Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Mad World ❯ Hope and Deliverance ( Chapter 8 )

Mad World

Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol

Disclaimer: Not even pretending to own these characters, just the plot.

Warnings: Language, Angst…make that a lot of Angst, Shonen-ai

Italics = Thoughts or Flashback, *~*~*~*~* = POV/Scene change

Again, much thanks to my beta readers. Review responses are below.

Chapter 7: "Hope and Deliverance"

Dee opened the door just in time to see the book hit the wall opposite the bed, and hear an exceptionally colourful string of curses from the blonde-haired man on the bed. His eyes widened at the anger in his lover's voice as well as at his choice of words. Ryo almost never swore, and when he did it was just a few well-chosen words. It was not this tirade that would make a sailor blush. He decided he'd better make his presence known, as Ryo hadn't seemed to notice him yet. "Uh, Ryo, what's going on?"

Ryo spun at the sound of that voice. He was so angry and upset that he hadn't noticed the door opening. Suddenly all of the anger boiling inside of him had a target. "What difference does it make to you what's happening? It's not like you could do anything about it!"

The words stung, but Dee tried to ignore it. "C'mon, Ryo. You know I'll do anything I can for you. I'm here for you."

"Don't you think you've done enough? It's only because I was busy thinking of you that I got in that accident. If you had left me alone like I asked you to when we bet, this would never have happened. I wouldn't be stuck in a fucking hospital have lost four fucking months of my life and have to spend the rest of fucking brain damaged! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ryo's voice had steadily increased in volume until he was shouting that last sentence.

The words hit Dee like a physical blow, and he stumbled back slightly at the rage burning in those brown eyes. All of his worries, all of his self-doubt was suddenly brought to the forefront of his mind. *Is he right? Is this somehow my fault?* "Ryo, I…" He trailed off, not sure what he was going to say. What could he say? That he was sorry? For what? He couldn't be sorry for going after Ryo. Even now, even after what had been said, he loved the half-Japanese man with all of his soul.

For his part, Ryo sat glaring at Dee, but he could feel the anger slowly ebbing, eaten away by the fear that was at the root of everything. After several long moments, he dissolved into tears, his shoulders beginning to heave with the force of his sobs.

Seeing this, Dee was uncertain what he should do. Would Ryo want him anywhere near? But he couldn't stand just watching as his lover hurt. Without thinking too much on what he was doing, he crossed the room and took the slender man in his arms, trying to soothe away that pain. Not knowing what to say, he just silently held Ryo in his arms, rubbing his hands gently up and down his back. They stayed that way for some time, until Ryo's sobs subsided into the occasional hiccup.

Ryo sighed into Dee's shirt as the younger man held him. He felt drained, as f all his energy had poured out along with his tears. He could still feel the tears at the back of his eyes, threatening to spill out at the least provocation. He was frightened, afraid of not being able to get back what he'd lost. He was also afraid that, once Dee found out, he wouldn't want anything more to do with him, or, worse yet, that he would only stay out of pity. He knew, rationally, that Dee had stayed with him all along and wasn't likely to leave after all this time, but fear is rarely a rational thing. He knew that was what had driven him to say such hurtful things: if he said those things, if he broke it off first, then he wouldn't have to hear Dee say he was leaving. But now he knew that he didn't ever want to be far from this warm and comforting embrace. Words said, however, can't be unsaid, and Ryo was unsure as to how to break the mood and try to make up for what he'd said. Thankfully, he was saved by Dee's gentle voice breaking the silence.

"Want to talk about it now?"

"Oh, God, Dee, I'm sorry!" Ryo felt the tears begin again, and he couldn't hold them back. "I didn't mean it, it's not your fault, please, I'm sorry!"

"Shhhh, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it. Do you want to tell me what started all this?"

Ryo managed to get himself under control, more or less. He still felt drained, but at least he wasn't subbing anymore. He straightened in Dee's arms, pulling away just slightly so he could look up into those green eyes. "Why don't you sit down so we can talk."

Dee drew back to sit on the chair, but kept Ryo's hand in his own, unwilling to completely break off contact when Ryo was still obviously upset. Truth be told, the touch was as much a comfort to Dee as it was to Ryo. From what Ryo had let slip, Dee had a pretty good idea of what Ryo had to say, and the very idea frightened him.

