Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Mad World ❯ Fallen From Grace ( Chapter 6 )

Mad World

Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol

Disclaimer: This is *fan*fiction. If I owned it, I'd be making money off this.

Warnings: See Prologue

*words* = Thoughts or Flashback, *~*~*~*~* = POV/Scene change

Again, much thanks to my beta readers. Review responses are below.

Chapter 5: "Fallen From Grace"

The following day was a very long one for Ryo. He had not slept well, waking several times in the night from his nightmares. He could never remember what the dreams had been about, just the sickening fear that accompanied them. And each time, the feel of the restraints on his wrists served as a shameful reminder of his position. He felt disgusted with himself, with his inability to even control his behavior. When he woke for the last time that morning, he was remarkably grateful that the call button was still within reach. Once he was released and had been allowed a small bit of privacy to relieve himself, the nurse came in to take his vitals. As she did so, she explained what he could expect for the day. She have a brief idea of the testing he would be undergoing, and some of the doctors he would see.

Ryo knew she was trying to be helpful, but his emotions were still playing hell with him; the more she talked, the more he wanted to yell at her to shut up and go away. He then felt almost instantly guilty for such harsh thoughts. Soon enough, she finished up and asked if he had any questions. "No, thank you." *Or at least, not yet.*

First up was the CAT scan. This was definitely the longest, and, surprisingly, most grueling test. Forced to lie perfectly still while they put him in something that reminded him of a coffin too much for comfort, this had to be some new form of torture. The came the assessment by the physical therapist. While the CAT scan had been mentally torturous, the assessment was the physical equivalent. Ryo broke down in tears more than once over the course of the day. But what came next was, in some ways, the worst part of the day: waiting. While the testing was painful and frustrating, at least he'd been doing something. Now, all he had was to kill time and wait for Dee to visit. Ryo had never been much for staring mindlessly at the television, but he desperately needed a distraction. So, he turned the TV on and switched to the same channel as the night before, trying to focus on the movie playing before him. He grinned when he realized it was one of Dee's favorites: The Maltese Falcon. Dee was a big fan of Bogart, and Ryo had gained an appreciation for this movies because of his lover's enthusiasm. So, whit a bit more patience, Ryo let his mind drift, killing the few hours before Dee came by. As the movie ended, Ryo glanced over at the clock. *Dee should be here soon,* he thought. The day had taken its toll, however, and Ryo's eyes were heavy. *Well, I'll just rest my eyes. I'll hear him when he comes in.* He closed his eyes, not intending to fall asleep, but his exhausted mind betrayed him as he slipped into Morpheus' embrace. It wasn't too long after that when small moans and whimpers began to fall from his lips, and his body began to tremble. As the minutes progressed, his shivering became more violent, and his moans got louder, reacting to phantoms only he could see.

*~*~*~*~*

Dee rode the elevator up to Ryo's floor, carrying the bag he packed of Ryo's things. He wanted to talk to the nurses tonight, find out how long they expected Ryo to have to stay. The doors slid open on that familiar corridor, and Dee started down the hall, looking forward to seeing those expressive brown eyes once more. Suddenly, a hoarse yell shattered the quiet. The noise froze the blood in Dee's veins. He was halfway down the hall before he realized it, his body moving without waiting for direction from his brain. That voice, twisted in pain and fear, was as familiar as his own. *My God, Ryo!* Dee reached the room just after the pair of nurses who had been on duty. He rushed through the door… and froze. The emerald-eyed man stared in shock, every detail seeming to imprint itself on his brain. Ryo lay there, thrashing around, eyes tightly closed, and the noises coming from him were frightened, animalistic whimpers. He saw the nurses struggling to hold him down, fumbling with something on the bed. He suddenly registered the leather restraints that had been attached to the side of the bed, that the nurses were now trying to get on wrists that were flailing about. The only coherent thought that managed to form was *Those weren't there before. What the fuck?*

"Either help or get out, but quit gawking!"

