Fan Fiction / Zoids Fan Fiction ❯ Bandits ❯ chapter6 ( Chapter 6 )

HealerAriel: And for my next guest in the intro...RAVEN!

Raven: *sneers* I don't want to be here.

HealerAriel: Yes you do.

Raven: No I don't. I don't like you.

HealerAriel: B-but your kid self likes me!

Raven: So I was stupid as a kid.

HealerAriel: *sniffles* But...But I wrote a song about you!

Raven: And?

HealerAriel: And it was about how misunderstood you are! But now you're being all mean to me, and I may as well burn my song! Maybe you really are just a jerk! *cries*

Raven: O_o Sheesh, it's okay, alright? *awkwardly puts his arm around HealerAriel* Don't cry. I hate it when girls cry.

HealerAriel: *sniffle* Oh yeah, and blowing innocent people up makes you feel good? I'm a bitch, and I wouldn't kill innocent people!

Raven: God, girls are so emotional... Like Reese. One minute she's insulting me, the next she's freaking hitting on me. She's psycho.

HealerAriel: That's cause she likes you, and she's too shy to come out and tell you.

Raven: She's freaky! She calls me "darling"!

HealerAriel: *sings* Love is in the air...

Raven: Noooooooooo!

Reese's Voice From Somewhere Outside The Room: Oh, Raven! Where are you?

Raven: O_O Hide me!

HealerAriel: What'll you give me if I do?

Raven: Uh...Uh....Uh...

R'sVFSOTR: Raven! I know you're in here somewhere, darling!

HealerAriel: *smirks* Tick-tock, Raven.

Raven: *gulp* How does unconditional servitude sound to you?

HealerAriel: Sounds good. *rubs hands together gleefully* Ooooh, this'll be fun....^_^

Raven: Freakin' hide me, already!

HealerAriel: Go hide in the closet, shut the door, and don't make any loud noises.

Raven: *races into the walk-in closet and closes the door*

*Reese walks into the room*

HealerAriel: Why, hiya, Reese. How can I help you?

Reese: I'm looking for Raven. Where HAS that boy gotten to?

HealerAriel: I dunno. I haven't seen him.

Raven: Good girl...

Reese: Oh. Well, I suppose I'll just use my psychic powers to locate him.

Raven: Eeep!

HealerAriel: Sorry, Reese, but your powers don't work in this dimension. Only mine and Penelope's do. *points to the blue-haired nymph at the Starbuck's counter, who is currently flipping boredly through the latest issue of Cosmo*

Raven: Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Reese: *dissappointed* Oh. I guess I'll just go hang out with Hiltz, then, if I can't find my darling Raven.

HealerAriel: You do that. Bye, Reese.

Reese: *mumbles and exits the room*

HealerAriel: Oh, Raven! It's safe to come out now.

Raven: *comes out of the closet* Whew! I thought I was going to be caught! Thank you! *hugs HealerAriel tightly* I like you now!

HealerAriel: Raven? You do realize that you're hugging me, right?

Raven: O_o *pulls away quickly and stands there looking tough* Yeah. Um, forget that happened.

HealerAriel: Oh yeah, and since I hid you from Reese, you're my slave, remember?

Raven: Damn!

HealerAriel: But...I thought you and Reese had a THING going on.

Raven: For a while there we did. Then she started nagging and pestering me about "our relationship". *shudders* I've been sorta running away from her ever since. She doesn't take "I want to break up" as an answer, either. Seriously, she's insane. I mean, she WAS okay, but being with her for a prolonged period of time is just bad for your health.

HealerAriel: Ah. In that case...in that case, I have an idea...

6Raven: *suspicious look* What kind of an idea?

HealerAriel: ^_^ Raven, Raven! Don't worry! You'll find out soon enough!

Raven: -_-; Don't like the sound of that.

(A/N- Thanks for the information, O reviewers! Just so you know, I do support the Raven/Reese pairing - lots of cute stories with those two - but Raven won't be paired with Reese in this story. 1) she's scary, and 2) I've got something else in mind for the dark-haired bishonen. One more question I must put to you, since I haven't seen the entire series yet: in the end, is Raven still a Van-loathing bad guy, or does he reform and join Van? Sometimes the bad guys do that, you know, and what I've got planned will be a lot cooler if he's still a bad guy. Thanks!)

"Why did Mercutio need coconuts to do an impression of me?" Fiona asked innocently as Van walked her back to her bedroom at around one in the morning. Needless to say, there had been no Fiona impression, because Van had gone into a murderous rage as soon as Mercutio asked for coconuts.

"Uh...that's really not important," Van said, looking at her. His eyes went downward. 'Oooooh yeah. Shut up you perv!' he scolded himself. 'Bad Van, bad Van, baaaaaaaaad Van! Oh, good lord, that's one nice rack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Van was paying very little attention to the world around him. Resulting in,

"OUCH!"

"Van? Are you okay?" Fiona asked. Van rubbed his head.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you just walked headfirst into a wall," Fiona pointed out.

"Oh. That."

"Come to think of it, you've been acting strange for a while now. Is something wrong? Because whatever it is, you can tell me. I mean, Irvine says you're naturally weird, but you haven't been acting like yourself at all lately. Are you sick?"

"No," he replied. 'Just perverted,' he added silently. 'Don't look at her boobs, don't look at her boobs, don't look at her boobs,' he ordered himself, keeping his eyes locked on her face.