Ryo looked down at the hand holding his, and he decided to twine their fingers together, not wanting to lose that contact. He took a deep breath before starting, hoping Dee would understand. "I got my test results back today. All my test results. The good news is that my physical therapist is very happy and says that with some work I'll be back in top shape." Ryo paused, looking up into Dee's eyes with a weak smile.

Dee smiled back encouragingly. "That's very good news, babe. But I get the feeling there's more."

Ryo dropped his eyes again, looking back at their clasped hands. "Yeah, I also got the results from the psychologist…" He trailed off, not wanting to continue. He didn't want to say it out loud, as if that would make it more real. If he never said the words, he could deny what was happening; but the minute he admitted it to Dee, he also admitted it to himself.

Dee could see the struggle his lover was going through in the tense set of his shoulders and his entire posture that screamed he'd rather be a million miles away. The dark-haired man wisely kept quiet, giving Ryo time to gather his thoughts, and gently squeezed the hand he was holding in reassurance.

Ryo steeled his resolve, wanting to get this over with. When he spoke the words came out in a rush, as if he was afraid of stopping and not being able to start again. "He said that when my head was hit it damaged part of my brain that controls language. That's why I've been having trouble with coming up with the right words sometimes. It's also made it more difficult for me to read and write. But there's therapy I can go through to try to learn to work around it. It's just that, right now, I feel so lost, like I'm an idiot because I can't do things I ought to be able to…" Ryo finally looked up into his lover's eyes. "I'm scared, Dee. What if I never get it all back? What if I'm permanently damaged? Could you… Could you still love someone like that?"

"It doesn't matter if I could love someone like that. I love you, no matter what. Do you think I'd stop for something like this? Sorry, Ryo, but you're stuck with me."

"But what if I don't get better? What if I spend the rest of my life like this?"

"That's enough of that, Ryo. Have some faith in yourself, I have faith in you. I know you can beat this. You're a very strong person, very determined. I know, because it's one of the things that made me fall in love with you. And I'll be here for you, I'll help however I can. Okay?"

Ryo sniffed a few times, blinking the rest of the tears out of his eyes. "Okay." He smiled softly. " I love you so much, you know."

"Yeah, I know, because I feel the same."

*~*~*~*~*

TBC

AN: Okay, I hate myself for writing the first part of this chapter, but I think I made up for it a bit with the waff at the end. Next week back to the regular posting schedule of Saturday morning/afternoon. Well, review please. Ja ne.

Review responses:

Wow! I feel totally loved, everyone! Thanks so much to all my reviewers!

Sweet Sakura Curls: Ryo doesn't even know what his nightmares are about, so I couldn't really say. Sorry.

Chris-Redfield26: Thank you for your words of encouragement. And yeah, truly pissed Ryo is scary, ne?

g iris: Thank you for your comments. I almost feel that this may be more difficult for Dee to cope with, because he feels so helpless, you know?

Devil666sc: My muse came back and came up with that whole argument, she's evil like that. And yeah, I tend to curse in multiple languages when I'm ticked too.

ShadowPassinThru: I'm glad you liked the foreshadowing. Hopefully this continues to live up to expectations.

firgodes: Yeah, I am being mean to him, and in turn to Dee, as you see. I blame my muse. ^.~

Ryoan: I've always thought that it's harder having to be strong for someone else, and not getting a chance to cry. Because everyone knows that it's so hard what the person you love is going through, but you have to go through all of this too. And, yeah, I don't want Ryo to die (and will fight my psycho little muse to the last on that one ^.~)

the random queen: Well, I wouldn't say he's losing his mind, just damaged. And I'm glad you approved of my writing about a suicide attempt from when he was younger. It was a compromise, since my muse wanted him to try to kill himself, I want him alive and reasonably well.

RU-BOO: Oooo, a Dee plushie! Gomen! The muse is still evil, but more manageable now, thanks!

Kitty in the Box: I hope they'll be okay too, at least as much as they can be, considering.

Ri Ame Toraookami: I'm glad you're enjoying. Now you know what Ryo ended up saying…aren't you sorry you asked. (evil grin)?

Kyle-Brofloski3: I hope you continue to enjoy.

WildfireFriendship: Thank you! I'm glad to hear that my characterization of Ryo is turning out well.

muyoluv20: Okay, here's the update for you, will you please not give me chibi eyes? They make me feel guilty for hurting the bishies.

Linastar: Yup, there's actual plot here now. ^.^