Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy 7 remake ❯ They're coming to take me away haha..OI! ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Evil Tifa 
some pairings revealed...Aeris/Tseng, Aeris/Rufus, Tifa/Sephiroth
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Adventure / Comedy / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.04.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 3.0K | Visits: 189 | Status: Completed
some pairings revealed...Aeris/Tseng, Aeris/Rufus, Tifa/Sephiroth
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Adventure / Comedy / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.04.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 3.0K | Visits: 189 | Status: Completed
Okay so I didn't name my chapter Red is on heroine because I made some changes and I didn't get a good headstart at the beginning so I'll add some details to the characters since they're SLIGHTLY changed but besides that I forgot to add my disclaimer thingy... I DON'T OWN FF7 YOU FOOLS! But I sure do wish sephy owned me but he's squaresoft's masterpiece so, sadly...I cannot have that wish granted...::sniffle, looks up at camera wide eyed then clears her throat:: heheh..anyway...on with the story...
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Cloud woke up, laying in sewer water and stood up brushing himself off. "Yuck!" he growled now dirty, his black sweatshirt (since he's goth now, instead of a purple, navy blue outfit thing...its black) all muddy and his sword needed cleaned and all smelly. He walked up to Tifa and helped her up. (I realized I never described their attire so I might as well do that now and get it over with) Tifa brushed off her black ripped up leather tank top, her black knee-high boots that were once shiny now all groggy and poopy looking and her miniskirt was pulled up, exposing her silky black panties. Tifa pulled down her skirt blushing a little and then brushing herself off. Her make up : black eyeshadow, black lipstick, and black nails were a bit messed up and then she spoke. "Eww! Now I smell like poo!" Tifa shook her head and fixed her makeup and everything and she looked like she did before Cloud fell and found Aeris. "Well...at least that ordeal's done.." "ROOOOOOOOARRRR!!" a loud roar was heard (duh) "or not..OI!" Aeris finished. They fought this gigantic centuar like thing but instead of half human half horse, it was half pig half horse and chains hung loose from his arms. But before it did anything, Cloud slashed it and the monster let out a girly YELP! and died.
"Well...that was easy..OI!" Aeris sheathed her staff. They all walked through the sewer and down a ladder and they entered what looked like a train graveyard. "This...is a dinglehopper...OI!" Aeris held up a potion and an angry talking seagull named Scuddle came down. "Hey! That's my line!" the seagull squawked. "SEAGULL! OI!" Aeris exclaimed and grabbed the seagull and ate it in one gulp. "Aeris...look what I found!" Tifa held up a little orange bug that made squishy sounds and was oily, had big eyes, and went "GWOK!" yes folks. Its an oglop. "OOH! OGLOP! CUUUUUUUUUUTE! OI!" Aeris grabbed the oglop and cradled it in her arms. Cloud shook his head. "Let's go you guys!" he grabbed both of them and dragged them up to the pillar.
"Mommy Mommy! Ze sky! She is falling!" Tifa spoke in a french accent and ran around in circles laughing like a lunatic. Wedge fell and a penguin came out and puked on him. So did Cloud...anyway, Tifa became sane again after unleashing all her psycho-ness. "Aeris...there is a little girl in a bar called 7th heaven, could you go find her and take her somewhere safe?" Tifa asked. "No actually I'll let her die...Of course I will! I'm not THAT cold! OI!" Aeris smiled and ran off and Cloud and Tifa spotted Barret up at the top of the pillar so they started up the steps. Once they reached the top and found Barret, they tried to get the detonator to stop working. "Only I can work that.." Reno walked out of nowhere along with his bald friend, Rude. "SKIIINHEAD!!!!!" Tifa laughed and pointed at Rude's shiny head. "Ooh...His Tifa.." Reno blushed. "Hello Jello!" Tifa hugged Reno, who grew even redder but tried to keep his cool and grabbed her butt. "Hey!" Tifa pulled out of Reno's grasp, who let out an evil snicker. A helicopter flew out of nowhere with Aeris and Tseng on it, making out. "WOO! Go Aeris!....Hey! Put that away that's not for kids!" Tifa pointed to Tseng. She then remembered Marlene. "HUH? Oh, Tifa! Don't worry! She's safe! OI!" Aeris had turned around, sitting in Tseng's lap, who was laughing a little. The helicopter then flew off.
