Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Ebony and Ivory ❯ Silence ( Chapter 30 )

A/N: Haru's here again! He's one of my favorite characters, and I wish I could use him more in the story. As it is, he functions kind of like Saito-san, and shows up when the other characters need a sensible neutral party.

 

A/N 2: As you can probably tell, Yuki's wearing out. However, he knows as well as we do that eventually everything will come undone unless he takes extreme action, and he is prepared to take that action. No, no hints. You'll find out in the next chapter. I promise it isn't suicide. However, I make no promise regarding the boys' friendship. I only said that this story would not be a complete tragedy. And I make no promises regarding Yuki's well-being either.

 

 

CHAPTER 30: Silence

 

Yuki's thoughts seemed to be on steroids. Even now, as he tried to eat, he couldn't stop wondering what had happened. Kyo hadn't come to check on him. This caused him some disappointment, which he quickly stifled and called “relief” instead. But he still wanted to know what had happened. Had he really called Kyo “Kyo-nii”? He was afraid to ask. And he had no idea what Kyo was thinking, because Kyo wasn't coming in. He was afraid to ask about this too.

 

Yuki knew, though, that Kyo was worried. He had heard Kyo come in after school, and the first words he had said were, “How's Yuki?” Undisguised worry. Very strange for Kyo. A more Kyo-like comment would be, “I hope that damn Yuki's feeling better so Hatori can go home and stop casting a pall over this house.” But that wasn't what Kyo had said. He had said, “How's Yuki?” Why does he still care about me? Haven't I hurt him enough?

 

Honda-san came up now with dinner. “Hatori-san told me to make sure that you ate it,” she said, with unaccustomed firmness in her voice. “So I brought my food up so I could eat with you.”

 

Yuki was touched. I've put her through a lot lately. “Thank you, Honda-san.” He took the food, and ate a bite or two. It was good. He had forgotten how good Honda-san's cooking was. “It's delicious.”

 

She smiled. “I hoped you would like it.” She didn't talk about what had happened before. Yuki was touched by this as well. He relaxed.

 

“How's Kyo?” Yuki asked, and then clapped a hand over his mouth. It had just slipped out.

 

“He's very worried about you,” Honda-san replied, pretending not to notice his alarm. “But I think… I think he's afraid to come and talk to you. Should I get him?”

 

“Um… no… that's okay.” He paused. “Honda-san… did you wake up, when I had my attack?”

 

“Kyo-kun called us down right away. I was so scared… you looked like you were in so much pain, and you were holding on to Kyo-kun.”

 

I really was? Oh no… “Honda-san… did I say anything… anything strange?”

 

“Strange?”

 

I was so glad to see him… so glad to have him near me, touching me... What did I say? I wasn't thinking, and I must have said something. I'm afraid to ask. “Never mind.”

 

“Hatsuharu-san said that he'll visit tomorrow. He's sorry he couldn't come today, but he had agreed to take Kisa-san and Hiro-san to the amusement park this afternoon, and it's probably a good thing that he'll be with Kisa-san, because she's very worried about you too.”

 

“Does everyone know what happened?”

 

“Hatori-san called the Main House to excuse himself, and I suppose word spread. Everyone hopes that you'll feel better soon.”

 

Yuki sighed. “I'm sorry, Honda-san. I'm sorry for causing everyone to worry. I just… I guess I didn't realize how bad I was getting. I'm glad Kyo was there. If no one had been there… I might have died.”

 

“That's what Kyo-kun said to Hatsuharu-san. He looked scared. I think Kyo-kun would like to see Yuki-kun… if that's all right. I think… he might want to be Yuki-kun's friend again.”

 

“I don't want to see him.” Being my friend only gets people hurt. “Honda-san…” Doesn't he hate me? Did I really call him Kyo-nii? He sighed. “Never mind.” If I did that… I'll have to start over, if he understands what it meant. I can't. I'm too tired. At the very least… I can't face it now.

 

“Yuki-kun, you need to eat your food.”

 

Yuki remembered, and ate a few more bites. At last he was finished. He felt a little better. “Thank you,” he said.

