyes met Ryo's again. This was going to be difficult. "We both wanted Dee, and that made it his choice, didn't it? He chose you."

"Yes, he did," Ryo agreed. JJ sensed the 'but' before it came. "But there's more to it than that. I was jealous of you…and a little afraid."

JJ found his expectations being belied once again. "Of - of me?"

Ryo nodded, colour rising to his cheeks. "You were so open with your affection; you let everyone know what you wanted and how you felt. Even on the rare occasion that I started anything with Dee, I'd push him away if there was even the smallest chance that someone might see. I was always terrified he'd give up and go off with you before I'd worked up the courage to tell him how I felt, or even figured out that I really wanted him. And you never gave up. Why /wouldn't/ Dee prefer what you offered to what I didn't?"

If JJ had known the answer to that question, then Dee would be here with him, right now, and not waiting for Ryo at a flat the other two men shared! "He hasn't had eyes for anyone else since he met you; at least not since I started work at the twenty-seventh," JJ remarked neutrally.

"And I think Dee secretly enjoys you throwing yourself at him."

"So that's why he keeps pushing me away, huh?" JJ responded, more harshly than he had intended to.

Ryo pretended not to have noticed the bitterness in the smaller man's tone. "I'm serious," he insisted. "Sometimes he gets this odd smile afterwards. I don't think he wants anything to come of it, but its difficult not to appreciate it when someone wants you." A faint blush appeared at Ryo's cheeks; after all, he was speaking from experience. "Besides; if you think about it, perhaps it's the very reason he was so persistent with me was because you were so persistent with him. If you held onto your hopes, then he decided to hold on to his."

JJ felt his breath catch. That made sense. That made too much sense. Maybe it really had been between Dee and Ryo, rather than JJ and Ryo; seeing who gave up first - Dee giving up to JJ, or Ryo giving up to Dee. It didn't really matter, though, did it? Ryo had won whichever way you wanted to look at it. Ryo had Dee, and JJ didn't.

He was still immersed in his unhappy thoughts when the telephone rang, and it was a moment before he realised he should be the one to answer it.

"Oh! JJ - you're there!" Dee's voice sounded surprised to have located his colleague at his own home. And it suddenly hurt to hear Dee's voice at all. JJ couldn't reply and passed the receiver directly to Ryo.

"I think it's for you."

Ryo took it. He looked annoyed at the interruption and JJ tried not to listen to their conversation, but couldn't really miss what Ryo said, even if he went to the kitchen or bedroom. The place was too small and not exactly sound-proofed.

The Japanese-American listened to whatever his lover had to say, and perhaps a little awkwardly replied; "I think he'll be all right - no thanks to you!" A pause. "I want to make sure…and you sure as hell have /no/ reason to look forward to me getting home!" There was a flicker of anger in Ryo's dark eyes.

JJ had never had much time for the other detective, and was suddenly noticing hundreds of little things about him. He was always so calm and collected; so professional. JJ had never thought to see Ryo actually get angry. The Japanese-American was good at self-defence and not afraid of getting into a fight, but he never lost his cool. Not like Dee. Dee would go nuts, but Ryo always dealt with situations and cases with a professional calmness that JJ had previously thought was cold.

He really hadn't been fair to Ryo. He probably felt just as keenly as any of them; he just had better self-control. He had his weaknesses, just as everyone else did. With Ryo it was kids; JJ personally felt worse when the victims were elderly.

Seeing Ryo angry - and angry with Dee - was a whole new experience. In fact, he seemed much less nervous about speaking his mind, despite JJ's presence.

"Didn't you even /think/, Dee?" Ryo began, again. "Of course he wasn't all right…Oh, don't you /dare/ - we both know that's not true! He was /already/ hurt, baka! What did you expect to happen?…I don't care, Dee; and I don't want to hear it…Not a chance; you're sleeping on the couch, tonight, anyway!"

