Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Act 20:All I Ask Of You ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: The characters and the 27th do not belong to me...unless I’m Sanami Matoh-san, and I’m not she...I think... ;-) The lyrics of the song belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber. NY and LA are, as far as I know, common property. Heh.

Rating: R, some content might be disturbing to underage readers... blah, blah, blah...

Warning: This fic is AU – my try on Second Chance, the Epilogue in Volume 7 of the manga.

Beta: DarkRain (you’re awesome!)

Dee's POV

It seemed like just another day in New York. I woke up too late as usual. The only thing that made me actually get up was the thought of seeing Ryo, my partner - at work. Unfortunately for me, he was my partner only at work... for now. The vision of him looking up and gently smiling at me, while brushing those soft light brown locks hair out of his fair face gives me the strength to leave the comfortable warmth of my bed. Of course, it would be much more comfortable and warmer if my hot partner was in it... that mental image worked better than any coffee: I’m wide awake in a blink of an eye.

Still, it's been a very normal morning compared to the week before, when we were guarding Alicia Grant... then, my phone’s ringing, effectively keeping me from following my line of thought.

"Ryo?" I asked automatically. No one else would dare calling me this early.

"How do you know it’s me?" Argh, even his voice is making me feel ...no, I won’t finish this thought either. Instead, I answered in my best imitation of a creepy horror-movie-villain voice:

"For no one else survived calling upon me at 7 o’clock... Muhwahaha!!!"

He laughed in response. "That would explain several serial murders... you know, I’m joking, right?" Always so polite, my Ryo, I thought adoringly.

"Sure. So, what’s up?"

"Uhm..." He hesitated. " Do you mind coming to work a little earlier...like, half an hour?"

"As a matter of fact, yeah, I do." I answered playfully. "Why? Is it some bet, or..."

"I... I’ve got to talk to you."

"And what do we have an entire 8-hour-shift for?"

"How about for working?" Now he’s faking the cheerfulness, very obviously so. He even stops trying. "We have to talk alone, you see."

"You can come here..." I said with a rather seductive voice and pictured Ryo blushing - I’d be very surprised if he didn’t...

"I’ll see you at the precinct, Dee." His tone was final as he broke up the call.

The Chief’s probably gonna have a heart attack when he sees me drop in half an hour early... heh.

Grinning, I pulled on some clothes and hurried downstairs to my car.

Yes, I did have an inkling or two on what Ryo wanted to talk about alone. The husband of that Alicia Grant, Leo, was the guy who had murdered Ryo’s parents over 10 years ago. Not enough proofs to do him in, of course. I did understand that a confrontation with Leo would upset Ryo, but I certainly hadn’t expected Ryo turning up at my apartment in the middle of the night...and I had expected even less that he would give in to my advances, for once...

And yet, he did. Completely.

If I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t be here. My heart beats faster as I remember these words, spoken in a soft, yet passionate whisper. I also remember every single kiss, every single touch I felt that night: his hands caressing my back, definitely pulling me closer; his lips clinging to mine...it wasn’t like it was only my doing, Ryo kissed me back, and more.

The days after... well, there lied the dilemma. Ryo had been pretty distant - hardly talking to me beyond the professional level, always avoided being alone with me...maybe now he would finally make things clear.

Driving to the precinct, with the ethereal sounds of Phantom of the Opera playing on the radio, I pondered about what to tell him. The truth? Something along the lines of I love you, Ryo? It’s not that easy. Of course, I love him. I’d give my life for him. Seriously, if my life should continue without Ryo...if I lose him... it would no longer deserve to be called a "life".

We’ve been through so many things...surely I meant something to him?

Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime

Lead me, save me from my solitude

Share each day with me, each night, each morning

Anywhere you go let me go too

Love me - that’s all I ask of you.

By the time I arrived, I was determined. I would tell Ryo how I felt. If I didn’t, we might continue stalking each other for all

eternity. One of us had to make the first step...

Oh, come on, who am I kidding. I couldn’t even enjoy all the incredulous looks at my early arrival. I was nervous, ready to fall down and die, as I reached our office. Ryo was already there, staring out of the window. He must have seen my reflection in it because he turned around before I even closed the door.

"Now please don’t tell me it’s some case you want to talk about." I said in mock wariness.

The smile Ryo offered me was rather shaky. "No. It’s..." He took a deep breath. "It’s us we have to talk about..."

Yes! I knew it! "Yeah...but Ryo, we don’t have to talk, you know..."I flashed him my trademark-grin.

"Dee!"

"Okay, okay. I’m listening." I resolved to being serious.

"We can’t go on like this," Ryo said softly, looking anywhere but at me.

"I already stopped! Look, I am being serious..."

