Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Ebony and Ivory ❯ One Question ( Chapter 31 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. That is the exclusive domain of the illustrious Natsuki Takaya.

 

A/N: If you know what happened to Kyo's mother, you can probably figure out one of the reasons why Kyo is so freaked out by the way Yuki's acting. She's the person he's referring to when he says “her” in this chapter.

 

 

CHAPTER 31: One Question

 

Kyo came home late from school. He had stayed late to play basketball with one of his classmates. He had been looking for something to do. Something to distract him from everything that was going on, just briefly. But then it was over, and he spent the entire walk home thinking about Yuki. Haru's words had stuck in his mind. He remembered wondering way back at the beginning, when Yuki would come to his senses. After a while, he had trusted that Yuki really did like him. And then there had been New Years, and Akito, and… maybe Akito had brought Yuki to his senses. And then Yuki had tried to get Kyo away from him and had gotten frustrated because Kyo wouldn't leave him alone.

 

Kyo bit his lip, stifling a moan. Even now, it hurt almost physically when he thought about it. But they had been friends before, he was sure of it! Yuki had said Kyo was one of his best friends, had even taken Kyo to a piano lesson, hadn't he? They'd been so close. I wish I could ask him what was going on. Even if I could only ask one question. He thought for a few minutes. If he said I could… what would I ask? Kyo went over various possibilities in his mind, wondering why he was even doing so. The possibility of Yuki actually letting Kyo even talk to him was pretty slim.

 

At last Kyo got to the house. There was nobody home, except Yuki, obviously. That was a little awkward. Kyo wondered where Hatori was. He figured Shigure was off somewhere tormenting his editor.

 

Kyo went into the kitchen to make himself some food. On the counter was a covered plate of food. He walked over to it and read the note taped to the top.

 

I made this for Yuki-kun, but he was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. Whoever gets home first, will you please heat this up and take it to him, and sit with him to make sure he eats it? Thank you very much!

 

~Tohru

 

Kyo frowned. Apparently he was the first one home. Well, it didn't matter. Yuki was probably still asleep. Kyo started to make himself some food, but kept catching the plate in the corner of his eye, like it demanded his attention. He scowled at it, then went upstairs to see if Yuki was awake.

 

Yuki's door was cracked open, and Kyo peered in. Yuki was lying on his side, staring out the window. Was he reading? Yes, there was a book, but Yuki didn't seem to be reading it. He looked thin and frail. And white.

 

“Yuki?” There was no response. Is he sleeping? Like that, propped up on his hand? Kyo felt a sudden shudder. He looks like Akito. He sounded like Akito before. And he was acting like that… isolating himself. Kyo shivered again, suddenly feeling very cold. “Yuki!” he said, almost desperately. Yuki moved a little and slowly turned around. His eyes lit briefly, then seemed to dim through a physical effort. Maybe for a second he'd thought Kyo was someone else. “Are you hungry?” Kyo asked.

 

Yuki looked away. “Not really.” His voice sounded choked.

 

“Have you eaten since breakfast?”

 

“None of your business.”

 

Kyo sighed and went downstairs. He realized when he reached the bottom that his hands were shaking. Something is very, very wrong with him. He took the plate of food and put it in the microwave, then made a couple of onigiri to go with it. I've got to do something. Even if he hates me, I've got to do something. But I need to know… I need to know what's going on. He took the food upstairs to Yuki's room, and opened the door without bothering to ask. Yuki was reading his book, and didn't seem to notice. He set the plate of food on Yuki's lap.

 

“Tohru told me to give this to you. Eat it.” Then he sat in the chair beside Yuki's bed, backwards, straddling it.

 

Yuki gave a sigh like that of an old man. “Okay.” He looked at Kyo, and for an instant there was a struggle in his eyes. Then he turned away. “You don't have to stay.”

 

“If I don't, you won't eat.”

 

“Okay.” Not much argument there. Yuki took a few bites, and then went back to reading. At first he was still eating, but then he seemed to forget that the food was on his lap.

 

“The sooner you finish eating, the sooner I'll be gone,” Kyo said.

 

Yuki blinked, as though waking from a trance. “I know.”

 

Kyo watched Yuki out of the corner of his eye. This was like being in a funeral parlor. No, worse. It was like a cemetery. Yuki seemed barely half-alive. And he kept forgetting to eat, if it actually was forgetting.

 

“Yuki, you need to eat.” Yuki took another bite. “I know you don't want me here,” Kyo said. “I'll be gone as soon as you finish.”

 

“I don't care if you're here.”

