Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy 7 remake ❯ Cloud is a GIRLY MAN! ( Chapter 4 )

Cloud walked up to Sector the 6 doorway to find Aeris standing there. "OI! SCUMBAG! OI! You're supposed to take me with you OI!" Aeris screamed in her british accent and punched Cloud in the stomache. "Ooph..okay okay..just don't hurt me.." Cloud held onto his stomache gasping for air and then puked on the ground. "ooh...OI!" Aeris laughed and shook her head and grabbed his longest spike, dragging him up to the slide in the park all the while, Cloud wailed the whole time. "Wuss...OI!" Aeris kicked Cloud in the side. "Ugh.." Cloud held up his restore materia and cured himself, standing up and brushing himself off. "Geez..Aeris that was harsh, even Tifa has more sympathy than that." "So? I don't care..OI!" Aeris climbed up onto the slide. "GET UP HERE! I WANNA TALK TO YOU..OI!" "okay! okay! Juts don't hurt me again.." Cloud slowly moved himself next to Aeris onto the slide. "So...what rank were you in? OI!" "Oh I was...first class." "The same as that bastard..OI!" Aeris' eyes swelled with anger. "Who?" "oh..some guy..OI!" "Did you love him?" "Yeah..until he left me cause he didn't want anything to do with me in the first place..OI!" Aeris' anger swelled until she saw red. A carriage with a chocobo harnessed to it pulled out of the gates of Sector 7. A familiar woman in a black dress like Edea's from ff8 and a red sheer over her shoulders was standing in the back of it, noticing Cloud and Aeris thinking "(She looks very familiar..)" "Tifa? Tifa!" Cloud exclaimed but it was too late, the carriage had turned the corner already. "That was was Tifa? She was dressed pretty cool-looking but yes she looked familiar..OI!" Aeris studied the young martial artist before she had turned the corner. "C'mon let's go.." Cloud grabbed Aeris' hand and pulled her onto the ground, causing her to land onto her butt. He then laughed at her. "Why you...OI!" Aeris shrieked. "Uh oh.." Cloud sped off until running to the enterance of the wall market. Aeris pounds her staff on the ground and a blade sticks out kind've like a lance. "I'm gonna gut you like a fish..OI!" she ran after him and caught up with him but stopped dead in her tracks, putting her staff away. "Heey! Wall market! This place is awesome! Its bad for a girl..but who cares? These guys are my kind've people...they're fun and they'll do your hair. Once I beat up a guy who tried to rape me..it was fun OI!" "Oh geez..C'mon let's find Tifa" Cloud grabbed Aeris' hand and ran over to the honeybee inn.
"Tifa? Yeah she's our newest member.. she's getting interviewed right now." The owner of the place said. Aeris and Cloud headed for the Don's mansion but Cloud stopped and got pharmacy coupons and traded for a digestive. "Whoa..does someone you know can't poop or something? OI!" Aeris laughed at Cloud and they walked up to the bar for a drink but some guy who looked like he was going to piss his pants came along and asked Cloud to get the lady using the bathroom out. Cloud got up and opened the door "HEY!" The lady got mad and smacked him with her purse. "Whoa...I...see..." Cloud spun around holding his head. Aeris shook her head and handed the lady the digestive. "Hey thanks miss!" she ran off after giving her the sexy cologne. Aeris picked up Cloud and carried him up to the mansion.
"Sorry but the Don is only interested in women. " The man at the gate said. Cloud and Aeris huddled over by a wall. "Hey..I'll go in and you stay here alright? OI!" Aeris walked toward the door. "wait!" Cloud grabbed Aeris' shoulder and pulled her back. "I don't want you getting involved with this too! But..I'm a guy and can't go in and...oh man..I'm stuck.." Aeris started laughing at her idea. "Cloud..why don't you dress up as a girl!? OI! haha!" Aeris laughed to where she fell on the ground. "Whoa...I see?" Cloud scratched his head and Aeris ran up to the gates "Just wait..I've got a feisty little friend I want to bring. OI!" She screamed loud enough to where she created a wind and blew the guy's hair back like in cartoons. They headed to the guy by the inn who gave him a pass to it. Cloud ran up to the door while Aeris distracted the guys blocking the door. "One at a time..OI!" Cloud heard Aeris say before entering the inn.