"Well...that was...lovely.." Cloud said. "LURVELY.." Tifa replied. "Let's fight each other!" Reno drew out his shocky thing. "Put that away that's not for kids!" Tifa ordered but they ended up fighting but since Reno and Rude liked Tifa, they didn't hit her once. Thus, they won.
"Owwies!" Reno and Rude cried and jumped off the pillar, somehow surviving. "We gotta get out of here!" Barret said and looked around and grabbed a hook. "Let's go!" Tifa ran over and climed onto his shoulders and Cloud climbed onto Barret's arm. "Get that thing away from my arm!" Barret growled. "Put that away that's not for kids!" Tifa laughed. "I have a foreign object between my legs.." Cloud was now afraid. "Let's get out of HEEEEEERE! Sometime today???" Tifa hissed. Barret then swung down, afraid of being beaten up by the evil one. The pillar blew up right then and there after they got just away from it to where the explosion wouldn't hurt them.
"NOOO!!!" Barret cried, running back and forth in front of the gates of sector 7, which was now dammed up by debris , cursing the shinra to death. All of sector 7 was now just ruins and dust. Tifa stood up and brushed herself off. Cloud sat on the ground in front of Tifa, trying to get a look up her skirt. "Hehe...ahh...no peeking..and put that away that's not for kids.." Tifa patted Cloud on the head but her hand starts bleeding. "Omigod Cloud! Your hair's so spikey its sharp! Why use a sword when you can use your hair?" Tifa started to lick her palm but Cloud stopped her "No..allow me...I apologize.." Cloud then licked the blood off her hand and Tifa looked at Barret with concern on her face. "Barret? I think Marlene is okay.." she said softly. "She is?" he turned around, his eyes were red but Tifa could not tell whether it was from anger or sadness. "Aeris told me before she left not to worry because 'she' is okay, I think she meant Marlene." Tifa continued but Barret stopped her "Marlene! She's okay!" he hops around happily. "She's at Elmyra's house" Tifa added but Barret grabbed both her and Cloud and ran all the way down to Elmyra's house. They all found her in Aeris' room and..played with her. "You're a dork!" Marlene said and hit Cloud with her stuffed scooby doo (even marlene's based off of someone! my little 3 year old cousin who looks like her! ^^). Tifa laughed and read her a book, Cloud didn't mind though, he just stared at Tifa, loving her smile. He had never seen her this happy. Tifa loved children, especially Marlene. Marlene was the only one who really made her happy besides Cloud. Then after Tifa and Barret left, Marlene went up to Cloud. "Tifa is a really nice lady, so is Aeris. You like Tifa alot don't yoo?" Marlene asked, staring up with innocent eyes, teddy bear under one arm and a little pink dress with a yellow bow on her. Both Aeris and Tifa were good with children and loved Marlene. "Yes.." Cloud smiled dreamily. "Ahh...you should go with her and bring back Aeris! Then we can all make cookies..and pizza! Then have a big party!" Marlene smiled and sat down on her bed. "Yeah.." Cloud dreamed of it, the dining room on a winter night with candles lit. Aeris holding a pan of chocolate chip cookies, Marlene running around all active and laughing, Elmyra sitting there with a warm smile and the room smelling good like fresh cookies and candles that smelled like coffee with the lights dim all cozy inside and Tifa sitting beside him with a beautiful diamond ring on her finger...
Cloud woke from his dream from a small tug at his pants, he looked down to see Marlene and smiled, kneeling down. "I promise...we'll bring her back.." Cloud said and Marlene giggled. "Okay!" Cloud patted her on the head and Marlene wished him luck as he left the room and walked down the steps to see Tifa, Elmyra, and Barret talking.
Elmyra was telling on how she had found Aeris at the train station and told about how she had supernatural powers and was a druid (ancient) that the true name of the ancients were the druids.
They then waved their goodbyes at Elmyra and Marlene and left for the wall market after discussing where to go. They ran into an arabic merchant and offered them batteries. It was no other then...DUN DUN DUN! Osama Bin Laden! They were actually bombs but since they were also considered terrorists, it didn't matter to them so they bought them. "Hehe...they're not bombs..they're batteries.." Osama laughed like a maniac but the sick guy/sephiroth clone in the pipe came along and killed him. "You dumbass..they were supposed to look like batteries and really be bombs!"