 

“Not at all,” Honda-san said, smiling. “I'm just glad that you're eating again.”

 

Yuki smiled as he watched her leave the room. Presently she came back, and stayed for a while, trying to chat by filling him in on everything he had missed over the last few weeks when he had been sitting by himself. But at last she had to go and do housework, and told him to call her if he needed anything.

 

Yuki tried to sleep, wishing he had talked more. But he wasn't used to talking to people anymore, and didn't know what to say. At the same time, though, he badly wanted to be with people. Or rather, one person in particular. But that was forbidden. And besides, Kyo didn't seem particularly eager to talk to him.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Kyo wanted to talk to Yuki. He wanted primarily to yell at him for acting like such an idiot, but he also wanted to ask him what was up. He wanted to ask why Yuki had called him Kyo-nii. He wanted to ask why Yuki had clung to him. It didn't make sense. Even in the last week, when Kyo had begun to worry about him, it had never been because he thought there was still a possibility for a friendship. Even now, he didn't think there was. But Yuki had called him Kyo-nii. And he had said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Everything in his voice and manner had said that he just wanted a friend to cling to.

 

But Kyo was afraid to ask. He was afraid that Yuki would deny it, and get angry again. He didn't want to be yelled at anymore, especially now that he realized he didn't hate Yuki after all. And he didn't want Yuki to make him doubt that it had happened, the way he was now beginning to doubt if their friendship had ever happened. At that time, Yuki had allowed Kyo to comfort him for the first time. He hadn't even allowed that when they were friends. Yuki didn't accept comfort. He never admitted that he needed it. But then he had looked scared, and had looked less scared when Kyo had hugged him. And Kyo wanted the memory to stay, even if nothing even close to it ever happened again.

 

He would have done the same with anyone. Kyo scowled. It was probably true. Yuki had only been half conscious. Had he even known it was Kyo? Kyo-nii. Oh, well apparently he had. But still… he probably would have reacted the same way if it had been Tohru, or Shigure. Probably. Except he wouldn't have been able to cling to Tohru. And Shigure would have felt weird about it. Not that Kyo didn't after this last month, but… Kyo sighed. One thing was for sure. There had been complete trust in Yuki's eyes, in spite of the fear. He had been relieved when he saw Kyo because he trusted Kyo. That was something. He might hate me, but he still thinks I'm reliable.

 

“Why are you hiding on the front porch?”

 

Kyo looked up. It was Haru. “I'm not hiding!” he snapped.

 

“How's Yuki?”

 

“I hear he's doing better.”

 

“You haven't been in to see him?”

 

“Hell, no! You think I want to get my head bitten off?”

 

“But you saved him. He might want to thank you.”

 

“Yeah right.”

 

“This might be just the thing to bring you two back together.”

 

“You make us sound like lovers!” Kyo growled. Then he slumped. “I don't know. It occurred to me… but…”

 

“You're scared?”

 

“I'm not scared!” He sighed. “I'm just sick of it! I'm sick of being hated for no reason. And I don't even know if it's because I'm the cat. I'm used to that. But for all I know, it's me he hates.”

 

Haru sat next to him.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Haru was silent. “It doesn't ring true,” he said at last.

 

“What doesn't?”

 

“His hatred for you. He never hated you before, even when he said he did. He thought he did for a while, but… and months before he became your friend, he was telling me that he wanted to. Well… not outright saying it, but implying more and more often that it bothered him that you and he could never get along. And he asked me once if I thought that you and he could become friends if you weren't the cat and the rat. Back then, though, he acted like it was a fool's wish, not even worth considering. When it actually came true, he was beside himself.”

 

“A fool's wish…” Kyo said quietly. He suddenly remembered Yuki's song, the one Yuki called “Wish”. He missed hearing the piano. He wondered how many songs Yuki had written since he had stopped letting Kyo listen. Again he felt a flood of anger and hurt. But more hurt.

 

“I'm going to go see him,” Haru said, standing up. “You should too at some point.”