And Ryo actually hung up on his lover. He turned to JJ and blushed, as though he had forgotten the platinum-haired cop was there. JJ would never have dared say such things to Dee. Maybe that was partly why Dee hadn't wanted him. He hadn't exactly made a challenge of himself, had he? Dee could have done whatever he wanted to JJ and JJ knew he would have let him. Dee liked challenges; JJ had known that, yet still failed to provide him with one. Dammit, he was stupid!

/Baka, as Ryo would say,/ he thought.

Ryo smiled sheepishly at him.

"Dee was very wrong," he told JJ softly, no trace of anger left. There were several moments of tense silence, and Ryo didn't know what to say and JJ didn't know what to think.

Ryo tried another smile. "I'm just sorry, JJ - I'm sorry I left it so long before talking to you. I let my own insecurities interfere so much, I didn't even think about how /you/ must feel, and I'm sorry for that."

JJ almost felt dizzy as the realisation hit him. He had lost Dee; final result, and it still hurt, but he had known it for a long time now. He just hadn't been ready to admit it. He had been as much in denial as Ryo had. Images flashed through his mind of Ryo helping him up, driving him home, yelling at Dee over the phone on his behalf, and another million little kindnesses Ryo performed; for him and for others…

"We have been so stupid," JJ murmured.

"Sorry?"

JJ looked up. "We've been so stupid," he repeated, not letting himself or Ryo off the hook. "We understand each other so well. I know what Dee means to you because he means the same to me. You know exactly how I feel because you'd feel the same way if Dee were mine." JJ felt an absurd smile begin to spread on his face. "We could have been such good friends all that time…"

He was startled to realise that he actually felt some regret. He…god help him, he actually /liked/ Ryo, when he stopped thinking of Dee being attached to the lighter-haired officer. It was not the sentiment of a potential lover (Ryo was too soft and obliging for JJ's taste), but as a friend…He supposed Dee was the only reason JJ had never noticed it before.

"I guess we haven't been fair to each other, have we?" Ryo said, after a long pause.

JJ shook his head. "We haven't," he agreed.

"I'm willing to put that right, if you are," Ryo offered, tentatively.

JJ's smile broadened, becoming more appropriate, and he extended his hand. "We should," he said.

Ryo shook the pro-offered limb carefully, not wanting to injure JJ more.

/Well, maybe he would be my taste if I'd never met Dee at all,/ JJ privately admitted to himself. He could understand why Dee had fallen for that smile, and the beginnings of a very evil idea stirred in the back of his mind.

"Oh," Ryo said with a grin, as JJ walked him to the door. "Feel free to take revenge on Dee. I promise not to defend him /too/ strenuously."

"I might just do that," JJ replied, the little idea-seed germinating into a plot, and the plot blossoming into a plan. And he closed the door and leaned against it.

/I've lost Dee,/ he repeated to himself, and faced the twinge of pain resolutely. /But I guess I've gained a friend - I don't have many, so I'll be grateful for that. I hope you're worth it, Ryo./

-------

In truth, Ryo was still a little worried about JJ. The younger man had taken another week off work, and Ryo had rung him twice just to make sure he was all right, and didn't need anything. JJ had been cheerful with him, and promised some very appropriate revenge on his former not-lover. Ryo didn't like to admit that he was curious about that. But he was pleased to see JJ, bandage- and bruises-free, at the precinct.

JJ caught sight of them and began his usual launch. Ryo sighed, and Dee groaned. Although he hadn't shared all the particulars of his and JJ's conversation with his partner, Ryo had hoped that this would stop, at least.

And nobody was more surprised as JJ flung himself at the lighter-haired partner with the shrill cry of "Ryo-sempai!" and clung to him as if for dear life.

For a moment, Ryo was too stunned to react, and then remembered what JJ (and himself) had said about revenge. So in the spirit of his and JJ's new understanding, he hugged the smaller officer back, and thoroughly enjoyed the open-mouthed incredulity of his partner, secretly hoping JJ was enjoying everything he could get.

END - or beginning, depending on which way you look at it