Once they arrived to the cord, they climbed it and used the batteries to get up. They then reached the enterance to the shinra building. Tifa wondered what to do. "Hey guys? Maybe we should sneak through the back.." Tifa wasafraid to fight, not that she was a chicken but she only fought when she had to or if they started it or if they really deserved it, she always said that she wouldn't start a fight but she sure as hell would finish one. "Hmm..I see...Tifa's come up with another BRILLIANT plan!" Cloud wrapped an arm around her and grinned widely with his eyes closed. Cloud turned to Tifa after that and when she least expected it, he picked her up so that she was bent over his shoulder and her butt rubbed against his face. "Ooh..I see..NICE!" he smacked her butt and carried her up the steps while Tifa kicked her legs the whole way. "Lemme' down!" Tifa kicked her legs harder like a cat trying to get out of someone's grasp. "Aww but Tiff...we do this all the time and you never complain! Actually you like it alot.." Cloud frowned. "But...your hair is stabbing my poor...little....bottom.." Tifa replied, sounding like she was going to cry. "Aww! I'm sorry! We're almost there anyway" Cloud set her down gently and they all ran up the steps and found their way into the building eventually.
"Oooh! PRETTY!" one of the shinra officers sitting there exclaimed, which was the first thing they all heard when they stepped into the building, when they saw what was going on...hoo-boy I tell ya! It was NOT a pretty site! The officers all had lipstick smeared around their lips and bows in their hair and makeup smeared all over their faces. "You FARIES!" Tifa exclaimed, which 'fairy' echoed throughout the building. The officers turned to look and saw and woman in a black skirt, ripped up leather tanktop, and boots like sephiroth's, a man with spikey hair in a black sweatshirt and black pants, and some scary little black guy with a sweatshirt on with a silver dragon on it and baggy jeans. "Ahh! I-Its the enemy!" the officers screamed and they all ended up having to fight with colourful things smeared on their faces. Of course the scary tribe of angry, flowery officers were defeated. Our heroes hide in this room by these soldiers marching. Four pillars were standing there in front of them so they decide to have Cloud sneak by, by hiding behind the structures.
Cloud ran by and the soldier turned around just in time to see him. "Hey! I think that's my dead grandma!" the soldier exclaimed. "I'm not grandma!" Cloud angrily replied like Dexter from dexter's laboratory. "HEEHEEHEE! Grandmaa..." Tifa was heard laughing in the background. The soldiers still thought he was a cute little old lady so they let him and his friends walk by.
"Hehehe! I see you!" Tifa said, not being able to keep her mouth shut when it came to wisecracks and sarcasm. The soldiers looked at her like she had just turned into a puppy.
They ran up a couple stairways and said hello to the mayor and got the keycard. They go up yet ANOTHER flight of stairs and see a funny looking man in a lab coat with long black hair and glasses. "Grandpa!" Cloud waved his arms and started to run after him buta small hand with black painted fingernails grabbed ahold of his shirt and pulled him back, Cloud spun around to see Tifa's eyes. "What're you doing you imbecile??" she hissed. "But...But..." Cloud sputtered. Tifa shook her head and dragged him and Barret to the bathroom. "Hmm...hey Barret..can you leave me and Tifa alone for a sec?" Cloud asked as they stood in front of the stall and Cloud gawked at Tifa's short skirt, he wanted to lift it up and other things. (Sorry, if this is getting over pg-13, lemme' know but I have absolutely no idea on how austin powers got to be rated pg-13 when its worse than that!). "Ew, Cloud...not in here..it reeks" she plugged her nose and climbed up the vent and Cloud got a look up her skirt. "Damn.." he snaps his fingers but then he got an idea and followed her in and grabbed her butt like Zidane did to Garnet on the ladder. "Nice.." he smirked. "Hey! WATCH IT!" Tifa said in a satanic voice and turned around, punching him in the stomache. "Oh god..." Cloud turns around and pukes on Barret, which made the place even more. They all watched the meeting and then the same scientist came in, his name being Hojo and talking about Aeris and how they were going to use her to find the promised land. After the meeting ended, a woman in a red dress named Scarlet stood up and started out the door but stopped. "God! Something smells like armpits and cigarette butts!" the lady walked out and Tifa turned to Barret snickering. "Haha..you smell like butt" she said softly and crawled out, followed by Cloud and followed Hojo to wherever he was going. They ended up in a room with expensive scientific equipment and two test tubes, one of stell and a window in the door with glowing purple light and the other was clear and held a kitty the looked like a red lion with feathers in the mane and a flame at the end of his tail. Hojo was right next to him, leaning against the test tube and rubbing the glass, "My precious specimen.." He purred and walked away. "Omigod! what's this yummy-looking creature?" Tifa pointed into the cell with the purple light radiating out of the window of the door. "Holy shit! Cloud look!" Barret pointed and Cloud looked inside, seeing a woman-like body but purple with pink spots and no head. "AHH! Where's the head?!!" Cloud got scared and fell back wards onto his butt. "I think they put it away 'cuz its not for kids...or maybe I ate it and I didn't know or maybe Aeris did when she got here.." Tifa stated. "Umm..I think I know but I'll explain it later... let's go get Aeris.." Cloud pleaded, sounding freaked out. They ran up to the next floor and see Aeris trapped in a cell similar to the one the kitty was in.