 

Kyo shrugged, and watched Haru go inside.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Haru tentatively opened the door of Yuki's room. Yuki was staring out the window, lying on his side. But he didn't seem to be looking at anything in particular. He was so thin. Haru wondered why he had never noticed before. Even now that Yuki was getting better, he looked terrible. And somehow this image of him struck a chord that made Haru shiver, though he couldn't place his finger on it.

 

“Yuki?”

 

Yuki did not respond at once, but after a moment seemed to wake up, and slowly turned around. He smiled a little. “Hi, Haru.”

 

Haru came and sat down beside the bed. He set down the tray of food Tohru had given him to bring up. “Honda-san told me to give this to you. How are you feeling?”

 

“Better,” Yuki replied. “Sorry for worrying you.”

 

Haru paused, waiting for Yuki to take a few bites. “Are you really?” he asked. “Something tells me that if we left you alone you'd go right back to acting like that.”

 

Yuki didn't reply, and continued to eat.

 

“I'm sorry for going Black at you,” Haru said. “Was that what started it? It was almost right after that that you started backing away from everyone.”

 

“It's okay,” Yuki said, smiling at him. “I'm glad you did, actually. I hadn't realized how bad I was getting. Thank you.”

 

“Then why did you start backing away? What's wrong with you, Yuki?”

 

Yuki sighed. “I'm tired.”

 

“Tired of what?” It certainly couldn't be lack of sleep.

 

“Life. Food. People. Keeping this up.” He sighed again. “Silence.”

 

“Yuki, why did you turn on Kyo?”

 

Yuki closed his eyes. “I don't want to talk about it.”

 

“Well I do.”

 

Yuki sighed again, heavily. “Haru, please don't do this now. I don't want to fight with you.”

 

“If you'd just give an explanation that actually makes sense, no one would bother you.”

 

Yuki turned to him, angrily. “Well maybe I don't have an explanation that makes sense. Are you happy now?”

 

“So it doesn't even make sense to you?”

 

“I don't know. I don't care. I don't know why I hate him.”

 

“Do you hate him?”

 

Yuki said nothing. Too tired. “How are things at school?”

 

Haru sighed, conceding. “They're okay. I'm doing pretty well in English and history, though my math still sucks.” He smiled. “They say I can't think in the abstract, or something like that. Like I can do problems, but I can't grasp concepts. That's my problem with English too, but with English it doesn't really matter what concepts you grasp, since the rules change with every new word.” He paused. Yuki wasn't looking at him, was eating his food. “History's probably my favorite subject, now. You've inspired me, Yuki.” He smiled, and caught maybe a glimpse of a smile on Yuki's face as well, unless it was a shadow. “We're studying the history of the samurai now. Believe it or not, Kyo's actually been tutoring me. He doesn't know much about history in general, but he's learned a lot about the samurai from Shihan. I got some tutoring from Shihan too, though.” He paused again. “Manabe's been asking about you.” No response. “Yuki, are you listening?” Still no response. “Yuki?”

 

Yuki started and came back to life. “Oh… I'm sorry. Kakeru's been asking about me? Is the student council doing okay?”

 

Haru looked at him strangely. “Yeah… apparently Manabe's taken over for a couple of days. That one guy, the secretary, thinks the council is destined for ruin though, unless you get better soon. Oh, and Kurame-san is also worried about you.”

 

“Oh. Tell her I'm okay.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I'm fine.”

 

“You're really distant.”

 

Yuki was silent for a moment. “I'm just tired.”

 

Haru was silent for a moment. “Everyone at the Main House is worried, too,” he said presently. Yuki merely shrugged in response. “Including people you care about,” Haru said more firmly. “Like Kisa.”

 

Yuki sighed. “Tell her I'm okay.”

 

Haru paused again. Should he really mention that last part? Maybe, if only for the sake of getting a reaction. “Akito caught me at the gate.” Yes, Yuki gave a definite jerk at the mention of Akito's name. “He sends his regards, and says he hopes you'll feel better soon.” Yuki didn't reply. “Does this all have anything to do with him?”

 

Yuki sighed again, sounding somewhat exasperated. “It doesn't always have something to do with Akito, Haru. I do have other thoughts in my head besides him. And I don't want to talk about it.”