 

Kyo felt a little annoyed. “So what, I'm just a fly on the wall or something?”

 

“Your words. I'm reading, Kyo.”

 

“You're supposed to be eating. Then I'll leave you alone and we'll both be happier.” Kyo shuddered again at how invisible he felt. It was like he was in hell or something. Isolated and only able to see and not be close to others in isolation. Someone come home. Kyo picked up a book Yuki had left on the nightstand and tried to read it. It was better than nothing. Even if the words weren't registering in his brain, he was at least holding the physical book. He couldn't look at Yuki. Yuki looked transparent in the light, and Kyo was afraid that if he looked too long he would be able to see right through him. He didn't seem altogether here. Damn rat. He started, suddenly realizing that he had said it out loud. Yuki hadn't seemed to notice, though. Maybe I didn't say anything.

 

“Exactly.” Yuki's voice sounded like wind through the trees.

 

Is he agreeing with me? “Do you know that you look like a ghost?”

 

“Then don't look at me.”

 

Kyo shivered again. He was scared. He was scared that Yuki really would disappear. He pressed his lips together. He felt his throat constrict, felt his eyes threaten to tear. He swore not to cry in front of Yuki, especially for him. “You can finish by yourself, right?”

 

It took Yuki nearly a full minute to respond. “I thought you were supposed to stay.”

 

“I could not and say I did.”

 

“I won't vouch for you.” Yuki's voice was cold and distant, but his words…

 

“Then you want me to stay?”

 

“I didn't say that.”

 

“You want me to go?”

 

“I didn't say that either.”

 

Kyo looked at him. He wanted to see what Yuki was feeling. But Yuki's face was blank, like he did not feel anything. Kyo shivered at the possibility that it was true. There was no hatred in Yuki's eyes. But Kyo almost would have preferred hatred to the nothingness he saw there. He shuddered again. “Damn it, Yuki, get better!”

 

Was that a smile? No, now it was gone. Had it been there? There was no trace of it, now, not even in his eyes. I must have imagined it. Kyo leaned his forehead into his arms against the back of the chair. He sighed. “Can I bring you some music or something? So it's not so quiet?” Yuki didn't respond. “I said, do you want music?”

 

Yuki looked up, irritated. “No. Why would I?” He went back to reading.

 

“What about flowers?”

 

Yuki stared at him, incredulous. “Flowers?”

 

“At least it would add some color.”

 

Yuki didn't respond and went back to reading. He doesn't want there to be any life in this room. Damn it. Damn it, I've got to get out of here! His shoulders began to shake with dry, silent sobs. What the hell is wrong with him? What the hell is going on? He felt Yuki's eyes on him, and then heard him sigh. The book closed, and moments later came the sound of Yuki eating quickly.

 

“I'm finished,” he said after a moment.

 

Thank God! “Okay.” Kyo quickly took the plate, his hands trembling so badly that he almost dropped it. Yuki's hands were still skeletal. Kyo winced at the buried memory of Yuki's hand over his on the piano. It would never happen again. Perhaps had never happened. He looked away and began to leave the room.

 

“Kyo?”

 

He stopped. “What?”

 

Yuki hesitated, like he was weighing his words before he said them. “Thank you,” he said at last, “For saving me.”

 

Kyo's eyes widened, and he froze in position, a thought suddenly occurring to him. “You owe me,” he stated.

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“You owe me. For saving you.”

 

“Okay…” He sounded nervous.

 

There was a pause. “Well, don't you want to know what I want?” Kyo asked, still not turning around.

 

“What?” Yuki sounded even more nervous.

 

“I want to ask you a question. And… you can refuse to answer it if you want, but if you do answer, it has to be an honest answer. And you have to actually think about it, and not just refuse to answer no matter what I ask. Okay?”

 

There was a long pause. Kyo looked back at Yuki. A slight alarm was evident in his eyes. Feeling. Then he relaxed. “Okay.”

 

What was the question? “Before… when we… when you acted like we were friends… was it all a lie?”

 

Yuki breathed a slight sigh of what sounded like relief. Kyo wondered what question he had expected. There was a long pause, during which time Yuki would not allow Kyo to see his eyes. “I can't answer that,” Yuki said at last.

 

You just did. “Okay.” Kyo went downstairs. He was shaking violently as he put the dishes in the sink. He had to sit down to calm himself. He's killing himself. I swear he is. Even now, it's like he's on life support. Family-induced life support. What the hell happened? I know something happened, because he as good as admitted that there was a change. If the answer was yes, he wouldn't hesitate to hurt me by saying it. So the only thing he could have been hiding was a no. Which means… which means he did care about me once. We actually were friends. We really were. Haru was right. Maybe. We're not now, but we were. So something went wrong.