"Aeris!" Tifa ran over to the glass case and Aeris looked happy to see them but angry at the same time and punded her fists on the wall and then making fog on the wall and wrote "Help! OI!" in the condensation.
"I am going to mate a kitty like thing and a human! Hopefully it'll work 'cuz the spider and rat didn't work...the spider just ate the rat...anyway..BRING IN THE SPECIMEN!" Hojo walked in and had said and the kitty like thing was lifted into the chamber with Aeris. "I don't like your rouge sir...your cunning attempt to trick us and....GOD YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Tifa shook her fist at him. "Oh dear...these animals are each the last of their kind and..."
Hojo started but Tifa interuppted him "Animals!? Aeris is a ****ing human being!" she growled. "My love for you is like a truck...BERZERKER!" the cat exclaimed and leaped at Aeris and the glass all of a sudden got foggy while you can hear Aeris say "I love that song! Ow OI!" "That's just sick!" Barret said and shot the glass with his gun arm thingy and the cat was free and jumped onto Hojo, pinning him down on the ground. "Ahh! Uhh...nice kitty kitty?" Hojo attempted but the fire lion had dug his claws into his flesh. "Go on ahead!" the cat said and Cloud was astonished that he could talk but ended up asking his name. "I'm RedXIII but call me what you want" so they called him red or short but Aeris called him 'Lucky 13.' "Barret! Take Aeris and go ahead!" Cloud said and drew his sword after they left and heard Hojo's angry voice, "Feel thy wrath you worthless pigs!" he ran off and replaced himself with some monster, which was defeated. After they had, Red was convinced to come along with them, saying that he would only go as far as his hometown once he arrived there. So they all went to find Aeris and Barret, they descended the steps not knowing that even more madness was to come!
Tune in next week for another adventure of...CAPTAIN CAVEMAN!!!
Oops...wrong one...tune into the next chapter: Chap.6-Sephy LIVES!!
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Cloud woke up, laying in sewer water and stood up brushing himself off. "Yuck!" he growled now dirty, his black sweatshirt (since he's goth now, instead of a purple, navy blue outfit thing...its black) all muddy and his sword needed cleaned and all smelly. He walked up to Tifa and helped her up. (I realized I never described their attire so I might as well do that now and get it over with) Tifa brushed off her black ripped up leather tank top, her black knee-high boots that were once shiny now all groggy and poopy looking and her miniskirt was pulled up, exposing her silky black panties. Tifa pulled down her skirt blushing a little and then brushing herself off. Her make up : black eyeshadow, black lipstick, and black nails were a bit messed up and then she spoke. "Eww! Now I smell like poo!" Tifa shook her head and fixed her makeup and everything and she looked like she did before Cloud fell and found Aeris. "Well...at least that ordeal's done.." "ROOOOOOOOARRRR!!" a loud roar was heard (duh) "or not..OI!" Aeris finished. They fought this gigantic centuar like thing but instead of half human half horse, it was half pig half horse and chains hung loose from his arms. But before it did anything, Cloud slashed it and the monster let out a girly YELP! and died.
"Well...that was easy..OI!" Aeris sheathed her staff. They all walked through the sewer and down a ladder and they entered what looked like a train graveyard. "This...is a dinglehopper...OI!" Aeris held up a potion and an angry talking seagull named Scuddle came down. "Hey! That's my line!" the seagull squawked. "SEAGULL! OI!" Aeris exclaimed and grabbed the seagull and ate it in one gulp. "Aeris...look what I found!" Tifa held up a little orange bug that made squishy sounds and was oily, had big eyes, and went "GWOK!" yes folks. Its an oglop. "OOH! OGLOP! CUUUUUUUUUUTE! OI!" Aeris grabbed the oglop and cradled it in her arms. Cloud shook his head. "Let's go you guys!" he grabbed both of them and dragged them up to the pillar.