"Then why are you acting so unlike yourself?"

"Ti- I mean, what?"

"Van, you're getting weirder and weirder," Fiona said, giving him a look. "Maybe you should go to bed."

"You're probably right," he said. 'Will you be joining me? Pleeeeeeeease?'

"Van? We're here."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Heh heh, my room. I'm gonna, yeah. G'night." With that frantically babbled statement, Van disappeared into his bedroom. Fiona shook her head.

"Maybe Irvine's right about him."

***

"And may I say how incredibly flattered I am that you seek my counsel, Fiona," Alandria said, smirking. The two girls were in the kitchen. Fiona couldn't sleep (thinking about Van), and Alandria was always up late anyway, so Fiona figured she may as well ask her about Van's new attitude.

"Well, Moonbay was asleep, and you spend more time with the guys than she or I do," Fiona replied, handing Alandria a cup of coffee, then sitting down with her own. "I thought you'd be the best one to ask."

"Imagine that." Alandria took a sip of coffee, and immediatly spat it out. "God, Fiona, what's in this!?"

"Salt," Fiona said.

"Damn, girl! Coffee's supposed to stunt your growth and stop your heart, not make you puke! Ugh!"

"Sorry, but I'm used to putting salt in coffee," Fiona explained, as Alandria dumped the coffee into the sink, washed the mug thoroughly, and began preparing more coffee, with cream and sugar. "Dr. D and I always put salt in our coffee."

"Dr. D is a lunatic," Alandria said matter-of-factly. "He and all of his huge-hootered assistants."

"Well...I guess you're not far off on that."

"Damn, salt in coffee," Alandria muttered, glaring at the half-empty salt shaker with absolute loathing. "Disgusting."

"Anyway, about Van," Fiona said, trying to get the other girl back on the subject.

"What about him?" Alandria asked, sitting down again and happily sipping her fresh coffee.

"Have you noticed how he's been acting lately?"

"Fiona, all I care about is his delicious body," Alandria informed.

"That. Is. Not. The. Point." Fiona replied sternly, not in the mood to fantasize about the gorgeous Lieutenant Flyheight (A/N- Mmmmm, yummier than coffee, and ice cream, and Milky Way bars, and...yeah, I'll shut up). "The point is, he's been acting very strange around me."

"It's lust, baby," Alandria said, wearing a very large smirk.

"What does that mean?"

"He wants you bad, that's what it means." Alandria shook her head. "Mm, mm, mm. You lucky girl."

***

"You think that's enough?" Mercutio asked quietly.

"Yeah. Wait, maybe a few more for good measure," Irvine replied. The two chuckled maniacally and continued their work. Neither was usually a morning person, but what they were about to do was worth getting up early to prepare. Irvine tied off another of their "water balloons" and plopped it into the half-full bucket next to him.

"Van's gonna be so pissed!" he said gleefully. "God I love it!"

"What are you doing?"

"EEEP!" Both guys whirled around to face the intruder. Both blushed like idiots. Moonbay was standing there in her pajamas, which were little more than a pair of shorts and a matching tank top - both very, very short and very, very low-cut.

"Well?" she demanded, completely unphased by the fact that she was more than half naked. The guys babbled various words in gibberish. Irvine became quasi-composed before Mercutio.

"Moonbay?"

"Yes?"

"You look very...Damn," he managed, looking her up and down veeeeery slooooowly. 'I want, I want, I want!'

"Uh-huh. You still haven't answered my question, Irvine."

"I'll answer it if you take your top off. Shit!" He slapped his forehead hard. Unfortunately he used the hand that had a "water balloon" in it, and soon found himself very wet. "Eh. I needed to be doused with some cold water," he mumbled to himself.

"Oh my God, Irvine!" Moonbay cried.

"What?"

"Are those...are those...condoms?" She broke into hysterical laughter. "Wh-what the hell are those for?!"

"Safe sex," Mercutio replied.

"She means the water balloons we made outta them stupid," Irvine scolded, whacking the boy upside the head.

"Very, very wet safe sex," Mercutio amended. He grinned at Moonbay. "Shwing," he added, wiggling his eyebrows. He got dealt another blow to the head.

"I have no clue what 'shwing' means, but I'm sure I don't like it," Moonbay said.

"You'll like it when it happens to Irvine," Mercutio informed slyly. This earned him TWO blows to the head. (A/N- If you've seen Wayne's World, you KNOW what shwing means ^_~ hee hee!)

"Shut up, you dickhead!" Irvine hissed. "You're gonna give me away!"

"You gave YOURSELF away earlier, moron," Mercutio said. "You asked her to take her top off."

"SHUT UP!"

"Although I'd benefit from it too," Mercutio said thoughtfully. "Yeah, Moonbay, why don't you take your top off?"

"PERVERTS!" Moonbay shouted, slapping a water-filled condom on each guy's head and storming out. Mercutio grinned at the now-drenched mercenary beside him.

"That went well," he said pleasantly. Irvine dumped the entire bucket (the contents of which they'd meant to break on Van) on Mercutio.

"I hate you," Irvine informed. "Mess up my chances of getting some...little punk..."

(A/N- Hee hee! That did go well! Ah, can you imagine? Anyways, review. But don't flame me, or I'll pull on your ears and bite your nose ^_^ )