"Poo...uhh..I mean sir..pick a room." some scary lady in a bee costume said to him and ran over by some random door. "Poo?" Cloud scratched his head and shrugged. He walked up to the group room. The lady opened the door for him and walked in. "Do you need company or should I leave you alone?" the girl asked him. "Cut the small talk.." Cloud replied. "Alright.." the lady opened the door and a bunch of creepy looking guys came in, you could tell they were fags (no not a bundle of sticks, but gay.) "Hey bubby! I heard you were alone!: the first one named mukki said. "uhh.." was all cloud could say. "Hey chill out why don't we take a bath together? he then asked. "Hoo-boy..(This could be dangerous..)" he thought and the guys started to strip him down. "Wow! Would ya look at that? one of the guys said, sounding jealous as they helped him into the tub. "So how do you feel?" Mukki asked Cloud was over in the darkest corner of the tub covering his butt. "It hurts...my head's about to explode like before.." he replied. "Why don't you count to ten?" Mukki looked at him, a little concerned. "10....9....8...." he began to countdown, thinking of it more as a countdown before he loses his mind and runs out of there crying for Tifa. "Hey how old are you?" some scary,wrinkley ol guy then asks him, waking Cloud from his thoughts. "7.." "Whoa 7!?!!?" the guy freaked. "oh did I say something? I meant 21.." Cloud had a grim look on his face and continued trying to think about good things. "Okay..man that's less hen half my age! I'm so jealous..!" the guy said. "6...5...4...3...2...1..0, okay I'm out.." Cloud got up. "Oh why don't you stick around for a bit? Daddy's so lonely.."
"NO!" Cloud stood up and covered his butt again, grabbing himself a towel and drying off as fast as he can and puts his clothes on again. The rest of the guys already left while Mukki stood there. "Well..if you can't hang with us..here's a memento.." he then gave him bikini briefs. "Wow..this is some underwear..I wonder if I save Tifa while wearing them..she'll wear them for me someday? I mean...she does wear orthepedic underwear..ooh..)" he grinned and laughed at the thought and shrugged walking into the makeup room. " Hey what's up sluts? Put some makeup on me!" he exclaimed and one lady turned around and put some on him. "Oh my.." the lady said after she placed some on him. He ran out and Aeris ran up to him. They walked into some shop and the owner told him to get an item out of a vending machine, they got the one for 200 gil, got the diamond tiara and scramble out of there. Cloud went a got his dress after talking to the dress shop owner in the bar and then went in the dressing room. "How do you put this thing on?" Aeris peeked in. "Hey! Only Tifa can look at that!" Cloud scowled at Aeris. "Not what those faggots told me..OI!" Aeris chuckled. "I had to do that! They made me!" Cloud growled. "Well...anyway..you need a wig..OI!" she looked at his spikey hair and laughed "You look like an little old punk rawk lady..OI!" "I thought you would, go up to the gym and they'll give you one, the guys there are like him." The owner said. "like me? Hoo-boy..Aeris? What'd you say?" Cloud sighed and walked out. "Who cares? C'mon..OI!" she grabbed his hand and took him up to the gym "You the one who wants to be cute right?" Big bro over in the corner said to Cloud. "Cute? Wha-" Cloud scratched his head. "Well you've got to complete against this kid in DUN DUN DUN...chocolate milk mixing.." Big Bro interupted. "That's it?" Cloud laughed. "While wolves gnaw at your armpits!" Big bro finished. "Whoa.." Cloud sneezed. "Bless you" Big Bro snapped his fingers and wolves came out, Cloud screamed like a little girl (I didn't call this chapter cloud is a GIRLY MAN for nothing!) and the wolves starting gnawing on him and his competitor's armpits. The 30 seconds were up and Cloud mixed his chocolate milk perfectly and recived the wig while his competitors got beaten up by the wolves. "Aeris let's go..Aeris? HEY!" he turned and noticed a couple of fags fixing Aeris' hair and giving her a manicure. "ha..this is the life..what? OI!" Aeris looked up and saw cloud shaking his head "oh sorry..my time's up guys, got other fish to fry OI!" Aeris stood up and walked toward Cloud and they ran over to the dress shop.
"Haha! Cloud you look so cute..OI!" Aeris laughed as Cloud modeled in his dress. "Shut up!" He swiped a hand at Aeris. "Oh come on..I think I'll get myself a dress..OI!" She walked up to the dress rack. "How about this one?" "No this one!" "No this one's better!" "That one sucks!" a couple of disgruntled customers argued and started beating each other up. "I think I'll take..THIS one! OI!" Aeris grabbed a shredded black bondage dress, there were more chains and see through spots than there were black satin spots. "Huh!?" the four customers said, frozen in their positions, one about to punch the other and one on top of the other one strangling him. "NO PEEKING OI!" Aeris abruptly said and changed into the changing room. Five minutes later Aeris walked out of the room. Some of her 'parts' were hanging out and mostly chains on her body, looking more like a prisoner with a ripped up black dress underneath. Her hair was unbraided and you could see her dark green materia, it was almost black. Cloud shook his head at the sight of her. "You suck! OI!" they walked out and after avoiding many perverted guys, they got up to the mansion.