"Mommy Mommy! Ze sky! She is falling!" Tifa spoke in a french accent and ran around in circles laughing like a lunatic. Wedge fell and a penguin came out and puked on him. So did Cloud...anyway, Tifa became sane again after unleashing all her psycho-ness. "Aeris...there is a little girl in a bar called 7th heaven, could you go find her and take her somewhere safe?" Tifa asked. "No actually I'll let her die...Of course I will! I'm not THAT cold! OI!" Aeris smiled and ran off and Cloud and Tifa spotted Barret up at the top of the pillar so they started up the steps. Once they reached the top and found Barret, they tried to get the detonator to stop working. "Only I can work that.." Reno walked out of nowhere along with his bald friend, Rude. "SKIIINHEAD!!!!!" Tifa laughed and pointed at Rude's shiny head. "Ooh...His Tifa.." Reno blushed. "Hello Jello!" Tifa hugged Reno, who grew even redder but tried to keep his cool and grabbed her butt. "Hey!" Tifa pulled out of Reno's grasp, who let out an evil snicker. A helicopter flew out of nowhere with Aeris and Tseng on it, making out. "WOO! Go Aeris!....Hey! Put that away that's not for kids!" Tifa pointed to Tseng. She then remembered Marlene. "HUH? Oh, Tifa! Don't worry! She's safe! OI!" Aeris had turned around, sitting in Tseng's lap, who was laughing a little. The helicopter then flew off.
"Well...that was...lovely.." Cloud said. "LURVELY.." Tifa replied. "Let's fight each other!" Reno drew out his shocky thing. "Put that away that's not for kids!" Tifa ordered but they ended up fighting but since Reno and Rude liked Tifa, they didn't hit her once. Thus, they won.
"Owwies!" Reno and Rude cried and jumped off the pillar, somehow surviving. "We gotta get out of here!" Barret said and looked around and grabbed a hook. "Let's go!" Tifa ran over and climed onto his shoulders and Cloud climbed onto Barret's arm. "Get that thing away from my arm!" Barret growled. "Put that away that's not for kids!" Tifa laughed. "I have a foreign object between my legs.." Cloud was now afraid. "Let's get out of HEEEEEERE! Sometime today???" Tifa hissed. Barret then swung down, afraid of being beaten up by the evil one. The pillar blew up right then and there after they got just away from it to where the explosion wouldn't hurt them.
"NOOO!!!" Barret cried, running back and forth in front of the gates of sector 7, which was now dammed up by debris , cursing the shinra to death. All of sector 7 was now just ruins and dust. Tifa stood up and brushed herself off. Cloud sat on the ground in front of Tifa, trying to get a look up her skirt. "Hehe...ahh...no peeking..and put that away that's not for kids.." Tifa patted Cloud on the head but her hand starts bleeding. "Omigod Cloud! Your hair's so spikey its sharp! Why use a sword when you can use your hair?" Tifa started to lick her palm but Cloud stopped her "No..allow me...I apologize.." Cloud then licked the blood off her hand and Tifa looked at Barret with concern on her face. "Barret? I think Marlene is okay.." she said softly. "She is?" he turned around, his eyes were red but Tifa could not tell whether it was from anger or sadness. "Aeris told me before she left not to worry because 'she' is okay, I think she meant Marlene." Tifa continued but Barret stopped her "Marlene! She's okay!" he hops around happily. "She's at Elmyra's house" Tifa added but Barret grabbed both her and Cloud and ran all the way down to Elmyra's house. They all found her in Aeris' room and..played with her. "You're a dork!" Marlene said and hit Cloud with her stuffed scooby doo (even marlene's based off of someone! my little 3 year old cousin who looks like her! ^^). Tifa laughed and read her a book, Cloud didn't mind though, he just stared at Tifa, loving her smile. He had never seen her this happy. Tifa loved children, especially Marlene. Marlene was the only one who really made her happy besides Cloud. Then after Tifa and Barret left, Marlene went up to Cloud. "Tifa is a really nice lady, so is Aeris. You like Tifa alot don't yoo?" Marlene asked, staring up with innocent eyes, teddy bear under one arm and a little pink dress with a yellow bow on her. Both Aeris and Tifa were good with children and loved Marlene. "Yes.." Cloud smiled dreamily. "Ahh...you should go with her and bring back Aeris! Then we can all make cookies..and pizza! Then have a big party!" Marlene smiled and sat down on her bed. "Yeah.." Cloud dreamed of it, the dining room on a winter night with candles lit. Aeris holding a pan of chocolate chip cookies, Marlene running around all active and laughing, Elmyra sitting there with a warm smile and the room smelling good like fresh cookies and candles that smelled like coffee with the lights dim all cozy inside and Tifa sitting beside him with a beautiful diamond ring on her finger...