 

At last, Kyo stopped shaking and started crying. I don't want him to die. At last, he was calm, but still had his forehead down on the table. He nestled deeper into the kotatsu, searching for warmth. Please don't let him die.

 

“Kyo?” Kyo looked up to see Hatori standing at the doorway. He realized that he probably looked like he had been crying. He decided he didn't give a damn.

 

“Good. You're here. I'm leaving.” He got on his coat and walked out the door. He walked all the way to the dojo, where Kazuma was finishing a lesson with someone. When the student left, Kazuma turned around. Kyo didn't even bother with the usual greeting of a punch. He ran to his Shishou and hugged him tightly. Kazuma held him close.

 

“I don't know what to do,” Kyo whispered. “Shishou, he's killing himself, and I don't know what to do.”

 

Kazuma rubbed his shoulders gently, wishing he had an answer.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Hatori appeared at the door of Yuki's room, then came in when he saw that Yuki was up and reading. “Kyo seemed traumatized when I saw him downstairs. What did you do to him?”

 

“I didn't do anything.”

 

“He looked scared.”

 

“I didn't do anything,” Yuki repeated.

 

Hatori sighed. “That's probably what scared him.” He took Yuki's temperature and listened to his lungs, then took his pulse. Yuki hadn't stopped thinking about Kyo since he had left the room. He was slipping. He realized this. He was almost positive now that he had called Kyo “Kyo-nii”, and had probably said a lot of other things as well. Things he shouldn't have said. And now he had slipped again. He was too tired to keep this up, and he didn't want to anymore. But that was selfish. He had to. He had to, for Kyo. And right now, he had to get away, before he made matters even worse.

 

“Yuki, did you hear me?”

 

Yuki blinked. What was it? Something about healing slowly. “I'm eating, Hatori. I promise I am.”

 

“It's taking a long time, though. Longer than it should. I'm worried, because I'll have to go back to the Main House soon. I'd prefer to keep a closer eye on you, but…”

 

Go back to the Main House. Yuki felt a sinking sensation, but not a great one. After all, his sensations couldn't sink much lower. At this point… I might as well. Then I would be safe. Kyo would be safe. This thought had actually been on Yuki's mind since Monday evening, and he had promised to seriously consider it if he had evidence that he actually had called Kyo his friend.

 

“Yuki, are you listening?”

 

What was it he said? Yuki sighed, not caring. “I could go with you.”

 

Hatori looked completely taken aback. “What?”

 

“If that would make it easier… I could go with you.”

 

Hatori looked suddenly paler than usual. “Yuki, why do you want to go back to the Main House?” His voice was taut.

 

“That would be best for you, wouldn't it? Then you could keep an eye on me… and attend to your other duties as well.”

 

“Yuki, you know you're not doing this for me. Why do you want to go back to the Main House? You were desperate to get out of there.”

 

Because Akito won. “What do you care?” It's scary. That doesn't even bother me anymore. But I'm tired of fighting. I can't defy him anymore. Maybe this was what he really wanted after all. And then he'll leave Kyo alone… and I won't have to hurt him… and maybe he'll be okay, for a little while at least.

 

Hatori was saying something. Yuki tuned in. “… and just because you don't seem to care about anything anymore doesn't mean that there aren't still people who care about you. I care about you, Yuki. And I know you better than you think.” He sighed. “I can stay for a few more days. Please don't tell anyone about this, Yuki. If others know that you asked to go back there, it will send them into full-scale panic.”

 

“Okay.” Yuki lay back onto the bed.

 

“You know what I think the problem is?” Hatori asked.

 

“What?” Yuki murmured.

 

“I don't think you have any will to get better.”

 

Yuki shrugged, and gave himself to sleep.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Kyo at last came home. He had flowers with him, and he didn't give a damn what anyone thought of his giving flowers to Yuki. They were tiger lilies. Kyo had decided that there had to be some orange in the room. Orange was a nice, bright color, and it would add some life to the winter-like cave. The lilies had been expensive. Kyo didn't care. He cut them down and put them in a vase.

 

“Kyo-kun?” Kyo turned around to see Tohru.

 

“Hi.”

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I'm trying to bring Yuki's room back to life.” And, by extension, Yuki.

 

“Ah! So those are for Yuki-kun?” Tohru looked thrilled.

 

“No. They're for everyone who has to sit in his room.”

 

“But Yuki-kun has to sit in his room.”