"I wasn’t talking about that remark, Dee. I...I mean us. It can’t continue like that. It’s impossible."

"I agree," I said.

Ryo looked up, seeming rather surprised.

"You agree?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed, foolishly, blissfully oblivious. "We were sneaking around each other ever since Wednesday night like a couple of oh-gosh-my-first-time-teenagers..."

"It was my first time, Dee," Ryo’s eyes were downcast again. "In general, not just with a man..."

That settled me back on my (non-existent) heels. "Oh..." was all I could say.

"Please, do not interrupt me, Dee." He said quietly. "It’s a difficult thing to say... I..."

Again, Ryo seemed to brace himself with a deep breath. "I suppose... I have to apologize, Dee."

"What for?" I asked, utterly confused.

"Everything, Dee. Like for not making things between us clear at the very first moment we met...for continuously giving you something to get your hopes high, only because I was too...too indecisive to push you away or to tell you outright that were supposed to be friends and nothing more, for torturing you almost two years...but most of all, for...for making love to you...even though I knew I could never feel the way you do...," Ryo finally looked at me at those last words. His hands were shaking, and his dark eyes shining with tears. Not a heartfelt expression of deepest love, only a mix of pity, sorrow and sadness.

Now, looking back, I’m surprised I could even breathe, so deeply Ryo’s words have shocked and hurt me.

"Ryo...that’s a fucked-up joke, man. Really..." I choked out.

With a sad smile, Ryo replied: "I never joke about feelings either, Dee", thus reflecting what I once told him myself.

Why does my heart still continues beating?, I wondered. How can the world still turn, after Ryo’s words?!

"I’m so sorry, Dee..." Numbly, I heard him continue. "I should have put more distance between us right after your first advances...instead, I’ve let you suffer, I’ve left you hoping..."

"But...but you said..." I protested weakly.

"I said I liked you, Dee. I’ll even go as far as saying that I love you. But I love you only in a friendly way - and you are the best friend I’ve ever had, Dee. Certainly the closest - maybe the only real friend I’ve ever had. There is nothing I regret more than breaking our friendship with inconsiderate affections..."

"Inconsiderate affections?!" I echoed.

"It was a mistake, Dee. A huge and stupid one. It shall never happen again." Ryo’s voice grew steadier with every word.

"A mistake?! My feelings for you are no friggin’ mistake!" Finally, I lose my temper. "You wanted me, I wanted you... what the hell’s wrong there?!"

"Dee..." A tear dropped from his long, dark eyelashes. "I’m so sorry... I...was out of my mind... in need for closeness and... affection...I should have remembered how much hurt it would cause you..."

Again, I opened my mouth to object, but he silenced me with a gesture, while wiping the irritating tear away.

"I know things will never be the same as before. I can’t stay here and watch you suffer, and neither can I stand you hating me." Ryo spoke with newfound determination. "I handed my transfer forms in last week...asked the commissioner to pull a couple of strings for me...However, today Bikky and I are leaving to Los Angeles."

I dropped down on a chair - apparently, my subconscious had decided to spare me the humiliation of falling on the floor, should my legs give out.

"He will be fine there," continued Ryo. "It’s a good place to grow up... besides, they offered him a basketball scholarship, and he’s really talented, he might make it, you know?"

Oh yes, I do. Only two weeks before, the three of us had played basketball in the backyard of Bikky’s school. Ryo’s merry laugh, as I’ve let my eyes stare in opposite directions after getting hit on the head with the ball (by Bikky, unsurprisingly), still rings in my head.

I could only nod, then another fact found its way to my brain with a white-hot knife’s searing pain. "You leave today?" I asked down struck. My eyes prickled unpleasantly. They’re just a little dry, Dee...ignore it...you’re not going to cry now...I told myself rather strictly, but the sensation didn’t subside.

Through my blurry vision, I saw Ryo coming closer to me, then finally going down at his knees in front of me. Gently, he clasped my hand in his own. "Please, Dee," he begged, "Promise me not to freak out or do something stupid, just...just forget me, alright? Find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved...the way I cannot love you...try and be not too mad at me, okay? That’s all I ask of you."

Love me - that’s all I ask of you...The song from the radio echoed ridiculously in my head, as Ryo leaned forwards and gave me a chaste, bittersweet kiss on my lips. For the tiniest of moments it felt like he didn’t want to go... then the moment of weakness ended. He got up, turned around and headed for the door.

"Ryo!" I gasped, the moment he reached out for the handle. "Don’t...don’t leave like this..."

I could not see his face, but he shook his head in silent denial.

Tears flowed from my eyes, but I no longer cared. All that mattered was, that his slim, pale hand was frozen at the door’s handle, unmoving.