The nurse's harsh words snapped Dee out of his trance. Dropping the bad he'd somehow kept hold of, he strode over to the bed and gripped the sandy-haired man by the shoulders, shaking him gently and calling out his name. "Ryo. Ryo! Wake up! It's just a dream. Wake up. C'mon, Ryo. Wake up. Come back to me." His words seemed to have the desired effect, as the other man stilled and grew quiet in the bed. He heard movement behind him, and turned to see one of the nurses tightening the restraints around Ryo's wrists while the other adjusted his blankets in an attempt to preserve his modesty. Dee's eyes hardened at this indignity. "What do you think you're doing?"

"As you've seen, Mr. McLean needs to be restrained while he's asleep." The nurse sighed, realizing this would be difficult for him to accept. "It's for his own safety. Thrashing around like that, he's going to hurt himself."

"But… But… Look! He's fine now, you don't need to…"

"Dee?" Ryo's voice cut in, stopping Dee's rant before it could get started. He sounded hoarse, but lucid. Dee turned back in time to see realization creep into his lover's eyes. "Oh. I fell asleep again, didn't I? I'm sorry." This last was directed at the nurse.

"No apology needed, Mr. McLean. Your doctor has said that, provided you're still stable tomorrow, you can be given something to help you sleep more soundly. But, for tonight, these have to stay on."

Ryo's voice was a shamed whisper as he responded. "I know. I understand." As the nurses left, Ryo stared down at the sheets, as if they held the secrets of the universe. He couldn't bring himself to look up at Dee. He couldn't bear to see the disgust he was certain would be in those eyes. Hot, shameful tears burned tracks down his cheeks, and he clenched his fists in frustration, not even able to wipe them away. He started when he felt hands fumbling at his restraints, freeing his wrists. "Dee, what…?"

"How am I supposed to get a hug if you're tied down. Unless… Oh, did you want them left on? And here I thought I was the kinky one." Ryo finally looked up to see Dee giving him a devilish smile. Still, despite his words, he didn't refasten the straps, just took Ryo in his arms for a warm embrace. Ryo returned the grasp, still trembling slightly from the after-effects of his nightmares.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Dee murmured, lips against the top of Ryo's head.

"Nothing to talk about. I had a nightmare. I don't remember it, just that I know it was a nightmare." Ryo's voice was slightly muffled against Dee's chest. "I didn't want to fall asleep. I just didn't sleep well last night. But I didn't want to you see me like this."

Dee felt his lover's tears dampening the front of his shirt, but he didn't comment on that. Instead, he told him "Baby, I'm always happy to see you, however you are. You can't chase me off that easily. Look at how long I kept coming around when you were determined to give me the cold shoulder." Dee drew back a bit, so he could look at the man in his arms. "I love you, Ryo McLean. Never doubt that."

At those words, a beatific smile spread across the older man's face. "I love you too, Dee. Ai…" He broke off abruptly and frowned. His eyes seemed to lose focus a bit as he appeared to engage in some mental struggle.

"Ryo? What's the matter?" Dee kept his voice calm, but he was definitely concerned. He knew what Ryo had been about to say. His lover always told him he loved him in both of his native languages. To just suddenly break off in the middle of a word was worrying, to say the least.

"I can't… I can't remember the word. I mean, it's right on the tip of my tongue, I know I know it, but it's just out of reach. Arrrgh! My brains must be scrambled from not sleeping well."

"That's okay, babe. I know what you were saying too." Dee decided to let the matter drop for now, pulling up the chair nest to the bed so he could relax and talk to this wonderful man.

They sat and talked, telling each other about their respective days. Dee listened to the difficulties Ryo had with his testing, soothing his anxiety over waiting for the results. Ryo in turn chuckled as Dee railed against his current partner, who apparently thought Dee had called in the day before to spite her somehow. Dee then brought out the contents of the bad he'd brought. "Dee, I don't think you could have picked two more opposite books if you'd tried," Ryo quietly laughed. "Thank you for the books and the music. This will make tomorrow go faster."

