FLCL Fan Fiction ❯ thinking ❯ buckets ( Chapter 4 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]
_______Buckets__________________

I think I want to think that I think what I think is real.


"When does reality become fantasy?" Is that what wishful thinking is
suppose to answer? Reality can be skewed by what you want to believe is
true regardless of what is really happening. In a way, wishful thinking
could be said to "redefine reality". Anything can happen in that world, so
long as the person wishes for it.

I wish Ninamori would come get me. It's boring out here.

I wondered where the teacher was. He hadn't entered it in the time I was in
the hall. Which would mean he was really late.

I wonder what shampoo Ninamori used...it smelt nice...

I...I don't care.
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care...

I...don't...know...

I felt my cheeks burn. A thought only I was aware of and I was embarassed.
I know I had no reason to. There was no reason to it. Even if there was
reason to it, I had no reason to turn so red. It was a private
thought...and...and no one would know about it, but...

Stupid Ninamori. I wish she would call me in already.


The teacher still hadn't come. Vaguely I was aware of this, and I didn't
care.

Maybe if I applied it to enough things, I really wouldn't care.

"Your grades are falling"
I don't care

"You have no future"
I don't care

"Your hamster is dying"
I don't care

"Everyone you love disappears"
I...don't...care


And then I wouldn't care. And then I'd be happy. And then everything would
be great. Everything would be fine. I'd be happy. I wouldn't worry about
what was happening to me. I could stop thinking and just...do. Just stop
thinking, stop caring, stop being human, drop what was human, drop what
haruko hated...

Standing out in the hall was driving me insane. My feet hurt and my arms
were killing me. I was slowly commting suicide as my limbs turned against
me.


"You can come back inside."

I dropped the buckets.

The clattering, reckless noise echoed throughout the hall. I relished it.
The turmoil cleared my head. The buckets' weight was lifted and I think I
can move on.


___________________

This one was hard to write, namely because I was writing on that friends
computer again and lost another chapter, and this is to try and compensate
for it. (I'm not going anywhere near her computer again...)