 

“Yeah, but he makes it like that.” Kyo filled the vase with water. “Is Yuki asleep?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good.” Kyo went softly up the stairs and into Yuki's room. Yuki was asleep. He was barely moving. Kyo didn't look at him. He took the vase to the nightstand, and held it for a second, looking over the room. It was spotless. Dusty. Like hers was, after… Kyo shuddered, and set the vase down hard on the nightstand. Yuki whimpered in his sleep, as though frightened by a nightmare. Kyo touched his hand, and it closed around his.

 

“Kyo,” Yuki said softly, holding tightly. Kyo froze, but then Yuki released his hand, with no other sign that he was awake. He was asleep. Just reflex. A dream. Kyo pulled his hand away. Yuki's hand was cold. White. Skeletal. And he was lying flat on his back. If he hadn't made a sound, it would have been nearly impossible to know that he was alive. Kyo had a sudden image of a coffin and shuddered. He slowly backed out of the room, and then ran down the stairs.

 

“Kyo-kun?” Tohru stood at the bottom. Kyo looked at her for a moment, then on impulse took her hand. It was small, but it was warm. Alive. He closed his eyes, releasing it.

 

“He's slipping away,” Kyo whispered. “He's slipping away and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.” He sank down and sat on the staircase. “His room looks like it hasn't been touched. The absolute only sign of life are the books, or were, but I don't even see him reading anymore. It's like… it's like he's not even here.”

 

Tohru looked scared. “But… he's getting a little better. And I'm sure your flowers will make him very happy.” She tried to smile.

 

Kyo shrugged. “At least they're bright,” he said quietly.

 

“Maybe we should call Ayame-san.”

 

Kyo raised his eyebrows, shocked that he didn't see it as a completely stupid suggestion. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe in a day or two, if he doesn't start getting better.” He sighed. “I almost wish he'd fight with me, Tohru. I'd prefer that to this.”

 

Tohru nodded. “But most of all,” she said, “I miss when you used to be friends.”

 

Kyo silently rose to his feet. “Yeah. So do I. You know, I don't know why I'm so worried. It's not like we can ever be friends again once he gets better. But… I want him to be okay.” He sighed again. “Well, I'm going to do my homework.”

 

“Okay! Let me know if you need anything.”

 

“Sure. Thanks.” Kyo went to his room, his mind fresh with the image of the tiger lilies against the stillness.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Yuki woke up slowly. Even before his eyes were fully opened, he caught orange out of the corner of his eye. Kyo? His heart skipped a beat, and he opened his eyes and looked. No, it wasn't Kyo. It was flowers. Tiger lilies. Yuki blinked several times, and sat up, still looking at them. They were like fire against snow, and his eyes were like moths to the flame.

 

“They're from Kyo,” said Hatori's voice from the other side of the bed. Yuki jumped and looked round.

 

“Kyo?”

 

“Yes. He said he wanted to bring this room back to life.”

 

His fire against my snow. “I didn't think he was serious.” Yuki sighed. “Why does he still care about me, Hatori?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

I thought it would be easier than this. So easy to make him hate me again. What happened? Yuki lay back down, still staring at the tiger lilies. Strange, how much they were like Kyo. Almost the exact color of his hair, too. “Kyo's really nice,” Yuki whispered. He felt Hatori's curious eyes on him, but he didn't care. He wanted so badly to make things right with Kyo. I can't let myself melt like this. “Have you decided yet?” Yuki asked. “About whether you want to take me back with you, to the Main House.”

 

“Yuki, I'm not agreeing to anything until I know why you want to go back.”

 

“I have my reasons.”

 

“Which are?”

 

“I don't want to talk about it.” He sighed. “It's only until I get better.”

 

“And how long will that take, Yuki?”

 

“I don't know. A while, maybe. A couple weeks.”

 

“You don't want to get better, do you?”

 

“It's not that I don't want to.”

 

“It's just that you don't care.”

 

Yuki sighed again. “What's the point?”

 

Hatori paused for a long moment. “I think he'd be your friend again,” he said at last.

 

“Who?”

 

“You know who.”

 

Yuki was silent. I know he would. “He can't.” And I can't be his.

 

“Is that why you're depressed?”

 

Yuki did not respond.

 

“Who said he can't?”

 

Yuki looked up, startled. How much does he know? “It's just the way it is.”

 

Hatori sighed. “Take off your shirt. I want to see how you're doing.” Yuki obeyed.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Kyo had a terrible habit of eavesdropping. And it helped that he was able to hear everything from the roof. He hadn't heard the whispered commentary, but he had heard that Yuki wanted to go back to the Main House. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.