Cloud woke from his dream from a small tug at his pants, he looked down to see Marlene and smiled, kneeling down. "I promise...we'll bring her back.." Cloud said and Marlene giggled. "Okay!" Cloud patted her on the head and Marlene wished him luck as he left the room and walked down the steps to see Tifa, Elmyra, and Barret talking.
Elmyra was telling on how she had found Aeris at the train station and told about how she had supernatural powers and was a druid (ancient) that the true name of the ancients were the druids.
They then waved their goodbyes at Elmyra and Marlene and left for the wall market after discussing where to go. They ran into an arabic merchant and offered them batteries. It was no other then...DUN DUN DUN! Osama Bin Laden! They were actually bombs but since they were also considered terrorists, it didn't matter to them so they bought them. "Hehe...they're not bombs..they're batteries.." Osama laughed like a maniac but the sick guy/sephiroth clone in the pipe came along and killed him. "You dumbass..they were supposed to look like batteries and really be bombs!"
Once they arrived to the cord, they climbed it and used the batteries to get up. They then reached the enterance to the shinra building. Tifa wondered what to do. "Hey guys? Maybe we should sneak through the back.." Tifa wasafraid to fight, not that she was a chicken but she only fought when she had to or if they started it or if they really deserved it, she always said that she wouldn't start a fight but she sure as hell would finish one. "Hmm..I see...Tifa's come up with another BRILLIANT plan!" Cloud wrapped an arm around her and grinned widely with his eyes closed. Cloud turned to Tifa after that and when she least expected it, he picked her up so that she was bent over his shoulder and her butt rubbed against his face. "Ooh..I see..NICE!" he smacked her butt and carried her up the steps while Tifa kicked her legs the whole way. "Lemme' down!" Tifa kicked her legs harder like a cat trying to get out of someone's grasp. "Aww but Tiff...we do this all the time and you never complain! Actually you like it alot.." Cloud frowned. "But...your hair is stabbing my poor...little....bottom.." Tifa replied, sounding like she was going to cry. "Aww! I'm sorry! We're almost there anyway" Cloud set her down gently and they all ran up the steps and found their way into the building eventually.
"Oooh! PRETTY!" one of the shinra officers sitting there exclaimed, which was the first thing they all heard when they stepped into the building, when they saw what was going on...hoo-boy I tell ya! It was NOT a pretty site! The officers all had lipstick smeared around their lips and bows in their hair and makeup smeared all over their faces. "You FARIES!" Tifa exclaimed, which 'fairy' echoed throughout the building. The officers turned to look and saw and woman in a black skirt, ripped up leather tanktop, and boots like sephiroth's, a man with spikey hair in a black sweatshirt and black pants, and some scary little black guy with a sweatshirt on with a silver dragon on it and baggy jeans. "Ahh! I-Its the enemy!" the officers screamed and they all ended up having to fight with colourful things smeared on their faces. Of course the scary tribe of angry, flowery officers were defeated. Our heroes hide in this room by these soldiers marching. Four pillars were standing there in front of them so they decide to have Cloud sneak by, by hiding behind the structures.
Cloud ran by and the soldier turned around just in time to see him. "Hey! I think that's my dead grandma!" the soldier exclaimed. "I'm not grandma!" Cloud angrily replied like Dexter from dexter's laboratory. "HEEHEEHEE! Grandmaa..." Tifa was heard laughing in the background. The soldiers still thought he was a cute little old lady so they let him and his friends walk by.
"Hehehe! I see you!" Tifa said, not being able to keep her mouth shut when it came to wisecracks and sarcasm. The soldiers looked at her like she had just turned into a puppy.