"I love you, Ryo. I love you. No matter what you tell me now, I will always love you. No one else could ever take your place... I love you, d’you hear?! I love you..."

Please God, I begged silently, please, let him turn around...

Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime

Say a word and I will follow you

Say you want me with you, here, beside you

Anywhere you go let me go too

Love me - that’s all I ask of you.

"It’s wrong, Dee." He whispered and walked out of the door. Just like that.

He was right. It all was wrong... he was supposed to turn, throw his arms around me and declare his undying love... well, something like that... but he didn’t.

Without realizing what I was doing, I moved to the window and watched Ryo getting into a cab. As he opened the door, he looked back one final time and met my eyes...only to jump into the car and close the door in the very next moment, effectively crushing the last bit of hope in me.

Days went by, turned to weeks...I hardly noticed. My body and mind were operating on their own: writing reports, interrogating criminals, chatting with colleagues in the coffee room... once, a drug-dealer’s bullet hit me and I did not even wince - perhaps the ache in my heart was already too much to notice any further pain. The only thing I felt was emptiness - everything I lived for has been taken away from me in two minutes. My day’s ambition became returning to my apartment (ever since Ryo left, I no longer referred to it as home), falling down on the bed and burying my face in the pajamas he had worn that fateful night...how long has it’s been? I stopped counting the days. The pajamas still held his scent, but it was fading more and more. And every time I remark that, I know that more and more time passes without Ryo in my life. Arriving at this thought, I cry myself to uneasy sleep.

On the outside, however, I’m on perfectly normal behavior. I jest, laugh, flirt with some pretty new secretary or some handsome pizza-service guy...and it’s working: no one notices that my smile never reaches my eyes.

Carol, Bikky’s best friend, called me once to find out his phone number. She told me that Bikky and her had some hell of a row right before he left because he caught her kissing some other boy. It was excruciating to hear her asking about Ryo as if nothing happened. I broke down right after throwing the phone away. She tried to contact me many times more, even coming up to my apartment several times, but I always made a show of not being there.

Her visits become less and less; eventually, she’ll forget me, too. I know I’ll never forget, but I don’t need another living reminder.

Strangely enough, not even in my darkest hours do I hold any ill will against Ryo. It was his right to decide against me, after all. You can’t force people to return your love. But you still can dream of it, reliving every precious moment a thousand times over and over again. And dream, I do... Any time someone knocks at my door, I run to it like a man possessed(well, that ain’t far from the truth) in the hope to find Ryo standing there. He would smile gently at me...wipe my tears away with his soft fingers...and tell me he loved me.

But it never happens.

And when I think about it, I cry even more. ‘Crying ain’t manly', people say. But personally, I think being bisexual is a good excuse for crying.

Having lost the love of your life forever is a good excuse for crying.

Not being loved in return is a good excuse for crying.

Knowing you will never love again is a good excuse for crying, too.

And if all these things are combined...the calm and quiet of death starts to look all tempting and alluring.

End Dee's POV

There are many people in New York. Several hundreds of them are journalists. And one mild August night, one particular journalist has fallen asleep over her notes. One of those, with two crossed-out headings ‘Murder in the NYPD’ and ‘Suicide in the NYPD’, is only half-ready.

-Dee L. aged 28

-police officer

-Found at apartment; Bronx;

-Wrists slit open;

... Murder?? or suicide

à no intrusion signs

There is also a photo tacked to the paper: a handsome young man (we assume it’s Dee L.) with ruffled dark hair is lying on a blood-stained sofa. The picture’s quality is rather bad; otherwise we might have seen the tear tracks on the young man’s face, the razor blade in his left hand... and we might also have deciphered the photo clutched in his right hand.

It shows another young man, whose dark eyes betray Japanese roots, looking up and into the camera from a file-covered table with a look that was supposed to be reprimanding but turned into a smile as the picture was taken. It is a gentle, almost loving smile.

Of course, no high photo quality would ever enable us to see the photography’s back, where, unknown to us, one single word is written: Ryo.

Author’s Note: I wrote this little one-shot in two nights, knowing I’d be unable to leave the keyboard until I was ready. I know I should have put on a warning for suicide and character death, but I didn’t want you to know the end, obviously so... Forgive me?

This fic is based on personal experience, and my heart was spilling every single word so fast I could hardly type it all. In fact, there were a lot similarities/parallels to the manga - the main difference being the lack of a happy ending in my case. Oh, and there's of course the little fact that I didn't kill myself...

So, being the evil bitch I am, I decided to change the events of Act 20 "Second Chance".

I might add a little epilogue to this...maybe...about the reactions of others to Dee’s death...especially Ryo(no, no, don’t worry, I won’t kill him, too)... or what do you think?

Please tell me in your feedback, which is very appreciated.

Nariel