 

Haru didn't fail to notice that Yuki hadn't answered his question. Not that it mattered. He wouldn't get anything else out of his silent friend. He never had before. With a sigh, Haru sat on the bed next to Yuki. Yuki seemed to back away a little, but Haru took him by the chin, and made him look up. Yuki looked startled, and maybe a little scared. Haru let go, and looked down. “To think you were this bad,” he whispered, “and I didn't even see it.” He retreated back to his chair, looking away now. He pressed his lips together. It was like before… before when you would talk to Yuki and he wouldn't hear you, and he wouldn't respond. Before when Yuki never looked anyone in the face.

 

“What is happening to you?” Haru whispered. He looked at Yuki. “Don't you even care? If you don't care about yourself, at least care about the people around you who are worried sick. Live for their sake, Yuki, if you can't live for your own.” He put his forehead in his hands. “You were doing so well. You were finally starting to open up. And then suddenly you stopped. I don't get it.” He sighed. “I don't know what this has to do with Kyo, but just so you know, he doesn't hate you. And he's worried. You should talk to him.” He looked up. Yuki was looking out the window. “Yuki, are you listening?”

 

Yuki blinked a few times and looked back. He furrowed his brow for a moment. Then he smiled. “You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine. But I don't want to talk to Kyo.”

 

Haru sighed again. He was beginning to wonder if Yuki had heard half of what he had said. “Are you finished eating?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you… want to play cards or something?”

 

Yuki sighed deeply. He suddenly looked simultaneously very young and helpless, and very old and tired. “I think I'm going to go to sleep for a while.”

 

Haru sighed. “Okay. I'll see you later.”

 

“Bye.” Yuki lay back down and closed his eyes. Haru left the room and went downstairs. He put the tray on the counter. Honda-san looked at him questioningly.

 

“Is he doing better?”

 

Haru shrugged. “I guess so. Maybe. He's eating.” He went outside, where Kyo was still hiding on the front porch.

 

“Do you want something?” Kyo asked, turning around. His voice was annoyed, but lacked the fire it usually did. “What did he say?”

 

“He just kept saying he's tired.”

 

“Tired?”

 

“Of life, food, people, keeping this up, and silence.”

 

“Keeping what up? Life?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

Kyo rolled his eyes. “He has a way of talking around the point, doesn't he?”

 

Haru paused. “He says he doesn't want to talk to you. I think he does.”

 

“That's nice.”

 

“Are you just going to avoid him forever?”

 

“Maybe. If I feel like it. What does it have to do with you?”

 

Haru paused. “I think he misses you.”

 

“He hates me, Haru.”

 

“He needs you.”

 

“Like hell, he does.”

 

“You're the only one before who could get him out of his shell. The rest of us can try, and maybe do it temporarily, but you're the one who succeeded before.”

 

“Haru, will you please stop?” Kyo gathered up his knees and leaned his forehead against them. His voice was husky as he spoke. “I don't want to start hoping for something that's never going to happen. I don't want him to hurt me any more than he already has. It hurts, okay? Believe it or not, the cat has feelings too, and Yuki hurt them. I can't just sit there and see how much he hates me and be fine with that. Not anymore. So please, try to be a little understanding, and get off my back.”

 

Haru was surprised. Kyo was rarely this honest. “Okay,” he said at last. “I'll leave you alone. But I still think you should talk to him. That's all I'll say.”

 

Kyo sighed. “I'll try. Later. Not now.”

 

“That's fine. See you at school tomorrow. Oh, and I thought I should tell you… I'm really not sure of this, but I think this all might have something to do with Akito.”

 

Kyo looked up, startled. “Akito?”

 

Haru shrugged. “Akito… may have been what made him snap. I don't know whether I'm right, or even what it would help if I am, but… I thought you should know.”

 

Kyo lapsed into silence, and Haru clapped his shoulders as he left. “See you later.”

 

“Bye,” Kyo replied, still staring into the distance.

 

“Don't you disappear too,” Haru said.

 

Kyo smiled a little, coming back. “Don't worry.” He watched Haru walk away.