They ran up a couple stairways and said hello to the mayor and got the keycard. They go up yet ANOTHER flight of stairs and see a funny looking man in a lab coat with long black hair and glasses. "Grandpa!" Cloud waved his arms and started to run after him buta small hand with black painted fingernails grabbed ahold of his shirt and pulled him back, Cloud spun around to see Tifa's eyes. "What're you doing you imbecile??" she hissed. "But...But..." Cloud sputtered. Tifa shook her head and dragged him and Barret to the bathroom. "Hmm...hey Barret..can you leave me and Tifa alone for a sec?" Cloud asked as they stood in front of the stall and Cloud gawked at Tifa's short skirt, he wanted to lift it up and other things. (Sorry, if this is getting over pg-13, lemme' know but I have absolutely no idea on how austin powers got to be rated pg-13 when its worse than that!). "Ew, Cloud...not in here..it reeks" she plugged her nose and climbed up the vent and Cloud got a look up her skirt. "Damn.." he snaps his fingers but then he got an idea and followed her in and grabbed her butt like Zidane did to Garnet on the ladder. "Nice.." he smirked. "Hey! WATCH IT!" Tifa said in a satanic voice and turned around, punching him in the stomache. "Oh god..." Cloud turns around and pukes on Barret, which made the place even more. They all watched the meeting and then the same scientist came in, his name being Hojo and talking about Aeris and how they were going to use her to find the promised land. After the meeting ended, a woman in a red dress named Scarlet stood up and started out the door but stopped. "God! Something smells like armpits and cigarette butts!" the lady walked out and Tifa turned to Barret snickering. "Haha..you smell like butt" she said softly and crawled out, followed by Cloud and followed Hojo to wherever he was going. They ended up in a room with expensive scientific equipment and two test tubes, one of stell and a window in the door with glowing purple light and the other was clear and held a kitty the looked like a red lion with feathers in the mane and a flame at the end of his tail. Hojo was right next to him, leaning against the test tube and rubbing the glass, "My precious specimen.." He purred and walked away. "Omigod! what's this yummy-looking creature?" Tifa pointed into the cell with the purple light radiating out of the window of the door. "Holy shit! Cloud look!" Barret pointed and Cloud looked inside, seeing a woman-like body but purple with pink spots and no head. "AHH! Where's the head?!!" Cloud got scared and fell back wards onto his butt. "I think they put it away 'cuz its not for kids...or maybe I ate it and I didn't know or maybe Aeris did when she got here.." Tifa stated. "Umm..I think I know but I'll explain it later... let's go get Aeris.." Cloud pleaded, sounding freaked out. They ran up to the next floor and see Aeris trapped in a cell similar to the one the kitty was in.
"Aeris!" Tifa ran over to the glass case and Aeris looked happy to see them but angry at the same time and punded her fists on the wall and then making fog on the wall and wrote "Help! OI!" in the condensation.
"I am going to mate a kitty like thing and a human! Hopefully it'll work 'cuz the spider and rat didn't work...the spider just ate the rat...anyway..BRING IN THE SPECIMEN!" Hojo walked in and had said and the kitty like thing was lifted into the chamber with Aeris. "I don't like your rouge sir...your cunning attempt to trick us and....GOD YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Tifa shook her fist at him. "Oh dear...these animals are each the last of their kind and..."
Hojo started but Tifa interuppted him "Animals!? Aeris is a ****ing human being!" she growled. "My love for you is like a truck...BERZERKER!" the cat exclaimed and leaped at Aeris and the glass all of a sudden got foggy while you can hear Aeris say "I love that song! Ow OI!" "That's just sick!" Barret said and shot the glass with his gun arm thingy and the cat was free and jumped onto Hojo, pinning him down on the ground. "Ahh! Uhh...nice kitty kitty?" Hojo attempted but the fire lion had dug his claws into his flesh. "Go on ahead!" the cat said and Cloud was astonished that he could talk but ended up asking his name. "I'm RedXIII but call me what you want" so they called him red or short but Aeris called him 'Lucky 13.' "Barret! Take Aeris and go ahead!" Cloud said and drew his sword after they left and heard Hojo's angry voice, "Feel thy wrath you worthless pigs!" he ran off and replaced himself with some monster, which was defeated. After they had, Red was convinced to come along with them, saying that he would only go as far as his hometown once he arrived there. So they all went to find Aeris and Barret, they descended the steps not knowing that even more madness was to come!
Tune in next week for another adventure of...CAPTAIN CAVEMAN!!!
Oops...wrong one...tune into the next chapter: Chap.6-Sephy LIVES!!