Shortly thereafter, a nurse poked her head in. "Visiting hours are over, Mr. Latener, Mr. McLean. Time to say goodnight." With that, she pulled her head back out of the room and shut the door to give them a bit of privacy.

"I don't want to leave you here alone. I can't just leave you here like this." Pain was evident in Dee's voice.

"Shhh. You have work tomorrow. And you can't stay anyway." Ryo looked down, then back up at his lover. Will you…" He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. "Will you help me do these up again? I can't fasten them myself."

Dee closed his eyes, trying to block out the waves of grief and helplessness he felt. He then did the most difficult thing he'd ever had to endure. He refastened the restraints around those slim wrists. Leaning over, he placed a loving kiss on the other man's lips. "I'll come by tomorrow after work, I promise. We'll make it through this."

"I'll see you, then." Ryo's voice had a note of despair and defeat that wrenched Dee's heart further. "Go on. Don't make them drag you out. Sleep well, Dee. I… I love you, Dee."

"I love you too, Ryo." he whispered. He then turned and left before he broke down. He managed to make it all the way to his car before the tears started. Once they started, though, he couldn't stop them. So he sat in the parking lot behind the wheel of his car and sobbed for nearly 30 minutes before he was able to leave. It wasn't until he got home that he realized he'd never asked the nurses about when Ryo could come home. But his exhaustion prevented him from thinking any further on it. He simply changed into the sweatpants he usually wore to bed and curled himself up under the covers, starting to sob again, until he fell into a restless sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

TBC

AN: Well, this chapter was a bit hard for me. Mostly because I no longer really know where this story is going. My muse took a left turn last chapter, and now she won't tell me anything more than she has to. Even I'm feeling bad for Dee and Ryo, and I'm the one writing this. Well, thanks for sticking it out so far. Next chapter: The psych evaluation (Dun dun dun!). Review, onegai.

Review responses:

First off: Whoo-hoo! Over 50 reviews! Thank you everyone!

The Bard's Apprentice: Giving him a sedative would have been too easy on him, and my muse is determined to be evil. And yeah, I figured Dee was raised by a nun, something must have rubbed off. PTSD? Maaaaaybe.

ShadowPassinThru: Welcome back! Here's more to feed the addiction.

Devil666sc: I feel even worse for Ryo after this chapter. Last time was bad enough, alone in the room, but now to have to watch Dee walk away when he's like that… I can't say I'm sorry if you cried, because I think it's sad, and if you were upset then I'm conveying things well. As for the happy ending, well, I'm not promising everything works out perfectly, but I've decided that the ending will be at least somewhat happy, even if I have to beat my muse into submission for it.

firgodes7: Thank you, I'm glad to know I'm showing steady improvement. Hope this lived up to expectations.

Ri Ame Toraookami: Thank you. Hope you enjoyed the chappie.

Chris-Redfield26: I won't leave it hanging. I know, there's nothing more frustrating than a story you're into that gets abandoned.

Kitty in the Box: Here's more. As for the mental stuff: you've been getting peeks of some of it, but you'll get the whole deal next chapter.

darkess: Hopefully this will sate them temporarily, until next week's chapter.

PsycoKittyPyro: Well, here's more. Hope you enjoyed.

Kyle-Brofloski3: Thank you! Yeah, not a light fluffy story. I'm not too good at those.

LinaStar: Oh, yeah, I'm cruel and evil to Ryo and to Dee. I'm just not sure which is worse: Ryo having to suffer this, or Dee having to watch Ryo suffer and not being able to help.

RU-BOO: *Huggles her new Ryo plushie* Thankee! Okay, breathing is good. I try to update once a week. I've made a promise to myself that I won't abandon this story, so it will get finished. (Muse reads review… "Kill Ryo? I hadn't thought of that. Hmmm…") O.O Bad Muse! Please don't give her ideas. I'm working on keeping him alive, even if my evil muse has some wicked thoughts.

Ryoan: I'm glad you're enjoying. I hope this keeps your interest. I also hope to see you next week as well!

Okay, that's it, back to the salt mines for me. Ja ne!