"Wow! Your friend is hot too! Flat-chested but..oh well!" The man at the enterance said and opened the door. "Welcome to the Don's mansion ladies!" the butler greeted them. "You wait here, I'll go talk to the don, be right back" The butler went up the stairs and into this room. "Well let's find Tifa. This music in here is annoying!" Cloud grabbed Aeris' hand and pulled her downstairs into the basement where Tifa was sitting on the torture table, smoking a joint. Aeris ran down the steps recognizing her. "Tifa is that you? I haven't seen you for like..ha..so many years! OI!" Aeris said in a chinese accent except for the last word. She hugged her. "Whoa dude...I remember you! You're the lady I met from the Neibleheim incident..and I saw you with Cloud in the park..or maybe I was hallucinating.." Tifa grabbed her head. "Yes I made sure he was a good little boy I'm not babysitting anymore he's your kid again and...can I have some? OI!" "Sure!" Tifa handed her it and Aeris took a few puffs. "He's not my pet either.." Tifa blushed. "Not from what I've heard..OI!" Aeris laughed as she took another puff and looked at Cloud who had been blushing the whole time, embarassed at what Tifa might think about how he looked. "Cloud?" Tifa walked over and looked in his face. "Oh my gosh Cloud! You're so CUTE! Hahaha...you look funny! You crack me up! But why? Nevermind that are you hurt from your fall?" "Whoa whoa..gimme' a chance to answer, lady! Yes I'm fine and this get up was the only way I was gonna get in. Now you explain why you came here." Cloud crossed his arms waiting for an answer. "All I can say is..I need some answers from this guy cause..he's got info. But in order to do that I have to...heh ..you know." Tifa answered. "I see.." Cloud shrugged. "What does he do?" Cloud asked again. "Oh you're so oblivious Cloud..I'll show you later.." Tifa frowned. "Oh..now I see...even more.." Cloud sat next to her on the torture table. "Whips and chains..but later okay?" Tifa got off the table and they all began up the stairs.
They walked itno Don's room and lined up in front of Don. "Hmm...ooh nice! My choice for tonight is....both these evil looking ladies!" Don said as he walked up to both Aeris and Tifa. "BOTH OF US!!!??? OI!" Both Aeris and Tifa screamed at the same time. "Yeah..I need some extra fun tonight.." Don grinned and Aeris shook her head. "Oh god..OI!" she set her hands on her hips and Tifa looked to Cloud like "(Its okay..we'll take care of ourselves..)" Don walked into his room and Tifa and Aeris followed. Cloud got taken to the room with the zombie-like men started walking toward Cloud. "Hey...how's come there are cuts on your armpits?" one of the guys asked. "( This is sick enough as it is..I had to take a bath with a bunch of fags..my lady's about to be raped along with her best friend and I will be too if I don't take charge..)" Cloud thought. "I'm gay! I'm with another lady.." Cloud ripped off his disguise and was magically wearing his normal clothes. "Oh my god..a GUY!" the guys screamed and Cloud killed them all and ran for the Don's room.
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Okay ladies let's go!: Don said, sitting between Aeris and Tifa. "I'm not gonna screw you, you dickless freak! OI!" Aeris scowled. "We just want some...um talk first.." Tifa laughed sheepishly. "Oh about that right? Well its working in perfect function.." Don smirked. "We didn't want to know that..OI! You're sick OI!" Aeris punched Don in the stomache. "Okay okay! What what?" Don huddled in he corner. Before Tifa could ask her first question, Cloud ran into the room.
"Cloudy! Yay! Our saviour! OI!" both Aeris and Tifa exclaimed happily and hugged him. "Two huh? Nah..only Tifa.." Cloud muttered. "What'd you say..OI!?" Aeris raised an eyebrow. "Nothing.." Cloud frowned. "Good...I don't like you..OI!" "That's why I said 'nah'" Cloud laughed. "Okay..good OI!"
"Alright man! We know you know something so spit it out!" Tifa bared her fist at him "I know nothing!" Don cried Tell us or..I'll cast mini on that...that...THING!" Tifa scowled. "Whoa! Okay! Shinra's like..going to blow up the pillar in sector 7 and stuff.." "WHAT!?" Tifa exclaimed. "And why OI!?" Aeris chimed in. "I dunno.." "Tell us or..I'll gut it like a fish..OI!" Aeris pulled out her staff and did the thing with the blade sticking out of it again. "WHOA! They're going to blow it up and blame it one some terrorist group called avalanche." Don huddled again. "And last question...how the hell are ya?" Cloud asked. "Well I...I'm good, Had my applesauce,prozac,and viagra this morning." Don answered. "I thought you said you didn't need that..OI!" Aeris laughed. "How embarassing..hey where's Tifa?" Cloud asked and they turned around to see Tifa eating applesauce out of a jar. "Mmm...applesauce.." Tifa muttered. Cloud shook his head and Tifa looked up. "Oh..Cloud can you come with me to Sector 7?" "I see..Of course I will.." Cloud answered and they got up to leave but Don stopped them. "Guys? Why is there something wrong with me?" he asked "Because..you need a cheeseburger?" Cloud held up a cheeseburger. "Cause he needs a cookie OI!" Aeris held up a cookie. " No no! Cause he needs ICE CREEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!!" Tifa exclaimed and pulled out a huge bowl of ice cream and started to stuff her face in it. "Umm...aww well isn't that cute? BUT ITS WRONG!" Don screamed and pulled the lever and our 3 heroes plunged into the sewer and Don did his little cha-cha dance. "Now for some applesauce and medicine! Well..drugs. I'm not a grandpa!" he said and walked off scene.

Toon in next time for chapter 5- Red XIII is a heroine addict!